Of course you can't win. What would be the point of the game if you could win?

i don't mean to kiss ass here, or make appearance out to be more important than what it is, but for the record i thought you looked good. you're really pretty, and i like your haircut!

You look just fine to me. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Yea, yea, I know it's easier said than done.

Those people making the comments about your appearance, or [insert random generic misogynistic comment here] are obviously not listening to what you have to say. Therefore their comments don't mean anything. Now if they were debating your central hypothesis, you'd have reason to debate them.

I think the best thing you can do to get back at anyone that puts you down for looking "ugly" is to say, "Who gives a shit?" The whole point of your appearance was to make a point and talk about your book and feminism and such; those people who called you ugly didn't listen to what you had to say or form an opinion around that (even if they disagreed), so obviously they are completely weak minded. It's not even about whether or not you look good, it's because these people are too lazy to disagree with you properly so they retaliate in the easiest way possible that is known as the most scathing way in our society to insult a woman. I wouldn't be surprised if the number of "you're ugly"s would have been significantly lowered if you weren't talking about feminism.

Well for what it's worth I always experience some feminist guilt for thinking how pretty and sylish you look when I see your videos! Makes me feel like such a hypocrite - my brain always goes into footnote mode, thinking 'but that's not why I think she's awesome!'
So yeah. Nice to know everyone gets a bit of feminist guilt from time to time. And it looks like the interview went really well and you got your points across loud and clear, so don't worry.

Jessica, you look and sound like a REAL hottie.
Kudos :)

The way I see it, you are winning. By continuing to have your say (publicly, even) regardless of the unimaginitive, petty snarks to which you are subjected, you win.

Thanks for being secure enough to disclose the self-critical thoughts those snarks bring up for you. It always helps me to see that other productive women can fall into the same snares our trianing has set for us. It reminds me that my own moments of insecure reaction don't negate a life lived with self-respect and commitment.

Wow, that was really good.

I'm sorry that the trolls got you down. :(

ditto what baphomet said... notice none of those misogynists even attempted to refute any of your points -- they went straight for your looks because they couldn't attack what you said.

Do they not have any moderation on that board? A lot of that was flat out hate-speech. I usually don't advocate deleting comments, but what 'mike' was saying is completely unacceptable.

Any woman who dares to put herself out there (especially intellectually) gets the same commentary -- keep fighting the good fight & don't listen to those pinheads. You're gorgeous.

Jessica,

I really think that the devaluing of each other by "ugly" standards is a fundamental flaw not only in feminism but in our culture today. Lately, I've been growing really exhausted with how cruel we are to one another based on beauty. Recently, I snapped over the ruthless commentary on Rumer Willis and her looks, I blogged about it here

http://sweatitout.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/rumorwillis-that-is/

I think that feminist really need to not only identify the existing misogyny, but to also offer advanced tools to learn to be more aware and less judgmental to others. We are really focused on destroying anothers self-esteem to establish our self-worth. This cycle is so prevalent and seen in most feminist issues, but I think it is bigger than just misogyny – I think it might be a lack in our spiritual (not religious) development as to what human rights truly mean. Thank you for being so willing to address these issues, it is so important!

What's most fascinating is that men know to go right to the place to really hit women hard. Their penchant for such smart, targeted cruelty really takes my breath away.

BTW, you're a doll. Period.

It's understandable that the "ugliness" comments would get to you more than the "shut-up-and-get-back-in-the-kitchen" trolls. With the latter, their attitude immediately reveals an ideological opposition; and more importantly, such a poorly stated opposition is almost always based on ignorance and fear. Someone who spews overtly hateful misogynist bile at you is most likely terrified by women. They can't stand the idea of you having some superiority over them, and that's why they lash out. And of course YOU know that you have superiority over them, so you can discount their diatribes, or even take satisfaction in them.

Not necessarily so with snide remarks about your appearance: those don't always seem to reveal any weakness on the part of the person making them, and certainly they don't necessarily say anything about a person's ideological leanings (Perez Hilton, campy, flaming left-winger that he is, has raised them to a high art). And yeah, they definitely hark back to grade school. That's painful.

But soldier on! Fixation on appearance is puerile and superficial, wherever it manifests. I won't even bother to refute the bastards, because it's irrelevant. THEY'RE irrelevant, if that's all they see fit to talk about. You're not in junior high any more, and you don't have to take that BS.

Jessica, you are beautiful in every way.

I think that when faced with the logic of feminism, many misogynists can't find a reasonable argument, and revert to the middle-school insults that fit their level of intellect. Trolls, indeed!

Ugly? Feminism is sexy. Therefore, by the transitive property, Jessica Valenti (and all the other Feministingettes) are sexy.

Re: T-Shirt. Well, that's just GREAT. The patriarchy was THIS CLOSE to getting ended, and the camera operator has to pull that invisibility shit.

Funny that in the comments they justify their feelings about your looks because in the intro they called you "hot," which they took to mean that you were attractive. While I think you're very attractive (you remind me of my fleeting crushes my first couple years of college, and not in a creepy way), what it really got down to is that every time they were attacked for being shallow they backed themselves up by saying that you were "sold" that way. Sad.

Don't let it get you down.

I don't think caring about how you look is inherently anti-feminist. It's different from judging yourself or someone else's worth based on how well they conform to oppressive beauty standards. I do care about fashion, and I do point out things that I do and don't like on people. I don't literally point. I just make a mental note if I'm by myself or whisper it to my friend if I'm with one. But I don't expect anyone to really give a shit about what I think of their ensemble anyway.

For me, though, being called ugly doesn't really bother me. I think I look just fine, and that's what matters. This is coming from a person who recently caved in and bought makeup for the first time because I'm tired of people thinking that I'm 12 (I'm 23). It doesn't really do anything for me, and you need a fucking art degree to apply liquid eyeliner the right way. It's true.

But I thought you did a good job, Jessica. You sounded very smart. And you always smile when you're talking about feminism. Being confident and happy about what you're telling people is more important than whether or not your eyelids are green or purple or whatever color they're supposed to be when you have brown eyes (please tell me it's purple, because that's the eye shadow I bought yesterday).

Brilliant and beautiful!*

*Of course, you shouldn't care either way what one thinks of your looks. ;)

But, since we're on the topic---Ad hominem attacks (or ad feminam, in this case)are truly the weapons of the weak. Jessica, if I were to go against you tete-a-tete, even I would be more comfortable debating your hair or eye-shadow. Your intellect is scarrrrry!!! hee hee.

Congrats on the interview! Keep reaching out, because we learn from you everyday.

Jessica, you are one of the most inspiring people on the face of the planet. I honestly can't think of anyone I admire more than you. You're insanely beautiful...inside and out. Keep up the good work. =)

You're gorgeous and you know it. I loved everything you talked about, it was perfect.

I have a masters and I still don’t get to be taken seriously in public.
Some witless, hubristic jerks in DC
with fancy daddies and ritzy cronies
think it’d be cool if they decide
what I can and can’t do with my uterus
(also what I should).
Crap, they’re even after birth control now
(not that I could afford it
if I hadn’t paid for mine 4 years ago).

Like we need more bundles of joy.
We’re not going to have a whole lot left for them anyway
— just a whole lot of ecological, social,
diplomatic and economic problems
we were to lazy, greedy, and narcissistic to get around to solving.

Seriously, “ugly” insults just don’t have that same old sting to me anymore. Possibly because I am already so pissed off.

I hate dirty feet too! Whenever i see my friend's dirty feet I get freaked out and flinch. However, feet can be washed really quickly, pregnancy? Not so much;0)

Interview was great, you look awesome don't let the bastards get you down.

You know what, Jessica? If that's you on a "look like shit" day, I'd feel a bit insecure meeting you on a "looks (better than) average" day. Your haircut looks neat, you don't have anything stuck in your teeth, and you're friendly and personable during the interview.

Rock on with your "slob" self.

I echo everyone else's sentiments. You radiate positive energy on screen. And I think you're stunning (not that it matters, of course).
I hate getting my picture taken because I am so critical of my looks and I'd rather they not be captured on camera (or broadcast all over facebook by well-meaning friends). It's so, so hard to overcome that patriarchal programming that tells us our looks are of the utmost importance to our *selves*.
Anyway, you rock and many of us look up to you.

Jessica, to start I just want to say that I've always thought you were absolutely beautiful. And you look as beautiful as ever in this interview!

I was amazed when I read your post about the way it upsets you when someone talks about your looks. I'm always so self-conscious of my looks as so many women are. Whenever I feel that way I try to think about all of my other good qualities and tell myself that looks don't matter, even though deep down they really do to me. I had this idea that because I focus on the way I look I could never be a true feminist.

Ever since I started reading Feministing you have been such an inspiration to me. It inspires me even more to know that despite your insecurities you have done so much. Thank you so much for sharing!

You are awesome! I love what you say and appreciate how honest and candid you are. Internalized misogyny is tough, and you are right on about the feminist guilt.

Honestly, the more you spoke, the more beautiful you looked on camera. Great job.

And thank you for feministing.com. I love it!

Thanks all, for the support! It makes me cringe to write posts like that sometimes, where you own up to just how much stuff can get you down, but the kind words here always help. :)

Reading those comments was a drag; it even got me down, so it is understandable that it bummed you out.

I am often amazed at how online communication can hurt more than real life talking. I mean, if someone made some asinine comment about your looks sitting a a bar or somewhere you'd probably just ignore it but for some reason the online swarming thing just gets oppressive. And there's something about seeing the insults in print instead of hearing them that seems to give them more weight - even with misspellings ...

I thought your response was total class.

Yeah, dude. Call me stupid, annoying, bitch, whatever - it rolls off me. Call me fat and I regress into my 14 year old awkward self hating my boobs/curves.

PS - Everyone read The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. It addresses this really well.

Jessica, I normally don't pay compliments to women I don't even know but please: you are brilliant, you are kind-hearted, you are a mentsch and a stand-up woman. And of course you are drop-dead gorgeous. Not that that's important, but it's the stone truth.

So however many times you have rolled-over in your mind the nasty 3rd-grade comments, please reread this 700-800 times until you recognize the 3rd-graders as people who aimed precisely for your vulnerability and have no acquaintance with the truth. They used patriarchy to make a brilliant, decent, gorgeous woman feel like shit. They lost as the losers they are.

Did I mention that you are jaw-droppingly gorgeous? I forget.

I loved your interview. loved the binary game. Thanks for sharing it:) and fuck all the people who decided to call you ugly instead of listening to what you say.

Who are they kidding? You look totally cute here (and you're smart to boot).

I am sorry there are dumb-fuck guys out there. No one needs to be called names like a cunt or a whore. And in my own humble opinion, woman shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen, because us menfolks are the supreme chefs. (Humor, not sexism.)

I agree that there is a lot of pressure out there for women to be attractive, and to dress up, and other unfair expectations. There is also a lot of pressure for men too.

Guys have to have the nice clothes, the fresh shirt or suit. They have to muscular, no one respects a flabby man especially the girls. Anyone see a commercial where a pasty white guy is considered attractive?

So my point is I agree that there is way too much pressure on woman to be sexually attractive, but there is also the same pressure on us guys.

This reminds me of a really simple idea I had for a feminist art project (if this is too OT, feel free to tell me): I think it would be awesome to find some women who don't like how they look or don't believe they are model-beautiful or even just have occasional days where they feel ugly (don't we all?!) and try to take pictures of them that show them how beautiful they really are....

isn't it amazing how that silly little "you're ugly" jab can hurt more than the rest? it says a lot that strong, smart, articulate women such as yourself can shrug off the insults to your intelligence or position, but still wince inside when the derision is to your looks? i completely feel you on this. call me stupid, uninformed, a poor debater any day of the week and i can laugh it off without thinking, but that looks dept. is something else.

for what it's worth, i try to remember the beauty myth, a book that really changed my life in college, and remember that "you're ugly" (or "your ugly", as it often appears on the internet) is simply the refuge of those with no real arguments to make and that it's designed to be disarming. i don't know of a better way to re-center so i can shrug it off like all the other insults.

for what it's worth, jessica, you are very pretty with a great sense of style, and more importantly, an inspiration to all of us out there fighting the good fight with you. if nothing else, i hope that reading our comments every day at least absolves you of your feminist guilty--the patriarchy is BUILT ON the notion that women aren't ever able to make the grade; it's a game you aren't ever supposed to win and that's what exposes it as a construct. the fact that even you feel its slings and arrows is a testament to the fact that it exists to the detriment of all women, everywhere. talking about it is valuable.

I think it's only human for us to care how we present, our values and esteem about ourselves is an ingrained thing, no?

What I would counter offer is do people have a right to judge us on appearance...of course not, but as you've pointed out, along with other folks wise thoughts what comes out of people's minds and mouths is all about them.

It speaks volumes of the character of a person whom judges another on their looks, color of skin, gender vilification etc...

It can revert to childlike behaviour, poor self esteem, insecurities, the list is endless.

You have no need to cringe or self doubt Jessica, I find listening and reading what you have to say courageous, intelligent, thought provoking, honest and inspirational..

You are out there doing it.

Consider another one of your books sold, I will be buying it and sharing it with the family.

Thankyou for being you, and you are very beautiful, even more incredible is the inner light and passion speak of such an amazing young woman..

Fortes et Liber....(Strong and free).

Hello Jessica,

I believe you already got rid off the surplus sensitivity to "what people say about your looks" women tend to have (in average). I doubt that it is possible at all for people (men and women) to not care about what others think about their looks.

So, there shouldn't be the place in your mind for that feminist guilt.

Having said that, I dare to note that you look more than fine.

Being told you look unattractive is a gender-blind insult. It isn't often lobbed at guys, but trust me -- when I've been told that I look like crap, especially by women, it hit home. Note too that the guys who are insulting you aren't on camera; I flat out guarantee most of them are greasy-hair nose-pickin' stanky-breath losers.

You look fine in the interview, by the way -- confident, articulate, happy. I hope my daughter grows up to look just as good someday.

I just want to say thank you. thank you so much for getting through all the bullshit to make your point. when you speak, I feel like you speak for me too, but you have the courage to show your face (of which is gorgeous!) I have been beat with the ugly stick over and over again when I represent my feminism (half the time its in response to some nasty trying to "get at me"), and I cant help but feel so low sometimes. Notice they attack the only place it will hurt, the only place you cant change, which is yourself. they are just mad they cant TOUCH feminism. and that we feminists will not go away, no matter how horrible the personal blows are, they cant stop the unstoppable force that is feminism.

Check out this new piece of shit LG advertisement:
http://www.engadgetmobile.com/2008/06/18/lg-secret-viral-ad-aims-for-sexy-ends-up-squarely-at-creepy/

My husband is the best, he found it and was disgusted by it and said I should share it with Feministing so they can let LG have it.

You'll always bee "too ugly" or "too pretty" to have a valid opinion.

That's how the beauty myth works.

(don't feel bad about letting it effect you though - we all feel it)

I think it'd definitely be easier for most people to shrug off the "get back in the kitchen" comments. When men say things like that, you can just let it roll off your back because you know that they would say the same thing to any independent, outspoken, successful woman. Comments about your appearance are more personal, and I think a lot of people would have a tougher time ignoring them. It's directed at you, rather than at feminists as a whole. It'd certainly take a thicker skin than I have for that to not sting.

And like previous posters said -- they only said those things because they couldn't attack your argument. They feel threatened by you, and feel the need to tear you down in any way possible.

Screw 'em. Even if you were ugly by traditional standards (you're so not), your points would still be as valid and you would still be worth hearing. It's not your job to decorate their world. I know that you know this, of course, but sometimes when stuff like this is getting you down it just bears repeating.

They would have said you were ugly even if it had just been audio.

They were really just describing their own mental condition.

No matter what you do, there are going to be people that disagree, just for the sake of being contrary. Looks and words have nothing to do with each other. The message is important, and if they're so blinded by your beauty that they're rendered deaf and dumb, then the message wasn't for them.

I hate that this is true about me, too. It's built into us, no matter how aware we are and well-read we are, and smart we are, and understanding we are of sexism and patriarchy. the "ugly" comments always seem to get in the way others can't.

I love you, Jessica. You look amazing and sound great.

Every now and then a troll gets lucky and touches on a subject we're sensitive about. I know we shouldn't care and we especially shouldn't care about looks. But most of us do care and that doesn't make us bad feminists- merely makes us human.

So I'm gonna say that you are a beautiful person. And any one of those trolls wishes they had the brains, smarts and decency to get a girl like you. But since they can't and they hate you for your kick ass success and opinions, they have to hate on you.

Stupid punks.

This interview was so fun. Keep spreading the feminist word, Jess.

I'm over 60 and it used to be that one of the pleasures of age was that nobody cared anymore what you look like. Now with Botox and all of that nonsense, that's not even true.

This obsession with "looks" is so ugly and crazy.

Yeah...I know the theory that in Paleolithic times "looks" were a measure of health and thus had some basis in reality.

But the last time I looked outside, we're not living in Paleoolithic times. Is America ever going to grow up?

Oh my god, Jessica, you aren't ugly! In fact, you're pretty damned hot. Not that that's the measure of a woman, but you said in FFF that you consider yourself to be pretty attractive, and I gotta agree. I love your writings and video clips, and I use your books in therapy with young women recovering from violence/assault. I've seen the positive results. You ROCK, Jessica. And did I mention that you're also hot? *grin!*

I just did my first interview like this with Truthout after the IVAW Winter Soldier Hearings. It is VERY hard to watch yourself and very EASY to nitpick everything about yourself. So "fuck you" to all the people who have shit to say to Jessica or about her as they write from the safety of their computers. You did an awesome job and those people who have the gall to write you don't have the fortitude to put themselves in the spotlight.

I completely understand your negative reaction to someone calling you out on your appearance - it touches such a basic anxiety that most women have. I see this all the time on Internet sites, particularly those dedicated to "geeks" like Ain't it Cool News - post a picture of an actress who's been signed to a role and the vast majority of the comments is whether or not she's pretty enough for the role.

Oh! It's only human to occasionally feel hurt by idiotic insults. It's great that you go and analyze those feelings and recognize that these are comments from small-minded sexists, and that being affected by them is a function of socialization of women to mistake our appearance for something of paramount importance.

But, who would want to be attractive to misogynists, right? I mean UGH! Ultimately it's all about the mind, and these losers are rather deficient in that department.... and frankly repulsive due to ignorance alone.

Plus if there was any truth to the insults you wouldn't get flack for being primped in another interview.

I for one, admire you (and think you happen to look great too- young, professional, intelligent and lovely).

I stopped giving a turd about misogynist asses' opinions when I realized that the men who told me I was superfly were the same ones who told me I was fat/ugly/a slut once I declined to fuck them.

That shit bummed me out for about five minutes until I realized that a dude calling a woman who weighs 105 lbs. "fat" is so desperate, with intentions so thinly-veiled, that I'd have no course of action but to hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn't stop caring, like, immediately.

That's not to say that derogatory remarks about peoples' appearances are ok as long as they're accurate, but it's obvious that reality plays no part in these attacks.

In other words: they don't ACTUALLY think you're ugly, so chill.

Hi All,

I don't know where to turn and I need your help for some grassroots advocacy. This whole "ugly" thing has gone to far, and one great example is how Perez Hilton is RUTHLESS on Rumer Willis. I know this seems like a shallow concern considering the issues in feminism, but when we see what happens to someone like Jessica and how her work can be devalued to her being "ugly" - it has to stop.

I want to start a grassroots campaign to get Perez Hilton to stop his assault on Rumer. I believe the self-esteem of our women and girls is in jeopardy. Go here to just make a quick comment of support, and maybe we can bring awareness to this issue of beauty and value.

http://sweatitout.wordpress.com/

And I'm sorry if this is wrong forum in which to ask for support but I feel really strongly about this and ya'll are my peeps to help bring about change.

In the minds of the mouth breathing and illiterate males gracing that site with their "discourse", only one thing is worse than a feminist.

And that would be a feminist who dares to be attractive. It gets them at their core that someone they would pay attention to and show interest in is utterly unconcerned with their grade school come on lines.

"Ugly' or "she's not all that" is their weak attempt at a graceful out. Jessica, you are an accomplished, intelligent and engaged woman, who's looks, frankly, speak for themselves. Don't let the asshats get you down!

Jessica! You look wonderful.. people just like to pick pick pick.. forget about them.. you are amazing- don't forget that!

Ugly is just a single word men like to replace "shut up bitch! Get to the Kitchen and make me a sandwich!". It has nothing to do with your actual appearance.

It is so hard to deal with the fact that no matter how much we achieve, we always worry about how we look. Even the most beautiful women worry about how they look. I think this post is a good reminder of that. Our culture makes all women feel ugly, but we have to remember it is who we are that makes us beautiful (cheese!).

This is incredibly sappy and cheesy of me, but I heard the song today and thought of this post:

And God help you if you are an ugly girl
Course too pretty is also your doom
Cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
For the prettiest girl in the room
And God help you if you are a pheonix
And you dare to rise up from the ash
A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
While you are just flying back

-32 Flavors, Ani DiFranco

I have to second what Al said Jessica. You terrify misogynists because they do everything they can to write off feminists as women who are angry because they can't get men. They don't know how to explain the existence of pretty feminsts, so they just try to deny their existence.

The sad thing is, if you had been on TV spouting anti-feminist views, the same assholes would be discussing how hot you are and what a perfect wifey you would be.

I am constantly amazed by your willingness to put yourself out there and talk about the things that are hard to talk about as a feminist. Thank you so much for talking about this.

I say this with all sincerity. I don't agree with everything on this site (especially some of the comments), but those comments about you are not being truthful. This isn't meant to be sexist, and I know it's not something to be especially proud of, but consider yourself lucky -- you're hot!

Jessica, I'm so sorry you were hurt by what those assholes had to say. And of course you must know that it's not really true -- I've met you in person and your gorgeous! I mean that, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.

But those misogynist assholes know that patriarchy makes almost all women feel vulnerable about their physical appearance, and that the "you're fat and ugly" comments often hurt more than anything else they can say. And even though we all know that only pathetic, miserable pieces of shit would ever use that kind of weapon against a woman, somehow those kinds of comments can still really get to a woman.

I feel very conflicted about this sort of stuff. I want my blog to be successful, and I know that to do that, I'm going to have to start putting myself out there. Yet I'm reluctant to, and a large part of it is because I fear those kinds of ugly attacks based on my physical appearance.

I was actually asked to go on Blogging Heads, which would have been great publicity, but I turned it down. A lot of that is my shyness, but a lot of it also is me being afraid of being attacked by sexist assholes for the way I look.

I think I'll get over it eventually. One thing that helps enormously is having strong, brave women like you out there. You're a terrific role model, and just the fact that you're out there gives strength to so many of us -- more than you'll ever know. Thank you so much for what you're doing in the world. The world desperately needs it.

First I doubted whether being honest about your feelings was the right reaction, since that was obviously giving them what they wanted.

But then I realized that lying about our feelings is one of the worst behaviors we are taught by macho culture. Bravo for not stooping to their level.

Thanks, Kathy!

It's so hard, really. I'm sorry to hear you turned down BloggingHeads for related reasons - you would be SO good on it! (Though I have to say I've turned them down for other reasons - calling me the "famous breast woman" and letting Althouse wax titastic about me among others)

But thanks again for the kind words, they mean a lot. :)

The sad thing is, if you had been on TV spouting anti-feminist views, the same assholes would be discussing how hot you are and what a perfect wifey you would be.

That is an excellent point.

Unsurprisingly, everyone here is commenting to tell you how pretty you are. While they're right, I'm a bit dissapointed to see that.

Why is that reassurance so necessary to us? Why can't the standards for women be like those for men, where physical attractiveness isn't the be-all and end-all of what we are worth? Why aren't we all telling Jessica that what she looks like doesn't matter and what she does is what truly makes her beautiful?

I think they mostly said you were "not that hot" because you were described in the video as being a "hot young feminist". With hot meaning "hip" or "up and coming" not "sexy". But still, it's irrelevant to your whole perspective.

Anyway, I thought you spoke really well and I agree with basically everything you said and most things you say on a regular basis.

And even though it doesn't matter, I think you're cute. :D

Hi Jessica!

Look, you could have shown up on camera with fifty extra pounds and a green face mask on. What you look like doesn't mean a damn thing--it's what you have to SAY that's truly important. You rock no matter what, so don't let anyone tell you different.

HEAR THAT, YOU MISOGYNIST FUCKERS?

So keep doing your thing, pretty, ugly, whatever. We've got your back.

Why is that reassurance so necessary to us? Why can't the standards for women be like those for men, where physical attractiveness isn't the be-all and end-all of what we are worth? Why aren't we all telling Jessica that what she looks like doesn't matter and what she does is what truly makes her beautiful?

Because everyone wants to feel good about their appearance. Feeling good about how you look is different from basing your worth on how much you conform to someone else's beauty standards.

They have been saying feminists are ugly for 100years. In a way it's validation!
And why - well socially men aren't judged on appearance while women are, so they can get on with life and not care so much what they look like, while women have to look good as well as perform to be socially acceptable. Being called ugly is a feminist issue.

BIG props for the use of Ani Difranco lyrics! Here's another one of hers:

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distress
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have yourself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl

Jessica, about that "feminist guilt":

Please don't beat yourself up because something they said touched a nerve. Congratulations: you are a human being, which means you come with feelings that can be hurt. That isn't something to strive to give up.

I'm not saying to let them hurt you. I'm saying, don't add your own helping of guilt to the pain by second-guessing your own strength because some asshole managed to land a poke in an area that is pretty raw and primal. (This, coming from a guy who knows personally how it hurts to be on the receiving end of ridicule on basis of body shape. It sucks.)

To hell with them; they're jerks. And as others have already said, they go for the cheap shot because they have nothing more substantive to say.

Oh, and by the way, you look pretty fine to me. (I hope I'm allowed to say that and still respect your mind!) :)

In my experience there are too many 'people' (let's avoid negative terms for the moment) online with too much time on their hands and either not enough brains to put that time to effective use or simply possess an overriding urge to behave badly. The protective anonymity of the internet also gives these folks, en masse, something of a 'force of nature' feeling where the dumbness of crowds wins over reasoned, analytical discourse. The trick, I think, is not to pay attention, although I can well understand how some comments seem to leak through every personal defence you put in place. I liked your recent 'Fuck Youtube' video - it's hard not to despair at the rampant neanderthalism on display there - but suspect it was wasted on deaf ears, however eloquent your comments were.

Anyhoo, enough rambling. I've been reading around here for a little while and support what you are trying to do. Keep fighting the good fight, as they say. As for the interview you looked absolutely fine, not that how you looked had anything at all to do with the message you were being given the chance to convey.

"I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose."

-Margaret Cho

Wow, well-spoken interview!