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Bashful babes: the media’s glorification of female insecurity

A SYTYCB entry

Girl: I have no self-confidence, and I’m really ditsy and klutzy.

Guy: That’s so adorable!

Girl: Stutter.

Guy: I love when you don’t talk or make eye contact. It makes you so mysterious.

Girl: I am like so average, what on earth could you possibly see in me?

Guy: It’s hard to put a finger on it. Actually, I have no idea.

Girl: I feel the same way! *swoon*

Does this narrative sound familiar?

That’s because it has become the blueprint for many a romance novel and chick flick. Markers of what I have coined the Bashful Babe include:

First of all, this girl is so beautiful that despite being a wallflower who spazzes out in social situations and goes to great lengths to avoid people, every guy is falling all over her. You see this with Bella from Twilight, Ana from 50 Shades, and Lena from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

This unrealistic dynamic not only undercuts the value of friendliness in pursuing a romantic partner, but also misrepresents what people perceive as beauty. Beauty is not something you possess; it is something you present. No matter what your physical features, others will find you beautiful if you put your attractive qualities out in the open. They won’t come to the corner where you are pouting to look for your beauty.

How not to write about female musicians, part 7,082

An SYTYCB entry

The disastrous Gorilla vs. Bear review brought to attention by Audra Schroder at the Dallas Observer is only part of a tired decades-long chain of reactions to female musicians who perform outside their prescribed gender roles.

This has been going on since the first-ever Riot Grrl convention, which USA Today featured alongside an article poking fun at the artists’ fashion choices. Not surprisingly, the main article about the convention, titled “Feminist Riot Grrrls Don’t Just Wanna Have Fun,” dismissed the musicians’ politics as “strident,” “anti-male,” and “self-absorbed.”

How can we pay attention to the music, the logic goes, when the artists’ looks are so distracting? It is a similar to the rhetoric used to defend sexual assault: Men can’t help ...

An SYTYCB entry

The disastrous Gorilla vs. Bear review brought to attention by Audra Schroder at the Dallas Observer is only part of a tired decades-long chain of reactions to female musicians who perform outside their prescribed gender ...

How Feminist Theory Helped My Sex Life

*Editor’s note: NSFW

My friends had built up the First Time as a scary experience. They told me to expect it to hurt for me and feel good only for him.

Part of me came to dread the occasion and resent its supposed inequality — perhaps the same part of me that internalized the ubiquitous view of girls as structures that are invaded, rather than forces that engulf.

But part of me knew I deserved more. Before I could fully articulate why, the conventional view didn’t seem right; my vagina made it obvious to me from the beginning that it was a force to be reckoned with. Its desire was too strong to be satiated by having things done to it. It needed ...

*Editor’s note: NSFW

My friends had built up the First Time as a scary experience. They told me to expect it to hurt for me and feel good only for him.

Part of me came to dread the occasion ...

The problem with “penetration”

I’d like to present a thought experiment. The state requires a mandatory penile exam. Is it rape?

To those who call the mandatory ultrasound bill rape but would not consider the above situation rape, ask yourselves why.

I’m not trying to tell you whether or not the ultrasound bill should be considered rape. But if it is, the above situation should be considered the same.

If we view male and female bodies as equally vulnerable and powerful, then the way we define rape should be inclusive. Despite liberals’ general approval of the revised FBI definition, inclusive it is not.

The government’s definition of rape is basically unwanted penetration. So how can the approximately 1 in 20 men who report having been “forced to penetrate” someone ...

I’d like to present a thought experiment. The state requires a mandatory penile exam. Is it rape?

To those who call the mandatory ultrasound bill rape but would not consider the above situation rape, ask yourselves why.

I’m not ...

National Eating Disorder Awareness week story: My pesky little inconvenience

Four years ago, I was determinedly approaching death’s door. Though they don’t think of it this way for their own sanity, my family would have already buried my body by now if there were no intervention. Because that is what my eating disorder wanted, and it was running the show.

Now I know I have too much to say to the world to leave it any time soon. But throughout this past week, which is National Eating Disorder Awareness week, I’ve been reminded of the stories of those I knew from treatment and reflected on my own story, and realized it’s far from over. I still constantly beat up on myself for not being skinny or pretty enough.

I spoke to my friend ...

Four years ago, I was determinedly approaching death’s door. Though they don’t think of it this way for their own sanity, my family would have already buried my body by now if there were no intervention. Because ...