My gyno back in California was a man, which never stopped being awkward. At the time I wanted to keep an open mind about male gynos, but at least for me it never stopped being weird and uncomfortable.
When I moved to Colorado, I started going to Planned Parenthood for all of my reproductive stuff (except for the birth control, which I still get for free at the teen clinics for another 4 months until I turn 20.) The nurses at Planned Parenthood are great. Love them.

Well actually, I have to say, I have the best gyno imaginable, and I honestly look forward to seeing her every year. She's just a fabulous person--smart, philosophical yet down to earth, passionate about life. We start every appointment spending time in her office, getting caught up about the last year's life & medical history, but really, this typically evolves into a great talk about life and...everything. Really, I would love this woman to be my new best friend-ha! She is so fabulous that when she stopped accepting my health insurance co, I decided still keep seeing her, because I like her so much (besides, this is my health--of course its worth the $$).
Anyway, just posting this to say that despite the reputation of ob-gyns, and western medicine, there are still fabulous doctors out there. If anyone reading this lives in NYC and wants my doc's name, email me at t6283798 at gmail dot com, and I'll pass it along. I've recommended her to many people and they all sing her praises. :)

YES! for midwives. I absolutely love female medical care. I have gone to a woman FNP for the past 4 years for my gyno exams and they couldn't be better (really, I mean it). Something about the nurse/widwife/female thing makes those exams bearable

t6283798,

Is she accepting new patients? Because I would take a train to NYC and pay non-insurance prices for a GYN that would look at me before the exam, not make a snarky comment about my breasts and not give a put-upon sigh when I flinch in pain.

I haven't had any bad experiences. My least favorite time, though, was the first time: The doctor was male, had large thick fingers, and was not gentle when feeling my ovaries.

The best one was with a nurse practitioner. She was so quick and gentle, I didn't feel the slightest discomfort.

Come to think of it, because of insurance and moving around, I've never had the same gyno for any two exams!

Last year I had a medical scare (and was diagnosed with PCOS, fibromyalgia, and a bad gallbladder (yay surgery :( )in the same year - augh!), so my general practitioners and emergency doctors kept shipping me off to gynecologists for exams - I had four regular exams and multiple emergency-room exams in one year! Fortunately, none of my experiences were terrible, and in fact I ran into one doctor at home (Westchester county, NY) whom I would recommend to absolutely anyone.

This particular doctor was compassionate, friendly, patient, did what she could to avoid causing pain, and was just generally someone whom I won't at all mind going back to for this year's exam.

I have vulvodynia (a chronic pain condition that is incredibly common and too often misdiagnosed by ignorant doctors), so of course that means that I've seen 20+ gynecologists who have all told me one or more of the following:

"The pain is all in your head." (every doctor, ad infinitum)

"You are too young for this problem."

"Gee, have you tried lube?"

"You're making a big deal out of nothing--just deal with it."

"You're never going to get better. Stop thinking about it."

"You're making this up for attention."

And my personal favorite, being the godless heathen that I am:

"You deserve to be in pain for having premarital sex. This wouldn't happen if you lived life at the foot of the cross." (Plz save my vag, baby jesus!)

Needless to say, I despise pretty much the entire profession. Oh and I'm 19, so way to crush my spirits early, docs. The doctors who said all of the above were female, the specialist who finally took me seriously and diagnosed me was male. I know that it says nothing about larger trends, but my personal experience speaks volumes against female gynecologists. Years of being treated like a particularly stupid child by them has me convinced that I'd be better off just not going back, ever.

Feel free to delete my comment if this isn't allowed, but anyone with similar experiences with vulvodynia is hereby invited to my tiny little corner of the blogworld, myvulvodynia.wordpress.com. It's a bit ranty/ravey/profane, seeing as how I have just been writing for my eyes only so far, but if you'd like someone who TOTALLY understands your disgust/suspicion of gynecologists, that's where I keep my big stash of pissed off.

I've never had a BAD experience at the gyno, but nevertheless, I am always reminded of this Far Side cartoon while I'm there:

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e312/eman_182/Farside.jpg

My first experience with the gyno (at 18) set the bar so low that I think 8 years later, I'm still just settling for "good enough."

I was shut in a room with a male doctor who spoke in broken English and a female nurse who hung around the back wall and sulked while I was poked and prodded. He asked me questions in a short, clipped accent and didn't look me in the eye once while he was getting my medical history. I practically ran out of the office once I had the BC prescription in my hand.

These days, I see a nurse practitioner who's nice enough, but still lacking that talent for making her patients feel somewhat comfortable.

And I still practically run out of the office as soon as I get my pill renewal. :)

Kristen-
If you live in the NY area, my CNM is fabulous. Her name is Linda Stocker, and she's at Putnam Hospital Medical Center, and is so knowledgeable, easy to talk to, and a very cool lady. I just moved to Yonkers, so I'm in search of closer OGBYN, but I'm happy to recommend Linda to anyone. : )

My first time was with a nurse practictioner and it went very well, despite me being nervous, and having no insurance. Actually i don't think until I started grad school that I ever had insurance to cover the visit. My male gyn was a really nice guy, very gentle and talked to me a lot before, during and after the exam to make sure i was always comfortable. I saw a photo on his desk of him rock crawling in a lifted suzuki, and we ended up talking about off roading and the problems of lifted trucks (I have minimal off road experience although I do have a lifted truck)during the exam. Also, there was a picture of a tropical paradise on the ceiling so i could look at that during the exam. When I get out of school and move back to that area I hope to see him again. Athough the lady I see at school is really great too. I don't think I've ever had a bad experience. Although I understand the pain it is trying to find a local provider that is accepting new patients...

For most of my gyno-going years, I saw women doctors and always felt fine about it. Once I saw a male doctor about an internal issue that involved some uterine exploration and that too was fine. Last year, though,because my doctor was away on maternity leave and there was no one else available, I ended up seeing a male gyno. I felt fine going in, but no one had warned me that there would be a female nurse present during the pelvic exam (I don't think they used to do this). I understand that this is being done to protect women from bad doctors and doctors from malpractice or harassment suits, but the whole thing made me feel weird. It seemed to lend an air of suspicion tothe whole thing (something I try to avoid feeling with my feet up in stirrups!) Also, neither the nurse nor I knew where to look. I mean, hey, the doctor is busy, but is it appropriate to have a conversation with the nurse while he's down there? I always used to talk to my female doctors when they were doing exams, either about what was going on in the exam, or just catching up.
Anyway, it also raised a few questions, like why should we assume that women are more comfortable having ANOTHER person in the room while they are getting a pelvic? Do we all necessarily agree that female doctors are above suspicion of any wrongdoing? And would the tag team scenario be the same if the nurse is male?

When I was living in MN, I had awesome repro health care. When I was in college, my local PP gave me free care when I had no insurance and were always respectful and nice. After graduation, I had (at different points) a CNM (yessssss) and a wonderful female GP who I felt totally comfortable with. Oh, and all these practitioners hung peaceful pictures on the ceiling so one has something pleasant to look at.

But now I've moved to DC... I had a wretched time finding a doc close by who was covered by my insurance, and when I found one, he only passes with barely "good enough." As I was laying on the exam table in my paper gown, he says to me, "24, huh? So when are you going to start having babies?"

Excuse me?

But he wrote the prescription and I booked it ... hoping to find a new provider if anyone has recommendations for the DC area.

This is yet another thing that pisses me off about the US healthcare system.

Here in Canada all routine health issues are handled by your family doctor, or primary care physician. That means that your annual poke and prod is done by the person that you've already built up a relationship with and there are no "awkward" questions.

It's only if you have something gynecologically wrong with you that you see a gynecologist.

Imagine a system where only the sickest people who really needed them got to see specialists!

This is yet another thing that pisses me off about the US healthcare system.

Here in Canada all routine health issues are handled by your family doctor, or primary care physician. That means that your annual poke and prod is done by the person that you've already built up a relationship with and there are no "awkward" questions.

It's only if you have something gynecologically wrong with you that you see a gynecologist.

Imagine a system where only the sickest people who really needed them got to see specialists!

Maybe its just me, but I love my gyno visits. It takes less than 5 minutes and I get to talk about my vagina. Maybe I dont mind because I have a female doctor? I've heard less positive experiences from women whove gone to male doctors.

All the female members of my family have been going to the same gyno since we've lived in the area (20 years or so), so I've had positive experiences and haven't felt uncomfortable since I started going at age 14.

Traveltothesky: I had vulvodynia too! I ended up with the most amazingly wonderful doctor in Indianapolis though, she never questioned my pain, and she collaborated with me for treatment. She attended a symposium on vulvodynia and spent an amazing amount of time researching just to help me. We ended up taking me off of hormonal birth control 2-3 months ago, and inserting an IUD. I am now almost 100% pain free, and it's getting better every day.

If anybody is in Indianapolis and wants the name of an outrageously awesome OB-GYN, her name is Hilary Gaudreau! Look her up!

I always go to Planned Parenthood. In fact I just went on Monday for my annual, because I hadn't had one in a few years and my doctor (who is a guy) gently nagged me to get it done. As much as I always thought it wouldn't bother me to have a man gynecologist, I realized it does, so I didn't make an appt with him. Planned Parenthood is always really nice about it anyway.

DLF-
That sounds fine for other areas of healthcare, but OBGYN care is something I'd like my doctor to be a specialist in at all times. I've dealt with enough doctors to know that my vagina needs special attention, even if it's just routine.

Ugh, I'd much rather NOT have my GP do my exam. I want someone who sees a million vag's a day and knows zero about me personally. It's so much easier to have a polite conversation and not feel a twinge of self-consciouness if I can say in my head "This is a gyno! It's not like I have to carry on a relationship with this person!"

That may seem backward, but it's my preference.

And I don't really expect much special coddling from my gyno. I don't expect to be dismissed or manhandled either but, it's just a biological check up, not an appointment to hold hands and talk about inner-beauty.

kissmypineapple That's awesome--I'm so glad to hear that you had a positive (well, as positive as a chronic pain syndrome can be) experience! Heh, I was in southwest Michigan for most of those doctors; too bad I wasn't on Feministing... maybe I could've gotten a recommendation. It's so wonderful to hear that some doctors really do understand and care about their patients. So happy to hear that you're getting better!

I had such a terrible experience with a gynecologist. I was trying to find a new doctor, got a referral from a family member and turns out I had an irregular pap and needed a colposcopy. I am a very sensitive person, both emotionally and physically; I was not properly prepared for this experience. When I cried after the procedure the doctor rushed out of the room and the nurse gave me a tissue and told me I need to "calm down" - I never went back.

Luckily, there is the Midwife Center of Pittsburgh:
www.midwifecenter.org
The midwives there are fantastic and they work in conjunction with Magee Women's Hospital. I get a whole HOUR! First we sit and talk (clothes on) before the exam about life, relationships, and health in general, in addition to your sexual health. They have these nifty speculums that are clear with a little light on the end so they can see everything better. They showed me my cervix! I even found out about IUD's from them (I'd previously never heard of them). They also have Well Women Friday's and you can receive care on a sliding scale based on income, if you have no insurance. If you live in or near Pittsburgh I highly recommend them.

Maybe its just me, but I love my gyno visits. It takes less than 5 minutes and I get to talk about my vagina. Maybe I dont mind because I have a female doctor? I've heard less positive experiences from women whove gone to male doctors.

I had such a terrible experience with a gynecologist. I was trying to find a new doctor, got a referral from a family member and turns out I had an irregular pap and needed a colposcopy. I am a very sensitive person, both emotionally and physically, so I was not properly prepared for this experience. When I cried after the procedure the doctor rushed out of the room and the nurse gave me a tissue and told me I need to "calm down" - I never went back.

Luckily, there is the Midwife Center of Pittsburgh:
www.midwifecenter.org
The midwives there are fantastic and they work in conjunction with Magee Women's Hospital. I get a whole HOUR! First we sit and talk (clothes on) before the exam about life, relationships, and health in general, in addition to your sexual health. They have these nifty speculums that are clear with a little light on the end so they can see everything better. They showed me my cervix! I even found out about IUD's from them (I'd previously never heard of them). They also have Well Women Friday's and you can receive care on a sliding scale based on income, if you have no insurance. If you live in or near Pittsburgh I highly recommend them.

I always go to Planned Parenthood. In fact I just went on Monday for my annual, because I hadn't had one in a few years and my doctor (who is a guy) gently nagged me to get it done. As much as I always thought it wouldn't bother me to have a man gynecologist, I realized it does, so I didn't make an appt with him. Planned Parenthood is always really nice about it anyway.

When I was in a relationship with my boyfriend in high school, I went to a gyn to have a pap smear before I could be put on birth control pills. After the exam, my mother (who I chose to be there) and the dr. and I sat discussing my options. I told her that my bf and I planned to use male condoms and birth control. I thought, at age 18 that my decision to be informed and safe was a good one but this dr. scoffed at me and reminded me that "High school and teen relationships don't last and my advice would be not to have sex at all." She was preaching to me about the morals of sex instead of the medical and physical aspects (which is her job). And I wanted to point out "Well, how many adult relationships don't last now either?" It was so disheartening because she basically preached to me about how the best decision was just to not have sex and she was patting her visibly pregnant belly saying she had been married X amount of years and this was her first child.

I definitely did not appreciate the attitude she brought and needless to say, I didn't return back to that particular doctor. She was condescending and made me feel guilty for actually doing what I thought was the safest thing, which would be to protect myself, not only against a pregnancy I didn't want, but also from a possible STI. I even had the decency to discuss this openly with my bf at the time. I feel like she completely disrespected the fact that I was being mature about the whole process.

Speaking of terrifying experiences, my best friend went to a gynecologist. She had been in a previous relationship with whom she'd had vaginal/penis intercourse. But she hadn't had intercourse since then, which had been a year before. Anyway, she went in and the Dr. was trying to insert the speculum and she commented, very snarkily "God you are so tight. I would hate to be you when you lose your virginity." Now, that comment is loaded in so many ways. First of all, my friend commented that she had indeed "lost her virginity" already. The comment implies that sexual intercourse with a partner (which would in her implicit statement have to be a phallus in her vagina) would be ANYTHING compared to having a plastic or metal object jammed into your vagina. I think the comparison to sex is absolutely flawed. I would hope for my friend's sake that her sexual experiences do not involve the same feelings and emotions as a dr's visit. How out of line! I was appalled and offended for my friend that her dr. would be so callous as to say that. It seems very unprofessional, and while that statement may have been said in passing, my friend most likely will never forget it.

Then, to top it off, the next visit the same friend had caused her so much pain that she bled afterwards for two days. She said she thought she was having her period but she knew she obviously wasn't. It was from whatever they had done to her during the vaginal examination. And THEN, the results came back that they'd hadn't gotten a sufficient sample of cells. She wondered "What the hell did they do. I am bleeding and yet they didn't even do their job right?"

It was traumatic for her in so many ways. I encouraged her not to return to that practice, but I fear things like this (which may seem small and insignificant, but are entirely appalling) happen to many women everyday.

I am with Kaiser, and I have had good and bad experiences. The worst part is that, until I was pregnant, it was almost impossible to get the same person twice. Most of them were good, none of them were horrible. Before I was sexually active, my GP always asked, and then badgered me about birth control. I understand that this is important, but I always felt like they thought I was lying or that there was no way a teenager could be non sexually active by choice!

My first time was kind of sucky. I had the np at my primary care place do it, but she seemed more nervous about it than I did! It really made me kind of uncomfortable.

I was very nervous about getting a pap done at Uni, but the doc they had there was great. She was chatty, friendly, and knew what she was doing, so it wasn't uncomfortable. The nurse was in the room the whole time, but she was talkative too, so the three of us just had a conversation the whole time. It really put me at ease and made the whole "lying back in a paper gown while someone pokes your vagina" bit a little less humiliating.

Also, the best part: I told her I was having, uh, dryness problems, and she told me the usual shtick about maybe changing BC formulation. Then she said (not condescendingly), "Also, you could tell your guy to try, you know, foreplay." I just about laughed my ass off. What a fun doctor!

Heller- my first OBGYN experience at 18 was awful because my gyno didn't believe that I'd only had sex with one person and was doing it safely (condoms). I was there to get BC, I would think that's testament to wanting to be even safer. She asked me a lot of condescending questions about a sex life I had only started to develop. I walked out wondering what about me seemed so promiscuous. I hadn't worked out in my head yet that it was her issue, not mine.

It got worse when I'd been bleeding for 4 weeks straight on the patch and couldn't get an appt., much less get her on the phone. When she finally called me back and asked if I'd had unprotected sex and I said yes, she started screaming at me on the phone. Screaming. I could be pregnant! Didn't I know you're supposed to wait a month? Always use two forms of birth control! Then she instructed me to take off the patch, and come in for a pregnancy test. I might need an abortion.

I hung up on her. And made an emergency appt. with a friend's OBGYN (which was soooo different and good, not great -but I wasn’t being screamed at).

Excuse me? Who said I would get an abortion? And my logic might be skewed, but when you're bleeding as much as I was bleeding, that would have been one resilient baby. She never even mentioned STD's, which is why I felt the most stupid for having unprotected sex, even if it was with my long-time boyfriend. Maybe this is an extreme case, but I’ve had friends tell me such horror stories.

Sorry for the long whine. I love my CNM now, as I stated above. : )

Has anyone had a GOOD experience with a male gynecologist?

I can't imagine going to one...I would feel so uncomfortable.

I just want to recommend CHICAGO WOMEN's HEALTH CENTER (easily googleable)as a spot where I finally loved to not hate gyn visits. They are so awesome and teach you how to do your own cervical exams and even give you a clear plastic speculum to take home and practice with!

I'm not exactly shy about my body or anything, but I still get really nervous beforehand. For awhile, I went to PP, which of course always made me feel comfortable, but then we got insurance and decided I should have one consistent doctor (I think I only had the same doctor twice at PP over the 8 years I went there).

Unfortunately, I took my MIL's recommendation; he was the same gyno who delivered my husband, his sister, and his sister's baby so I thought it'd be no big deal. It was all going fine and then I asked him about Essure (an outpatient sterilization thing I'd recently found out about), explaining that I never want to bear a child and would resort to adoption if I felt I wanted a child. His response was that it was dangerous, but the way he said it made it seem like he just didn't want to do it, and then he said, "When you want to get pregnant, come talk to me." I was so annoyed, I didn't say anything, but I immediately started looking for a new gyno. I wasn't about to go back to someone who wouldn't freaking listen to what I had to say.

Anyway, I was super lucky and found another gyno who seems pretty cool. I feel like I'm at PP, especially since there are things on the walls other than pictures of babies (though of course there are some of those too). Even though she seems to be really busy, she takes the time to ask me if I have any questions and waits patiently to see if I do. She's gentle, too, which is more than I can say for some of the doctors I've seen. Unfortunately, after that last doctor, I haven't really had the guts to talk to her about sterilization but the one time I asked her a question - about getting cheap BC - she explained to me that she would prescribe the cheaper generic but it would still be expensive, so that made me feel like she might actually be honest and open with me.

She also doesn't laugh when I tell her that my exercise is playing soccer in the hallway of my apartment. Heh.

going to the gyno is especially fun (by which I mean humiliating) if you're a trans folk with all the standard body issues associated with your uh, unspeakable region. also the effects of hormone therapy are NOT conducive to a comfortable pelvic exam. all in all, a pretty awesome time.

the upside is i go to an lgbt clinic where my doctor acts really guilty and apologetic about me being there, which i frankly appreciate! the last time i went, in her efforts to be respectful, my doctor managed to get through the entire exam without using ANY gendered language to refer to parts of my body. I totally appreciated it but the repeated use of vague, weirdly euphemistic-sounding words created this surreal impression that i was visiting some repressive sex phobic doc from like the 1950s or something. when in fact it was like, you know, pretty much the opposite of that.

the downside is my insurance won't cover it because an outside referral isn't deemed medically "necessary." (ya right, like i'm going to take my outwardly man-appearing body to some straight clinic and explain to every incredulous face i meet in the office why i'm there)

spaceinjamonkey, I have. I had a very kind older male doctor at PP once. The only problem I had with it was that it was weird for me to have a man who reminded me of my grandpa looking at me, but the issue was totally mine; he did just fine.

I love my gyno. She is friendly, professional, gentle, remembers things about my life and answers all my questions thoroughly.

When I had to go to a male one at a doc-in-the-box place b/c of a really bad yeast infection, though, it was pretty rough. He was a real jerk, asking me why I didn't get treatment sooner and wanting to know if I had had anal sex.

It was awful.

I had one bad experience. It was my first pelvic/pap ever at 18. I had a male doctor (I've since had male doctor's and had no problems) and he was very rough; so rough that I spotted for a while afterwards. It was painful and a little traumatizing. I ran home and called my older sister who assured me that what I experienced wasn't typical and that when I went in for my next one to request not to have that doctor. This was at a Family Planning, which, besides my first exam, was an overall great experience for me as a young, sexually active woman, but the downside was that all the doctors were volunteers, so you never knew who you were going to get.

My best experience was as a woman's clinic in a small community that was supported by the county. They had an awesome Nurse Practitioner that did the exams. She always told you everything that she was doing (i.e. she would say "this is my hand" as she touch your inner thigh before inserting her fingers or she would show you whatever instrument was going to be inserted and say "I'm going to insert such-and-such now"). She was warm, open, and funny - when she would finish checking my uterus, she'd say "Yep, it's perfect!" (I've never had anyone compliment my uterus, it was pretty cool). I literally felt comfortable asking her anything. Plus, they had posters on the ceiling to look at during the exam.

I can safely say my best experiences have been with female doctors/nurses at clinics like the one above or Planned Parenthood. However, besides the first time, I haven't had any bad experiences with male doctors (though they rarely tell me what they are doing during the exam).

I didn't get to read through all the responses, but I can't wait to get home and read about other's experiences. I love the threads were women openly talk about gyno visits, contraception, menstruation, etc.

spaceninjamonkey, my gyn is male and I think he's great.

He's Dr. Edmund Kaplan in NYC and I've always found him to be patient, thorough and attentive.

Also, y'all, I'd like to call your attention to the following:

www.ratemds.com

It's like the hollabacknyc for doctors. Post reviews!

Love reading about everyone's gyno experiences! It's somehow comforting.

My first gyno was pretty bad. I'd made the appointment to discuss birth control as I was planning to have sex for the first time. Went in for the painful exam (hymen still intact) and got a bit of a lecture about how I shouldn't be having premarital sex. If she was going to be that way with me, I wish she just wouldn't have accepted non-married patients. I didn't need that crap. Still, she prescribed me the medication we decided upon.

Left her and found a great new gyno who I felt immediately comfortable with. And when going over my medical history, she asked me if my current sexual partner(s) were men or women. I LOVED that! I was sad when I moved from Milwaukee to Chicago just because I knew how difficult the process was in finding doctors you are comfortable with.

When I moved to Chicago, I found a primary care physician who took care of my gyno needs. She was great and caring and really spoke to me. But then she left her practice and I also had a bad pap smear so was recommended to a nearby gyno who I just go to now for my yearly checkups. She has worked out well as she is very kind, not at all rushed, and open minded.

I have never had a male gyno and would not go to one. All of my vagina inspectors have been women.

Despite all these good doctors, I still dread going. I'm always cold anyway so sitting in a paper gown and having to spread your legs to their absolute maximum for the pleasure of an ice-cold speculum - eeesh!

I relocate every few years because of work, so I go through the finding-a-new-gyno thing pretty much every other time I need to go to one. In the last town I lived in, which was a small town 45 minutes away from the next decent sized town, there was ONE female gynecologist, and she was always booked like six months in advance. She would pretty much only see you for emergencies, and then of course only if you were a current patient. When I talked to her receptionist, she was extremely rude. At the time I had to be seen every 6 months due to irregular paps, but she didn't seem to care. "Go to your primary care physician," she said. Thanks. Thanks a HEAP.

Before that I lived in Boston, supposedly one of the best cities in the country for women's health, and my doc there was ridiculous. She was always running an hour behind at least. So I'd take off work only to spend the whole afternoon sitting around waiting. And then my PCF seemed more knowledgeble. It shouldn't be this hard!!

Has anyone had a GOOD experience with a male gynecologist?
If you sub "male doctor performing a pelvic/pap", then yes, definitely. I had a female doc who couldn't see me by the time I wanted to be seen ( I was about to move) so I saw one of her partners. He was great, extra gentle. I think he might have been gay but I'm not sure.

I had two bad experiences. When I was 15 and had started having sex (and was honest about it, thinking that was the best course) my doc, whom I'd been seeing for awhile, was visibly shocked and disapproving. She didn't really say anything offensive, but it made me embarrassed.

But the worst was when I was 19. I was home from college, and my previous doc had stopped practicing. So I went to a different clinic, this one affiliated with a teaching hospital. The doc was an extremely brusque woman. She asked if it was all right if a medical student (or resident, don't remember which) sat in, and I didn't feel like I could say no. So this young man was sitting in the corner, and the WHOLE TIME, she talked only to him. She was telling him all about my ladybits, and not telling me anything. The worst was that when she was doing the breast exam, she noticed a mark under my breast that I'd always had and never thought much about. She pointed it out to him and told him that it was a vestigal nipple (or some such terminology). I looked up and weakly said, "What? I thought it was just a birthmark..." She looked at me impatiently, said "No." and continued talking to him. I felt so humiliated and like some sort of half-animal freak. If she'd just explained to me that it's extremely common and nothing to worry about, I would have been fine, but I didn't know that. I felt totally powerless and like I was basically the teaching dummy. I know future docs have to learn, but they also need to learn to treat their patients like human beings.

I always have chosen a female gyno, just because no matter how many books you have read on vaginas, if you're a male doctor, you don't have one. I also like knowing that the doctor has experienced all the minor vaginal issues we all get from time to time.

Not to mention I know that when that male gyno was in college they probably got a crazy amount of high fives:
"So what field are you going into" "Gynecology"
"SWEEEEET HIGH FIVE "

blah

mostly very good experiences, all with female gynos.

i went to a man once, when i was very young, like maybe 18 or 19 and he wasn't mean per se or creepy, just kind of gruff and not very gentle with the examination and he kind of made me feel like i was being a wimp for wincing at the pain. clearly there are great male gynos out there with a great bedside manner, this just wasn't one of them and i'm more inclined to think that a gyno who has the equipment is going to be more in touch with how her patients feel. take away my feminist card if you want, but my policy is that i would only go to a male gyno who was referred to me by someone i knew.

slightly off topic, but i've had a completely wretched experience with another doctor, just a regular physician. basically i was beyond broke and without insurance, so i had to go to a shady clinic way out in the valley because i had a raging UTI. the doctor looked at the lab results from the urine sample and confirmed what i knew already, that i had a raging UTI. then he started to question me about my sex life! he asked me if i was having anal sex. if i am to believe in a supreme being, it is because of moments like this, when i was somehow able to stay in my chair and not punch him in the face. i feel bad for even answering at all, but i emphatically said "no, not that it's any of your business!" i get how maybe anal sex could, if not practiced carefully, increase the risk of a UTI, but i've had them sporadically for years after having good ol' fashioned PIV sex. it's not like butt lovin' is the only way you can get them, by any means. thankfully he wrote me the antibiotic prescription i so desperately needed and i got the fuck out of there, never to return.

it's hard for me, even in my mid-twenties, as someone who perceives herself as smart and assertive and feminist and all that junk to be faced with something so blatantly creepy and wrong. i was mostly just in shock. i definitely felt violated.

on an even futher off-topic note, i wish more than anything that you could get a prescription for a basic run-of-the-mill antibiotic over the counter to treat UTIs, instead of having to go to the doctor every single time. i admit i don't have the medical background to judge whether that's an unduly risky thing, but it would be so helpful to tons of women without insurance or the time and money to see a doctor when one of these pops up.

bottom line: i'm never going to that place again and i keep cranberry juice in my fridge at all times to kill an infection at the slightest twinge of a symptom. so far it's worked for nearly 2 years.

I had one hellacious experience in my early 20s with a male gyno. I had been diagnosed with PCOS and had some sizeable ovarian cysts that were giving me LOTS of pelvic pain. Drop me to my knees kind of pain, okay?

So I go in for my annual, with my husband at my side, and the cysts made the exam incredibly painful for me. I asked the doctor to slow down and not be so hard, because I was in tears at that point, and he tells me it's not that bad and to just deal with it. The exam is fairly quick in and of itself, but when a patient is bawling because of the pain they're in, YOU FUCKING STOP THE EXAM. Needless to say, I never went back to that doctor again.

Bonus: I found out later from another doctor that a cyst I had seen him for was big enough to require surgery, because it could have done very serious damage had it ruptured (destroying the ovary it was in being the first thing), and he didn't even tell me about it needing to be treated. The only reason I found out about it was that another doctor I saw had access to my medical records at the hospital I went to to have my sonogram done at. Her jaw dropped when I told her I wasn't told about how big it was (it was the size of a golf ball, INSIDE the ovary) and that he shrugged off my request for pain management. She told me I was lucky it didn't rupture.

I always have chosen a female gyno, just because no matter how many books you have read on vaginas, if you're a male doctor, you don't have one. I also like knowing that the doctor has experienced all the minor vaginal issues we all get from time to time.

Not to mention I know that when that male gyno was in college they probably got a crazy amount of high fives:
"So what field are you going into" "Gynecology"
"SWEEEEET HIGH FIVE "

blah

I now have a new nurse practitioner who does my routine checkups. In general, I think she's good. The first time I saw her I spent 45 minutes in there, most of which time she was talking to me. She told me how great it was that I don't shave my pubic hair, which I prefer to the surprised look I sometimes get (I'm in a university community, so they see a lot of young women, almost all of whom are mostly shaved/waxed.) The only thing that made me feel a little weird is that when she found out I'd been with my partner for 3 years, she said, "So... Where's the ring?" Normally, this would have made me really angry, but I actually think she was just trying to figure out what my relationship status was, what sorts of emotional/physical issues there might be. She could have phrased it better, but it did lead to a good conversation about my partner's depression and how that affects both of us. So, overall, she gets an A-.

I also use a midwife, and it's great! She's gotten great press in the Cincinnati area for being the first CNM to do a lot of things and so on. She's very good, but I must confess that I might get such good care because she's a family friend. I'm trying to switch from hormonal birth control to a Paraguard, and if she didn't know me I probably wouldn't be able to get one since I'm unmarried and have never had kids. But that's another story of how difficult it can be to get contraception these days...

Wow, Betsy, your first time sounds a little like my first time. Except they were both female and only talked to each other in Spanish. At least they managed not to humiliate me, though. I can only imagine if they had been as rude to me as they were to you.

Also, String_Bean_Jean, most of the doctors I've had warmed their speculums. It makes it a LOT more comfortable. Maybe you could ask if they do that next time you make an appointment?

These stories should be compiled into a manual for gynecologists or primary care physicians (or other medical professionals) who do gynecological work! It is the most sensitive of doctors to visit and 50% of the population needs to undergo such visits usually annually. It's a big deal!

Johanna: I go to the Planned Parenthood in DC (it's around 16th & M, I think), and I've had good experiences so far.

Warming a speculum sounds like a great idea, waxghost! How does a doctor do it? Just rub it between their (gloved) hands?

I hate the gyno so much I haven't been there in 2 years. I know that's really bad. But it was just so awful the first time I went. The gyno didn't believe me that I was allergic to latex, and used latex gloves so I had a rash for a few days after and had to wear skirts. She was really short with me and mean, and I told her it was my first time so I was sorry I didn't know what to do. Everything was scary. It was just such a horrible experience, it felt like rape except that I was paying for it. The stirrups were the icing on the cake, it's like why don't you just invite the entire male staff to come fuck me while you're at it and chain me down.

Then when I went back because I was having horrible side effects to my birth control, she didn't believe me. I told her I was constantly puking/dry-heaving, I had migrains, severe depression, and once I went onto placebo week all of my symptoms went away. She accused me of being bulimic! She told me to just take the pills the right way, stop forcing myself to throw up and all the problems will go away. Then when I asked her about latex alternative condoms, she rolled her eyes at me, told me that no alternatives exist and said, "Well why don't you just wait to have sex when you want to have kids?" Oh gee doc, thanks for that advice. Then because I asked for an HIV test (I was raped a year before) she asked if I did heroin!? Then lectured me in a non-educational way about how risky drugs are. Thanks bitch. I don't think I will ever go to a gyno again until I actually have a health problem. I know that's a stupid way to think but really I can't stand the emotional toll gynos take on me.

I understand it must suck having to look at vaginas all day, but if you really hate it find a new profession. I wish my friends could do the pelvic exam because I trust them to not scar me for life. Even if my family doctor would, that would be great because he's a really nice guy. Those asshole gynos really piss me off. Yeah, ok you have to explore my vag, but I'm the one who's self-conscious and in stirrups here, not you. Plus, I'm always worried now that they are going to judge how I look and reccomend labia-plasty and then I'll go home and kill myself.

Ok...so I have some repressed problems with the gyno.

I have been to the OBGYN several times because of irregular periods. She is also my mom's doctor. The nurses in her office are nice and she explains everything I need to know. She also treats everyone as an individual. And she talks with you about normal things, which puts me at ease.

It's definitely time to find a new gyno (or medical professional who can do gynecological exams), Jerima. That extreme of an example is in the minority (I hope) and the doctor you went to doesn't sound like a doctor at all. There ARE tons of great, caring, warm, open minded, and comforting doctors to every one bad apple out there.

I remember the first exam I had, at a free county clinic was weird an uncomfortable.

The second was awful. I went to the emergency room for excessive bleeding and a male doctor propped me up on a bed pan to do the exam. He was so rough with me that I couldn't lie down in front of my SO for several weeks after.

But I LOVE the people at Planned Parenthood! I've never had the same person from year to year, but they are always wonderful - and sang happy birthday to me in the office one year!

I love my gyno. She keeps the speculums and lube in a heated drawer so they're less uncomfortable. It's never going to be a pleasant experience but I'd rather endure it and stay healthy.

Kristen,
I haven't checked lately but its worth it for you to a call to my doc to confirm she's taking patients! She's never been anything but compassionate, down to earth, and professional w/me. No snark, no judgements, ever. If you want her contact info please email (t6283798 at gmail dot com)--I feel a little weird about just posting it in such a public forum.

I love gyno visits, and I've never had the same doctor twice. I think it's a combination of being completely uninhibited about having a vagina (!) and always having cool, kind doctors. I had to get some excess hymen tissue removed, and somehow even that didn't embarrass me.

I don't take birth control pills, and I've never gotten any guff for it. (Yay condoms.) I also elect to perform the examination in the buff rather than in one of those goofy paper shirts. The doctor's going to do a breast exam anyway, and why would I be afraid of showing my boobs if I'm already showing her my vag?

My only source of discomfort is that, because I'm a bike commuter, I worry my crotch might be a little funky. That's when I remind myself that there's no way mine is the scariest, stinkiest vulva they've seen that day.

I've been seeing the same male gyno for 16 years, and I think he's great. He's got chat while doing the pelvic down to an art, and I've never felt uncomfortable (he's also the most easy-going human being alive). I don't know why, just coincidence, but the last three gynos I've had had to rate among the top 10 hottest men on the planet...but I'm still comfortable with this guy.

The worst experience I had was while in the military, where my vagina et al was govt. property and no explanations were deemed necessary when my pap smear came back abnormal. I was too young and inexperienced to realize that all positive pap smears do not equate to cancer. To this day I don't know exactly what the "growth" was that was cauterized. That was 1979.

Actually, I love my Gyno. She was picked out from a flyer that my handed me, pure luck. She has multiple offices in Houston, but I was on a time crunch, and could only meet her when she was in the office on the other end of town. Now I drive the two hours from campus into town to see her, and people think I'm nuts.

Granted, I've never had any severe problems with my body, but she does a good job of making me feel comfortable despite the fact that its her job to feel me up. I told her I was bisexual, and we had the I know I am bisexual even though I am a virgin discussion, and then she sang "like a virgin" at me, which was weirdly reassuring. During the exam, she told me that she didn't have a speculum small enough for me, so she was going to try not to hurt me but it was definitely going to pinch, and let her know if it hurt too much. Also, my insurance at the time didn't cover regular exams and she went off on a rant about how that was lame etc etc. I can't judge for the whole range of dealing with issues kind of thing, but for overall awesomeness as a person she gets an A.

Randomly, regarding UTI's and antibiotics--they don't give out antibiotics like candy because people think they're a cure-all when they're not, and so we create super bugs. I did have a friend who got UTI's all the time, and I know that she had a permanent prescription for the pills that make it feel better, and she pretty much just had to call the doctor to tell them she had a UTI to get an antibiotic.

I also go to PP and love it. Everyone has always been very sweet and understanding. The first time I went to the gyno I used my university health services and got a "look" about my nipple piercings when they gave me a breast exam. It's never been like that at PP. I wish they'd make all gynos take whatever training they have to go through.

Also, I vote that we put together a giant listing of awesome obgyns and shitty obgyns across the country (and whereever feministing may be read). ...Does that exist already?

I'm in Canada, so I go to my PCP for this. I've had a few bad ones from various doctors. One who made me cry and then told me if I couldn't handle that, I should probably avoid sex. (asshole). One who warmed up the speculum TOO much, and the damn thing burned me. One who asked me really rudely, "Just how many kids do you have? A hundred?" and that was after I told him I had none, and he said, "Are you sure? You've sure got stretch marks on your belly." Total asshole.

Suffice it to say, even though I like the current guy ok, I'm still nervous to go. I'm a year overdue, I'm remembering now.

Good lord, what is it with the horrible practitioners equating pain caused by speculum with future pain caused by penis? I had the same thing happen at my first pap exam--the nurse (a woman) kept trying to jam it in and getting irritated with me instinctively scooting backwards. Finally she said something about "you'll have to get over it if you ever want to have sex!" I got so freaked out I ended it before she even got a sample taken. Also, being a naive and sheltered virgin at the time, I was terrified for a while that I WAS going to have trouble having sex.

So yeah, the thing about that is. . . when bf and I have sex, I'm not sitting half naked on a cold, paper covered raised table with my feet in stirrups. He doesn't just jam it in as fast and deep as he can, telling me to "scoot down, come on scoot down more". And there's this little thing called foreplay. . .

Incidentally I was telling bf about gyno exams and he wondered why they couldn't just train people to do it at home. He also offered to go in with me next time to "warm me up" before. . . I kind of liked the idea of turning the whole procedure into something more fun!

I have generally had good experiences, but I recall one female family practice doctor who had, shall we say, rough hands. I was a teenager and a virgin and this was probably my first or second pap smear, so her complete lack of bedside manner and compassion was sort of scary. Also, she decided to do a rectal exam while she was down there, but she didn't bother telling me first. I found out later that that part of the exam probably was not necessary. But, if you're going to do it, at least tell me first.

My first pelvic was done by an internist and she was awesome. They asked if I would be willing to have a male student in the room and when I said no, it was not at all a big deal. She used a smaller speculum and explained to me what she was doing and why it was taking as long as it did. Both she and the nurse kept checking to make sure I was okay. Also, I've got myself the anorgasmia and she took a good amount of time to talk to me about it and never made me feel bad or embarrassed for asking.

I've since had to change insurance and can't go to her anymore. I haven't found a new doctor.

Strangely, I think I had a bad experience with not a pelvic exam - The doctor I had before the good one kept telling me that if I wasn't sexually active, I didn't need an exam despite my age.

How glad I am that this is a blog topic! I blog about this subject frequently myself, in fact it was the inspiration for me to first get a blog! My gyno experiences have varied; i am at university and frequently go to Health Services on Campus. The doctor I see on Campus is the best doctor I've ever been to see, and has always treated me with complete dignity and respect- so much so, that this year when I graduate I'm going to be making her a card (word on the street has it that she has a private practice so I'm going to see if I can get myself in there as well), my family doctor, who is also female has been the same too. However, when I was once considering an IUD Health Services had to refer me to an OB/GYN and let me tell you, I left that place feeling like less of person, rather than being armed with the tools I needed to make a big decision, I felt like I was less sure of what I wanted to do, and felt I had been unfairly discouraged from getting an IUD- so much so, that I made another appointment with my own doctor to discuss- I had conceptions of what the OB/GYN would be like, but forgot that it is positioned within the context of Western Medical care, and as such serves to reduce women to objects rather than treat them as subjects in their own right. For more on this topic, you can head over to my blog- there are a couple posts about my experiences with the OB/GYN

after reading some more comments, I am apalled at the type of snide remarks many OB/GYNs make to women! I've experienced feeling like less of a person because the doctor did not seem to treat me as a subject who could make decisions, but rather as someone who needed to be TOLD everything like she was God. Honestly, it infuriates me SO much to know that doctors actually make comments about Women's breasts etc. That is SO wrong, and any asshole doctor who said something like that to me would most certinaly be served. It was a shitty experience with that woman that my school had to refer me to, but I've certinaly never experienced sexual harassment during a PAP- I've experienced the female exercising power within a patriarchal form- using and exploting women with the structure of a panopticon. I'm unsure of whether this has to do with the fact that I'm in Canada and everything is regulated by OHIP...or if I've just been lucky by refusing to see male doctors in any context. Anyhow, I just wanted to share my disgust with the way some of you have been treated. Any of those sex comments would have been confronted with a kick in the teeth. seriously.

Ah, another day, another anti-M.D. tirade from Miriam as she pursues her agenda.

Being caring vs. being dismissive or rude has very little to do with the letters after a provider's name. It is absurd to assume that nurse midwives or other nurse practitioners are automatically nicer because they have "nurse" in their title. If you have ever spent much time in a hospital as a patient, you will know that being caring or nice is NOT a requirement for entering nursing school!

The only difference between a nurse midwife and an OB/GYN is that the midwife on average will have less training, worse college grades, less interest in keeping up with research, less ability to deal with unusual conditions, and less determination to excel. If you ignore those minor things, the letters after a provider's name matter not one whit.

That said, I hope anyone considering ob/gyn as a career will read threads such as this one or similar ones on public message boards to hear the words from real patients. No class or degree can teach a provider how to care.. the only people who can teach you how to care, are the patients. But only if you listen.

Being a lesbian, I've had some bad experiences trying to screen for STDs. The worst was when I had a partner who found out she had the kind of HPV that affects the cervix. I didn't have any insurance at the time so I went to a free clinic. The doctor basically told me there is no way this could have been transmitted to me by another woman, and refused to test me for it. When I asked about safer sex and if they had any free gloves or dental dams to take with me, they sent me to the back, where the women who handed them to me were very unprofessional and kind of laughing at me about it. And this happened in San Francisco.

It baffles me how doctors can be so ignorant about this. Shouldn't they know how STDs are spread?

ok- last one i promise
It's interesting that in the US you have to go to someone else for your regularly scheduled PAP- I did not realize this- in fact, it truly baffles me. Someone said that they want their OB/GYN to be a specialist at "vaginas" but, the GPs in Canada do so many paps every day, that I would definitely go so far as to say that they are specialists- i have never once questioned my GPs knowledge on the topic, and would have been horrified to be told that I had to go to a complete stranger for an exam that is by nature so intimate and potentially akward. My GP might not be by the book a specialist on vagina and cervix, but is certainly an expert at me, my personality, what I feel comfortable with, and my sexual history. She is certainly the only person who I would want to perform my PAP because they value you as a person not as a walking Vagina without a soul; and most importantly, have been your doctor since you were born, recognize the sensitivity of the issue and place it in a comfortin context. When you go for a singular appointment with an OB/GYN you are literally a facless vagina- and this visit, to the random OB/GYn was the only PAP I hated, cried about for days, and felt dehumanzied after. The GP is the best :)

Someone mentioned worrying that male OB/GYNs would have gotten too many high fives and weird shit like that in med school. I actually heard a radio program about this on CBC... the interviewer asked a male OB/GYN "So, why DO men go into this?" He said that he was completely hooked from the time when he helped to deliver a baby, after which he wanted to know about everything about what he saw and how it worked. He was so geekily enthused about it that it was rather charming, instead of creepy or frat-ish.

I get my pelvic exams from my male GP, which I thought would be horribly awkward, but is actually always positive. The only weird thing is that he compulsively talks about Israel during the exam, maybe because he thinks it will distract me. Which it does, if only because of how surreal it is... it's as if the whole appointment was written by Philip Roth.

johanna, I can recommend a gyne in DC if you're interested.

I've had pretty positive experiences - and I've had a LOT of exams in my 28 years. Before moving to DC, I worked for a med school as a practical instructor, teaching 2nd year med students to DO gyne exams - which meant that I also had to learn to do them as well. It was an incredibly interesting and empowering experience, and I now feel much more comfortable going to the gyne - in part because I know what to ask about, and also because I know right down to the smallest detail what they should be doing.

One more story to make you say ugh... Upon my second yearly check-up to a female doctor I felt only someone okay with... I asked to be tested for STDs. And my doctor said, Oh do you have a new boyfriend. I've had a new partner, I said (aka F-buddy), but I wouldn't exactly call him a new boyfriend. Oh, I see, she said in a really condescending tone. She went from pleasant to rude in about 0.6 seconds flat and stayed that way the rest of this visit. This is in Hollywood, you know, "too liberal for America" Hollywood. The office kept calling me for about two years to get me to come back in for check-ups. Uh, no thanks, if I want to be lectured about sex I'll talk to my mother. I'm not going to pay someone who can't keep it professional.

ps. Now I have a great MD who I can communicate openly with.

Here's an interesting experience from the other side:

4th year of medical school, I took a rotation at the adolescent clinic out in the really poor part of town. Patient one day was a 19 year old woman with her much older husband. She was worried about some spotting while on Depo, and we had a very nice, thorough, pleasant conversation about all of her options for managing her contraception and her spotting, then left, came back in with my attending (a female family doc), did the pelvic in the hyper-sensitive way I did pelvics, and then finished up. Unless I was missing something, about as pleasant an interaction for all parties involved as could be had under the circumstances.

Apparently, after we leave the room, her HUSBAND goes ape shit that I did her pelvic, and the chart has "ONLY FEMALE PROVIDERS" scribbled in sloppy letters on her summary page.

Doubly frustrating, given that I always made my patients very aware they should feel free to just say the word if they'd prefer a woman do their pelvic (and Controlling Husband didn't say a word then).

I've only had awkward-but-respectful experiences with pelvic exams (does taking a picture of ovarian cysts with a vaginal sonogram wand count? mine have been awkward-but-respectful too). The first time I tried to get one was especially awkward and especially respectful. I was nervous, my GP noticed, and then she stopped the exam before it even really started because she was scared of me possibly kicking her during the exam. Now I wonder if there's any correlation between how seriously the doctor takes the patient and how much smaller than the patient the doctor is.

Other times I've had them done by my GYN (who I saw until I switched insurances), and now by my GP. My GYN said that now we know HPV isn't sexually transmitted I probably don't need pap smears these days (I haven't even had my first kiss :/ ) but she'll still give me a pelvic exam if I have any questions about the area and want her to check it out.

Ok, I have to pipe in. A while back on this site I described a really awful and traumatizing experience I had at what I deem a boutique clinic in Chicago. It really stirred up some powerful emotions again. And I fretted for a long time afterwards because I was past due my next exam. I finally decided to go to a women's center where, although I felt more comfortable, the pain was excruciating. I couldn't help crying. It was absolutely horrible. But, now I know why it always hurts me. Now I understand a little about my body (although to be shamefully honest, I feel like I know squat about my vagina's anatomy). I happen to have a cervix that faces backwards. That's the cause of my pain. My nervousness? That comes from being dismissed and mistreated all those times in the past, and feeling horrible and ashamed of my body. Although I was more comfortale this time around, this exam still tops my list of least favorite, hated, dreaded things I have to do for my health.

Now, I am sorry but I am getting pissed and frustrated at folks like ForbiddenComma. Every comment of yours in Miriam's posts reeks of elitism. You are right that there are shitty nurses out there, but my god - so are doctors! We are sharing our lived experiences. Awful experiences at the hands of doctors who have better college grades, and keep up with the latest research (notice how not one of these actually address concern for the patient, BTW). These are the same ones who dismiss patients like us, here, writing about what we've been told, what we had done to us, how we were made to feel. For someone who promotes listening to patients you sure as hell dismiss those of us who have plenty of reason to be weary and suspicious of people who believe they are ALWAYS right and ALWAYS know best. I felt like this was a great post until you brought up *your* agenda, actually - that non-doctor healthcare people are all clueless whack jobs or something.

I always go to the same female nurse midwife, even now that I've moved to a different city for college. I make appointments when I'll be home for breaks. My experiences have always been great- as good as gynecologist appointments can be, anyway. I've never been nervous, not even on my first visit; I've definitely found that the procedure(s) bother me less than they do most women, and I think it's because I found a great provider on my first try! I never had any awkard/uncomfortable/bad experiences to color my views.

I have an AMAZING gyno in DC- 21 and K NW, I believe. I have never felt more comfortable with a doctor- she is funny and nice and never feels rushed. Her name is V. Janakiraman, she works at the GW hospital :) Though once I did let her bring in a medical student- THAT was rather awful. The girl was terrified, and kept saying "OKKKKK" in this really high awkward voice. And they both took turns inspecting me, and it was just really weird. "uh this feels strange, what is this?" "oh let me feel- oh thats xyz- see, right here"

So that was a little too much learning time for me- but alone, she is fab :)

@ Jem: For real. It's also silly to say that nurses and midwives are people who got lower college grades - what? Nurse =/= failed doctor/med-school reject.

ive had great experiences at the various planned parenthoods for annual exams, the midwives at the maternity center in bethsda, MD and jean sala in denton, tx.

You are right that there are shitty nurses out there, but my god - so are doctors! We are sharing our lived experiences. Awful experiences at the hands of doctors who have better college grades, and keep up with the latest research (notice how not one of these actually address concern for the patient, BTW).

I do not agree that the things you mention are not of concern to the patient.

Why do these oh-so-elitist doctors keep up on the research? Is it just to impress their peers at the next conference? Or is it to keep up on the best methods for treating their patients? There is new research on cervical cancer, drugs causing abruption, PCOS, and other gyn concerns coming out every single month. Would you want your own provider to have the mental faculty to be able to keep up on this, or would that make them too elitist?

And do you really think there is no consequence to letting just anyone become a doctor? (which is the role nurse practitioners are assuming) Why do you think these steep barriers to entering med school exist to begin with? For bragging rights? Seriously?

I'm glad that you are politically correct enough to let anyone monkey with your body as long as they are nice and caring... but historically, most people have not shared this view.

First of all, i love the cartoon.

i have had some not so good experiences with gyno's. my first exam was at 18 or so with my mom's gyno, who was nice, but clearly used to working with women who had given birth. i had trouble using regular tampons at that time, and though i was very sexually active, i'm queer and wasn't ready for 'inside' sex with the ladies yet. Anyway, this woman came at me with a GIANT pair of duck lips. Huge. As i shrieked in horror and told her it would NOT fit, she looked at me in disbelief and said, fine, she would get the 'virgin' speculum. geez! thanks for nothing.

when i finally went back years later (to the same place), i got a different doctor,who was awesome. i also, however, had some pre-cancerous cells that had to be taken care of. i had a LEEP (electrified ring to shave them off), and later, when they came back, i had cryosurgery. that's right, ten minutes or so of freezing (dry-ice type) air being blasted onto my cervix, two days of literally defrosting in a warm bath, and a weird mess of stuff coming out for a full week afterward (they said it was the liquid 'bandage' they put up in there).

Through it all, though, my new doc was amazing. she was totally understanding and gentle, so careful and apologetic. she totally understands that trauma can make you a little hesitant, and so she's super patient with me. she's smart and funny, and i think i even have a little crush on her (even though it was funny, i totally blushed when she told me my uterus was 'beautiful').

my only complaint is that it takes FOREVER to get an appointment, which is why i don't give her name to anyone unless they are my close friends, or they have trauma issues.

so that's my story. sorry it's so long. :)

Can anyone recommend a good gyno in Brooklyn? Preferably as close to Brooklyn Heights as possible? This post just reminded me I'm overdue for my annual probing, and I've moved states since I was last vaginally reamed by a metal object.

vulcanized, I also had my first gyno tell me I didn't need to have a full exam until I was sexually active; mostly because I was so tight that it was really difficult to get the speculum in. Made me really nervous about having sex, and it turns out I was right to be nervous; it was an unmitigated disaster. Makes me wonder how much the gyno's words had to do with it.

My gyno is amazing. She's a friendly, smart feminist who makes it easy to relax and conducts exams with a minimum of discomfort involved.

I went to my first-ever appointment and was like, "What's the big deal? I don't get why this sucks for so many people." And then I talked to my friends and heard about all of their bad experiences and felt incredibly lucky to have found such an awesome gyno on the first try.

My first (and to date, only) gyno visit was a man, and he was nice. He delivered me, which made the whole thing kind of amusing. He sat me down in his office, told me exactly what was going to happen, and used the small speculum even though I'd been sexually active. When I left he asked me if I wanted birth control.

I have an STI screening in a couple of weeks, and I hope it goes anywhere near as well. It's the through the health center at my very liberal university, so I doubt I'll get any judgement.

I'm tempted to agree with ForbiddenComma. I'd much rather go to a doctor than a midwife, because I feel like a doctor is more qualified. There are awful people in every profession, but there are also decent people in every profession, and if I get a bitchy gyno I can always find another one.

JEM - thank you for calling out ForbiddenComma on their bad info. I am in college, getting excellent grades, and I hope to purse a midwife license when done. Am I smart enough to handle medical school? Absolutely. But I much prefer the model of care that is taught through midwifery, and I want to be the kind of provider that I would pay to go to myself. That's not to say I haven't had some great experiences with doctors, but we are trying to widen people's perceptions about what kinds of care are available. Western OB/GYN medicine is not the be all-end all.

So, suck it ForbiddenComma. I'm sorry that you can't better sympathize with the stories we're sharing here.

Sorry this is another one of those long posts, but maybe somebody can relate or has advice.

I read Feministing everyday, but gyno posts always make me feel physically ill. I'm 20 and have never been to a gyn because just the thought of it makes me panic. I think the response to someone who is my age is just to suck it up and go. I'm not stupid, I know how absolutely important it is for women to get annual screenings. The idea is just paralyzing!

I have a really bad phobia of doctors and always have. A lot of it is because I'm overly sensitive to touch. When I was 12, my GP told my mom that I must had been sexually molested because I had a panic attack when she wanted to do a pelvic exam. I was never molested, but the GP insisted to my mother that I must be lying (my mom believed me). I don't know why she wanted to a pelvic exam in the first place since I was 12 (I was there just getting a routine physical, which was difficult enough for me). I guess that experience was traumatic enough that I don't ever want to have to relive that.

That said, the older I get, the more I want to go! I just can't get over the emotional aspect... I probably sound crazy, but I swear I am generally very emotionally stable. I guess I just can't imagine a gynecologist who has the time or the patience to deal with me, especially since so many of them sound like pretty judgmental...

"Why do these oh-so-elitist doctors keep up on the research? Is it just to impress their peers at the next conference?"

Probably, yes.

"Or is it to keep up on the best methods for treating their patients?"

Well, "best methods" also mean fame and recognition, too. And usually do.

"There is new research on cervical cancer, drugs causing abruption, PCOS, and other gyn concerns coming out every single month. Would you want your own provider to have the mental faculty to be able to keep up on this, or would that make them too elitist?"

So, because I am not a doctor I myself couldn't possibly understand how a study was conducted, critically analyze it and have the ability to interpret the results? Only doctors have the mental capacity to understand clinical trials? That's why publications like NEJM are only available to brainy, good college grades, doctors huh?

"I'm glad that you are politically correct enough to let anyone monkey with your body as long as they are nice and caring..."

Monkey around...sure you are not elitist.

"...but historically, most people have not shared this view."

Well, when it comes to safe spaces like these sites I beg to differ, since you know, historically speaking it was a lot more about remaining complacent than challenging the authority. Again, you are dismissing women who for whatever reason feel more comfortable with "alternative" medicine even going so far to put their choices down and deem all of those who provide these services as clueless...just wow.

I put alternative in quotes because I am covering everything that doesn't fall under the rubric of a biomedical physiological system...of course it has it merits, advances, etc - I don't have to go into detail about life expectancy nowadays, but it trumps everything else that is valid, as you very well make clear with your opinions. I hate to break it to you, but biomedicine is not the only successful medical system. It simply isn't. It is, yes - one of very few that have all these steep barriers, but it certainly isn't the only successful one.

Call me crazy, but although physiological processes indicate that my body is extremely efficient, I simply don't want to be treated as a broken machine needing a mechanic. There is something to be said about holistic psychosomatic medicine that non-biomed can better address. Which is why, to cease my tangent, women centers and reproductive centers are getting high praises in this thread for carrying out pap smears. What a shocker.

mliss - the one thing I will recommend is that you talk...a lot. When the conversation flows, you will be able to relax. And by conversation I mean about sex, speculums, your favorite restaurant, whatever. A good person will make eye contact and try to make you comfortable. Also, understand that you are always the one in control and if at any point you want to stop, you have that right. If the speculum is cold, ask if they can run it under warm water for a bit, etc. I know it is uncomfortable but once it is over and done with and it was done right you will smile afterwards. Good luck!

"The only difference between a nurse midwife and an OB/GYN is that the midwife on average will have less training, worse college grades, less interest in keeping up with research, less ability to deal with unusual conditions, and less determination to excel. If you ignore those minor things, the letters after a provider's name matter not one whit."

[omission]

"I'm glad that you are politically correct enough to let anyone monkey with your body as long as they are nice and caring... but historically, most people have not shared this view."

Have you still not learned despite your heightened intelligence (I note you do not claim superior social skills), that your tone is not winning doctors any support? Also, most of what comes up in these discussions about experiences with women's health are about routine exams or simply getting bc's (or the poor treatment or manner during exams or a quest for bc's), not about treatment for "unusual conditions" or actively seeking assistance for a suspected problem. [I also note that routine pregnancy is not considered a "medical condition" here.]

Also, how could I forget, I just sat a civil service exam this morning where over a fifth of the questions were devoted to interpersonal relations - people are more impressed by being treated with courtesy, respect and dignity as individuals, than by technical knowledge, use of jargon, or an air of "expertise" and authority. Again, this refers to routine treatment and examination, not seeking treatment for a serious condition.

ForbiddenComma, why do you never understand that these posts by Miriam are Not About You. We get it. You are sooooo personally put upon by the women here sharing their negative and sometimes positive experiences with pelvic exams. Boo hoo. Again: This Post Is Not About You.

For the most part I have had positive experiences even though it can be awkward. Until this year I have never had the same doctor due to insurance/lack there of/moving. The only bad experience was someone I had to get a referral from to see a specialist in a city I did not live in (parent's insurance). The doctor was recommended by mother's coworker and he immediately told me he doesn't support the fact that I am/was on birth control (was 18) and I shouldn't be having premarital sex. He also said he won't give me a prescription for bc. I basically said that's not a problem because planned parenthood writes my bc (my insurance didn't cover the state I lived in for non-ER). So I got my referral, booked, and got checked out for my medical issue.

Now I am with a very nice and professional young woman. She actually carries a conversation with me to make me feel at ease and didn't question whether I was informed/was that I didn't want to have kids and inserted my IUD at 23. I have heard many stories from other under 30 women who could not find a doctor to insert an IUD.

I have also always requested female doctors because of comfort level. I don't mind having male doctors (non-gyno) but I wouldn't be as at ease with them.

I go to Planned Parenthood and I hate it. The nurse practitioner at this particular branch is not very nice. In fact, her exams are downright terrible. She routinely gets snippy with me when I tense up. On top of her demeanor, she's also quite the fat-shamer. Last time I went in for my annual, she decided to put me on an eating plan. She informed me that she lost 170 pounds on Atkins. Apparently that makes her god of weight loss. (Let me tell you that I'm really not that overweight.) And then, when I left the office, she told me that she hopes I "find someone special real soon." To which I replied, "I don't." Too bad I don't have insurance and can't afford to go anywhere else. That reminds me that I need to file a complaint. I love Planned Parenthood as an organization, but this woman is just too much.

My first (and therefore, only) time seeing a gynecologist was a bit...rape-y.
She told me I HAD to have a pelvic exam or else she wouldn't give me BC, and since my periods are so painful that I usually vomit, I submitted.
She was the first person (besides me) to ever see my vulva, but I didn't like her and didn't want her to. She got pretty clearly annoyed with me when, after I was in the stirrups, my knees were still together; I couldn't bring myself to spread them, because I just felt so awfully exposed, so she finally just pushed them apart.
I wish she had said something to me, or even just looked at me, anything to let me know that she understood that I was terrified and uncomfortable, but she just seemed angry. I don't really know what she did, but it HURT! I told her so, hoping she would stop, and she asked, "inside or outside?" I guess because if it was outside, it would "just" be my hymen getting stretched, but it was inside, which I didn't understand, and I told her so and asked her to stop, but she DIDN'T. She just kept poking around and it HURT and I have never felt more violated in my life. I don't think she even realized how much it felt like rape to me, but...it did.
And now it’s messing up my current relationship, because although fingering myself remains awesome, if it’s anyone else, it hurts—I want to ask a gynecologist what might be the problem, except there is no way I can face another one. It took me a while to trust my current partner enough for the panties to come off, and he has done plenty to earn my trust. A gynecologist? No way.
I guess if anyone knows someone good who’s near Durham, NC, I can try to work up the courage—but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go to another.

Eloriane, that sucks. If you have any other doctor that you like (no matter what kind of practice), ask him/her to recommend someone. I found the doctor I liked through my psychiatrist. Try meeting the doctor before you're actually up in the stirrups - a good doctor who is going to be compassionate will be willing to do that. Also, explain your concerns about your prior experience and gauge the new doctor's reaction. When I specifically told one of my doctors that I felt my old doctor was giving me the brush-off about some of my concerns, the new doctor took special care to make sure she addressed those problems.

I'm an American, and my GP/family doctor does my yearly pelvic exam (he has also always taken care of stuff like prescribing acne medication, etc., that most people always go to specialists for). I always thought this was the norm, but from this thread it is clear that I am definitely in the minority. I guess the main thing is that I have never been on an HMO? I love only having one yearly exam for everything! The one serious mystery-illness for which I had to go to a number of specialists was eye-opening to say the least. I am NOT a fan of the specialists I went to and felt like they were so wrapped up in their own little specialty that they failed to ever see the big picture.

Anyway, I have had the same doctor since I was born (he would have delivered me if he hadn't been out of town), and my whole family still goes to him (and now that I am married, my husband goes to him, too). I pay an extra $200 a month for insurance and travel 100 miles to continue seeing him, but there is no way in hell I would ever change (and I am terrified of the day he retires – even more so after reading this thread).

I trust him completely, and when I was 13 or 14 he told me flat out that if/when I started having sex, I should feel comfortable telling him about it and explained that he would never discuss it with my parents. By the time I was having sex, it really wasn't uncomfortable at all to talk about. He was not shocked or weird at all. He handled it the same as any other medical change.

The things everyone is describing in their accounts of exams are completely foreign to me. My exam always starts with me fully clothed, discussing my life in general, health, etc., as well as looking in the throat and all that usual yearly check-up stuff. We don't need to discuss my medical history, because he IS my medical history. Then he tells me to change and that he will be back in a little bit.

I have NEVER had to wear a paper gown. Instead, they have purple linen garments. One piece is like a loose-fitting top that ties in the front so there is easy access for the breast exam. The other piece is just like a big blanket that you drape over your legs up to your stomach (the first time I had the exam, the nurse came in and explained how to put them on – I would have been really confused, otherwise). When he comes in (accompanied by a female nurse), he knocks before entering and then starts with the chit-chat right away. The nurse also chit-chats, but they never just talk to each other. It is always an inclusive conversation. He explains EVERYTHING he is doing EVERY time, and WHY he is doing it.

I am literally shocked to hear that most people really do use stirrups! I kind of thought it was an urban legend! The exam table just has these two curved mini-platforms (for lack of a better description) to put your feet on. They have purple mittens on them to stay comfortable and hilarious-looking. They regularly rotate the posters on the ceiling for your viewing pleasure. The speculum is ALWAYS warmed up (not sure how) and there is always plenty of lube. When they're done, the nurse hands me a box of tissues (to clean up excess lube after they leave), and then they head out so I can get dressed. A while later, the doctor knocks before entering and then asks if I have any questions now the exam is complete, etc. I always appreciate that I never have to talk about the medical stuff or ask my questions while naked.

Am I the odd one out here? I can't say I've had any negative experiences. I've gone to student clinics, Planned Parenthood, family health, and military clinics. I've probably seen a different doctor or NP every single time I've been because of moving so often and a crazy schedule that necessitates last minute appts. I've seen both male and female, and it doesn't seem to make a difference to me.

I wonder if I exude a don't mess with me vibe that makes people refrain from openly judging me, or maybe I've just been lucky. I recently went in to ask for an IUD. My primary doc, a male, just said, ok, I'll write the referral. No prying questions, no guilt, no "you're married and should make babies", just followed the protocol with no judgment. And, this was a military doc! I fully anticipated some weird conservatism telling me to make babies or to fear the rare chance of infertility, but I got none of that.

I don't need hand holding, just competence and no moralizing. So far, that's exactly what I've gotten from everyone.

I'm really enjoying reading all your stories, though, since I'm at the beginning of my pursuit to be a CNM. Yay for career changes! You can be sure I'll file these stories away to inform me how to practice better.

Eloriane - I understand your feelings, and I live near you and have a suggestion. I also had a traumatic first gynecological exam, and I went many years without the full range of birth control options because it simply wasn't worth it to continue reliving that experience (I am normally very happy but felt self-destructive, despairing, and out of control for the few days leading up to each annual exam until I gave them up--and although I tried various gynecologists, none of them ever understood). When I decided to have a child, I couldn't ignore the issue any more, but I was totally terrified about how I'd handle prenatal care.

So ... long story short(er) ... I found FANTASTIC care at the Women's Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill (919-933-3301)--and you absolutely don't have to be pregnant to go there. If you can work up the courage, make an appointment with Amanda, and tell her ahead of time that you have these issues; just ask to talk to her. I stayed up all night before my first prenatal appointment vomiting out of fear (yeah; I'm that screwed up about it), but Amanda was incredibly kind and understanding. She treated my fear as valid and important, and she genuinely understood the impact of that earlier violation, which made me feel sane and safe. The women who work there are all so excited about women and accepting of a range of bodies and personalities; I can't say enough about how intelligent, informed, open, and supportive they are. I still get nervous, but I went back to Amanda to have an annual exam this year, and it didn't ruin my day! It can get better; I promise.

Eloriane - I understand your feelings, and I live near you and have a suggestion. I also had a traumatic first gynecological exam, and I went many years without the full range of birth control options because it simply wasn't worth it to continue reliving that experience (I am normally very happy but felt self-destructive, despairing, and out of control for the few days leading up to each annual exam until I gave them up--and although I tried various gynecologists, none of them ever understood). When I decided to have a child, I couldn't ignore the issue any more, but I was totally terrified about how I'd handle prenatal care.

So ... long story short(er) ... I found FANTASTIC care at the Women's Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill (919-933-3301)--and you absolutely don't have to be pregnant to go there. If you can work up the courage, make an appointment with Amanda, and tell her ahead of time that you have these issues; just ask to talk to her. I stayed up all night before my first prenatal appointment vomiting out of fear (yeah; I'm that screwed up about it), but Amanda was incredibly kind and understanding. She treated my fear as valid and important, and she genuinely understood the impact of that earlier violation, which made me feel sane and safe. The women who work there are all so excited about women and accepting of a range of bodies and personalities; I can't say enough about how intelligent, informed, open, and supportive they are. I still get nervous, but I went back to Amanda to have an annual exam this year, and it didn't ruin my day! It can get better; I promise.

The first time I went to the gyno I was 15 and it's been mostly okay. The first time was overly rough so I switched doctors and the next two were better. I have pain issues that I feel like no one has ever taken seriously, though. After two years of having sex I still have pain every time and my doctor seems to think I need to use lube or be hornier? I do use lube and the other thing is not a problem. I don't know what to do or how to find a gyno that won't dismiss my pain.

Vulcanized and Molly-- thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I'll try talking to Amanda, though since I don't have a car or bike, Chapel Hill might be out of the question (I can get a bus to UNC, but I'm not sure about the walk from there). Even if it's too far away, maybe Amanda will be able to recommend someone closer.
I've only just moved to Durham, and so far I have not encountered a single doctor whom I trust at all. (Man I'm whiny today, but long story short, they left me in an ER bed slowly dying for three hours before handing me the glass of charcoal that would save my life. (Also, they took my underwear away from me.)
It was largely their fault I was in the ER in the first place, too.)
So I've basically lost hope in my local health care, but I'll follow up on your recommendation and see if things are any better in Chapel Hill :)

"'There is new research on cervical cancer, drugs causing abruption, PCOS, and other gyn concerns coming out every single month. Would you want your own provider to have the mental faculty to be able to keep up on this, or would that make them too elitist?'

"So, because I am not a doctor I myself couldn't possibly understand how a study was conducted, critically analyze it and have the ability to interpret the results?"

Of course you can understand it! Likewise, I can too but at the same time I'd like my doctor to know what I'm talking about when I mention the latest news on my conditions.

"lso, most of what comes up in these discussions about experiences with women's health are about routine exams or simply getting bc's (or the poor treatment or manner during exams or a quest for bc's), not about treatment for 'unusual conditions' or actively seeking assistance for a suspected problem."

In my case, I didn't even suspect that I had PCOS before my GYN at the time diagnosed it (I thought the extra hair was only from my ethnicity). I'm glad she did recognize the symptoms instead of thinking it would be too elistist to learn how *and* I'm glad she isn't snooty about her learning. :)

I spent too long going to a gyno who didn't care about me or my sexual health. The last straw was when I asked her about sterilization and she actually laughed at me, told me I was too young (I was 30 at the time) and that I would change my mind. The next day I came back to the office to collect my medical records and left the practice.

I now have a fantastic gyno and I absolutely LOVE going to see him. When I called to make my first appointment and I asked if he had a problem with a 30-year-old interested in sterilization he said, "It's your choice." That's when I knew he was the guy for me! We have a consultation with every visit (with my clothes on and not in the exam room), he's pro-choice (and used to have to wear a bulletproof vest when he went to work as an abortion provider). He's involved in professional organizations dedicated to making women's healthcare providers the best in their field and accountable for the care they give their patients. He's queer-friendly. He's won a ton of awards and is at the top of his field in minimally invasive gyn surgery.

Most importantly, he diagnosed me with a condition that has caused me heavy, painful periods and increases my risk for uterine cancer. He found in three months what my previous doctor never noticed after almost 10 years(and I didn't know enough to ask about). My doctor has made my health and my sex life better and after having to see him monthly for the past seven or so months I'm actually going to miss talking to him now that things are relatively under control and I don't have to have exams so often.

I am 26 years old and I have never been to the gynecologist. I was a poor & broke student from age 18-24 and since then I still struggle economically because of living in the most economically depressed state in america (Michigan). Also I have had no health insurance for awhile so I would not be able to afford this. This is why I am a feminist because I have not been able to afford it and why does it cost so much anyways to take care of my body?

Being Ojibway Native American there is often a stigma (on so many levels and ways) associated with doctors and modern day medicine. My Grandfather was utterly afraid of medicine and actually passed onward because he avoiding his health issues too long. My Father is the same. Although he is fortunate to have health insurance he still avoids going to the doctor like the plague. I have not even been to the regular doctor in over three years for even a basic exam or check up. So why or how could I afford to go to a gyno? Also I am cynical and distrustful of modern medicine and their agenda for profit and not health.

Interesting this was posted because I was thinking about the gyno last night. How long will I have to wait until I go? When will I have insurance? When will I have a good job?

My first time was at student health with a NP who was nice, gentle, and didn't ask me any stupid questions. I was not sexually active (never have been), but wanted to get put on the pill to stop my periods. She had no problems with helping me do that.

When I was back home, I started seeing a brand new gyn (she had just finished her residency and all that, so she was new-new) who was young and nice. She listened to me when I told her not to put her finger in my butt and she always talked to me about what she was going to do before she did it. Too bad she's in a Catholic hospital network, so she couldn't give me the treatment she'd planned to, but she did help out with my trying a variety of pills to see what worked, and was understanding of my needs with regards to my other health issues (changing my pill based on what my gastro symptoms were up to), and listening to me when I told her that a pill wasn't working out.

She's great. But I still wish I coulda had that Mirena ...

I don't care about the scopey part so much, but I do tend to trust a woman more to know what the hell I'm talking about when it comes to the women's issues. My GI doc is a male and he's scoped me twice, so he's seen just about as much as the gyn has, and that doesn't feel weird to me. But like someone else mentioned too--the hands issue--just like I like my female dentist because her hands are tiny, unlike the huge hands of my previous male dentists, I'd rather have a woman's fingers poking my bits than a man's. (Boy, that sounds odd ... I mean it in a SIZE way.)

I haven't been to any gyns in Japan yet. I've heard that they put a curtain across your midsection so you don't have to look at each other or talk to each other. Ick. I just get my pills imported from Aus instead of bothering with that. (Though unlike what some may say, it is EASY to get the pill in Japan. It's just never covered by insurance, so it's still just cheaper for me to get them from overseas, and some doctors make you come back every month or two. Stupid.)

AimeeLynn: I struggled with a lot of doctors who dismissed my chronic pain by telling me that it was in my head, I needed lube, I must not be comfortable with my partner, etc (I posted about it earlier in the thread) and finally found a specialist who diagnosed me with vulvodynia and vaginismus. While there are a lot of things that can make sex hurt, maybe you could google those terms to see if the symptoms sound like what you have. If you use Livejournal, there is a great community there, vvs_community, where you could hear about other conditions that could be causing your pain.

It took me six years to find a diagnosis, but I hope that this or something you find online can help you. If you identify with one of the conditions that you read about, call around to different offices and say something like "I believe I have (vulvodynia, vaginsmus, lichen sclerosis, whatever), do you have a gynecologist that is familiar with this condition? Yes, let me make an appointment; No, thanks anyways." Another option is to just immediately call a specialist and ask for an appointment without a referral--that's what I did. He couldn't turn me away after I told him my tale of dealing with awful doctors. If there's a university hospital near you, that might be a good option, or you could google "pelvic pain specialist" in your area. I hope you get things figured out and are able to find a doctor who knows what they're doing!

A bit late to this conversation, but I want to share, too!

When I was 14, I decided I needed to go on the pill, so the boyfriend and I cut school and he drove me over to the local PP to get them. Being friggin 14 and the student of the oh-so-wonderful ab-only ed, I had no idea what I was in for. Take off my underwear? REALLY?? The nurses at PP were great, explained to me what they were doing and why, and I left with BC. So that was definitely a positive experience, overall.

All was good until, after my first semester of school, I was finally ready to get my pelvic from my family GP. I had a question about the pain I was having during sex, and instead of answering it, I got the shitty condescending bull about how I shouldn't be having sex at all, blah blah. He even said that if my parents asked him, he was obligated to let them know that I was sexually active! Is that even legal?? I mean, I was 18 at the time. Anyway, after that, going to my university's huge, impersonal, non-judgemental, seen-everything-in-the-book, different nurse/doctor every time medical center could not have been more welcome.

Man am I behind! That's what i get for being off of feministing for 12 straight hours!

My visits to the gynecologist (all 4 of them) have put me to tears of both physical pain, and shame, and I'm not even going to go into the bullshit I've dealt with as a queer person. (Why aren't you on birth control? "If there's no penis involved, you don't need an exam" - despite the fact that I repeatedly told her I had slept with both women and men...grrr!)

At the moment I see a PA at my local "LGBT" friendly clinic, but I've about had it with that. She does the exam painlessly, which I love!!! (believe me, "sorry, this is the smallest one we have, most women that come here have had a few babies" is not pleasant!) I'm sure she's super lesbian friendly but I am done getting shamed for the fact that I sleep with both men and women. Plus it would be nice to actually hear the results of my Pap, or go somewhere they actually keep gardasil in stock.

So although I have lived in the same area all my life, I am still shopping around. Also, my current partner is an FTM, and I simply do not want to have to explain to one more ignorant dickweed about how I am in a relationship with a man and yet have zero need for birth control. I am so tired of having that conversation with care providers that it is really seriously stopping me from going in.

Please, Elizabeth or anyone else in DC - if you've got the name of a good provider (OB/GYN, midwife, anybody who can do the exam and isn't an uptight, homo- and trans-phobic ass would be amazing) - please let me know!!!

In the years since I developed a chronic illness, I've learned a lot about doctor's visits. (And hospitals, and labs...) Sadly, the level of care you get has a lot to do with your health insurance, and for many, if not most people, the company and level of your insurance is out of your hands.

Anyway, when you need a new doctor, do your research. Ask everyone from the nice woman at the bakery to your coworkers. Search online, you'd be surprised what you can find. If you have a particular condition, check out online support groups. Then, when you have an appt, bring a list of your questions and concerns so you don't forget to ask anything. If the doctor is rushed--too bad! Where does it say you get twenty minutes (or whatever) for your $10 copay? I've never had a doctor leave before I finished talking. If a doctor or nurse hurts you, speak up! Even if it's just that the speculum or stethoscope is too cold, speak up. There's no reason for that. Most doctors are good, caring people and don't want us to be uncomfortable. Still, they are service providers--you are paying them to care for you. They are not doing you a favor. Don't let them mistreat or talk down to you. I realize that the power relationship can be difficult, when you're naked in a paper gown and the doctor is in control, but try not to let it get to you. This is all about YOU.

Thanks, traveltothesky, I'll definitely look into that. Vaginismus has actually been mentioned to me before, as well as endometriosis.

Well, i bucked up for a number of years and went to a gyn. I chose female gynes, who were no better and much more medicalized than the male ones.

then, I found a feminist woman's clinic on Belmont in Chicago. First, the consultation with my clothes on. Then the actual exam where I was asked if I wanted to use the plastic speculum myself. The NP gave me a mirror to look at myself, and for the first time in my life I felt well, powerful. I cried. For the first time in my life as a woman, I was not having things done to me "down there" but was an active particpant who had control of her reproductive and sexual body parts. I could actually see what was happening and ask questions. Even the choice to look was mine, and the choice to take home the speculum to do my own exams was given. My fears about birth control pills and the hormonal side effects were discussed, and other options were given including places and doctors who would not ever say no to a 28 year old woman wanting to be sterlized. Next, the NP agreed with my research that birth control pills were probably giving me yeast infections(a rare side effect) but that she would test my husband just to make sure that he wasn't the carrier. No other doctor ever agreed with either of my assessments on these issues.

Best part, sliding fee scale, which helped my student budget immensely.

Now, 10 years later, I refuse to go to another non feminist clinic, even though I live in the hinterlands of the Northland. Shockingly enough, there is a feminist clinic in our small downtown. I am going next week.

Johanna and others in DC: I fell in love with the gyno I started with in DC, Sharon Malone. She was the first doctor to ever sit down with me in her office when I was a first-time patient before doing the exam. That way you could have a dignified conversation.

I have to admit I was a little scared that first time because she has long nails, but she's gentle and efficient and always asks questions about your health.

I can't say whether she's gay friendly.

I had to give her up because my insurance was dropped by her firm. I'm going to Medical Faculty Associates at GWU right now and the two female doctors I've used have been good too. In fact, when I ran a marathon, the one was happy to give me permission to continue my b/c straight thru so I wouldn't have suffer my period while running.

On the subject at hand, I'm just horrified at how many judgemental gynos there are out there. People really should file complains with the American Obstretics and Gynecology Association, or whatever it's called. Not that it's going to be effective, but it might put them on notice.

Two things I haven't seen thrown out in this thread:

NEVER let a doc hold your birth control hostage because of a pelvic exam. NEVER let a doc hold your birth control hostage for any reason (unless you're a 40 year old smoker with a coagulation disorder and complicated migraines). I've seen plenty of people have to wait months for a 45 minute checkup appointment with pap and pelvic when a 15 minute med check would have been sufficient.

You also don't need a screening pelvic until 3 years after you've been sexually active. "Turning 18" or "getting married" or whatever isn't sufficient reason for a screening exam. Now, if you've got symptoms, that's a different story.

I thought I had found a great gynecologist's office a few years ago. I loved the nurse practitioner, who was a runner like me, they always met with you, fully clothed, in the office before the exam to discuss any concerns, and they had comfortable rooms and warmed the instruments. However, you had to see the main gyn once a year (the NP was good enough for interim problems and BC renewals.) The last time I went I saw the gyn, and I told her some private information regarding my health. Not ten minutes later, while in the stirrups, she asked me a question that meant she had either entirely forgotten what we had previously discussed, or she wasn't listening. I was totally nonplussed, and finally reminded her of what I had said in the office. She didn't apologize or even seem to notice that her question was out of line, she just went on to the next thing. I never went back to her office--I was a month overdue for an annual when I got pregnant earlier this year, so I had my new OB do my annual at my first appt (my former gyn only sees gyn patients, not that I would have gone to her anyway as an OB.) And after I have the baby I'm staying at this new office. I really like all the OB/GYNs I've seen at my new practice.

i just recently got health insurance and went to a private practice for the first time, as well as going to a male doctor for the first time. i have to say, i was happily surprised! it was one of the best gyno experiences i've had - my dr was nice, non-judgemental, and made me feel like a person. in the past, i'd always gone to the planned parenthood, which was as good as it could have been. they're a busy clinic with a small staff, so there i always felt a little rushed. not their fault, of course, and i don't know where i'd be if their services weren't there when i needed them, but the change was nice.

I see a family doctor and I love her- she delivers babies as well,so I can see her for everything. I think I spent 40 minutes talking to her before my last PAP about some things I was going through at the time and I love that she sees my kids as well. It's just a really good overall experience. The worst experience I had was not with the pelvic itself, but I called her office recently while she was on vacation because I was having massive period bleeding and was asked by a nurse if my mom was there with me- well, no because I'm almost 27 years old. She then informed me that she hadn't read my chart but I should just go to the ER. I ended up going to a local nurse midwife who I thought was fabulous and when my regular doctor retires, I'm definitely switching to her.

I've never had an awful experience, but my worst experience was with a female gynecologist, and I've had good experiences with men (though I always feel more self-conscious). The woman who was bad was having a hard time getting the speculum situated, and she kept shoving it in and then scolding me to "just relax." Well, it would be a lot easier to relax if you weren't shoving the speculum around.

I see a nurse-midwife now, and she's awesome. I had my son with this same CNM practice, and they just overall treat you more like a person. For example, when they have needed vaginal swabs (as opposed to cervical, like a pap smear), they have just given me the swab and a test tube and left me alone to do it. I suspect most docs would make you get in the stirrups for that when it's really not necessary. And because of them, I know things about my body that help make exams go better. Like my cervix is kind of high up and off to the left, enough so that it is hard to find. Now, when I have a new person do an exam, I can tell them that and I save myself some poking.

So much love for the medical folks talking on this thread.

ForbiddenComma, you're an ass. The one thing I'll note is that if CNMs and nurse practitioners are SO TERRIBLE, then what does it say about the many MDs who share practices with them?

I went to PP and had good enough experiences until I got pregnant-- never saw the same provider twice, but they were always smart and compassionate.

When I found out I was pregnant I picked a highly-recommended CNM, and I've had her for my care ever since. She's smart, practical, and really good about discussing options. She's part of a practice of three OB-GYNs and three midwives, and they all get along well and support each other-- I know if I need surgery or something beyond my CNM's expertise comes up, it'll go to one of the MDs without hesitation.

Worst experience I had by far was when I had the baby-- I was premature and couldn't have my CNM deliver. Instead I got a medical resident and her supervising physician, who actually had the gall to argue with me when I said I didn't want to get cut open before the baby was born.

I live in Atlanta and have had very positive experiences since I moved here. The gyno I saw first was awesome! I've had significant problems in the past with irregular periods, often with bleeding/spotting for months on end, and often heavy enough to be borderline hemorrhage. When I went to her to have this checked out, she was patient, thorough, listened to my (admittedly long) gyno history, talked through several possibilities with me, and then explained treatment options to me, explaining the pros and cons of each, and then LETTING ME DECIDE what I wanted to do. She was never judgemental, condescending, short, curt, or anything, and when a changed jobs (and insurance) and had to change docs, i was actually sad!

My current doc is busy, not as chatty, but very good, competent, friendly, open, and takes the time to answer all my questions. THeir tables even have stirrup warmers for the overly air conditioned exam rooms! When I got pregnant, I had not qualms at all about keeping her on as my OB as well. She has been great in *both* respects...and being pregnant herself, I know that *she* understand what I'm going through, and can answer my questions from both an personal experience as well as medical/clinical experience. This means so much to me!

You know, I used to think I might work in the US if something interesting came up (I get an automatic work permit under NAFTA), but reading threads like this have convinced me that I'm never going to move there!

My first gyno experience was at 17, at the Family Planning Clinic run through the local Public Health Unit. The local PHU was run by my Dad. I was terrified I'd run into him! But it all went well-I was extremely nervous, but they were used to that-almost all their clients were young and wanting birth control. I had a variety of doctors over the next few years, including a wonderful lady in her early 70s who just didn't want to give up medicine. It was like having your best friend's grandma as your doctor. She was the one who told my to wiggle my toes during the exam, and don't think about anything but that-it would help me relax.

I got referred for a colposcopy in Montreal, and it was kind of intimidating-in the basement of an old hospital, in a dark room that looked like a dungeon. They were very nice, but everyone else I ran into in the hospital treated me like an idiot for not knowing where to go, not knowing that I needed to go to some other office and get a hospital card made. But the gyno was great, and had a fibre-optic camera, so I got to see my cervix! On a 20-inch television screen!

I also saw a male gyno once, through university health services, for a colposcopy that he decided I didn't need. He was wonderful, reminded me of my mum with his 'there's nothing wrong with you' attitude, and for the first time gave me an explanation of why I got so many abnormal paps.

My current doc, the first time I saw her, offered to have a nurse in the room when she examined me, and seemed a bit surprised when I said no. That may have been a cultural thing-she's Egyptian.

I did have one ridiculous exam where the doctor couldn't find my cervix, and seemed perturbed by this. That was at university health services in undergrad-they were all pretty..not great, so I took to referring to them as the 79% doctors-figuring that they must have graduated at the bottom of their classes.

Like others, I had no idea they send you off to specialists so often in the US

I'm on my 5th OB/GYN practice in 14 years, not because I haven't liked the ones I've had, but because I've moved a lot. My 1st was a man who I later learned delivered my brother-in-law. I had an abnormal PAP at 20 (diagnosis HPV) so my family practice dr sent me to this guy. The only bad thing about it was that he was always running about 2 hours behind and the waiting room would spill into the hallway. My 3rd GYN was my very favorite. She had been an MSW before deciding on Med school. Basically I just usually went in there for "a quickie" (the nurse's name for it) where she'd just do a follow-up PAP. Desite the fact that the visit was only about 5 minutes, my MD was always good for a quick chat. I wish I hadn't moved away from that practice since it was attached to a Birthing Center. I like my current practice a lot. It's 3 MDs and during my pregnancy (15 weeks in now) I'll see all 3 for office visits so there won't be an unfamiliar face at my delivery. There are 2 funny things with this practice--first they put oven mitts on the stirrups and change them seasonally, and 2nd they have posters on the ceiling over the exam table which they also change periodically.

I know it might seem a little odd to not see the same provider every time you visit a Planned Parenthood clinic, but I would like you to consider this:

If you are an insurance patient at Planned Parenthood, your insurance company is contracted with PP at a MUCHHHHH higher rate for an annual exam than say Medicaid. This makes your visit to PP more than just a check up: it is a donation to PP, and can be turned into more services for more women who may not have insurance.

So, insurance patients, consider Planned Parenthood -- you'll be helping more than yourself!

I had my first cervical smear test a few months ago and it was great! I'm in New Zealand so my situation is different in that we don't see a separate gyno specialist unless it's some problem that the regular doctor can't deal with. I went to my uni health centre (free consultations, yay!) and one of the nurses there did it. She was friendly and professional and explained everything and made sure I was totally comfortable before a speculum got anywhere near my vag.

And we don't have to wear a paper gown or put our feet in stirrups or any of that shit here. I got to keep all my clothes on except my underwear, I was wearing a skirt. And I got to cover up with towels, which was great for making me feel relaxed and comfy.

I wouldn't ever want a male doctor doing internal exams. I just feel more comfortable with a lady poking about at my bits.

Ironically it is time for me to find a new gyn this month. I dread it.

I have been to other planned parenthoods when I lived in other cities, but I went to my local one in Columbus Ohio here last year and I am NOT going back.

I have been to 6 different doctors in my life and none of them has been *horrible* but I actually have preferred the men to the women. Know why? The women are snarky. Believe me doctors, I know I am 15-20 lbs over weight. I am down from the 40 lbs overweight I was before. The female doctors all take my vitals do the exam and then tell me to lose 10 lbs. The male doctors have always been very polite and more along the lines of "Ok you're healthy, you're in a monogamous relationship, and you're using birth control because you don't and unplanned pregnancy. Good for you! I wish more of the people I see would be like that."

I truly don't mind having a male doctor. I've worked in nursing before and have seen lots of naked people male and female. Wash lots of naked bodies and cleaned up messes. Bodies are bodies; you see that many in your line of work it's just a job. Meh.

Anyone want to start a website in recommending gyns that people like? I would love to be able to search by city for a gyn with good recommendations not just on my insurance website.

From reading the comments, it seems like in the US you have to have internal exams all the time! Here I guess they only do them for cervical smears or if you request an std test or if you have some other problem that requires one.

If the scary judgmental old man doctor I saw when I was a teenager to get BC had told me I needed one to get the pill I would have been traumatized.

"The exam is fairly quick in and of itself, but when a patient is bawling because of the pain they're in, YOU FUCKING STOP THE EXAM."

...ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE IN KICKING RANGE.

It's no fair - I had an exam cancelled when I *twitched* and you couldn't have an exam stopped even after crying?!

Meanwhile, I just realized that some patients don't have anywhere near the same balances of power many of us have. If it's bad for so many non-paralyzed women, imagine how much worse it can be for women who *can't* kick... :(

"The one thing I'll note is that if CNMs and nurse practitioners are SO TERRIBLE, then what does it say about the many MDs who share practices with them?"

Right on! :)

"I truly don't mind having a male doctor. I've worked in nursing before and have seen lots of naked people male and female. Wash lots of naked bodies and cleaned up messes. Bodies are bodies; you see that many in your line of work it's just a job. Meh."

Yeah, that's why I'm comfortable stripping in front of a doctor or nurse I'm seeing even though I hide so much in public ("I'll step outside while you change into the robe" "um, OK, if you want"). *They* never pick on me for the hair, after all.

I've had really great male and female gynecologists. I guess I've been lucky, I've never had a rude, hasty or preachy gyn. I have to say, the only place I had less optimal experiences was at at Planned Parenthood (which is where I go when I don't have insurance). I had one papsmear that was so vigorous that I cried afterwards when I got into my car (and I had had many, many papsmears before that - I wasn't a novice). Another time, in a different city, the staff didn't really listen to me when I was trying to tell them about a problem I was having. Still, I've been getting pelvic exams for 20 years and these were two isolated incidents. I still firmly believe Planned Parenthood is an excellent and precious resource.

Actually, now that I think about it, once when I was in Central America I had a creepy experience. I went to a public clinic because I was suffering from my very first yeast infection. After explaining my condition to the doctor, he told me to take my pants off (no sheets, curtains or nurse witnesses). Then when I was on the table, he like caressed my leg before he started to examine me. It was pretty awful. I was twenty and terrified.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

I'm 16 and not getting any, without any cunt problems that cant be helped without an exam, so I havent been to the gyno yet. But I'm planning on going soon, before I do the deed, so I've been looking for a gyno. My mom keeps bugging me to go to my GP for an exam, since she knows so much about my medical history an my mom thinks it would be less awkward with someone I know already. I'v been trying to dispell those suggestions by politly telling my mom that its my sexual health and I'd like to examine all the options before making a desicion, but the other day wound up just blurting out, "by god mother, she still pinches my cheek and exlaims how much I'v grown everytime I go in there. And she has fake nails! no!"

The women are snarky. Believe me doctors, I know I am 15-20 lbs over weight. I am down from the 40 lbs overweight I was before. The female doctors all take my vitals do the exam and then tell me to lose 10 lbs. The male doctors have always been very polite and more along the lines of "Ok you're healthy, you're in a monogamous relationship, and you're using birth control because you don't and unplanned pregnancy. Good for you! I wish more of the people I see would be like that."

See, doctors get caught on both sides here. If they tell people they are overweight, they are accused of being "judgmental and noncaring." However, when doctors dont talk about weight or smoking or diet then they get chastised in studies that show something like "80% of doctors didnt counsel overweight patients about losing weight"; the implication being that they're not good doctors for neglecting such a basic part of healthcare.

So I disagree with your premise that docs shoudl just ignore people who are overweight or who smoke because the patient "already knows" they are overweight or already knows that smoking is bad for you. My experience (and data backs this up) is that even though people already know its a problem, having a doctor confirm that its a problem and encourage them to do something about it is FAR MORE effective in actually improving the situation.

Take smoking for example. Research studies show that every time a doctor counsels a patient to stop smoking, it increases their chances of stopping by 5%. Sometimes it takes a doctor 20 times to counsel them before it finally "clicks."

Doctors should absolutely be polite and respectful when doing the counseling, but they should be up front and tell the patients that their being overweight is a problem and offer to help them in finding solutions.

Let me comment about why American primary care docs dont assume primary responsibility for gynecological care (unlike their Canadian counterparts).

Most of it is liability-related. Every time you do a pelvic exam, you are subjecting yourself to the standard of an gynecologist. If you mess up, a gynecologist will testify against you in court and you are screwed. The lawyer will say "why are you doing this exam when you have experts available to consult to?"

Its a different mentality than Canada where liability is a lot different. The US uses a lot more specialists in general than Canada does for this reason.

"My mom keeps bugging me to go to my GP for an exam, since she knows so much about my medical history an my mom thinks it would be less awkward with someone I know already."

I can kinda relate. My mom bugged me to see her GYN. However, she's also a verbal steamroller and I wouldn't want my GYN blurting out my personal stuff if Mom pressed for it ("because I care about her health!") during one of *her* appointments. So, even though I heard she's great I won't see *that* GYN. I bet some other people avoid the doctors I do see for the same reasons.

I had a great visit the other week at Planned Parenthood, actually.  The Portland OR locations appear to be awesome.

The gyn was a woman each time, and in all instances, they were helpful, cheerful, and not prone to judging me for whatever reason.  I approve.

Here the GP doesn't do the gyno stuff either. There's even some system that only docs of certain specializations can prescribe you certain meds.
And, in theory, people should go to the preventive checkups at their GP, dentist and gyn/ob (if applicable:D), the latter every year after one is 14. I simply hadn't gone to a gyno because I didn't have any problems.
My first and last experience was, first of all, mildly surreal.
I had galactorrhea. Aka lactation without any apparent reason (should I be pregnant, it would be second such case after Virgin Mary:D). I went to see my GP and asked what to do. My GP is very nice and careful about things and keeps record of all medication I use. At that time I was on two different antidepressants. (Will be important throughout the story). So, I thought the GP would send me to some normal doc, such as endocrinologist who would take my blood samples and such. She sent me to this gyn/ob. A guy in his sixties and all the ladies from the neighbourhood love him. That should have warned me:D, older ladies tend to love old style docs who don't tell people what to do, they order them.
I came there, waited for a while and then the nurse invited me to the office and asked me whether I have a file at theirs.
"No," I said.
"Where you used to go, then?"
"Excuse me? Go where? My GP sent me here if it's what you mean."
"No, your previous gyn/ob."
"I wasn't anywhere."
Here the nurse stared at me as if I was from another planet. "How come?"
"I didn't need anything."
Here comes a long rant about my irresponsibility and why the hell I'm skipping all the preventive checkups and now I might be dying and such. I told her to cut it, please. She asked me about my name, insurance and such data and... how much do I weigh.
"75. Or 85 (kilos). Something like that, don't know for sure."
"You don't know how much do you weigh?You don't really care about your figure?" she blurted out. Sure I do care about my figure. I'm massive and at that time I did lots of ballet so I was all muscles (the psych meds made me gain some 15 kilos later on) and I suppose that obesity wouldn't be a concern. She said figure, not health, and, after all, she was four sizes wider than I.
"Okay, whatever. When was your last period?"
Many women keep a calendar where they mark it. I don't. I never heard about a reason for that. Maybe some irregularity might signify something but for me, anything between three and eight weeks is normal ever since so some planning like Not dancing on next Thursday, I'll be starting bleeding simply doesn't work anyway.
"In January, I suppose."
"What date, young lady."
"Erm... beginning of January. Or maybe end of December?" I did my best to please her by remembering. Didn't manage, my diary is full of much more important things.
"You! You even don't know the date of your last period! How come that you don't know? You should know. If you don't know, how we could know here?" etc. in similar way.

The doc invited me in - dressed. He was nice in general although a bit sleazy in the way old ladies would like. And again, surreal conversations. I don't really know why they ask whether one had sexual intercourse. But they do. I told him that no, why? and he gave me a long puzzled look - evaluating what sort of freak I might be when I'm that old (was around 26 then), look okay, don't wear any religious jewellery that would explain something..... and didn't tell me why he asked. He also asked me about all meds I might be taking and I told him. The checkup was normal - nothing interesting happening. I was spotting like two days after but I was probably too lazy to worry about that.
Then we were talking and he offered me BC for my irregular cycle. I was like, what for?
"Well, you'd have a regular cycle then."
"Advantages?"
"Regular cycle. And you wouldn't get pregnant."
"Yes, I understand. But I'm not pregnant even without and... is there some problem about irregular period?"
"Since you don't have any other health issues, I don't have any reasons to believe so. But you could have regular period, you know."
"Yes, I understand that. But, why should I want to have regular period just for the sake of regularity?"
"Well, you could plan ahead..."
"Plan what? I just have a box of tampons at the toilet..."
"Some women prefer to have regular periods."
"I don't care. And, after all, could you guarantee that my breasts wouldn't grow three sizes, I wouldn't bleed like hell or have any other problems which I don't have now?"
"Erm, sometimes you need to try more types of BC, he avoided any concrete answer." Then he gave me a long look. "And it could help you to get rid of your acne."
"Thanks, doc, but I'm happy this way. I'm bleeding a bit for three days and I don't want to risk that it'll change - heard stories from friends and such."
"But still, you should consider it more carefully, imagine the possibilities..."
"NO! The hell." I suppose he was getting some benefits from Big Pharma for prescribing more and more BC.
At the end I was sent to some centre for breast issues where I had to fight my way in - I was living in Italy and was at parents' for a week and appointment in three weeks wouldn't be of any use. Again, asked questions about my meds, poked me around, made an ultrasound scan of my breasts (the tissue looks like travertine on the screen, I'd say. Nothing exciting).
And, I was told that there's no apparent cause, that it might be anything from minor hormonal disturbance to minor hormonal disturbance caused by brain tumor, go home and wait for results.
Results started pouring in to my GP a few weeks later. No big deal and mainly, someone in the lab had brains enough and wrote to the paper that all the hormonal mess is exactly the type related to the antidepressant I was taking.
Okay, most of the story is totally irrelevant. Oddly enough, I never found any information why the hell I should keep track of my periods. People do it because people do it, apparently.

Call me weird or careless but I'm not going to a gyn/ob again unless I have problems. Neither the doc nor the nurse were bad with me but I just find it... not humiliating, not exactly annoying, maybe disconcerting is the right word - that someone hints me in quite an impolite way that all decent people care about their figure by weighing themselves or that all decent people in my age have sex and I'm thus not a decent person.

"on an even futher off-topic note, i wish more than anything that you could get a prescription for a basic run-of-the-mill antibiotic over the counter to treat UTIs, instead of having to go to the doctor every single time. i admit i don't have the medical background to judge whether that's an unduly risky thing, but it would be so helpful to tons of women without insurance or the time and money to see a doctor when one of these pops up."

The reason this is not done is, as someone else mentioned, because of the risk of "superbugs", which are bacteria resistant to antibiotics. They are created by a number of things, the most prevalent being inappropriate prescription of antibiotics (i.e., prescribing an antibiotic for a self-limiting illness or one caused by a virus), incorrect use of antibiotics (i.e. using someone else's antibiotics when you become ill, or not finishing the full course of antibiotics because you feel better), or simply giving an antibiotic that is not effective against the organism a person has. It's a pain to have to go to the doctor simply to get a prescription, but it's better than getting an illness that requires, say, weeks of IV antibiotics.

"The only difference between a nurse midwife and an OB/GYN is that the midwife on average will have less training, worse college grades, less interest in keeping up with research, less ability to deal with unusual conditions, and less determination to excel. If you ignore those minor things, the letters after a provider's name matter not one whit."

What sources are you citing? Why does it seem totally unfathomable to you that a person might choose nurse-midwifery instead of gynecology because s/he prefers the field and the holistic emphasis placed on health in a nursing model rather than a purely medical model? Being a nurse-midwife doesn't mean you ignore or lack access to medical knowledge. It means you use medical knowledge IN ADDITION TO psychological, nutritional, spiritual, and social knowledge. How is that a bad thing? Before you bring your prejudice to this board, you might want to see if it's supported by anything other than your own anger.

"Call me weird or careless but I'm not going to a gyn/ob again unless I have problems. Neither the doc nor the nurse were bad with me but I just find it... not humiliating, not exactly annoying, maybe disconcerting is the right word - that someone hints me in quite an impolite way that all decent people care about their figure by weighing themselves or that all decent people in my age have sex and I'm thus not a decent person."

What a bunch of jerks! My doctor and her nurses don't ask me my weight and snark at me for not keeping track - they just ask me to please step on the scale. They do ask me if I'm sexually active (I guess to know more about what I'm at risk of) but don't treat me like a freak for not having sex.

BTW, I'm curious for personal reasons, which antidepressant caused the galactorrhea? No hard feelings at all if you don't want to say!

"...It's a pain to have to go to the doctor simply to get a prescription, but it's better than getting an illness that requires, say, weeks of IV antibiotics."

Exactly.

"What sources are you citing? Why does it seem totally unfathomable to you that a person might choose nurse-midwifery instead of gynecology because s/he prefers the field and the holistic emphasis placed on health in a nursing model rather than a purely medical model? Being a nurse-midwife doesn't mean you ignore or lack access to medical knowledge. It means you use medical knowledge IN ADDITION TO psychological, nutritional, spiritual, and social knowledge."

For that matter, what if someone wanted to be an obstetrician who uses medical knowledge IN ADDITION TO psychological, nutritional, spiritual, and social knowledge, and couldn't afford medical school and could afford nursing school?

kemp -- I know this was a looooong way back, but 'curved mini-platforms' with little mittens on 'em ARE stirrups. That's what they've had at every ob/gyn I've ever visited.

I was really glad to see this topic, as I recently moved and was pretty naive about getting a new doctor. My first ob/gyn was my mom's, and she was very nice, used the world's smallest speculum, told me what to expect, et c. My next one (after she retired) was a licensed nurse practitioner at a larger practice in case I needed a doc as well...she had exam rooms with really comforting things like balinese wooden angels and big whimsical paintings of moons...it really helped me relax.

Oh, and in undergrad the doctor (a GP, I think) had a Scottish accent, which I found irrationally comforting. I think she knew American students would feel that way (we were in the US) as she kept up a constant calming patter while she examined me. Also, she was the doctor I saw before I had PIV intercourse the first time, and she told me about going to the bathroom after PIV sex so as to prevent UTIs...lots of good advice like that.

Anyway, the point is that when I moved, I had had so many good experiences (and I needed my birth control re-up so soon) that I just picked a female doc from my insurance's list. Picked her by gender (I admit) and, since the only other info they had was graduation date, by age. I thought a younger doc would be more likely to be hip to issues of non-marriage, non-childbearing, et c.

Ugh. The office smelled heavily of perfume, which seemed weird. The doc asked me about my relationship status, which I expected, but really couldn't get over the fact that my (male) partner and I don't plan to get married. It's hard to feel comfortable explaining your sociopolitical views to someone you don't know who is about to stick items in your vagina. So after that awkward discussion, there was the baby discussion, at which point I got the overwhelming impression that this woman is in the practice for the babies.

Which is fine. My dad wishes he'd been an ob/gyn because he loves the science and cuddling of babies so much. But why the hell does she accept non-pregnant, non-planning-to-be patients if she is going to dismiss them utterly when she finds out they aren't planning on having kids?

Anyway, the actual exam was brisk and brusque. She prodded my breasts and whipped out the pap smear so fast that I really felt like if I had had cancer, she never would have noticed. It was like 'awkward question awkward question two seconds of physical contact DOORSLAM copay'.

I felt really uncomfortable, a bit humiliated, and really unsure that this unpleasant experience was actually ensuring any safety or early detection for the year. I felt so shaky and, well, like I should have done something different. Chosen a different doctor or stood up for myself more. I hurt a little from my cervix tensing up, and I couldn't help crying a bit in the car.

Anyway, next time I'll read reviews online...since I don't have any friends in the area to ask. I'm tempted to ask why ob/gyns don't make some sort of patient preference public, or if there's a listing of GLBT-friendliness, non-judgmentalness, et c. that exists or that could be put together.

Mina: the lousy antidepressant goes here under the name Deniban, active substance amisulpridum (whatever that might be), made by Sanofi-Synthelabo.
In addition to galactorrhea, it basically made my body feel and act fifteen months pregnant. I gained around 15 kilos in three months - with ballet class five days a week, usual food - and later on on almost no food at all - and all of it was pure fat, no fluids that would go away after the medication is not taken anymore. I stopped menstruating, too. Well, I decided that since without this med I'm sick continuously, with the med I'm a bit less sick continuously... so better to be sick than change to an elephant.
I never found out whether it was some unusual combination of side effects or whether it is normal. The shrink told me that I was exaggerating and that I might have some issue that leads me to overeating, even.
Hey, encounters with shrinks could be another theme of the day:D I could contribute some funky stories.

My best visits have been with female practitioners. I don't know if this has already been posted, but one of the doctors I went to told me that in school they tell them to use a medium sized speculum. She said she felt that they were actually too large and that most all women could be examined using a small. She used a small on me and it was the first time the thing didn't keep falling out. I always hated that - the doctor would tell me to relax and keep shoving this thing that was obviously too big back up in there. Anyway, I ask for a small now.

Any of those sex comments would have been confronted with a kick in the teeth. seriously.

Ya know, this comment is clearly well-meaning but pisses me off, nonetheless. It's akin to "I would have fought back" to a rape survivor. It seems designed to say that I (and others like me) who have been harrassed by doctors didn't didn't do enough to stop it. It's victim blaming.

I was all psyched because I had finally gotten a female general practitioner, but on our second visit she insisted that I was due for a yearly pap & that we might as well do it during the visit, instead of waiting to see my regular gyno. In mid-exam, she brings up the fact that I had an abortion five years prior (a fact she had learned during our initial appointment, but was irrelevant to the current one). She asked me inappropriate questions, like: "Do you know many girls that have had abortions?" "Where did you go for your abortion?". Then, without warning or ceremony, she stuck her finger in my ass. I flipped out & she said that I should always have a rectal exam @ my yearly. I was so pissed & confused & violated that I never returned to that physician. The inpropmtu rectal exam paired with the inappropriate questioning just didn't sit right.

"'Any of those sex comments would have been confronted with a kick in the teeth. seriously.'

"Ya know, this comment is clearly well-meaning but pisses me off, nonetheless. It's akin to 'I would have fought back' to a rape survivor. It seems designed to say that I (and others like me) who have been harrassed by doctors didn't didn't do enough to stop it. It's victim blaming."

Yeah. The oh-yeah-my-feet-are-near-there thing didn't even occur to me until after my doctor said she was afraid I'd do that. I wouldn't blame someone else for not kicking (it might not occur to her, she might not be able to bring herself to hit an "authority figure," she might feel paralyzed by the pain, she might be paralyzed all the time, etc.).

I *do* blame *the jerks giving the bad exams* mentioned here for not realizing it and being more respectful, for the sake of self-preservation if no other reason.

"In mid-exam, she brings up the fact that I had an abortion five years prior (a fact she had learned during our initial appointment, but was irrelevant to the current one). She asked me inappropriate questions, like: "Do you know many girls that have had abortions?" "Where did you go for your abortion?". Then, without warning or ceremony, she stuck her finger in my ass."

I don't understand why people who are anti choice would become gynos in the first place. Did they take this job to personally make sure women don't receive services they need? I had a nurse ask me (over and over) why I didn't have children. I wanted to say, "I dunno - why did you have them?" But I didn't. I think some of these guys need a refresher course in not passing judgement and empathy.

"Ladies, beware of this evil gynecologist doctor. He will do atrocious things to your body without your knowing or consent to collect money from your insurance. It happened to me. I want to help all you ladies, regardless of age, to beware of this evil animal. This Dr. Vincent W. Yu is located at 3655 W. Lomita Blvd., Ste. 209, Torrance, CA 90505. He had another office in Harbor City, CA, which was shut down by the medical board of CA. Many of his patients are young Hispanic girls and Asian women at all ages. The medical board of CA has been investigating him. He lives on Palos Verdes, CA, where many of the doctors in the South Bay live. He will do anything to his patients to get their insurance money. He has internally damaged many women and girls. He uses his doctor's license to invade your body, remove your female organ (if he thinks he can get away with it), and then bill your insurance company for the unnecessary surgery. Do not let him do it to you."

"Ladies, beware of this evil gynecologist doctor. He will do atrocious things to your body without your knowing or consent to collect money from your insurance. It happened to me. I want to help all you ladies, regardless of age, to beware of this evil animal. This Dr. Vincent W. Yu is located at 3655 W. Lomita Blvd., Ste. 209, Torrance, CA 90505. He had another office in Harbor City, CA, which was shut down by the medical board of CA. Many of his patients are young Hispanic girls and Asian women at all ages. The medical board of CA has been investigating him. He lives on Palos Verdes, CA, where many of the doctors in the South Bay live. He will do anything to his patients to get their insurance money. He has internally damaged many women and girls. He uses his doctor's license to invade your body, remove your female organ (if he thinks he can get away with it), and then bill your insurance company for the unnecessary surgery. Do not let him do it to you."

"Ladies, beware of this evil gynecologist doctor. He will do atrocious things to your body without your knowing or consent to collect money from your insurance. It happened to me. I want to help all you ladies, regardless of age, to beware of this evil animal. This Dr. Vincent W. Yu is located at 3655 W. Lomita Blvd., Ste. 209, Torrance, CA 90505. He had another office in Harbor City, CA, which was shut down by the medical board of CA. Many of his patients are young Hispanic girls and Asian women at all ages. The medical board of CA has been investigating him. He lives on Palos Verdes, CA, where many of the doctors in the South Bay live. He will do anything to his patients to get their insurance money. He has internally damaged many women and girls. He uses his doctor's license to invade your body, remove your female organ (if he thinks he can get away with it), and then bill your insurance company for the unnecessary surgery. Do not let him do it to you."

Yes, I have had a great experience with a male gyno. Mine is one of the best dr's I've ever had. He is very gentle and understanding of the fact that I am a virgin and am still very uncomfortable with the whole situation. He first brought me into his office so I wouldn't think he was going to "run at me with a speculum". He was sure to explain everything before he did it. All through out the exam he kept checking on me and making sure I wasn't in extreme pain. He also made sure I knew what was going on and explained in normal words what was wrong with me which is cysts on my ovaries. It's not as awkward as people may think, they see the same thing day after day.

i hate going to the gyno. I would rather get my teeth pulled then go there. I am not sure what it is but i just hate it. free auto insurance quotes