This isn't just something that happens to women... as a ten year old boy I recall my mother flipping out at me for not noticing that she was honking the car horn like crazy while I was on a pay phone, getting directions-- apparantly some guy had strolled up to the side of the pay phone and started rubbing his crotch and looking at me while I innocently tried to remember directions for navigating the streets of the east village.

Anyway, it's a kind of auto-frottage: sexual rubbing in a public place. That doesn't quite work in the staring element, so maybe the best way to say that would be 'harassing fixative auto-frottage', or HFAF.

Not so snarky, but gets to the point.

Yes, this definetly happens more often than anyone ever seems to acknowledge.

It happened to me once over Winter Break while I was visiting a friend in New York. It also happened to me as a child. Some dude was looking up my skirt in a grocery store (I thought he thought I was stealing. It seems crazy to me to be so naive, but I was about 6 years old at the time).

When I worked at a major chain bookstore this happened to a customer near the Sexuality section (because if you're browsing sex then you want people to violate you?) She reported it to us, thank goodness, but I wonder how often people don't.

I think I'd refer to it as a 'violation', maybe? More than sexual harassment, less than sexual assault.

I had a friend, (I emphasize "had" because I no longer speak to this person anymore) Who used to do this to me. We would be hanging out just watching a movie or something, and I would look over and he would have his dick in his hand.

His actions became worse and worse over time. Eventually he started sending me obscene pictures on my phone and I had to cut him out of my life.

He has been sexually abused and clearly has misconceptions about what is healthy sexual behavior. But I very vocally called him out on his actions, and he admitted how messed up it was.

I guess my point is that some of the people that pull this type of stuff have been victimized as well. That is not an excuse, but it shows how the cycle of abuse can continue even when the offender is aware of how twisted they are.

I'm glad you posted this Courtney. For a long time I was too embarrassed to tell any of my friends about what happened to me. It always is comforting to know you aren't alone.

I had a friend, (I emphasize "had" because I no longer speak to this person anymore) Who used to do this to me. We would be hanging out just watching a movie or something, and I would look over and he would have his dick in his hand.

His actions became worse and worse over time. Eventually he started sending me obscene pictures on my phone and I had to cut him out of my life.

He has been sexually abused and clearly has misconceptions about what is healthy sexual behavior. But I very vocally called him out on his actions, and he admitted how messed up it was.

I guess my point is that some of the people that pull this type of stuff have been victimized as well. That is not an excuse, but it shows how the cycle of abuse can continue even when the offender is aware of how twisted they are.

I'm glad you posted this Courtney. For a long time I was too embarrassed to tell any of my friends about what happened to me. It always is comforting to know you aren't alone.

We should call it sexual harassault.

This old man once tried to rub the inside of my thigh on a bus once, so I got the driver to kick him off. I felt bad because he was old and probably a bit off his rocker, but then again I don't really feel bad because he was tying to cop a feel.

I dont' have a name for it, but I think it has happened to every woman I know. My story is that I was reading in a park and the perpetrator was sitting in a parked car with the door open. The worst part is not know what to do. I ignored the behavior, but now that I'm older and more self-assure I think I'd call the perv out.

I have never had this particular sort of experience, but I have heard friends talk about it. It is sad, because they tend to talk about it like it was a joke, or even funny, when clearly it is not. Even if the person doing the rubbing has been hurt in the past, it doesn't change the fact that it is wrong, and they should be told that. Calling them out is probably a good idea if you feel safe. If not, getting someone else involved is great.

I can't really imagine what this would be like. I rarely even get hit on by guys...and I mean that in a less...disturbing manner.

This happened to me and a friend as we were walking down the street at night. A man was standing in an alleyway with his dick out, looking right at us and jerking it. I don't think I've ever felt so appalled and helpless. There are so many things I wish I had said to him. The friend I was with had had this happen to her twice previously, in different cities.

It happened to another friend of mine a couple years before that, as she was walking to school. When she told our female prof, the prof told us about the time it had happened to her. Last year, yet another friend of mine was groped as she was walking down the street, in broad daylight. And on and on.

Thank you for posting about this - I think it is a HUGE and unbelievably widespread problem. I also believe that if a man gets away with it, it can escalate (masturbating turns into groping, and so on). It is definitely something that needs to be addressed.

And I agree with moley, we should call it sexual harrassment.

A guy did this to me in my own apartment....it was a basement apartment and he was in the window watching me as I was watching TV. I had never been more scared for my safety. I learned that it often falls under sexual assault law when I reported it. Unfortunately I was unable to ID the suspect they picked up; I never saw his face (the windows only went up to his shoulders) so I only had clothes, skin and hair color to go on.

There was an article in the NYTimes a few years back about a police detail in Rock Cewnter that used to bust guys for rubbing up against women in crowds. They had narrowed down a certain set of behaviors these guys would go through, where the guys would look like they were in a trance as they entered the crowds and rubbed themselves off on unsuspecting women. They guys rarely denied what they were doing; they usually were humiliated and declaired no contest and were ticketed.

Heh, and people say there's a taboo about masturbation. I guess it's not okay to do it for self pleasure, but perfectly okay to do ito to harrass people ...

People do this shit because we let them, and because there are little consequences to it all. Imagine what would happen if every person who did this got their pecker chopped off (I exaggerate, of course).

There's a really wonderful piece called, "Why I Fight Back," in a feminist primer called, "Listen Up: Voices From the Next Feminist Generation" about women taking a stand and fighting back on this shit. I recommend it!

A side story: a few summers ago, the girl I was dating was at a coffee shop waiting for me while the guy sitting next to her was just sitting there, staring at her. It turns out he was masturbating while staring at her - she got the manager, who kicked him out, even though he was a regular at the coffee shop ...and the guy wans't even a creep either. I guess sometimes, people can't control their actions.

Back in college my friend had fallen asleep on the living room floor while studying. She woke up to find a man outside the window looking in at her and masturbating with his pants around his ankles. I wonder what they would do if we all started throwing rocks at them (or whatever's handy at the time)?

As to actual touching or having someone masturbate directly ON you (usually while riding mass transit from all the stories I've heard from friends), as far as I'm concerned that's sexual assault. Period.

This hasn't happened to me. I get the random guy sticking his crotch a little too close to my face if the bus has standing room only and he's right in front of my seat, but I always feel too awkward about calling them out on it. I should say something next time.

When I was in undergrad in northern New Jersey, we had a serial masturbator who would pop out of bushes and fondle himself while staring at women who were walking home from class or work. The administration and students got together and formed an escort service (not the shady kind) who would walk you to and from common places on campus if you felt unsafe. In my senior year the guy finally got caught- a group of guys saw him from their car and ran him down and turned him in. It never happened to me, fortunately, but it was definitely an issue that affected how I made decisions about where to go and what to do and whether or not it was safe to be alone.

This happened at my parent's restaurant when I was a teen. My father served the man a hot towel on a plate before kicking him out.

This one eighteenish year old that I worked with a few years ago had this happen to here at WORK!

She was alone in the store with him and didn't know what to do (I wish she would have called the police-- the store was downtown and there were always cops patroling within a few blocks). So she just cleaned up the jewelry case after he "finished" up on it.

It is sickening people have to deal with things like this.

Even though I've taught self defense and feel pretty confident in my ability to notice strange behavior, I don't recall any specific instances like this. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I would not be surprised if most women have experienced such a violation.

But my thoughts about this are complex:
My first thoughts are about female objectification to the extreme. We've grown so accustomed to drooling at models, posters, movies, pornography, advertising, etc., etc., that some people may find it difficult to draw the line between private fantasy/ sexual fulfillment and public actions. Society has never drawn the line for them. We barely do so when it comes to assault and harassment. Why would anyone care about this?

I find it interesting that several individuals said they felt sorry for the guy. I know that is real. And I'm not sure if it's out of my own curiosity of the individual circumstance to wonder if women are socialized to feel sorry even when they are violated.

Do we find a difference in the violation if it's someone we know or a stranger? Kind of like date rape compared with rape by an unknown.

Then, there's this part of me that I think would feel confusion between sexual power (for being able to turn on a man just from sitting at a cafe table) and creepy dirty (for being the object of such sleaze). How do we reconcile all that?

I used to work in advertising sales, so I'd be out hitting the streets going from business to business to sell. Once I was walking on the street to a meeting w/ a client and I noticed that this car started to follow me slowly down the street. I looked over at the car and realized the driver had the passenger window rolled down - as well as his pants - and was masturbating while following me down the street. I started screaming to get the fuck away from me - and he sped off. I got the plates, ran to the nearest public space, and called the cops. Unfortunately, they never found the motherfucker. Although, it was hard trying to get the cops to take me seriously.

An incident like this was just in the news: http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2008/04/02/basketball_player_to_be_charge.aspx
On a personal note, it has happened to me twice. One time my friends and I were downtown and there was a guy parked in his car with the windows rolled down and the lights on masturbating in full view of a busy street. We were all really disturbed and shaken up.
The second time I was at a nude beach for a project for my Human Sexuality class, and a guy was sitting within a few feet of our group masturbating. Just so you know, this type of behavior is NOT accepted at nude beaches, and all of the regulars were really appalled when we told them. We told the park ranger but the guy left as soon as we started talking to the ranger.
I think men who masturbate in public enjoy the fact that everyone is so appalled and feels so violated, I think that adds to their pleasure.

I had something like this happen to me while I was driving to work at 5am, on the highway. I was in such shock that I momentarily stopped driving with my foot on the gas and decelerated to about 30mph--the entire time, the guy kept pace with me in the next lane. I sped up to get away and he sped up too and kept pace with me (so I was never able to get his plate number). When I reached for my phone he slowed down to about 20mph and exited the highway. I wish i had done several things differently, and also it sucks to call 911 from the highway because the dispatcher has to reroute your call...at any rate, I kept a lookout for that guy in the maroon chevy during every commute after that like the cop told me to although I never saw it again.

And also, this was in the university paper today,

http://media.www.dailycollegian.com/media/storage/paper874/news/2008/04/03/News/Umass.Student.Arrested.For.Lewd.Behavior-3296320.shtml?reffeature=recentlycommentedstoriestab

@ sarahd_lush: that's terrible the police wouldn't take you seriously! No wonder this stuff is so common if the police won't do their duty on it.

For my case, I have to say the police were wonderful: they took me seriously, looked for and caught (probably) the guy, escorted me to my friend's house because I didn't feel safe at home that night, and made sure to follow up with me later. Even though I couldn't for sure ID, everything about the way it was handled was great and left me feeling safer. I wish all police were like that. The only bad part on that end was, when I called 911, I got yelled at by the operator for waiting too long to call (I was young and didn't know 911 was appropriate so I took time to look up my local station and call them, they told me to call 911; I also took the time to get to a safe location).

Ugh. Yeah. This has happened to me numerous times, to numerous degrees, and in numerous ways. Like Leah, I have had a masturbatory peeping Tom (he even brought his own towel and wore it on his shoulder while masturbating outside my window - classy!)

When it happened to me as a child, I was humiliated and ashamed and tried to hide it and forget about it. My adult responses have ranged from lauging outright at the wanker to violent rage.

I think the reason it upset me, when it did, was that I felt like I had been reduced to whack material for some jackass completely against my will. Like my will, consent, privacy, dignity, and personhood were all utterly inconsequential. To them, I was a porno, not a person.

This has happened to my mother her entire life, and usually there's not much you can do except tell an authority figure, and by the time you've done that the creep has left the scene - a lot of the stories here seem to involve that. But once when she was younger she was in a parking lot, sitting in her car going through her schedule or something like that, and looked over to the car next to her and what do ya know.. some perv jerking off, in a very obvious, demonstrative way. My mom gave him a disgusted look and drove away, but not before taking down his license plate number... she then proceeded to take him to court for sexual harassment and it turns out he had a record of similar incidents, and so the judge (female) was disgusted and gave him a huge fine. So if something ever happens like that to you, know that it is not ok and you can take action. And everybody should also know that my mom is awesome :-)

Argh, this happened to me just before Christmas and it was horrific!

I had come home from a club with my boyfriend and one of the local neighbourhood cats followed us home. I went into the house to get some cat food, came out to feed it and was kneeling beside it. I looked up and some guy was masturbating at my garden gate. Needless to say I ran in the house terrified screaming "THERE'S A GUY WANKING OUTSIDE!"

I did go to the police, but unfortunately, because the light was shining from behind him I couldn't give them much in the way of identifying features. They were generally pretty nice about it but they did ask if I was sure he wasn't just peeing.

If he was he was shaking it pretty fucking hard. Hmph.

A lived in an apartment a few years ago that was on the third floor, but backed up to a building that was on higher ground, so our apartment faced the parking lot behind the other building. We didn't have any curtains in our kitchen or living room (they opened on an alley and were on the third floor) and we used to see this guy with a flashlight in the parking lot from time to time--eventually we realized he was looking in our windows and masturbating. I called the police, but he was gone by the time they got there--I moved out (for other reasons) a short time later.

I also sometimes see people who seem to be clearly crazy masturbating on the street or the subway--the impression that I've gotten is that they're so crazy they're doing it without really realizing it, or without realizing that they're doing something wrong. On one level, i don't really mind that, because they're crazy, but on another the fact that they have untreated mental problems sometimes makes them really scary.

I remember hearing about men who would wait underneath the train platform steps to look up the high school students' jumpers while I was a freshman. It was especially frustrating because we weren't allowed to wear jeans underneath our jumpers. I wish more attention was brought to this type of harassment.

I don't know if you get used to this kind of thing, but the first time that a man exposed himself to me on the street, I had no idea what to think or feel. It was all very surreal. One moment I was walking and the next all I could see was exposed flesh. Granted, I never even managed to focus my eyes before I realised what was happening, but then he got on the streetcar and sat in the seat across the aisle from mine. I kept my nose in my nintendo DS until he debarked, his pants still around his knees.

In my case, at least, I'm fairly certain that his problems ran deeper than wanting strangers to his naked body. I didn't take it personally. It was deeply upsetting, though. So, uh, yeah. I'm pretty young, and I've spent most of my life in a small town out in the country. I have a whole life ahead of me in the city. I'm sure this isn't the last or worst thing that will happen.

What we need is ubiquitous cell phone cameras and a public website called something like CaughtInTheAct.com. Nightly news broadcasts of the pictures of the uploaded pics of the perpetrators wouldn't be bad either.

If they knew it was extremely likely that they would be captured on film, publicly shamed, and basically have their lives ruined over that behavior, they might think twice about doing it in the first place.

This happened to a colleague of mine on the CTA in Chicago. She was on the train and looked over and saw a man going it at. He stared at her and said "Don't move." She was too terrified to move until he finished and got off the train.

It happened right after she moved to the city; she never wanted to take public transit after that. Can't say I blame her.

he was a regular at the coffee shop ...and the guy wans't even a creep either. I guess sometimes, people can't control their actions.

No, he was a creep. He didn't look like a creep, but clearly he was one.

This kind of attitude really pisses me off. It absolutely explains why most people refuse to believe rape victims. Since most rapists, by all appearances, are completely normal and not creepy, the bitches must be lying.

And, yes, he can control his actions. He chooses not to because, to him, women aren't human and aren't deserving of him exercising his self-restraint so we can be free of harassment and assault.

This just happened to my sister and I on Easter! We were at the pool at my Grandmother's 55+ apartment complex in broad daylight and some dude whipped it out. It was the first time anything like this had happened to either my sister or I.

And as terrible as that was, the worst part was that when I told my closest guy friend about it. . . he laughed. His ass off.

Needless to say, he and I aren't speaking at the moment. . .

What we need is ubiquitous cell phone cameras and a public website called something like CaughtInTheAct.com. Nightly news broadcasts of the pictures of the uploaded pics of the perpetrators wouldn't be bad either.

Sounds good to me, but I'd rather put their pictures up on billboards, bigger than life, with the nasty bits blurred out, of course.

This just happened to me and my sister on Easter! We were at the pool at my Grandmother's 55+ apartment complex in broad daylight and some dude whipped it out. It was the first time anything like this had happened to either of us.

And as terrible as that was, the worst part was that when I told my closest guy friend about it. . . he laughed. His ass off.

Needless to say, he and I aren't speaking at the moment. . .

yup...it's happened to me three times.
twice on the subway
once on a plane...the guy next to me (not even joking)

though i must say, i am beginning to prefer this silent, neighboring masturbation style more than the guys who call me a "fat ugly bitch" after they catcall me and i don't give them the time of day. at least the wankers are quiet.

I stopped after reading the first ten or so posts. I find in disturbing that some of the victims of this offensive behavior seem to think it reflects on their level of attractiveness. Like, I'm so hot the horny beasts loose all self control. These are acts of people who are deeply sick and insist on using others against their will. If is more an issue of power over the unwilling then sexual need.

Curiouser

My most memorable experience with this was when I was in a metro station in Athens, Greece. Two of my friends and I were coming back from the art museum, and as I boarded the empty metro, I felt something squeeze my bottom, extremely hard. When I sat down, an older male was standing by the door of the car, staring at the three of us. It... being rubbed/tugged on/manipulated profusely. Luckily, I always wear sunglasses on public transit to avoid making eye contact with someone, but one of my friends accidentally made eye contact while he was doing this. We all felt disgusted, but every guy that was on the trip with us thought it was funny.

This has happened to me more times than I've ever counted. But I'll count now.

1) My best friend and I are in sixth grade on the subway on the way to school. I look up to see an old guy grinning at us while playing with what looked to me at the time to be a rubber ball. Then I realized it wasn't. My friend and I changed subway cars.

2) I was sixteen and in the public library. While I was in the stacks looking for a book on the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, I become aware of a man making a rhythmic motion near my head (I was kneeling). It was a homeless man masturbating. I went and told a librarian.

3) A few years ago, a friend and I were in a coffee shop hanging out when I became aware that the teenage boy at the next table had his dick out and was...waggling it around under his table. I shouted "Hey, dude? What the hell do you think you're doing?" He stuffed it back in his pants and acted like I was the crazy person.

4) Same friend, a few weeks later. We were in the park this time, hanging out, when we realized the seedy-looking guy across the way was stroking his penis while looking at us. We got up and moved.

Is anyone else reminded of the book/movie "Little Children"?

This hasn't happened to me personally (although being physically groped and accosted has) but it has happened to more womyn I know that I'd like to think about.

And from my research into the psychology of these creeps, it seems that the fear they visibly see from the womyn and the fact that it IS illegal (and therefore "thrilling") is what makes it "appealing" to do.

From a feminist perspective, it seems to be that it is the ultimate way of bringing a strong womyn down. I mean, you can visibly see it in our faces as we are shocked and often times, frozen in fear.

Sick, sick, sick.

Waterpixi- I find it interesting that the UMass guy was permanently suspended from the team, when James Harrison of the Steelers broke into his ex-girlfriend's home and slapped her to take their child and nothing happened to him. What are the standards in our society for violating women whether it be physical or non-physical? I need time to work out in my head what exactly is bothering me most...

I don't get it, why do some of the guy friends think this is funny? jrirwin, Simplejewel, and annie_lady had friends that didn't think it was a big deal, and laughed... I'm just confused, did any of them give reasons for laughing?

This happened to myself and two friends waiting in line for the Metro in France. When I first noticed what was going on -- how often do you see a dick out in public?! (well, a penis, I mean) -- I was kind of stunned into inaction. Then I ran up to the ticket counter and by the time I turned around, he was halfway across the station. Probably if I had just yelled "What the f are you doing?" he would have run off.

When my sister was 14 she was with a group of her peers watching some kind of outdoor magic/acrobat show and one of the guys in the show had his pants *altered* so that when he crouched down, everything "fell out"! Amazingly, NONE of the kids in the audience told the supervisors, and maybe the supervisors didn't notice? I don't know.

Another sister went on a date once with a guy who "took it out" in the car, ala Elaine from Seinfeld. NOT funny in real life. The thing is, the guy begged her not to tell anyone -- he seemed ashamed and freaked out.

Who knows...!

One of my co-workers alerted me to this posting--just yesterday I had quite the experience involving a public masturbator. I jumped into a cab at 8 in the morning, and started feeling a bit uncomfortable when the cab driver told me I looked 17 (I'm 24), and mentioned that I should just live at my boyfriends so we could "do it" all the time. I heard strange noises coming from the front of the cab and realized that the cab driver was jerking off while driving. I jumped out in mid traffic. Now that i think about it I wish I had damaged his car or at least thought enough to get his lisence plate number before he drove off. Now, all I have is a creepy feeling about getting into cabs coupled with an image of his wrinkly hands reaching for a tissue.

my story:

A few years ago when I was still in college I was driving on the highway back to school from my mom's house, and there was a car that kept pulling up right next to me (you know how annoying that is on the highway!) He was in the fast lane and I was beside him, so I look over after about the 2nd time I tried to slow down or speed up to get him away from me, and he was just DRIVING his car, STARING at me through his window, and JERKING OFF!!
I couldn't believe it. I had to pull over at the next exit and regain my composure because it freaked me out so much. I mean, we were on the highway for crying out loud!

Ugh. That happened to me on Amtrak once when I was in college. A dude switched seats to sit next to me and then started rubbing himself through his pants. I was mortified but was kind of too young to know what to do about it. So I just turned up my music and pretended it wasn't happening.

To this day, I wish I had said really loudly "Excuse me sir, PLEASE STOP MASTURBATING." Ugh. I'm getting creeped out again just thinking about it.

I've found one tactic to be particularly useful in these sorts of situations - I whip out my cellphone and take a picture, telling the jackass in question that I'm going to immediately take it to the police. They usually take off running. If that fails, I go the old public humiliation route, along the lines of "Hey everybody, look! That's got to be the smallest penis I've ever seen!"

I've found one tactic to be particularly useful in these sorts of situations - I whip out my cellphone and take a picture, telling the jackass in question that I'm going to immediately take it to the police. They usually take off running. If that fails, I go the old public humiliation route, along the lines of "Hey everybody, look! That's got to be the smallest penis I've ever seen!"

This happened to my aunt when she was swimming in a hotel pool late one night. It was a glassed in room and she saw something on the other side of the glass and realized it was a man standing outside masturbating while watching her. She immediately got out of the pool and went to get the manager, but she hadn't gotten a good look at him, etc.

And I remember my mom telling me a story about when she was a kid and her mother had left she and her cousins in the car while she ran into the store. My mom says she saw a man outside their car playing with something in his hand, but at the time, they didn't know what it was. Thank God the creep left and didn't do anything else. It's such a scary thought.

I think this is one facet of the major disrespect of women on a societal level. Although it makes women embarrassed and feel helpless when this sort of thing happens, I believe we should try our bests to let men doing this know it's not ok, whether it's through calling them out or taking legal action in whatever way possible. It's hard in the moment to know exactly what to do, but even just humiliating the person by saying "THIS MAN IS MASTURBATING ON ME!" lets people know what is happening.

My friend noticed a man filming up her skirt in the Goodwill one day and she called him out immediately, screaming "That man is filming up my skirt!" Two fireman standing near the man immediately tackled the man and he was taken in. My friend (who is aspiring lawyer and women's rights activist) took the creep to court and ended up getting him registered as a sex offender. He also spent some time in jail for his actions. She fought back and could have possibly saved other women from going through the same thing.

The interesting thing, though, about my friend's court case was that the man's lawyers were all about blaming my friend for her attire and everything! Because she is a pre-law student, she was able to handle the questions with some familiarity of procedure, but it still caused emotional distress. It made me think of normal women who go through these things everyday but may not have any idea of legal procedure and may be too scared to prosecute or made to believe they are in fact responsible. It's a vicious system.

Hasn't happened to me personally.

Although I have been groped and harassed plenty.

I read this book about sexuality in general. One thing the psychologist talked about was that negative sexuality habits (and he included exhibitionism here) tend to be developed by people who were experiencing some degree of self-loathing at the time their sexuality developed.

So some of these guys probably felt threatened by women at some point in the past, and so the public exposure and masturbation is a way for them to feel powerful over women.

Some of these other guys are actually turned on by feeling humiliated, which public exposure can also lead to.

Yeah. So it's quite psychological and not something every guy would do, not even your typical steet-harasser douche. Unfortunate though, no doubt.

keshmeshi, I have seen a site like that . . . I think it was mentioned here on Feministing. The girls were posting descriptions of the perps, where it happened, and pics if they had them. I think taking pictures is a good deterent. I also think, if you feel safe, laughing at them would turn them off. Laugh hard, point, call them pathetic, whatever would humiliate them. I felt like crap after a guy grabbed me in a library, and I hope I will handle it better if/when it happens again. God, it's depressing how common these violations are.

Except the problem is, some guys are /more likely/ to do it again if you humiliate them. Because of the way the whole psychology thing works, at least as this one book I read explained it.

So I don't know what's best. I guess asserting your rights and telling them to stop is important, and then some kind of legal or authoritative action if possible...

The site is mentioned at the end of this post. It's called Hollaback.

I'm a little confused by Deb's post. People in this thread were saying they were harassed because they're so hot? I don't recall seeing that here, sorry.

This happens to me quite a bit. I will tell of two instances here in DC.
The first is when I was sitting on the subway here in DC. A guy literally sat next to me on a train even when empty seats where available. This does happen pretty frequently with me, and its pretty annoying to begin with. However this time eventually I noticed his hands were down his pants.
I got up shortly afterwards.

The second time happened on the metro bus here in dc. I was sitting down in a crowded bus, and this guy was leaning against me with his hands down his pants. This time I felt what was going on, but was for the most part stuck.

I never really get to report people because of the public transit element. I usually leave when I notice its happening or they leave. I really should report it the next time it happens. Because twice on public transit is enough.

When it gets down to it, this is a form of sexual harassment, and in some cases like the ladder, it hints at sexual assault. There is little question this goes beyond crazies and there is an element of objectification.

When I was about 16 I was at a concert with my older sister (I think it was the first time I saw New Order--I'm old, too!) and it was standing room only. This scuzz apparently starting rubbing his crotch against my backside, but I didn't even notice because it was so crowded and we were all dancing smushed together--I thought it just unavoidable contact. My sister saw it though, and she punched him right in the eye. He kind of wandered off dizzily. Awesome.

ProFeministMale wrote:

"It turns out he was masturbating while staring at her - she got the manager, who kicked him out, even though he was a regular at the coffee shop ...and the guy wans't even a creep either. I guess sometimes, people can't control their actions."

That guy WAS a creep. He was doing something creepy.

This isn't about not being able to control one's actions and not being able to wait until one gets home to masturbate. It's about the shock on the women's faces. It's about horrifying them and forcing them to look at your genitals.

You're pro-feminist? I don't think I want you on my side.

I know this has happened to me before but the only particular instance I can think of was when a guy at a concert was rubbing up against girls. Luckily, this was during the time that I still wore a spiked bracelet so as soon as he tried it on me, I made sure to press the spikes back into him. He freaked out and left the club.

Screw the cops or the legal system; they can only do so much (and sometimes will do nothing at all, as we've seen in this thread). Personally, I have few qualms about physically assaulting someone who is harassing me or one of my friends in any way. I'm not a big girl, so it's not like I can usually do much damage anyway, but it turns the shock back on them (they never expect you to fight back!) and puts all that rage I feel exactly where it belongs. I think part of the reason these people do this is because they think they can get away with it, so I don't just do it for myself but in the hopes that it will make them stop doing it altogether.

When I was studying abroad with a group from my college, some of my classmates had horrific experiences with public masturbators. It was a twisted situation in general, because the international students at our university were heavily pursued for sex by other students and people around the university. I received lots of unwanted advances just walking around that particular neighborhood, because it was assumed that American women were open to sex with strangers. In this environment, it was particularly disturbing when my classmates were harrassaulted (I like that term!) twice by different taxi drivers. The drivers basically saw my friends walking on the street, pulled over, whipped it out and started jerking off while watching my friends go by. The saddest part was when these girls' host mother told them they shouldn't be walking around in shorts (even though plenty of women, foreigners or not, wore shorts in this area). She wouldn't give them a ride to their classes and told them it wouldn't happen if they didn't dress that way. In this situation there was a pre-existing cultural stereotype combined with the twisted actions of some sick men. The host mom's reaction was the bow tying it all together. That's just one example of how this kind of behavior can be justified by a particular community. I think it happens in different ways in different places, but what perpetuates it are ideas like, "the guys just can't help themselves," or, "she was dressed provocatively," or "(x) kind of women are promiscuous, so she wanted it..." I was sorry to read that early post from a guy who was harrassaulted as a little boy; it just goes to show that anyone perceived as vulnerable can be put in this situation. It's not about mere arousal, it's about power and intimidation.

Well I'm going to post here too. Hopefully this will make up for all of the times when my story was dismissed as "no big deal" from the guys.

So anyway it's a blazing summer in the late 1970s, I think I was 9 years old. This yellow car starts showing up in the neighborhood. One day the car stops near us and a guy asks me and my friend for directions.

We approached the passenger's side; I looked down to see his pants scrunched down at his ankles, he was wanking and um' let's just say he was finishing...

We gave him the directions and then he drove off. The stupid thing is that my friend didn't notice, so she thought I was lying. So each day we looked for the car to come back, so that I could prove that I wasn't lying. Crazy, I know.

Anyway the car came back; he was wanking again but this time he wanted us to get in. By this time we figured this was a bad guy so we told our parents and the cops finally arrested his ass.

The thing is, this was my first experience with seeing a man masturbate. And throughout the years, I've told this story; no one has ever laughed, but a few guys seemed to brush the story off. That's just not right. Something is very very wrong.

Anyway, this is a good reason to teach kids at a young age about sexuality (the good and the bad), lest they find out on their own as I did.

i've never witnessed anyone jerking off in public around me, but not long after i moved to boston, i was on a very crowded green line train and a guy pushed on behind me and proceeded to rub himself against me until the next stop, at which point i got off the train since it was my stop. this was nearly 8 years ago and i still have real issues getting on overcrowded trains.

when i'm sitting on the train i have noticed that a few guys, when standing right next to my seat, have put their crotches awfully close to my face, sometimes using someone walking behind them as an excuse to lean in extra close. i've never witnessed a guy so much as lean in towards a guy's face without turning sideways or somehow moving so crotch is not at face level.

if there's one plus to my experiences, it's made me become extra vigilant: on a couple occasions i've kept an eye on a guy who seems to be getting a little unnecessarily close to a woman who's not paying attention to him. i give him periodic "wtf do you think you're doing?" looks and when the guy notices me looking his way, he moves away slightly from the woman.

I was confused by Deb's comment, too. Does she think that the women who are talking about this kind of abuse are bragging about it somehow? Seriously?

This has happened to me three times. Once I was in middle school and it was a high school student who rode the same school bus as me. Another time I was 14 and it was a guy outside of a bowling alley. Both times I ignored the guy, which I now regret.

When I was in college and studying abroad, a guy whipped it out in the middle of the street while my friend and I were getting off of the bus. I whirled around to take a different street home, but my friend, who is a feisty, awesome lady, said, (cue thick south jersey accent) "That's just great, you've got your little dick out. Great. NOW MOVE!!!!! Jenny, come on!" Everyone around turned laughed at the guy, and he did seem pretty embarrassed.

Oh actually, I realized I do have a good and somewhat related story.

I art model, professionally (i.e. nude modeling for artists). I haven't really had bad experiences with that -a couple of uncomfortable ones, but nothing horrible, and mostly positive experiences.

But once when I was advertizing on craigslist, I had a guy e-mail to ask me if I would pose for him to masturbate just watching me, and he'd pay me $100 per session, and wanted to do it 4 times per month. I didn't reply. I posted another ad about a month later, and the same guy wrote me (not knowing the ad was by the same person), except this time he was being very shady about what exactly he was wanting to, just saying he'd pay me well. So I wrote back and said I was interested in art modeling and that's what I posted for and it was inappropriate for him to e-mail me if he wanted anything other than that.

But then, I told a guy about the situation, you know complaining about it. And this guy was all like "jeez, $100? Why wouldn't you do it?"
It was frustrating to have someone else completely not understand why that would make me uncomfortable -although my cousin's bf was pretty pissed, so that was good.

This has happened to me a number of times. I deal with it different ways depending on the situation (are other people around, do I get a vibe that the guy might escalate his behavior if I react rather than just leaving, etc.) The last time that I recall was on the subway pretty late at night. The car I was on wasn't very full, but there were a number of other people on it, all men so far as I could read. One dude sat across from me and was just acting weird, shifty and then, of course, he had to pull his dick out and start masturbating while staring at me. I very loudly said something like "Excuse me, could you please put your dick away, no one wants to see that", which worked like a charm so far as the masturbater was concerned--he stopped immediately and did what I said and got off at the next stop. What really bugged me was that as soon as i opened my mouth all the other men got really interested in their newspapers, no one acknowledged that anything was happening with so much as a supportive look towards me or a glare towards the guy or anything.

I like the website idea but would like to echo the concerns others have voiced that such a thing would play into the erotic humiliation aspect of this behavior.

I think based on my limited knowledge of this kind of behavior (including conversations with men who at least claim to have engaged in it,) that a lot of people who do it don't get that it can be deeply disturbing to others, that it is violating. I'm not trying to say "oh, the poor dears," but rather to place this fucked up behavior within a larger context patriarchy, ignorance on the part of men as to their role therein, and a prudish culture around many aspects of human sexuality in which people are not encouraged to learn about themselves or think about why they like what they like or figure out ways they might be able to enjoy, say, erotic humiliation/public exposure without dragging unwilling participants into their fantasies.

This happened to me once while I was jogging, a guy was following me around in his car. I ended up going into a restaurant nearby and calling a friend to come get me.

Then a few months later the exact same thing happened to my sister while she was jogging.

The worst thing about all this was how many people thought it was "funny." I had to very strongly inform them of how fucking scary it is to have that type of thing happen to you.

If this ever happens to you again, please, call the police. It has been years (about 20) but when it happened to me, I chalked it up as "par for my life," until a friend INSISTED I tell the police. The police officer told me that people who do this almost always escalate. And yes, this is an arrestable offense.

Eesh, some of the stories you guys are posting are so harrowing. I've *never* seen anyone masturbating in public. About the worst experience I've had was a 70+ year old guy leaning against me and feeling up my knee on the city bus when I was 14. I totally did not know how to deal with that - you're supposed to be polite to old people, right?

It's so weird because the other day, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend and he asked me if I would tell if I was in class and saw some guy staring at me and jerking off. My initial reaction was, "I guess I'd ignore it. What can I do about it?" and then at his shocked look I realized, "Oh my god, that's sexual assault, isn't it?" and he nodded.

So not all guys think that's acceptable behavior.

I used to have to take the bus to work when I lived on the other side of town, and there was a while when the main bridge was down so the schedules changed and the only way to get to work without being late was being there 40 minutes early. So to kill time, I'd go to the cafe down the street and have tea and toast. There was this obviously mentally challenged man who would come in. He came in for the first time since I started going there maybe 2 months after I started going regularly, and after that he came ALL THE TIME. He'd stare at me and stare at me and it made me SO uncomfortable. The one time, he sits down at my table and starts asking me all these personal questions. I felt so awkward and looked down at my food and gave short answers, but about five questions in, this older man who is always there in the morning as well told him I wanted to sit alone and to basically get away from me.

Another time this man came in, he stared at me for what seemed like forEVER, went into the bathroom and didn't come out for 20 minutes. I don't know if he was jerking it for sure, but that's the impression I got, and just thinking about it makes me sick. I know that it's not exactly public, but I still felt violated and disgusted. Like I was on display or some shit. I couldn't even imagine having someone do something like that TOWARD me and in front of me. Pervs.

I had this happen to me this summer. I was studying abroad and we were spending the weekend in Budapest. All the girls were back at the meeting place waiting for all the guys to show up. A guy walked by and we all noticed him because it was a particularly cold and rainy night but he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. We were all a little creeped out by him (it was a weird mutual gut feeling that something wasn't right). A few minuted after he had passed us, I looked down the street he had gone down to make sure he was gone, but instead I saw him with his hand up his shorts, masturbating. I quickly told all the girls to get up and walk to the next corner to wait for the guys. I left when he realized we saw him, but we still had to stand there and wait for the rest of the group feeling alone and vulnerable. The worst part was that when we told the guys what had happened some of them laughed at us for being scared or upset. I will never be able to think about that Budapest without thinking about that awful experience. It definitely needs a name and some harsh consequences.

This happened to me once. I was walking down a steep flight of stairs that were kind of switchback style. It's hard to explain, but it was the sort of thing where you couldn't see the level of stairs below you until you rounded a corner, so to speak, and there wasn't anyone else around. I rounded a corner in the middle of the stairs and came face to face with a guy masturbating. It scared the crap out of me, and I turned around and ran back up the stairs (there was no way I could go around him, obviously). The whole time running up I was terrified that he was running after me, but thankfully he wasn't. What was even worse was that that was the only way to get where I needed to go, so I just had to scrap my plans entirely.

Another horrible thing happened to me once that I don't even know how to classify. I was sitting on a bus while it was waiting at a transit center. I was the only one on the bus (even the driver was off), and I was looking out the window when a man turned his back to me and pulled his pants down. I thought he was just mooning me, which is bad enough, but then he actually started crapping. It was the most disgusting thing that I have ever experienced, and I had no idea what to do.

Stories like these make me so angry! I've never had this happen to me, but I can picture myself getting violent. I'm sure if it actually happened I would have a moment of shock to get over first.

On another note.....
guy's crotch in your face on a crowded subway when he clearly has plenty of room to turn away? A quick "accidental" smack with your umbrella, bag, etc. should do it. I've done it at concerts before (used my elbow)

You know what's pissing me off about all this? How many of you say that you've had guy friends laugh when you told them about it. I mean, what the fuck? They are supposed to be your friends, and that means respecting your feelings about a given situation. I'm almost more offended by that than I am all of the stories that everyone is telling, since these people should be the ones not just taking you seriously but backing you up and making you feel better if they can.

I realize that one of the question asked was "does this shit happen to you?", but nobody's really done much to come up with a name for it. how about "assaulturbate" or "masturbassault"?

Although those could be confused with the yet-more-alarming stories of guys who actually masturbate so that their ejaculate hits another person-- this post's subject is different...

My Human Sexuality textbook (Our Sexuality--Crooks and Baur) mentions this and a lot of people in my class shared similar stories on the day that we discussed it. According to my textbook, what Courtney described would be a form of exhibitionism, although anytime someone purposefully rubs up against another person (usually in crowded places) for sexual gratification it is known as frotteurism. Interesting, the books notes that it is relatively common (21% of typical college men in one study were found to have engaged in 1 or more frotteuristic acts) but often goes unnoticed.

It is mentioned in a section called coercive paraphilia (paraphilia = sexual behaviors often seen as deviant) along with exhibitionism, obscene phone calls, voyeurism and the more rare zoophilia and necrophilia. It does say that many people who engage in frotteurism and exhibitionism suffer from powerful feelings of social and sexual inadequacy and may have been raised in environments with shame-inducing attitudes towards sex. In the case of exhibitionism, the offender is usually after the horrified or shocked reactions of victims, so it is best to calmly look away and walk away (though understandably it is probably very difficult to remain calm).

I'm glad to hear BluCheez mention that a police detail in NY has tried to address this issue.

The last time that happened to me, I hollered bloody murder and had the guy's ass thrown in jail. And I'll do it again next time.

I have so far never experienced this. I honestly don't know how I would react. Something is wrong when this kind of harrassment is so common. If everyone was taught good manners, no one would have to worry about this.

I agree with Christine and her boyfriend. That is sexual assault. At the sexual assault centre I volunteer at, we define sexual assault as "any unwanted act of a sexual nature" and we believe that anyone who feels that they have been sexually assaulted has been.

I realize that this is nothing like the legal definition of sexual assault and probably never will be, but the legal system isn't designed to come down hard on these asshole pigs.

Listen to what all of us are saying about these experiences--we do not forget them. They shape where we can go, when we can go there, how we react to other people in public spaces. Just as the threat of sexual violence affects us every single day, experiences like this encroach on our ability to feel safe in places that we should feel safe. Hell, once some asshole in one of my classes first tried to lay his greasy head down on my coat, which was in the chair between us, and I moved it out of the way. He moved into the chair next to me and tried to put his head on my shoulder. I pulled away and said firmly, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Get off." Now, I personally did not feel that I had been assaulted, but it made me nervous and uncomfortable to be in that class and in public spaces on my university campus, where I knew I could run into him again. I later saw him pull the same type of crap on other women.

As for my experiences with this specific type of shit:

Eighth grade, walking to meet a friend so we could come back to my house and hang out. I got to the bottom of my street where I usually turned the corner and saw a purple truck with a cap on the back. "Huh," I thought, "That's funny. Didn't that truck just pass me?" It had. I crossed the street instead of turning the corner, and someone yelled "Hey!" once I got to the other side. I looked over, and he was standing outside his passenger side door, waving not just his free hand, but his dick too. I ran away and called the police once we got back to my friend's house (we didn't go back to mine because we'd have to pass where he'd been again). They told me not to bother pressing charges because there was no way they could find him anyway.

So that's my two cents on the matter.

This happened to a friend of mine when she was just sixteen. Some guy was masturbating in a van parked next to her car, and showing off to her. My friend was just shocked into immobility, and then another man jumped out of the same van and grabbed her and started dragging her into the car!! Luckily her mom came out of the restaurant and started screaming, and the assholes jumped back in their van and drove off.

There is definitely a connection between the seemingly "harmless" public masturbation and more serious sex crimes. I know it's probably hard for the police to catch these freaks, but...deriving sexual pleasure by involving someone w/out their consent is fucked up, even if you're not touching the other person. It's a violation, and it's a slippery slope to rape. IMO.

This happened to a friend of mine when she was just sixteen. Some guy was masturbating in a van parked next to her car, and showing off to her. My friend was just shocked into immobility, and then another man jumped out of the same van and grabbed her and started dragging her into the car!! Luckily her mom came out of the restaurant and started screaming, and the assholes jumped back in their van and drove off.

There is definitely a connection between the seemingly "harmless" public masturbation and more serious sex crimes. I know it's probably hard for the police to catch these freaks, but...deriving sexual pleasure by involving someone w/out their consent is fucked up, even if you're not touching the other person. It's a violation, and it's a slippery slope to rape. IMO.