This is the same state that has a law that says women cannot withdraw consent once it has been given, correct?

Depressing as all hell....

Wow. I hope Dugan has it on his conscious. I hope everyone involved in investigating this case learned something. In such an awful case I feel like the best you can say is that you hoped some people learned someting.

Oh, and I hope this woman will find some wonderful support structure /somewhere/ to help her cope with this...

So the article said he planned to commit suicide to make his wife "feel bad" about taking his kids away.

And he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

I really would like to know what was going through the mind of the psychologist who said he wasn't a threat.

"Ehh, he's incapable of empathizing with other human beings BUT he hasn't tried to kill anyone yet..."

The fact that he had narcissistic personality disorder and had THREATENED suicide should have been enough to stop the unsupervised visitations with his kids.

That's the thing that worries me...psychologists AND the judge are incapable of imagining what goes on in the minds of other human beings.

NPD is serious business...maybe he could have improved with therapy but until then, he should NOT have been allowed to see his kids unsupervised.

wow. just ... wow.

you know who I think should get the Feminist Fuck You this week? Judge Dugan and others deny protection orders that are CLEARLY warranted. haven't enough women and children died?

Doesn't sound to me like Dugan has a conscience to begin with. What a complete waste of space. Total fuckwad.

Fucking hell. WTF is wrong with people? I don't even know what else to say.

I cant imagine how horrible that must be. The judge is an idiot for even partly basing his decision on the fact she had had sex with him, her reason for doing so is very believable based upon his behavior. That being said the judge was also basing it off of two psych evals and I'm sure some character witnesses for the guy. Seems to me one issue this also raises is how we treat people with psychological problems, especially those who develop them later in life. The gift of hindsight in these cases is very illuminating. Does the blog/press coverage of these incidents, or the ones like the one that took down Judge James Shull, show something thats happening all the time or something that happens very rarely, such as the rates of child abductions now being so much lower than in the '70s but the press coverage being a ton more.

Johanna,
can you elaborate on -CLEARLY-? I agree with you his rights should have been rescinded and I believe Ms. Castillo but should a permanent RO be issued if she was claiming mental duress and the guy has two psych evals clearing him? Couldnt I get a perm RO on a mother with PPD if i am the father, her behavior becomes increasingly erratic and she says she wants the kid gone?

OT: Gone for a whole 2 months this time. Keep up the great work y'all.

Write letters to each and every member of the legislature in Maryland to get this judge removed from the bench.

http://mlis.state.md.us/

Write letters to each and every member of the legislature in Maryland to get this judge removed from the bench.

http://mlis.state.md.us/

Dananddanica what do you mean by this exactly...can you elaborate:

"Seems to me one issue this also raises is how we treat people with psychological problems, especially those who develop them later in life."

I don't even know what to say about this case. Just awful awful awful.

What has to happen for the judicial branch to begin taking rape and violence against women seriously? How many women and children have to die?

I live in the metro area so this has been on the local news a lot these past couple days. Sick, just sick.

Newbaum, can you suggest an outline or form? I'm not sure what language would most effectively get the point across.

The worst part is that cases like these are the norm. Really, all heterosexual relationships suffer from this to some degree, with the man holding the woman hostage for sex either emotionally or physically. Comparatively, all men are sociopaths because we cannot feel emotions like women nor can comprehend the feelings of others. Hopefully the legal system will wake up to that eventually.

open_sketch, I can only hope that you are joking.

This incident is horrible, but it in no way indicates that all heterosexual men are holding their partners hostage.

open_sketch, I don't think that this (or any other case) is indicative of men holding women hostage. Most relationships are healthy (both heterosexual and homosexual) but there are unhealthy partnerships. THis doesn't mean that all relationships are bad. I think it's wrong to paint a picture of males as sex-starved, cruel and manipulative.

Why is it wrong to state the truth? For the sake of political correctness women have long ignored the fundamental fact that prevents true equality between the sexes, in the simple biological nature of male humans. Men are sex drives on legs, their only biological functions to spread their seed, dominate and kill their rivals and achieve sexual conquest. I should know, I am one, and every day is a struggle against that nature. Men are just rapists waiting for an opportunity and so long as they control the legal system they will use it to subdue women.

Wtf?

So, open_sketch, in a civilized society, why shouldn't we just lock up all human males and throw away the keys?

And feminists are man-haters?!

Uhhhh . . . O_S, I think I'll stick with the many men out there who don't see themselves as natural-born rapists, k thx!

Sarah, thats the things, you really should.

Aaaand, that's about enough derailment. We could just nip that right in the bud, and move back to the topic of the post.

I second SarahMC, anybody know a good form? I have trouble not losing my temper when responding to situations like this.

O_S: "Why is it wrong to state the truth?"

Because stating that all men are natural rapists is not truth.

Calling all men natural rapists, hurts both women and men, and is actually a common myth that is promoted by the patriarchy (that women must be the gatekeepers because men can't control themselves sexually). It's also the same argument used by the abstinence movement which tells all girls to protect their "innocence" from the "uncontrollably sex crazed menz". This whole attitude just takes the responsibility off men and places it on women who are now burdened to act as the sexual gatekeepers. Truth is, this is all wrong. One is not born a natural rapist, one CHOOSES to be a rapist through their actions. Likewise plenty of men and women choose not to be rapists everyday.

Why the hell is her having sex with the man even considered evidence that he is not violent or a danger to the children? That just doesn't make a bit of sense!
It is sad when I am only mildly shocked to hear of how jacked up our judicial system is. On the other hand, I burn intensely for the victims and that will never go away!

As far as the jacked up judicial system goes, here's an interesting article that came out a couple of weeks ago where the UN (yes the well intended but quite messed up UN) called the U.S. out for having a racist judicial system.

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/HRW/4e39ffefc4ceefceae029277441393fd.htm

This is really, really sad.

I second and third (and fourth) all the WTF? How much suffering do women and children have to endure before people take the threats against them seriously? I feel incredibly bad for this woman because (unless she gets help) she might be spending the rest of her life questioning whether or not their could have been something she could have done and blaming herself for this. I certainly hope she has some kind of support system to get through this and that her husband is thrown in jail or a mental institution.

this is so irresponsible of not only the judge, but the psychologist and psychotherapist, as well.

All three should have their licenses revoked (permanently!). One would think that at least two mental health professionals would see that these prior incidents were severe enough to warrant support of the wife. Well, one would at least expect them to understand the full extent of NPD. That's their job, at any rate.
That's all I can say, as ill this makes me feel.

This is too scary. All I can think is I could have been one of those children and my poor mother could be that suffering woman. I hope and pray she's on suicide watch and has people with her to counsel and support her.
Does anyone know if she's in care and if she is going to sue the mother fucking pants off the whole state of Maryland?

AH! I have so much anger at our judicial system right now!!!!

dananddanica:

given his prior actions and diagnosis? nevermind a PERSONALITY DISORDER is not something that can be cured. SOMEONE WHO HAS NPD HAS ANTISOCIAL TENDENCIES.

One should not need to whip out their DSM-IV-TR to figure out that this man was a danger to others, and would most likely end up killing someone. The article does not state that he had a prior diagnosis of conduct disorder, but even so: one can be dx with antisocial personality disorder, npd, et cetera, without a previous childhood dx of conduct disorder.

open_sketch, you need to get professional help. I don't know if IP addresses are tracked here, but the blog owner should seriously consider keeping yours on file, because I fear you are projecting - or even worse, admitting to a crime.

is that true, that in maryland women cannot legally "withdraw consent once given"? gaahh

Newbaum, can you suggest an outline or form? I'm not sure what language would most effectively get the point across.

Posted by: SarahMC

Just write the facts of the case, what happened and that you think this judge needs to be removed. I live in a state where judges are elected, so removing them is as simple as voting them out. I don't know what the laws are in Maryland, but in just about every state I know of, the legislature has the power to impeach and remove judges.

I'm not going to give a form for such a letter, since the first thing an elected official's staff looks for is signs of a form letter which, when discovered, is promptly trashed 99% of the time. Just tell them what happened and that this judge's actions (or lack of action) is responsible for the deaths of these children.

Newbaum, can you suggest an outline or form? I'm not sure what language would most effectively get the point across.

Posted by: SarahMC

Just write the facts of the case, what happened and that you think this judge needs to be removed. I live in a state where judges are elected, so removing them is as simple as voting them out. I don't know what the laws are in Maryland, but in just about every state I know of, the legislature has the power to impeach and remove judges.

I'm not going to give a form for such a letter, since the first thing an elected official's staff looks for is signs of a form letter which, when discovered, is promptly trashed 99% of the time. Just tell them what happened and that this judge's actions (or lack of action) is responsible for the deaths of these children.

I thought it was supposed to be easy to get a restraining order on the basis of threats, especially when they involved children? Or is it a state-by-state issue?

I just get so chilled when I see stuff like this. While my father didn't threaten physical abuse against my brother an I, he would always threaten to make our lives miserable in order to get back at my mom (things like reporting our new address where we moved to get away from him so I would get kicked out of my high school since I didn't live in the district any longer, pulling me and my brother out of our extra curricular activities, never letting us go anywhere with friends, taking away everything we own, etc.). That's not to say he never physically abused us, but that wasn't what he used to get under my mom's skin. Anyway, I just find it strange that a parent can do all of this and still completely love his children at the same time, not to mention the wife he abuses.

The truth is, with my own experience I've come to realize that sometimes it's too difficult to reconcile the popular portrayal of the evil, angry, abusive father with the real, loving, complex, insecure, abusive father that exists in a lot of people's lives. I think a lot of these men are hurting, and they've grown up in a society that not only gives them a frightening sense of entitlement to their wives and children, but gives them few tools with which to constructively deal with the difficulties of life. Anger is one of the few acceptable ways for men to express themselves...

I don't know, I'm rambling. But when I think about my own household, I begin to think that a lot of domestic violence problems could be abated by changing the construct of masculinity (and conversely, femininity).

"SOMEONE WHO HAS NPD HAS ANTISOCIAL TENDENCIES."

YEAH, AND ANTISOCIAL DOESN'T ALWAYS JUST MEAN NONCONFORMIST EITHER!

"One should not need to whip out their DSM-IV-TR to figure out that this man was a danger to others, and would most likely end up killing someone."

I totally agree.

"open_sketch, you need to get professional help. I don't know if IP addresses are tracked here, but the blog owner should seriously consider keeping yours on file, because I fear you are projecting - or even worse, admitting to a crime."

Yeah, he's basically claiming to be a rapist or rapist wannabe. Hmm...

tofurific, you're not just rambling. What you're saying is insightful and important and needs to be heard.

is it just me or does open_sketch sound a lot like our old friend mild ennui?

it is really really terrible what happened in this case, but it is also true that restraining orders and basically useless anyway. if a man wants to hurt a woman or her children, a piece of paper isn't going to stop him. we need better ways to protect women from domestic violence.

I think open_sketch is a parody of the stereotypical "radical lesbian feminist" that so often gets thrown in our faces, usually with references of Andrea Dworkin tossed in for good measure. I wouldn't take these comments seriously.

This is horrifying! Not that this is the same at all, but my male roommate threatened me with physical violence, he would have hit me had a not had mace next to my bed, and no one does anything about it! Well in my case they "can't" do anything. The cops told me if he would have actually physically assaulted me then they would be able to do something, or if we were a couple (because then it would be considered domestic). So basically I'm living with a man I'm always in fear of snapping, and because I continue to live there I'm being discredited! I have no other choice but to live there, I'm paying rent, my landlord refuses to let me out of my lease so I can't even afford to stay at a hotel, and I have no where else to go.

Not that my situation is the same, because atleast I'm a grown woman and there are no children in my life. I can't believe that this had to happen and all she was asking for was a restraining order and they wouldn't even give her that! I know that if he wanted to violate the order he could have, but I have had restraining orders before. In some case they work because then if you so much as even see the person, or they call you, or you even suspect that you saw them you can call the police and then they can be arrested. Where as, without the restraining order they can't be arrested until they do something. That's the over simplified experience I've had in PA.

This poor woman. This story has really affected me. I just hope she is able to cope with this, but really, what person could ever live with something like this?

Lucie, for some reason this blog attracts a lot of men with personality disorders - M.E., open_sketch, 88mph...

exactly, Mina. unfortunately, what I meant by calling this an "antisocial", was in the most clinical of terms- as in, laymen terms- "sociopath". I didn't mean that he's nonsocial. so, I don't know about calling him a "nonconformist"- no idea about that aspect of his personality.
I also don't know about labeling the jerks that come here (M.E., open_sketch, 88mph), as having personality disorders. I was only saying that he had a diagnosed personality disorder, and that is enough to scream to a mental health professional that we've a real problem on our hands, unless, for some reason, they feel that dx needs to be revisited, and changed.

I'll just go ahead and point out the obvious: I was being strangely clinical (literal-BTVS, get it?) about a clinical condition; that's why I get irritated in common conversation when people who should know better (MH/MH SW) professionals mean to say someone's being "antisocial", when they mean "nonsocial". It's as if people are misinterpreting "personality disorder" to mean, regularly cranky, or just being a jerk. Or, in the case of M.E., open_sketch, 88mph... we could just say they're assholes, just trying to get our goats.
of course, I could be wrong: those aforementioned jerks may indeed suffer from some for m of p.d., and this is a mild way for them to feel accomplished in their day.
I'm guessing they're just nonsocial assholes who can't get dates, relationships, and just are looking to try to make others feel as miserable as they do- no real dx for being a flat-out-loser-jerk.

That's horrible, Jerima! Threats of violence ARE against the law. I can't believe the police can't do anything at all, even if it's just a warning.

Have you thought about handling the situation civilly? Maybe there are organizations who can tell you what kinds of recourse you're entitled to?

Let the judge know what you think, too:
http://www.ncpj.org/ncpj_officers.htm
he's first on the list, his email:
jo.egan@snet.net

I was far too upset yesterday to comment when the news just broke, but here's my two cents.

Why the hell is her having sex with the man even considered evidence that he is not violent or a danger to the children?

The theory is consensual sex is evidence that there is no threat of violence. So if it comes down to s/he said/s/he said consensual sex indicates that the petitioner doesn't actually fear the Respondent. (I know this is complete bs...I'm not defending...just explaining.)

I don't know the details of this case...but I do know that basing a protective order on a rape and threats is almost a certain loss. In order to limit the freedom of another (including access to children) you usually have to provide some type of incontrovertible evidence of violence - whether directed at the person or at objects.

To be honest MD and DC have progressive laws on protection orders/ restraining orders. Unfortunately for those children and their family the weren't progressive enough.

I think some people have a few misconceptions about personality disorders. Personality disorders are serious afflictions, and should be treated with therapy/medication, but having a personality disorder doesn't make you automatically predisposed to kill. Also, there is a difference between narcissistic personality disorder and anti-social personality disorder, and it appears as if some posters are conflating the two. Though those with narcissistic personality disorder have some anti-social tendencies, they are not as severe as those associated with anti-social personality disorder. Anti-social personality disorder is the one most commonly given to serial killers. However, even anti-social personality disorder is thought to be applicable to about 1% of the population, as is narcissistic personality disorder. It is clear that 2% of the population are not murders or killers, nor is 1%, so it is incorrect to assume that as soon as someone is diagnosed with one of these personality disorder, they can be seen as a likely killer. This guy was a killer, but not everyone with narcissistic personality disorder is, and many people without narcissistic personality disorders are killers.

He threated violence; she used sex (agree to be raped) in order to appease him--if you've ever worked with domestic violence survivors, you will find that many times women agree to sex to appease/calm down violent men); then the judge used the fact that in order to calm him down in a violent state of mind, she agreed to sex, she must not be under threat of real violence?

This judge should be dis-barred as well as thrown from the bench. Anyone who has in any degree worked with Domestic Violence cases knows that sex is often used by women to forestall violence.

Judges that work on Domestic Violence issues NEED TO BE CAREFULLY SELECTED AND TRAINED.

I couldn't agree more that more training for judges is so important. For those of you who are writing letters, you might refer this judge (and his colleagues) to The National Judicial Institute on Domestic Violence. They do some great judicial skills trainings.

Wow.
My neighbor is a detective on this case, and when he told me this I was floored.
Ugh, I hate where I live sometimes.

This is so messed up.

I'm still trying to fully understand the calls for the dismissal/disbarrment of this judge. Going off of the article, not knowing all the evidence he had in front of him, I see two psych evals saying the father was not a threat. I see the judge basing his decision, somewhat, off of the woman having sex with the man, even twice the day of. I agree with all of you in that women often seek to pacify aggressive/dangerous partners with sex, especially if there are children involved and she puts their welfare above her own. The judge was wrong to base his decision in any way on her having sex with him but lets say he left that out and didnt comment on it. Would he still have been wrong for not granting a permanent RO? What evidence other than her talking about what he said about the kids was in front of the judge? I'm sorry but when it comes to family issues I generally don't believe anything either party has to say, we know now what happened but threats are made all the time, they are also made up all the time. Its a personal issue of mine and one I have been affected by but while I would have agreed with and supported a TRO I dont see how a permanent RO could have been granted in this case at the time the decision was reached, even if the judge was a sexist asshole for using the sex as partial justification.

In this state/case how different is a temp restraining order from a perm one? What are the requirements for getting a permanent one? I still think of the Judge Shull when reading this thread and about the wonders of hindsight. I think the restraining order system as a whole needs to be revamped, especially temporary ones where in my experience the word of one person, of any character, can destroy another persons life and the RO just gets pencil-whipped through.

Holly-
My response to your post will also, in part, cover a question from meenee. So this man, and anyone like him, is a danger and this permanent restraining order should have been granted because of that? Does that apply to anyone who has what he does or anything in the same category? Can they have their parental rights removed at any time if they make an evil comment one day and act erratically? That is what I meant in my original post about how we treat people with psych disorders, I dont have the answer but we have to find something better to do, especially with people who either escape notice as a child/teenager or dont develop symptoms until later in life, those people and the ones closest to them are the most unable to deal with it, in my experience.

--peace to all; back in june-

I have practiced law in Maryland for about 15 years. While Maryland is a politically liberal state on net, its bench is institutionally conservative. Not politically conservative, per se, but simply cautious men and women who lean heavily on the law as written - as they should. Even our state's highest court is institutionally conservative, though that's easier to be with a liberal legislature.

Anyway, to this case. Judges are not trained in psychology, generally. Even those who do psychiatric commitment cases don't know psych. The bench tends to defer to the experts, i.e. the psych report who said this dude was no danger.

As to the issue of rape, yes, it was rape. However, I will bet that the question, "and did the Respondent rape you"? was not asked. I will bet that the Petitioner described the sexual interaction not as "rape" but as "sex." So the judge will not be likely go beyond the evidence presented and will do what unimaginative student of the unimaginative would likely do, and call this rape "sex" because that's the word he heard.

Maryland law requires "clear and convincing" evidence to allow a protective order of this sort. If a psychiatrist or psychologist says it's all a bunch of nothing, the evidence is not clear and won't likely be convincing to a judge.

It's important to remember that, contrary to the commonly held view, lawyers and judges are not particularly smart as a group. If we were really smart, we would be in robotics or employed by Google, not standing in line in family court. Really smart lawyers sometimes become professors, but rarely judges. A really smart person would go insane sitting on the bench with such tedium. Ditto with law practice; the ability to sit still for 11 hours at a quiet desk is far more important than intelligence to success in the law.

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