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Women shouldn’t have to be the only gatekeepers

Heteronormative disclaimer.  I’m writing from my experience as a het-, cis- woman.

Leaving aside the horrible finger analogy, I tried to follow this advice.  I really did.  I read it and disagreed with it, but I happened to have a date that very evening and thought maybe I’d give it a try.  The first date, drinks at a local watering hole, had turned into a 3 hour marathon conversation that neither of us really saw coming.  Great!  We both work in social justice to some degree, had some things in common, and seemed to get along.  At the very least, we could talk for hours without running out of things to say.  He walked me to my car, and at the very last possible minute, after me hesitating hopefully, he kissed me.  Not in the passionate, “I want you so badly” way, but in the “I’d better make this quick so that we don’t wind up making out on a busy street and how is she going to respond, I’ll just walk away after and wave” kind of way.  So, not a great start.*

Then there was this second date.  We went to dinner, talked, joked, laughed, and afterwards, went home together.  I really figured we’d talk, make out, maybe dry hump (yuck, I do not enjoy that term- partly because in my experience if I’m doing it right, it’s not dry).  So we’re sitting on the couch talking and then things progress ...

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