John

If one were to look for a picture to sit alongside the word “ironic” in the proverbial dictionary, here it is: A now-ubiquitous image of a man wearing a white shirt, duct tape covering his mouth, and “NO H8” written on his cheek – with the also-all-too-common words, “No fats or femmes” scrawled right underneath.

While this example’s demonstration of its subject’s profound lack of self-awareness makes it noteworthy, it’s also indicative of a much larger trend: Peruse, even briefly, the average gay dating site and you’ll see the term “masculine” thrown around enough to make even a Gender Studies grad student’s head spin. While one or two instances may be written off as a the-lady-doth-protest-too-much scenario, the seemingly widespread obsession of gay men, at least in the city in which I live, with not only shouting from the rooftops about their lack of femininity, but also positioning it as superior to the alternative, may be one of the more surprising aspects of modern queer culture.

And I’ll admit that I’ve not always been immune to this phenomenon. When I first came out in college, I was very vocal about the fact that I wasn’t “that kind” of homosexual – that I was gay because I’m attracted to men, not “lady boys.” However, I quickly (with the help of some aforementioned Women’s Studies graduate classes and a bit of maturity) realized how positively obnoxious that made me sound on one hand, and how truly damaging it ...