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Track My Bitch

While perusing the newest September edition of Esquire at my local hair salon, I came across an intriguing question in the “MaHB/Sex” column concerning a new phone application, heinously entitled, “Track My Bitch”. Now, you might think this is some sort of stalking application or even a way to monitor your female canine friend. It is, in essence, a combination of both. This carefully named app is actually for tracking your potential girlfriend’s (or, “my bitch’s”) menstrual cycle so you can find out if she is ovulating, PMS-ing (in order to avoid her during this time), and to know when she is “extra horny”. On their website,, not very much information is offered other than that they provide “products to keep track of the ones you love the most”, with a picture of a dog and a woman being followed by a man with a tracking device. Creepy stalker or boyfriend? Apparently the line is drawn thin with this family of applications.

This isn’t the only app of it’s kind either. Code Red was made by a man (Jon Rose), for men. His defense is interesting. “There’s people that are like, it’s sexist and it’s this and whatever, you know? And I don’t get it, because it’s not. Whatever you know? They’re just taking themselves too serious. I just think a lot of people take themselves too serious in the world today. If we can have fun and help some dude avoid the wrath at the same time, then that’s great. It’s ...