She's so much cheaper than getting me an actual assistant. I was just looking after the bottom line.

I can't imagine why they fired me...

“My Beautiful Mommy� by Dr. Michael Salzhauer

Page 3:

“You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make your father proud to show me off to his friends again."

http://feministing.com/archives/009015.html

"Don't worry, Mr. Matthews, we got her! We'll be back on the set before the second commercial break."

I really hope the above is understood as a swipe at the book and not at the mother. If it comes off the other way, I apologize in advance.

"Like my new CD-player?"

Seriously, that looks really dumb.

"Hang on, I gotta take this."
*Presses nipple*
"Hello?"

"christ, what an asshole!"

works for every new yorker cartoon

http://modernarthur.com/blog/christwhatanasshole.html

"I'm really starting to reconsider this job as Charlie Sheen's manager."

or

"Why yes, I *do* work for Conde Nast.. how did you know?"

It's about time that the unrated director's cut of Mannequin came out, featuring commentary by Meschach Taylor.

'Business Casual' has taken on a whole new meaning in Albany since Spitzer's departure.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad President McCain overturned Roe V. Wade and put more and more control of women's bodies in our hands -- but this is just starting to make my arm fall asleep."

"I'll learn more from this any textbook can teach me. A+ for sure!"

"That's not what Women's Studies means, Greg."

"Oh, this? We're considering adding an anatomical insert for the 'My Beautiful Mommy' books."

"You may not think your Hilary Clinton jokes are sexist, John, but you've taken it too far with the props."

Alex Kochno says goodbye to everyone as he cleans out his public relations desk at the Southern Illinois University College Republicans office.

lizadilly ++

You are assuming IQ tests are a proxy for g. You have to prove a link between IQ tests and g, you can't just elide the two terms.

If you retune those IQ tests to include no questions biased in favor of males, and include questions biased in favor of females, you can get the same distribution you (well, not you, you're not clever enough to write that well) mention in your first plagiarized post.

Also, dumbass, brain size has nothing to do with it.

MonsieurChauvin: (Alex Kochno?)

My my, sure glad you decided to copy and paste your senior thesis for us women to proofread. Apparently you heard that, statstically speaking, women have better language skills, and are thus better at speaking and writing.

My first bit of advice is that you cite your sources, because if you don't, it tends to give the impression that you are pulling information out of your ass.

Second, learn to cut back on all the fucking jargon. I read enough scientific papers, which I must interpret, for my classes. If I'm going to respond to another one (just for fun), make it worth my while to not fall asleep.

"... any woman of supposedly high intelligence is considerably dumber than the average man in the street."

So ... there are men "in" the street now? Christ, another genius ...

Oh, and when I mean "cite" I mean provide a link to the research you mentioned.

MonsierChavin, I regret to inform you that your entry exceeds the maximum character count for a New Yorker cartoon caption.

Can we get a troll deletion here, please? Anyone?

May I suggest a possible improvement for this cite?

Provide some sort of outlet where trolls can spout their drivel that has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC so that they don't end up spamming our precious comments page, which was actually quite good before this asshole came into the picture.

May I suggest a possible improvement for this site?

Provide some sort of outlet where trolls can spout their drivel that has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC so that they don't end up spamming our precious comments page, which was actually quite good before this asshole came into the picture.

Glass ceiling? What glass ceiling?

after interviewing over 500 blow up dolls, Monsieur Chauvin concludes they are smarter than women.

Its SCIENCE!!

Bill takes having a woman as a fashion accessory further than most.

Sounds like someone is getting a little pissed off that he's still a virgin, despite his best efforts.

Ann, Jessica, or anyone, can we get a cleanup in here?

No, John, I don't think the Supreme Court had this in mind when it was talking about workplaces that were hostile on the basis of sex.

"Monsieur"Chauvinist:

Obviously there's no bias when the data supports your side of the "issue". Or should I say:

OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NO BIAS

Insert: Entire text of the "Mismeasure of Man" and "Mismeasure of Woman" here, just so my comment is equally long as yours and contains just as much original thought on my part.

HURR, SUCCINCTNESS IS SO HARD!!! LOLZOMG ORIGINAL THOUGHT!!11!one! IT MUST BE IN ALL CAPS OR THE THOUGHT MIGHT GET LOST IN THE DARK MORASS OF MY MIND! IT'S SCARY BACK THERE! HALP!

And wait, who is the only person to misspell "paleontologist" on this thread? An alleged man! Thus proving that spelling is a radical feminist LIE meant to discredit teh menz!

WRT to drowning in a flood of feminist ideology--come on it, the water's fine. Some of us might even teach you to swim, if you're not afraid.

Caption:

"I need to release my frustrations somehow. It's either this, or write drunken angry posts at feministing.com."

No, Jake, I'm not surprised this personal floatation device tested out poorly among women.

Caption: "Any similarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental" my ass! I better be seeing royalties from Lars and the Real Girl ASAP!

Shit, this guy just unironically quoted Cesare Lombroso!

Kiddo, if you're so much cleverer than the wimmens on the board, why don't we see you try to write a sentence of your own. Maybe a paragraph, if you are feeling ambitious.

Clearly, using cut-copy-paste demonstrates your superior intellectual acumen.

Sorry about that folks. Trollbegone is here. ;)

Upon closer examination, Bill realizes his friend has introduced a new meaning to the phrase "arm candy."

yay! Jessica!!!
i was just about to post a whole lot of andecdote (sp?) that would A) prove him wrong and B) further derail the thread...

caption:
i'm telling you, this addiction to plastic surgery has to stop! She can't even blink!

Not a caption: I think the new site needs a way for us to flag posts for possible abuse...

"103.08 - 101.41 / 13.55 = 0.123 = 0.4510535 = 0.45 = 45%

101.41 - 103.08 / 14.54 = - 0.115 = 0.5457775 = 0.55 = 55%"

You fail at math. You fail at subtraction, division, negative numbers, and equivalents. The only thing you got right was rounding, and even then your significant figures are off.

For future reference: 0.123dne0.4510535 0.115dne0.545775
(103.8-101.41)/14.54=0.16=16%
(101.41-103.8)/14.54=-0.16=-16%

In case you have not taken a basic math course, which I presume you haven't based on your number crunching, dne means does not equal.

"103.08 - 101.41 / 13.55 = 0.123 = 0.4510535 = 0.45 = 45%

101.41 - 103.08 / 14.54 = - 0.115 = 0.5457775 = 0.55 = 55%"

You fail at math. You fail at subtraction, division, negative numbers, and equivalents. The only thing you got right was rounding, and even then your significant figures are off.

For future reference: 0.123dne0.4510535 0.115dne0.545775
(103.8-101.41)/13.55=0.177=18%
(101.41-103.8)/14.54=-0.16=-16%

In case you have not taken a basic math course, which I presume you haven't based on your number crunching, dne means does not equal.

Please ignore my first post. My C&P was bad :P

I've always an even harsher approach, eliminating the comments of people that respond to obvious trolls (sorry, it's for the site's good).

If you have faith in your administratrix, the thread will appear normal after a while.

"So, HR makes you carry that around all day if you make a sexist comment? I think the sensitivity training has gone a bit too far, but I guess it makes it easy to spot the assholes."

++ for Hilary

"I don't have time to go all the way to the Mayflower to have sex on my lunch break."

OR

Misogynist on right: "All the hot women are made out of plastic anyway."

OR,

"Allen, you do realise that the 'Plastics' in Mean Girls weren't actually made out of plastic, right?"

OR

"I had to custom-order a blow-up doll with a vagina small enough for my micro-dick."

(Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist.)

"For some reason I can't find a woman who meets my expectations and didn't talk my ear off. That is, until I found this blow-up doll and got maid service. It's everything a Nice Guy like me could ever want!"

"So being a good patriarch, I was honest in what I look for in a secretary... and HR sent up this."

or

"I finally found a witness to testify against that burglar who broke into Charlie Sheen's house"

(ok I'm done)

"I wish perverts wouldn't leave these things in the men's room. They take up too much space and I need room for wide stance toe-tapping."

"Don't worry Senator Craig, I'll take care of it."

Gotta say I might agree with norbizness, was SUPER confused reading this W/O the troll comment. I was like -- what is everyone talking about?

ha.

Ugh. Continue captioning.

"Why is everyone staring at me? I just wanted to drive in the carpool lane."

"You know, after having a relationship with an actual woman, this thing just doesn't seem funny anymore. I wonder if the New Yorker would take it?"

"Hey, Ted, what cha got there..."

"Laugh it up Bill. Because the meeting was delayed tonight I had to pick this prop up early for my brother's bachlor party."

"Oh. No, I was just wondering...."

"What?"

"Does that one have scratch and sniff tattoo's on it, too?"

...or

"Hey Ted."

"Yeah Bill."

"I think when they sent the memo out on bringing things from home that made us more productive through relaxation, I think they had something like plants in mind."

"When they said to bring the girl closest to your heart to work today, I think they meant your daughter."

" I decided to stop pretending I'm not actually sexist."

theunicorn - you're the best. Your caption is simple, funny, and makes it clear to readers that a businessman carrying a nude woman who has undergone rigor mortis seems a bit, um... sexist.

"She's the feminist who backs up all my statements. I ordered her from Pomo Plastics."

"She's the feminist who backs up all my statements. I ordered her from Pomo Plastics."

"Ever since women became empowered this is the best date I can get"

"Excuse me, miss, it looks like you've got a wanker around your waist."

She kinda looks like...

my ex-girlfriend, yeah and the best part is she doesn't talk.

"I'm hoping the severance package will pay off my credit cards."

"Hey, not all of us are married to our jobs."

"It's the damnedest thing -- the blow-up doll company says it can't be true, but every time I get near her she says, 'No! I don't consent!'"

My stress toy days are over; I got a MAC and it looks like you should too.

"What can I say, I don't like to date women who are smarter than me. . ."

or

"I wanted to date someone who is as full of hot air as me. . . "

And new this month from Blackberry.....the Crackcherry.

I beg forgiveness for my last post.

A Republican flaunting his denial.

Ann Coulter!...OMG you know Ann Coulter!

So there I am, in the biggest meeting of my life, and I go to plug in my cell phone...

I swear to God, it's for the car pool lane? CRACKKK!

I'm running as a conservative and my campaign manager said I needed to have something he calls "plausable deniability." Whatever that is.

Caption: It's "Take Your Daughter To Work" Day in Eldorado, Texas.

"I find we connect on an emotional and intellectual level."

The Law Firm of DeadGuy, DeadGuy, RetiredGuy, and OldGuy presents its first female partner.

I know Bill, I was shocked too. A woman as white, passive and a male object, in the liberal media!

I know Bill, I was shocked too. A woman as white, passive and a male object, in the liberal media!

The last secretary quit, so we got this one specifically to take new subscriptions for the New Yorker. She's been working out fine.

"I know it's out-dated, but the newer models come with backbones and brains."