I swear that I mean this curiously, not mockingly, but how many mistakes are there to make?

I'm telling you, I got a whistle within the first 2 seconds because I opened the wrapper without looking at the expiration date. Another whistle for not pushing the condom to the side of the package before opening (to risk breaking the condom when opening). And that was just the beginning.

I just love the pic...

I go to a Catholic college, and we got this e-mail warning us about how planned parenthood wants to "ruin" Valentine's Day:

Planned Parenthood Turns St. Valentine's Day into 'National Condom Day'

By Marie Hahnenberg

February 14 is one of the most romantic days out of the year. For those who celebrate Saint Valentine's Day, red roses and chocolates are usually the most popular gifts given and received. The history behind this day can be traced back to Christian and ancient Roman traditions. It is a day of love.

However, there are others in this country that make it into a holiday that has nothing to do with love. Planned Parenthood has perverted the meaning of love and is using this day to celebrate what it calls "National Condom Day."

Planned Parenthood not only promotes "National Condom Day," but it also uses this time of year to declare a "National Condom Week" and a "National Condom Month." It turns romantic St. Valentine's Day into an entire month pushing its birth control products, abortions and sick, anti-life, anti-family agenda.

One example of this is what Planned Parenthood calls a "must-have fashion accessory." This accessory is a condom. Planned Parenthood celebrates promiscuity by promoting its birth control products and going as far as naming this condom brand, "Proper Attire â„¢: Required for Entry." How much more repulsive can Planned Parenthood get!

Unfortunately, you can expect such distasteful things from an organization that will do anything to make a profit. In 2006, Planned Parenthood had a total clinic income of over $340 million and a profit of $55 million. It's a business after all - a baby-killing business that lures its customers with sexual products like condoms.

Of course you would never come across, anywhere in Planned Parenthood's advertising schemes, the real meaning of sex. It lists things like "Seven steps to sexual health," which intruct readers to "know thyself" by "exploring" your own body. It also describes in great detail sexual activities with accompanying scandalous pictures that promote an immoral lifestyle. Planned Parenthood says to forget about your conscience. It says, "Listen instead to what your body and mind are telling you." Planned Parenthood has opened the door for Satan and has allowed evil to be the basis for its organization. And those that are involved in this type of propaganda are too blind to see the dangers and harmful effects of such behavior.

The story of creation teaches us the real meaning of sex. God created man and woman to unite and procreate. Once birth control, pornography, masturbation, premarital sex or abortion enters the picture, God is put aside and our own selfish desires are put first. People then are creating a barrier between themselves and their salvation.

One way to avoid this barrier is to do the opposite. Practice the lifestyle of chastity, the anti-Planned Parenthood way.

Chastity is treating each other with respect and dignity, and not simply as sexual objects that can fulfill our physical or mental desires. It's how you dress, how you act, what you say, what you think and what you do. Living in our society today, one can see that there are so many influences telling us to live the promiscuous lifestyle.

While living in a nation that allows the murder of innocent human beings inside the womb, it is not surprising that people in this same nation would not only discourage abstinence, but provide children with free condoms and other types of contraception, in something Planned Parenthood calls playing it "safe."

The only way to play it safe is to practice chastity. Living a chaste life is something we are all called to do. As it says in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "Chastity is… a gift from God, a grace, a fruit of spiritual effort." Whether we are young, old, single, married or in the religious life, God calls all of us to be chaste.

We need to be looking at real examples to educate others on love, sex and chastity. Someone such as Christopher West, who has dedicated his life to teaching Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body, gives amazing presentations and offers advice on his web site. Jason Evert of Catholic Answers founded an organization called Pure Love Club. Today he and his wife, Crystalina, speak to over 100,000 teens each year. Mary Beth Bonacci gives talks on love, relationships and chastity to people across the country and world. Bella's Eduardo Verastegui is an amazing actor who calls sex scenes "legal adultery" and has vowed to kiss no woman unless she's his wife. Dawn Eden, the author of The Thrill of the Chaste, says, "Chastity is a lifelong discipline, based on the understanding of the nature of sexual intimacy - what sex is and what it's for."

Living the life God intended for each of us and having a regular prayer life are big steps to take when it comes to our salvation and the salvation of others.

While I was in college, I signed a True Love Waits pledge card and I still have it today. I also wear a chastity ring to symbolize my vow to saving myself for my future spouse. I celebrate this St. Valentine's Day and pray for all those who are longing for true love - to wait and trust in God. Therefore, as it says in the Catechism, "Put on Christ, the model for all chastity."

Marie Hahnenberg is a researcher and speaker for American Life League

Hahaha. Okay, I can see the not pushing off to the side thing, and it's always a good idea to press on it a bit to make sure there's not a hole, but who the hell checks the expiration date, so long as you've bought the thing in the last few months? Probably more often than not, people use them in the dark, anyway.

But I should probably keep my mouth shut unless I want to be fired from my internship with Planned Parenthood :)

This is awesome. I had no idea about this, but I'll be sure to spread the news to my guy friends.

So Kate, how far in did you get before laughing? I made it about 3 sentences.

And "Proper Attireâ„¢: Required for Entry"? I love it.

At about this line:

"Planned Parenthood has opened the door for Satan and has allowed evil to be the basis for its organization"

Rubber band!!!! That really cracks me up. : D
Thanks feministing, you gave a smile to my day

Wow, that email gets crazier and crazier. Stuff like that just makes me want to ask, why did God make it as fun as it can be if it is only for having kids?

why did God make it as fun as it can be if it is only for having kids?

They would just throw that back in your face by saying that God makes lots of things pleasurable that arent necessarily good for us

"Eduardo Verastegui is an amazing actor who...has vowed to kiss no woman unless she's his wife. "

No kissing!? Seriously...?
How the hell are you supposed to keep a relationship then?

I love this campaign! Rubber band...tee hee!

I didn't even know kissing before marriage was considered a sin!

It's too bad because I googled this actor, and he's actually hot!

Wow, that e-mail has it all. I especially like the part where she insinuates that the only reason Planned Parenthood distributes condoms is to lure in the weak-minded with sexual imagery so they'll end up coming back for expensive abortions. Hey, Marie? I'm guessing that Planned Parenthood, of all organizations, knows that making contraception more accessible isn't the way to drum up a lot of "baby-killing" business. Unless they're secretly sabotaging all those wicked, wicked condoms.

Wow, that e-mail has it all. I especially like the part where she insinuates that the only reason Planned Parenthood distributes condoms is to lure in the weak-minded with sexual imagery so they'll end up coming back for expensive abortions. Hey, Marie? I'm guessing that Planned Parenthood, of all organizations, knows that making contraception more accessible isn't the way to drum up a lot of "baby-killing" business. Unless they're secretly sabotaging all those wicked, wicked condoms.