My gyno back in California was a man, which never stopped being awkward. At the time I wanted to keep an open mind about male gynos, but at least for me it never stopped being weird and uncomfortable.
When I moved to Colorado, I started going to Planned Parenthood for all of my reproductive stuff (except for the birth control, which I still get for free at the teen clinics for another 4 months until I turn 20.) The nurses at Planned Parenthood are great. Love them.

Well actually, I have to say, I have the best gyno imaginable, and I honestly look forward to seeing her every year. She's just a fabulous person--smart, philosophical yet down to earth, passionate about life. We start every appointment spending time in her office, getting caught up about the last year's life & medical history, but really, this typically evolves into a great talk about life and...everything. Really, I would love this woman to be my new best friend-ha! She is so fabulous that when she stopped accepting my health insurance co, I decided still keep seeing her, because I like her so much (besides, this is my health--of course its worth the $$).
Anyway, just posting this to say that despite the reputation of ob-gyns, and western medicine, there are still fabulous doctors out there. If anyone reading this lives in NYC and wants my doc's name, email me at t6283798 at gmail dot com, and I'll pass it along. I've recommended her to many people and they all sing her praises. :)

YES! for midwives. I absolutely love female medical care. I have gone to a woman FNP for the past 4 years for my gyno exams and they couldn't be better (really, I mean it). Something about the nurse/widwife/female thing makes those exams bearable

t6283798,

Is she accepting new patients? Because I would take a train to NYC and pay non-insurance prices for a GYN that would look at me before the exam, not make a snarky comment about my breasts and not give a put-upon sigh when I flinch in pain.

I haven't had any bad experiences. My least favorite time, though, was the first time: The doctor was male, had large thick fingers, and was not gentle when feeling my ovaries.

The best one was with a nurse practitioner. She was so quick and gentle, I didn't feel the slightest discomfort.

Come to think of it, because of insurance and moving around, I've never had the same gyno for any two exams!

Last year I had a medical scare (and was diagnosed with PCOS, fibromyalgia, and a bad gallbladder (yay surgery :( )in the same year - augh!), so my general practitioners and emergency doctors kept shipping me off to gynecologists for exams - I had four regular exams and multiple emergency-room exams in one year! Fortunately, none of my experiences were terrible, and in fact I ran into one doctor at home (Westchester county, NY) whom I would recommend to absolutely anyone.

This particular doctor was compassionate, friendly, patient, did what she could to avoid causing pain, and was just generally someone whom I won't at all mind going back to for this year's exam.

I have vulvodynia (a chronic pain condition that is incredibly common and too often misdiagnosed by ignorant doctors), so of course that means that I've seen 20+ gynecologists who have all told me one or more of the following:

"The pain is all in your head." (every doctor, ad infinitum)

"You are too young for this problem."

"Gee, have you tried lube?"

"You're making a big deal out of nothing--just deal with it."

"You're never going to get better. Stop thinking about it."

"You're making this up for attention."

And my personal favorite, being the godless heathen that I am:

"You deserve to be in pain for having premarital sex. This wouldn't happen if you lived life at the foot of the cross." (Plz save my vag, baby jesus!)

Needless to say, I despise pretty much the entire profession. Oh and I'm 19, so way to crush my spirits early, docs. The doctors who said all of the above were female, the specialist who finally took me seriously and diagnosed me was male. I know that it says nothing about larger trends, but my personal experience speaks volumes against female gynecologists. Years of being treated like a particularly stupid child by them has me convinced that I'd be better off just not going back, ever.

Feel free to delete my comment if this isn't allowed, but anyone with similar experiences with vulvodynia is hereby invited to my tiny little corner of the blogworld, myvulvodynia.wordpress.com. It's a bit ranty/ravey/profane, seeing as how I have just been writing for my eyes only so far, but if you'd like someone who TOTALLY understands your disgust/suspicion of gynecologists, that's where I keep my big stash of pissed off.

I've never had a BAD experience at the gyno, but nevertheless, I am always reminded of this Far Side cartoon while I'm there:

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e312/eman_182/Farside.jpg

My first experience with the gyno (at 18) set the bar so low that I think 8 years later, I'm still just settling for "good enough."

I was shut in a room with a male doctor who spoke in broken English and a female nurse who hung around the back wall and sulked while I was poked and prodded. He asked me questions in a short, clipped accent and didn't look me in the eye once while he was getting my medical history. I practically ran out of the office once I had the BC prescription in my hand.

These days, I see a nurse practitioner who's nice enough, but still lacking that talent for making her patients feel somewhat comfortable.

And I still practically run out of the office as soon as I get my pill renewal. :)

Kristen-
If you live in the NY area, my CNM is fabulous. Her name is Linda Stocker, and she's at Putnam Hospital Medical Center, and is so knowledgeable, easy to talk to, and a very cool lady. I just moved to Yonkers, so I'm in search of closer OGBYN, but I'm happy to recommend Linda to anyone. : )

My first time was with a nurse practictioner and it went very well, despite me being nervous, and having no insurance. Actually i don't think until I started grad school that I ever had insurance to cover the visit. My male gyn was a really nice guy, very gentle and talked to me a lot before, during and after the exam to make sure i was always comfortable. I saw a photo on his desk of him rock crawling in a lifted suzuki, and we ended up talking about off roading and the problems of lifted trucks (I have minimal off road experience although I do have a lifted truck)during the exam. Also, there was a picture of a tropical paradise on the ceiling so i could look at that during the exam. When I get out of school and move back to that area I hope to see him again. Athough the lady I see at school is really great too. I don't think I've ever had a bad experience. Although I understand the pain it is trying to find a local provider that is accepting new patients...

For most of my gyno-going years, I saw women doctors and always felt fine about it. Once I saw a male doctor about an internal issue that involved some uterine exploration and that too was fine. Last year, though,because my doctor was away on maternity leave and there was no one else available, I ended up seeing a male gyno. I felt fine going in, but no one had warned me that there would be a female nurse present during the pelvic exam (I don't think they used to do this). I understand that this is being done to protect women from bad doctors and doctors from malpractice or harassment suits, but the whole thing made me feel weird. It seemed to lend an air of suspicion tothe whole thing (something I try to avoid feeling with my feet up in stirrups!) Also, neither the nurse nor I knew where to look. I mean, hey, the doctor is busy, but is it appropriate to have a conversation with the nurse while he's down there? I always used to talk to my female doctors when they were doing exams, either about what was going on in the exam, or just catching up.
Anyway, it also raised a few questions, like why should we assume that women are more comfortable having ANOTHER person in the room while they are getting a pelvic? Do we all necessarily agree that female doctors are above suspicion of any wrongdoing? And would the tag team scenario be the same if the nurse is male?

When I was living in MN, I had awesome repro health care. When I was in college, my local PP gave me free care when I had no insurance and were always respectful and nice. After graduation, I had (at different points) a CNM (yessssss) and a wonderful female GP who I felt totally comfortable with. Oh, and all these practitioners hung peaceful pictures on the ceiling so one has something pleasant to look at.

But now I've moved to DC... I had a wretched time finding a doc close by who was covered by my insurance, and when I found one, he only passes with barely "good enough." As I was laying on the exam table in my paper gown, he says to me, "24, huh? So when are you going to start having babies?"

Excuse me?

But he wrote the prescription and I booked it ... hoping to find a new provider if anyone has recommendations for the DC area.

This is yet another thing that pisses me off about the US healthcare system.

Here in Canada all routine health issues are handled by your family doctor, or primary care physician. That means that your annual poke and prod is done by the person that you've already built up a relationship with and there are no "awkward" questions.

It's only if you have something gynecologically wrong with you that you see a gynecologist.

Imagine a system where only the sickest people who really needed them got to see specialists!

This is yet another thing that pisses me off about the US healthcare system.

Here in Canada all routine health issues are handled by your family doctor, or primary care physician. That means that your annual poke and prod is done by the person that you've already built up a relationship with and there are no "awkward" questions.

It's only if you have something gynecologically wrong with you that you see a gynecologist.

Imagine a system where only the sickest people who really needed them got to see specialists!

Maybe its just me, but I love my gyno visits. It takes less than 5 minutes and I get to talk about my vagina. Maybe I dont mind because I have a female doctor? I've heard less positive experiences from women whove gone to male doctors.

All the female members of my family have been going to the same gyno since we've lived in the area (20 years or so), so I've had positive experiences and haven't felt uncomfortable since I started going at age 14.

Traveltothesky: I had vulvodynia too! I ended up with the most amazingly wonderful doctor in Indianapolis though, she never questioned my pain, and she collaborated with me for treatment. She attended a symposium on vulvodynia and spent an amazing amount of time researching just to help me. We ended up taking me off of hormonal birth control 2-3 months ago, and inserting an IUD. I am now almost 100% pain free, and it's getting better every day.

If anybody is in Indianapolis and wants the name of an outrageously awesome OB-GYN, her name is Hilary Gaudreau! Look her up!

I always go to Planned Parenthood. In fact I just went on Monday for my annual, because I hadn't had one in a few years and my doctor (who is a guy) gently nagged me to get it done. As much as I always thought it wouldn't bother me to have a man gynecologist, I realized it does, so I didn't make an appt with him. Planned Parenthood is always really nice about it anyway.

DLF-
That sounds fine for other areas of healthcare, but OBGYN care is something I'd like my doctor to be a specialist in at all times. I've dealt with enough doctors to know that my vagina needs special attention, even if it's just routine.

Ugh, I'd much rather NOT have my GP do my exam. I want someone who sees a million vag's a day and knows zero about me personally. It's so much easier to have a polite conversation and not feel a twinge of self-consciouness if I can say in my head "This is a gyno! It's not like I have to carry on a relationship with this person!"

That may seem backward, but it's my preference.

And I don't really expect much special coddling from my gyno. I don't expect to be dismissed or manhandled either but, it's just a biological check up, not an appointment to hold hands and talk about inner-beauty.

kissmypineapple That's awesome--I'm so glad to hear that you had a positive (well, as positive as a chronic pain syndrome can be) experience! Heh, I was in southwest Michigan for most of those doctors; too bad I wasn't on Feministing... maybe I could've gotten a recommendation. It's so wonderful to hear that some doctors really do understand and care about their patients. So happy to hear that you're getting better!

I had such a terrible experience with a gynecologist. I was trying to find a new doctor, got a referral from a family member and turns out I had an irregular pap and needed a colposcopy. I am a very sensitive person, both emotionally and physically; I was not properly prepared for this experience. When I cried after the procedure the doctor rushed out of the room and the nurse gave me a tissue and told me I need to "calm down" - I never went back.

Luckily, there is the Midwife Center of Pittsburgh:
www.midwifecenter.org
The midwives there are fantastic and they work in conjunction with Magee Women's Hospital. I get a whole HOUR! First we sit and talk (clothes on) before the exam about life, relationships, and health in general, in addition to your sexual health. They have these nifty speculums that are clear with a little light on the end so they can see everything better. They showed me my cervix! I even found out about IUD's from them (I'd previously never heard of them). They also have Well Women Friday's and you can receive care on a sliding scale based on income, if you have no insurance. If you live in or near Pittsburgh I highly recommend them.

Maybe its just me, but I love my gyno visits. It takes less than 5 minutes and I get to talk about my vagina. Maybe I dont mind because I have a female doctor? I've heard less positive experiences from women whove gone to male doctors.

I had such a terrible experience with a gynecologist. I was trying to find a new doctor, got a referral from a family member and turns out I had an irregular pap and needed a colposcopy. I am a very sensitive person, both emotionally and physically, so I was not properly prepared for this experience. When I cried after the procedure the doctor rushed out of the room and the nurse gave me a tissue and told me I need to "calm down" - I never went back.

Luckily, there is the Midwife Center of Pittsburgh:
www.midwifecenter.org
The midwives there are fantastic and they work in conjunction with Magee Women's Hospital. I get a whole HOUR! First we sit and talk (clothes on) before the exam about life, relationships, and health in general, in addition to your sexual health. They have these nifty speculums that are clear with a little light on the end so they can see everything better. They showed me my cervix! I even found out about IUD's from them (I'd previously never heard of them). They also have Well Women Friday's and you can receive care on a sliding scale based on income, if you have no insurance. If you live in or near Pittsburgh I highly recommend them.

I always go to Planned Parenthood. In fact I just went on Monday for my annual, because I hadn't had one in a few years and my doctor (who is a guy) gently nagged me to get it done. As much as I always thought it wouldn't bother me to have a man gynecologist, I realized it does, so I didn't make an appt with him. Planned Parenthood is always really nice about it anyway.

When I was in a relationship with my boyfriend in high school, I went to a gyn to have a pap smear before I could be put on birth control pills. After the exam, my mother (who I chose to be there) and the dr. and I sat discussing my options. I told her that my bf and I planned to use male condoms and birth control. I thought, at age 18 that my decision to be informed and safe was a good one but this dr. scoffed at me and reminded me that "High school and teen relationships don't last and my advice would be not to have sex at all." She was preaching to me about the morals of sex instead of the medical and physical aspects (which is her job). And I wanted to point out "Well, how many adult relationships don't last now either?" It was so disheartening because she basically preached to me about how the best decision was just to not have sex and she was patting her visibly pregnant belly saying she had been married X amount of years and this was her first child.

I definitely did not appreciate the attitude she brought and needless to say, I didn't return back to that particular doctor. She was condescending and made me feel guilty for actually doing what I thought was the safest thing, which would be to protect myself, not only against a pregnancy I didn't want, but also from a possible STI. I even had the decency to discuss this openly with my bf at the time. I feel like she completely disrespected the fact that I was being mature about the whole process.

Speaking of terrifying experiences, my best friend went to a gynecologist. She had been in a previous relationship with whom she'd had vaginal/penis intercourse. But she hadn't had intercourse since then, which had been a year before. Anyway, she went in and the Dr. was trying to insert the speculum and she commented, very snarkily "God you are so tight. I would hate to be you when you lose your virginity." Now, that comment is loaded in so many ways. First of all, my friend commented that she had indeed "lost her virginity" already. The comment implies that sexual intercourse with a partner (which would in her implicit statement have to be a phallus in her vagina) would be ANYTHING compared to having a plastic or metal object jammed into your vagina. I think the comparison to sex is absolutely flawed. I would hope for my friend's sake that her sexual experiences do not involve the same feelings and emotions as a dr's visit. How out of line! I was appalled and offended for my friend that her dr. would be so callous as to say that. It seems very unprofessional, and while that statement may have been said in passing, my friend most likely will never forget it.

Then, to top it off, the next visit the same friend had caused her so much pain that she bled afterwards for two days. She said she thought she was having her period but she knew she obviously wasn't. It was from whatever they had done to her during the vaginal examination. And THEN, the results came back that they'd hadn't gotten a sufficient sample of cells. She wondered "What the hell did they do. I am bleeding and yet they didn't even do their job right?"

It was traumatic for her in so many ways. I encouraged her not to return to that practice, but I fear things like this (which may seem small and insignificant, but are entirely appalling) happen to many women everyday.

I am with Kaiser, and I have had good and bad experiences. The worst part is that, until I was pregnant, it was almost impossible to get the same person twice. Most of them were good, none of them were horrible. Before I was sexually active, my GP always asked, and then badgered me about birth control. I understand that this is important, but I always felt like they thought I was lying or that there was no way a teenager could be non sexually active by choice!

My first time was kind of sucky. I had the np at my primary care place do it, but she seemed more nervous about it than I did! It really made me kind of uncomfortable.

I was very nervous about getting a pap done at Uni, but the doc they had there was great. She was chatty, friendly, and knew what she was doing, so it wasn't uncomfortable. The nurse was in the room the whole time, but she was talkative too, so the three of us just had a conversation the whole time. It really put me at ease and made the whole "lying back in a paper gown while someone pokes your vagina" bit a little less humiliating.

Also, the best part: I told her I was having, uh, dryness problems, and she told me the usual shtick about maybe changing BC formulation. Then she said (not condescendingly), "Also, you could tell your guy to try, you know, foreplay." I just about laughed my ass off. What a fun doctor!

Heller- my first OBGYN experience at 18 was awful because my gyno didn't believe that I'd only had sex with one person and was doing it safely (condoms). I was there to get BC, I would think that's testament to wanting to be even safer. She asked me a lot of condescending questions about a sex life I had only started to develop. I walked out wondering what about me seemed so promiscuous. I hadn't worked out in my head yet that it was her issue, not mine.

It got worse when I'd been bleeding for 4 weeks straight on the patch and couldn't get an appt., much less get her on the phone. When she finally called me back and asked if I'd had unprotected sex and I said yes, she started screaming at me on the phone. Screaming. I could be pregnant! Didn't I know you're supposed to wait a month? Always use two forms of birth control! Then she instructed me to take off the patch, and come in for a pregnancy test. I might need an abortion.

I hung up on her. And made an emergency appt. with a friend's OBGYN (which was soooo different and good, not great -but I wasn’t being screamed at).

Excuse me? Who said I would get an abortion? And my logic might be skewed, but when you're bleeding as much as I was bleeding, that would have been one resilient baby. She never even mentioned STD's, which is why I felt the most stupid for having unprotected sex, even if it was with my long-time boyfriend. Maybe this is an extreme case, but I’ve had friends tell me such horror stories.

Sorry for the long whine. I love my CNM now, as I stated above. : )

Has anyone had a GOOD experience with a male gynecologist?

I can't imagine going to one...I would feel so uncomfortable.

I just want to recommend CHICAGO WOMEN's HEALTH CENTER (easily googleable)as a spot where I finally loved to not hate gyn visits. They are so awesome and teach you how to do your own cervical exams and even give you a clear plastic speculum to take home and practice with!

I'm not exactly shy about my body or anything, but I still get really nervous beforehand. For awhile, I went to PP, which of course always made me feel comfortable, but then we got insurance and decided I should have one consistent doctor (I think I only had the same doctor twice at PP over the 8 years I went there).

Unfortunately, I took my MIL's recommendation; he was the same gyno who delivered my husband, his sister, and his sister's baby so I thought it'd be no big deal. It was all going fine and then I asked him about Essure (an outpatient sterilization thing I'd recently found out about), explaining that I never want to bear a child and would resort to adoption if I felt I wanted a child. His response was that it was dangerous, but the way he said it made it seem like he just didn't want to do it, and then he said, "When you want to get pregnant, come talk to me." I was so annoyed, I didn't say anything, but I immediately started looking for a new gyno. I wasn't about to go back to someone who wouldn't freaking listen to what I had to say.

Anyway, I was super lucky and found another gyno who seems pretty cool. I feel like I'm at PP, especially since there are things on the walls other than pictures of babies (though of course there are some of those too). Even though she seems to be really busy, she takes the time to ask me if I have any questions and waits patiently to see if I do. She's gentle, too, which is more than I can say for some of the doctors I've seen. Unfortunately, after that last doctor, I haven't really had the guts to talk to her about sterilization but the one time I asked her a question - about getting cheap BC - she explained to me that she would prescribe the cheaper generic but it would still be expensive, so that made me feel like she might actually be honest and open with me.

She also doesn't laugh when I tell her that my exercise is playing soccer in the hallway of my apartment. Heh.

going to the gyno is especially fun (by which I mean humiliating) if you're a trans folk with all the standard body issues associated with your uh, unspeakable region. also the effects of hormone therapy are NOT conducive to a comfortable pelvic exam. all in all, a pretty awesome time.

the upside is i go to an lgbt clinic where my doctor acts really guilty and apologetic about me being there, which i frankly appreciate! the last time i went, in her efforts to be respectful, my doctor managed to get through the entire exam without using ANY gendered language to refer to parts of my body. I totally appreciated it but the repeated use of vague, weirdly euphemistic-sounding words created this surreal impression that i was visiting some repressive sex phobic doc from like the 1950s or something. when in fact it was like, you know, pretty much the opposite of that.

the downside is my insurance won't cover it because an outside referral isn't deemed medically "necessary." (ya right, like i'm going to take my outwardly man-appearing body to some straight clinic and explain to every incredulous face i meet in the office why i'm there)

spaceinjamonkey, I have. I had a very kind older male doctor at PP once. The only problem I had with it was that it was weird for me to have a man who reminded me of my grandpa looking at me, but the issue was totally mine; he did just fine.

I love my gyno. She is friendly, professional, gentle, remembers things about my life and answers all my questions thoroughly.

When I had to go to a male one at a doc-in-the-box place b/c of a really bad yeast infection, though, it was pretty rough. He was a real jerk, asking me why I didn't get treatment sooner and wanting to know if I had had anal sex.

It was awful.

I had one bad experience. It was my first pelvic/pap ever at 18. I had a male doctor (I've since had male doctor's and had no problems) and he was very rough; so rough that I spotted for a while afterwards. It was painful and a little traumatizing. I ran home and called my older sister who assured me that what I experienced wasn't typical and that when I went in for my next one to request not to have that doctor. This was at a Family Planning, which, besides my first exam, was an overall great experience for me as a young, sexually active woman, but the downside was that all the doctors were volunteers, so you never knew who you were going to get.

My best experience was as a woman's clinic in a small community that was supported by the county. They had an awesome Nurse Practitioner that did the exams. She always told you everything that she was doing (i.e. she would say "this is my hand" as she touch your inner thigh before inserting her fingers or she would show you whatever instrument was going to be inserted and say "I'm going to insert such-and-such now"). She was warm, open, and funny - when she would finish checking my uterus, she'd say "Yep, it's perfect!" (I've never had anyone compliment my uterus, it was pretty cool). I literally felt comfortable asking her anything. Plus, they had posters on the ceiling to look at during the exam.

I can safely say my best experiences have been with female doctors/nurses at clinics like the one above or Planned Parenthood. However, besides the first time, I haven't had any bad experiences with male doctors (though they rarely tell me what they are doing during the exam).

I didn't get to read through all the responses, but I can't wait to get home and read about other's experiences. I love the threads were women openly talk about gyno visits, contraception, menstruation, etc.

spaceninjamonkey, my gyn is male and I think he's great.

He's Dr. Edmund Kaplan in NYC and I've always found him to be patient, thorough and attentive.

Also, y'all, I'd like to call your attention to the following:

www.ratemds.com

It's like the hollabacknyc for doctors. Post reviews!

Love reading about everyone's gyno experiences! It's somehow comforting.

My first gyno was pretty bad. I'd made the appointment to discuss birth control as I was planning to have sex for the first time. Went in for the painful exam (hymen still intact) and got a bit of a lecture about how I shouldn't be having premarital sex. If she was going to be that way with me, I wish she just wouldn't have accepted non-married patients. I didn't need that crap. Still, she prescribed me the medication we decided upon.

Left her and found a great new gyno who I felt immediately comfortable with. And when going over my medical history, she asked me if my current sexual partner(s) were men or women. I LOVED that! I was sad when I moved from Milwaukee to Chicago just because I knew how difficult the process was in finding doctors you are comfortable with.

When I moved to Chicago, I found a primary care physician who took care of my gyno needs. She was great and caring and really spoke to me. But then she left her practice and I also had a bad pap smear so was recommended to a nearby gyno who I just go to now for my yearly checkups. She has worked out well as she is very kind, not at all rushed, and open minded.

I have never had a male gyno and would not go to one. All of my vagina inspectors have been women.

Despite all these good doctors, I still dread going. I'm always cold anyway so sitting in a paper gown and having to spread your legs to their absolute maximum for the pleasure of an ice-cold speculum - eeesh!

I relocate every few years because of work, so I go through the finding-a-new-gyno thing pretty much every other time I need to go to one. In the last town I lived in, which was a small town 45 minutes away from the next decent sized town, there was ONE female gynecologist, and she was always booked like six months in advance. She would pretty much only see you for emergencies, and then of course only if you were a current patient. When I talked to her receptionist, she was extremely rude. At the time I had to be seen every 6 months due to irregular paps, but she didn't seem to care. "Go to your primary care physician," she said. Thanks. Thanks a HEAP.

Before that I lived in Boston, supposedly one of the best cities in the country for women's health, and my doc there was ridiculous. She was always running an hour behind at least. So I'd take off work only to spend the whole afternoon sitting around waiting. And then my PCF seemed more knowledgeble. It shouldn't be this hard!!

Has anyone had a GOOD experience with a male gynecologist?
If you sub "male doctor performing a pelvic/pap", then yes, definitely. I had a female doc who couldn't see me by the time I wanted to be seen ( I was about to move) so I saw one of her partners. He was great, extra gentle. I think he might have been gay but I'm not sure.

I had two bad experiences. When I was 15 and had started having sex (and was honest about it, thinking that was the best course) my doc, whom I'd been seeing for awhile, was visibly shocked and disapproving. She didn't really say anything offensive, but it made me embarrassed.

But the worst was when I was 19. I was home from college, and my previous doc had stopped practicing. So I went to a different clinic, this one affiliated with a teaching hospital. The doc was an extremely brusque woman. She asked if it was all right if a medical student (or resident, don't remember which) sat in, and I didn't feel like I could say no. So this young man was sitting in the corner, and the WHOLE TIME, she talked only to him. She was telling him all about my ladybits, and not telling me anything. The worst was that when she was doing the breast exam, she noticed a mark under my breast that I'd always had and never thought much about. She pointed it out to him and told him that it was a vestigal nipple (or some such terminology). I looked up and weakly said, "What? I thought it was just a birthmark..." She looked at me impatiently, said "No." and continued talking to him. I felt so humiliated and like some sort of half-animal freak. If she'd just explained to me that it's extremely common and nothing to worry about, I would have been fine, but I didn't know that. I felt totally powerless and like I was basically the teaching dummy. I know future docs have to learn, but they also need to learn to treat their patients like human beings.

I always have chosen a female gyno, just because no matter how many books you have read on vaginas, if you're a male doctor, you don't have one. I also like knowing that the doctor has experienced all the minor vaginal issues we all get from time to time.

Not to mention I know that when that male gyno was in college they probably got a crazy amount of high fives:
"So what field are you going into" "Gynecology"
"SWEEEEET HIGH FIVE "

blah

mostly very good experiences, all with female gynos.

i went to a man once, when i was very young, like maybe 18 or 19 and he wasn't mean per se or creepy, just kind of gruff and not very gentle with the examination and he kind of made me feel like i was being a wimp for wincing at the pain. clearly there are great male gynos out there with a great bedside manner, this just wasn't one of them and i'm more inclined to think that a gyno who has the equipment is going to be more in touch with how her patients feel. take away my feminist card if you want, but my policy is that i would only go to a male gyno who was referred to me by someone i knew.

slightly off topic, but i've had a completely wretched experience with another doctor, just a regular physician. basically i was beyond broke and without insurance, so i had to go to a shady clinic way out in the valley because i had a raging UTI. the doctor looked at the lab results from the urine sample and confirmed what i knew already, that i had a raging UTI. then he started to question me about my sex life! he asked me if i was having anal sex. if i am to believe in a supreme being, it is because of moments like this, when i was somehow able to stay in my chair and not punch him in the face. i feel bad for even answering at all, but i emphatically said "no, not that it's any of your business!" i get how maybe anal sex could, if not practiced carefully, increase the risk of a UTI, but i've had them sporadically for years after having good ol' fashioned PIV sex. it's not like butt lovin' is the only way you can get them, by any means. thankfully he wrote me the antibiotic prescription i so desperately needed and i got the fuck out of there, never to return.

it's hard for me, even in my mid-twenties, as someone who perceives herself as smart and assertive and feminist and all that junk to be faced with something so blatantly creepy and wrong. i was mostly just in shock. i definitely felt violated.

on an even futher off-topic note, i wish more than anything that you could get a prescription for a basic run-of-the-mill antibiotic over the counter to treat UTIs, instead of having to go to the doctor every single time. i admit i don't have the medical background to judge whether that's an unduly risky thing, but it would be so helpful to tons of women without insurance or the time and money to see a doctor when one of these pops up.

bottom line: i'm never going to that place again and i keep cranberry juice in my fridge at all times to kill an infection at the slightest twinge of a symptom. so far it's worked for nearly 2 years.

I had one hellacious experience in my early 20s with a male gyno. I had been diagnosed with PCOS and had some sizeable ovarian cysts that were giving me LOTS of pelvic pain. Drop me to my knees kind of pain, okay?

So I go in for my annual, with my husband at my side, and the cysts made the exam incredibly painful for me. I asked the doctor to slow down and not be so hard, because I was in tears at that point, and he tells me it's not that bad and to just deal with it. The exam is fairly quick in and of itself, but when a patient is bawling because of the pain they're in, YOU FUCKING STOP THE EXAM. Needless to say, I never went back to that doctor again.

Bonus: I found out later from another doctor that a cyst I had seen him for was big enough to require surgery, because it could have done very serious damage had it ruptured (destroying the ovary it was in being the first thing), and he didn't even tell me about it needing to be treated. The only reason I found out about it was that another doctor I saw had access to my medical records at the hospital I went to to have my sonogram done at. Her jaw dropped when I told her I wasn't told about how big it was (it was the size of a golf ball, INSIDE the ovary) and that he shrugged off my request for pain management. She told me I was lucky it didn't rupture.

I always have chosen a female gyno, just because no matter how many books you have read on vaginas, if you're a male doctor, you don't have one. I also like knowing that the doctor has experienced all the minor vaginal issues we all get from time to time.

Not to mention I know that when that male gyno was in college they probably got a crazy amount of high fives:
"So what field are you going into" "Gynecology"
"SWEEEEET HIGH FIVE "

blah

I now have a new nurse practitioner who does my routine checkups. In general, I think she's good. The first time I saw her I spent 45 minutes in there, most of which time she was talking to me. She told me how great it was that I don't shave my pubic hair, which I prefer to the surprised look I sometimes get (I'm in a university community, so they see a lot of young women, almost all of whom are mostly shaved/waxed.) The only thing that made me feel a little weird is that when she found out I'd been with my partner for 3 years, she said, "So... Where's the ring?" Normally, this would have made me really angry, but I actually think she was just trying to figure out what my relationship status was, what sorts of emotional/physical issues there might be. She could have phrased it better, but it did lead to a good conversation about my partner's depression and how that affects both of us. So, overall, she gets an A-.

I also use a midwife, and it's great! She's gotten great press in the Cincinnati area for being the first CNM to do a lot of things and so on. She's very good, but I must confess that I might get such good care because she's a family friend. I'm trying to switch from hormonal birth control to a Paraguard, and if she didn't know me I probably wouldn't be able to get one since I'm unmarried and have never had kids. But that's another story of how difficult it can be to get contraception these days...

Wow, Betsy, your first time sounds a little like my first time. Except they were both female and only talked to each other in Spanish. At least they managed not to humiliate me, though. I can only imagine if they had been as rude to me as they were to you.

Also, String_Bean_Jean, most of the doctors I've had warmed their speculums. It makes it a LOT more comfortable. Maybe you could ask if they do that next time you make an appointment?

These stories should be compiled into a manual for gynecologists or primary care physicians (or other medical professionals) who do gynecological work! It is the most sensitive of doctors to visit and 50% of the population needs to undergo such visits usually annually. It's a big deal!

Johanna: I go to the Planned Parenthood in DC (it's around 16th & M, I think), and I've had good experiences so far.

Warming a speculum sounds like a great idea, waxghost! How does a doctor do it? Just rub it between their (gloved) hands?

I hate the gyno so much I haven't been there in 2 years. I know that's really bad. But it was just so awful the first time I went. The gyno didn't believe me that I was allergic to latex, and used latex gloves so I had a rash for a few days after and had to wear skirts. She was really short with me and mean, and I told her it was my first time so I was sorry I didn't know what to do. Everything was scary. It was just such a horrible experience, it felt like rape except that I was paying for it. The stirrups were the icing on the cake, it's like why don't you just invite the entire male staff to come fuck me while you're at it and chain me down.

Then when I went back because I was having horrible side effects to my birth control, she didn't believe me. I told her I was constantly puking/dry-heaving, I had migrains, severe depression, and once I went onto placebo week all of my symptoms went away. She accused me of being bulimic! She told me to just take the pills the right way, stop forcing myself to throw up and all the problems will go away. Then when I asked her about latex alternative condoms, she rolled her eyes at me, told me that no alternatives exist and said, "Well why don't you just wait to have sex when you want to have kids?" Oh gee doc, thanks for that advice. Then because I asked for an HIV test (I was raped a year before) she asked if I did heroin!? Then lectured me in a non-educational way about how risky drugs are. Thanks bitch. I don't think I will ever go to a gyno again until I actually have a health problem. I know that's a stupid way to think but really I can't stand the emotional toll gynos take on me.

I understand it must suck having to look at vaginas all day, but if you really hate it find a new profession. I wish my friends could do the pelvic exam because I trust them to not scar me for life. Even if my family doctor would, that would be great because he's a really nice guy. Those asshole gynos really piss me off. Yeah, ok you have to explore my vag, but I'm the one who's self-conscious and in stirrups here, not you. Plus, I'm always worried now that they are going to judge how I look and reccomend labia-plasty and then I'll go home and kill myself.

Ok...so I have some repressed problems with the gyno.

I have been to the OBGYN several times because of irregular periods. She is also my mom's doctor. The nurses in her office are nice and she explains everything I need to know. She also treats everyone as an individual. And she talks with you about normal things, which puts me at ease.

It's definitely time to find a new gyno (or medical professional who can do gynecological exams), Jerima. That extreme of an example is in the minority (I hope) and the doctor you went to doesn't sound like a doctor at all. There ARE tons of great, caring, warm, open minded, and comforting doctors to every one bad apple out there.

I remember the first exam I had, at a free county clinic was weird an uncomfortable.

The second was awful. I went to the emergency room for excessive bleeding and a male doctor propped me up on a bed pan to do the exam. He was so rough with me that I couldn't lie down in front of my SO for several weeks after.

But I LOVE the people at Planned Parenthood! I've never had the same person from year to year, but they are always wonderful - and sang happy birthday to me in the office one year!

I love my gyno. She keeps the speculums and lube in a heated drawer so they're less uncomfortable. It's never going to be a pleasant experience but I'd rather endure it and stay healthy.

Kristen,
I haven't checked lately but its worth it for you to a call to my doc to confirm she's taking patients! She's never been anything but compassionate, down to earth, and professional w/me. No snark, no judgements, ever. If you want her contact info please email (t6283798 at gmail dot com)--I feel a little weird about just posting it in such a public forum.

I love gyno visits, and I've never had the same doctor twice. I think it's a combination of being completely uninhibited about having a vagina (!) and always having cool, kind doctors. I had to get some excess hymen tissue removed, and somehow even that didn't embarrass me.

I don't take birth control pills, and I've never gotten any guff for it. (Yay condoms.) I also elect to perform the examination in the buff rather than in one of those goofy paper shirts. The doctor's going to do a breast exam anyway, and why would I be afraid of showing my boobs if I'm already showing her my vag?

My only source of discomfort is that, because I'm a bike commuter, I worry my crotch might be a little funky. That's when I remind myself that there's no way mine is the scariest, stinkiest vulva they've seen that day.

I've been seeing the same male gyno for 16 years, and I think he's great. He's got chat while doing the pelvic down to an art, and I've never felt uncomfortable (he's also the most easy-going human being alive). I don't know why, just coincidence, but the last three gynos I've had had to rate among the top 10 hottest men on the planet...but I'm still comfortable with this guy.

The worst experience I had was while in the military, where my vagina et al was govt. property and no explanations were deemed necessary when my pap smear came back abnormal. I was too young and inexperienced to realize that all positive pap smears do not equate to cancer. To this day I don't know exactly what the "growth" was that was cauterized. That was 1979.

Actually, I love my Gyno. She was picked out from a flyer that my handed me, pure luck. She has multiple offices in Houston, but I was on a time crunch, and could only meet her when she was in the office on the other end of town. Now I drive the two hours from campus into town to see her, and people think I'm nuts.

Granted, I've never had any severe problems with my body, but she does a good job of making me feel comfortable despite the fact that its her job to feel me up. I told her I was bisexual, and we had the I know I am bisexual even though I am a virgin discussion, and then she sang "like a virgin" at me, which was weirdly reassuring. During the exam, she told me that she didn't have a speculum small enough for me, so she was going to try not to hurt me but it was definitely going to pinch, and let her know if it hurt too much. Also, my insurance at the time didn't cover regular exams and she went off on a rant about how that was lame etc etc. I can't judge for the whole range of dealing with issues kind of thing, but for overall awesomeness as a person she gets an A.

Randomly, regarding UTI's and antibiotics--they don't give out antibiotics like candy because people think they're a cure-all when they're not, and so we create super bugs. I did have a friend who got UTI's all the time, and I know that she had a permanent prescription for the pills that make it feel better, and she pretty much just had to call the doctor to tell them she had a UTI to get an antibiotic.

I also go to PP and love it. Everyone has always been very sweet and understanding. The first time I went to the gyno I used my university health services and got a "look" about my nipple piercings when they gave me a breast exam. It's never been like that at PP. I wish they'd make all gynos take whatever training they have to go through.

Also, I vote that we put together a giant listing of awesome obgyns and shitty obgyns across the country (and whereever feministing may be read). ...Does that exist already?

I'm in Canada, so I go to my PCP for this. I've had a few bad ones from various doctors. One who made me cry and then told me if I couldn't handle that, I should probably avoid sex. (asshole). One who warmed up the speculum TOO much, and the damn thing burned me. One who asked me really rudely, "Just how many kids do you have? A hundred?" and that was after I told him I had none, and he said, "Are you sure? You've sure got stretch marks on your belly." Total asshole.

Suffice it to say, even though I like the current guy ok, I'm still nervous to go. I'm a year overdue, I'm remembering now.

Good lord, what is it with the horrible practitioners equating pain caused by speculum with future pain caused by penis? I had the same thing happen at my first pap exam--the nurse (a woman) kept trying to jam it in and getting irritated with me instinctively scooting backwards. Finally she said something about "you'll have to get over it if you ever want to have sex!" I got so freaked out I ended it before she even got a sample taken. Also, being a naive and sheltered virgin at the time, I was terrified for a while that I WAS going to have trouble having sex.

So yeah, the thing about that is. . . when bf and I have sex, I'm not sitting half naked on a cold, paper covered raised table with my feet in stirrups. He doesn't just jam it in as fast and deep as he can, telling me to "scoot down, come on scoot down more". And there's this little thing called foreplay. . .

Incidentally I was telling bf about gyno exams and he wondered why they couldn't just train people to do it at home. He also offered to go in with me next time to "warm me up" before. . . I kind of liked the idea of turning the whole procedure into something more fun!

I have generally had good experiences, but I recall one female family practice doctor who had, shall we say, rough hands. I was a teenager and a virgin and this was probably my first or second pap smear, so her complete lack of bedside manner and compassion was sort of scary. Also, she decided to do a rectal exam while she was down there, but she didn't bother telling me first. I found out later that that part of the exam probably was not necessary. But, if you're going to do it, at least tell me first.

My first pelvic was done by an internist and she was awesome. They asked if I would be willing to have a male student in the room and when I said no, it was not at all a big deal. She used a smaller speculum and explained to me what she was doing and why it was taking as long as it did. Both she and the nurse kept checking to make sure I was okay. Also, I've got myself the anorgasmia and she took a good amount of time to talk to me about it and never made me feel bad or embarrassed for asking.

I've since had to change insurance and can't go to her anymore. I haven't found a new doctor.

Strangely, I think I had a bad experience with not a pelvic exam - The doctor I had before the good one kept telling me that if I wasn't sexually active, I didn't need an exam despite my age.

How glad I am that this is a blog topic! I blog about this subject frequently myself, in fact it was the inspiration for me to first get a blog! My gyno experiences have varied; i am at university and frequently go to Health Services on Campus. The doctor I see on Campus is the best doctor I've ever been to see, and has always treated me with complete dignity and respect- so much so, that this year when I graduate I'm going to be making her a card (word on the street has it that she has a private practice so I'm going to see if I can get myself in there as well), my family doctor, who is also female has been the same too. However, when I was once considering an IUD Health Services had to refer me to an OB/GYN and let me tell you, I left that place feeling like less of person, rather than being armed with the tools I needed to make a big decision, I felt like I was less sure of what I wanted to do, and felt I had been unfairly discouraged from getting an IUD- so much so, that I made another appointment with my own doctor to discuss- I had conceptions of what the OB/GYN would be like, but forgot that it is positioned within the context of Western Medical care, and as such serves to reduce women to objects rather than treat them as subjects in their own right. For more on this topic, you can head over to my blog- there are a couple posts about my experiences with the OB/GYN

after reading some more comments, I am apalled at the type of snide remarks many OB/GYNs make to women! I've experienced feeling like less of a person because the doctor did not seem to treat me as a subject who could make decisions, but rather as someone who needed to be TOLD everything like she was God. Honestly, it infuriates me SO much to know that doctors actually make comments about Women's breasts etc. That is SO wrong, and any asshole doctor who said something like that to me would most certinaly be served. It was a shitty experience with that woman that my school had to refer me to, but I've certinaly never experienced sexual harassment during a PAP- I've experienced the female exercising power within a patriarchal form- using and exploting women with the structure of a panopticon. I'm unsure of whether this has to do with the fact that I'm in Canada and everything is regulated by OHIP...or if I've just been lucky by refusing to see male doctors in any context. Anyhow, I just wanted to share my disgust with the way some of you have been treated. Any of those sex comments would have been confronted with a kick in the teeth. seriously.

Ah, another day, another anti-M.D. tirade from Miriam as she pursues her agenda.

Being caring vs. being dismissive or rude has very little to do with the letters after a provider's name. It is absurd to assume that nurse midwives or other nurse practitioners are automatically nicer because they have "nurse" in their title. If you have ever spent much time in a hospital as a patient, you will know that being caring or nice is NOT a requirement for entering nursing school!

The only difference between a nurse midwife and an OB/GYN is that the midwife on average will have less training, worse college grades, less interest in keeping up with research, less ability to deal with unusual conditions, and less determination to excel. If you ignore those minor things, the letters after a provider's name matter not one whit.

That said, I hope anyone considering ob/gyn as a career will read threads such as this one or similar ones on public message boards to hear the words from real patients. No class or degree can teach a provider how to care.. the only people who can teach you how to care, are the patients. But only if you listen.

Being a lesbian, I've had some bad experiences trying to screen for STDs. The worst was when I had a partner who found out she had the kind of HPV that affects the cervix. I didn't have any insurance at the time so I went to a free clinic. The doctor basically told me there is no way this could have been transmitted to me by another woman, and refused to test me for it. When I asked about safer sex and if they had any free gloves or dental dams to take with me, they sent me to the back, where the women who handed them to me were very unprofessional and kind of laughing at me about it. And this happened in San Francisco.

It baffles me how doctors can be so ignorant about this. Shouldn't they know how STDs are spread?

ok- last one i promise
It's interesting that in the US you have to go to someone else for your regularly scheduled PAP- I did not realize this- in fact, it truly baffles me. Someone said that they want their OB/GYN to be a specialist at "vaginas" but, the GPs in Canada do so many paps every day, that I would definitely go so far as to say that they are specialists- i have never once questioned my GPs knowledge on the topic, and would have been horrified to be told that I had to go to a complete stranger for an exam that is by nature so intimate and potentially akward. My GP might not be by the book a specialist on vagina and cervix, but is certainly an expert at me, my personality, what I feel comfortable with, and my sexual history. She is certainly the only person who I would want to perform my PAP because they value you as a person not as a walking Vagina without a soul; and most importantly, have been your doctor since you were born, recognize the sensitivity of the issue and place it in a comfortin context. When you go for a singular appointment with an OB/GYN you are literally a facless vagina- and this visit, to the random OB/GYn was the only PAP I hated, cried about for days, and felt dehumanzied after. The GP is the best :)

Someone mentioned worrying that male OB/GYNs would have gotten too many high fives and weird shit like that in med school. I actually heard a radio program about this on CBC... the interviewer asked a male OB/GYN "So, why DO men go into this?" He said that he was completely hooked from the time when he helped to deliver a baby, after which he wanted to know about everything about what he saw and how it worked. He was so geekily enthused about it that it was rather charming, instead of creepy or frat-ish.

I get my pelvic exams from my male GP, which I thought would be horribly awkward, but is actually always positive. The only weird thing is that he compulsively talks about Israel during the exam, maybe because he thinks it will distract me. Which it does, if only because of how surreal it is... it's as if the whole appointment was written by Philip Roth.

johanna, I can recommend a gyne in DC if you're interested.

I've had pretty positive experiences - and I've had a LOT of exams in my 28 years. Before moving to DC, I worked for a med school as a practical instructor, teaching 2nd year med students to DO gyne exams - which meant that I also had to learn to do them as well. It was an incredibly interesting and empowering experience, and I now feel much more comfortable going to the gyne - in part because I know what to ask about, and also because I know right down to the smallest detail what they should be doing.

One more story to make you say ugh... Upon my second yearly check-up to a female doctor I felt only someone okay with... I asked to be tested for STDs. And my doctor said, Oh do you have a new boyfriend. I've had a new partner, I said (aka F-buddy), but I wouldn't exactly call him a new boyfriend. Oh, I see, she said in a really condescending tone. She went from pleasant to rude in about 0.6 seconds flat and stayed that way the rest of this visit. This is in Hollywood, you know, "too liberal for America" Hollywood. The office kept calling me for about two years to get me to come back in for check-ups. Uh, no thanks, if I want to be lectured about sex I'll talk to my mother. I'm not going to pay someone who can't keep it professional.

ps. Now I have a great MD who I can communicate openly with.