We see more violence on weeknight primetime than in that commercial.

I mean, we can speculate that it wasn't aired because of its content, but I'd like to try and find out for sure. I can't really see why else it would be though.

The one issue I see with airing it is that some abusers might watch it with their partner and then attack them saying things like 'you think I do that' type line of reasoning. Or worse, have a kid come up to the abuser saying 'your not supposed to do that to mom/dad (there are women abusers out there)' and I can't imagine what might happen to them... young kids espeacilly don't have the sense to always know when it is safer to tell someone not in the home.

I do believe that you have to be shocking to be effective, even if it's unfortunate that everyone has to be exposed to such violent content. What I'm wondering is why those weren't on TV: in Ontario, you can see ads related to safety at work that are WAY more disturbing than this! (I invite you to imagine those images of a young chef in a restaurant who slips while carrying boiling water. They show you everything, and the screams are unbearable!)

I guess we can conclude that it’s acceptable to provoke thinking about workplace safety through shocking images, but how dare we try to provoke thoughts about Violence Against Women ?

Men seem to get very upset about PSAs like this. As if it were an attack on all of them.
In Chile there was a bit of an uproar over this PSA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTCmASIZf0g
It says, "There were 20 people in this cafe and no one did anything. Imagine what will happen when she's at home alone. Call the police. Report."
A lot of people got upset because they felt the guilt factor was unfair. Many men felt it was an attack on their masculinity-- condemning them for not rescuing the woman. Still others thought it was a call for mob justice, even lynching.
The Chilean PSA is far less provocative than the Canadian one. I can't even guess what the reaction would be to the Canadian one--and not for reasons of violence, but for its representation of a normal "family man" as an abuser--accurate as it is.

This one is from Australia and I think it's even more intense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvBKlBhfgPc

(the hot coffee one is actually titled "hilarious domestic violence psa" by someone named soapawake on youtube. The About section says: "I'm pretty sure this is not a joke, but that doesn't mean it isn't funny." ...I don't even know hwo to begin to respond to that.)

Wow. I would have preferred the warning be above the video, not beneath it. I didn't think it could have possibly been that bad. I think it's definitely effective, but it's also probably a little too terrifying. I do like that the voice over is directed at the violent male though.

The other not so obvious thing about this commercial is exactly what I've said to women who say, "Well, he can't help himself. He just gets so angry." "Really? Does he do it in public? Can he control himself at work? Then, yes, honey, he can help himself. He chooses not to do so with you because he thinks he can." And hopefully, some person somewhere seeing this who is being abused will have that thought occur to her (being that 95%+ of victims are female, I'll go with 'her', thanks.)

feministefrisee, I was also thinking of that workplace safety ad! It's (I think) unnecessarily graphic, whereas this domestic violence ad is justifiably shocking, I would say.

It also puts me in mind of a fairly disturbing ad about crystal meth that I only saw once, late at night, but it scared the bejeesus out of me. As someone who is extremely unlikely to be into domestic violence or crystal meth, and who already thinks quite a lot about those subjects and workplace safety, I wish that there was at least a warning about graphic content flashed on the screen before the ad started, so I would know that this is the ad I hate, because by the time I remember it's too late and I'm already watching stuff that makes my stomach turn.

feministefrisee, I hear you on the other PSAs--I saw the one with the chef last week and it's still in my head.

I know it's not the same issue, but a lot of the crystal meth PSAs I've seen lately here in the states have been pretty intense. A PSA related to DV should be intense too, if that's what it takes to get the point across.

kamikazebirds, I just moved the warning to above the video-apologies.

I once had this same thing happen to me, minus the coffee and an audience. Very real.

As a survivor of domestic violence/intimate partner violence or whatever term you prefer, I think people who don't know what happens need to see things like this. Yes, we see more violence on our own televisions sets, but there is a reality to this ad that hits home and needs to be addressed. Terrifying or not, this happens, and no one stops it and people just watch. I think the ad is wrong in saying "you wouldn't get away with it here" because some people DO get away with it in public. It's also giving the impression that it's simply physical assaults that happen in a relationship like this when verbal abuse is so insidious and often more damaging.

I'm too close to this issue so it is hard for me to think rationally about the ad. But I think overall we need to educate everyone on what intimate partner violence is and what happens in it so we don't go victim blaming. I think the worst part after finally getting away from my abuser after 5 years was that people took HIS side because I was obviously a bitch and he loved me so much how could I throw that away? Grrrr.

I kinda wouldn't make any sense to warn people to look away form these ads when the whole point is to get people to notice domestic violence.

Kate, for people who are survivors of violence I wanted to make sure to warn that the content could be triggering, that's all.

A lot of people got upset because they felt the guilt factor was unfair.

I wonder what percentage have hit a woman and want to believe, "Yeah, but that was different, dammit."

i like that the voiceover sounds male and i like that none of this was directed towards victims.

i work in a domestic violence agency and we have posters everywhere and i have noticed that a gross majority of them are directed towards the victim...which is important in a lot of ways i know, but we need more than rehabilitation and recovery...we need prevention.

so i love this because its something that is talking to the man in the video, making HIM fully accountable for his actions. and hopefully making abusers stop and think for a second about what they are doing.

oh and katiedivina -

"Men seem to get very upset about PSAs like this."

i agree. but i think of it as a positive thing. if they are upset and angry, that means that some idea they hold on to very tight has been challenged. and if they are upset enough, they will go home and think about it and maybe (in the utopia in my head) they will realize that even if they are not abusers, they (all of us) have a responsibility to do something to change this.

that Australian one is great.

Even more disturbing than the video is the fact that everyone on YouTube seems to think it's satirical and "OMG SO FUNNY LOL!"

Jessica, I think Kate was referring to hypothetical warnings that might run on television.

that Australian one was effective. It gave me the chills. I didn't get it for a second, and when I did - wow!

Xana,

Totally understand where you are coming from. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and only after leaving did I begin to tell people. Everyone was shocked because he was such a nice guy and I seemed so happy. It's very difficult to watch ads like this and determine right away how I feel. But in retrospect and after reading others' comments, I feel that it should have aired, and I hope that someday an ad like this airs in the States, because there is something different about a commercial than a movie, or a tv drama. A commercial has a reality factor to it that is lacking from the other two. And, yes, let people feel uncomfortable! The more uncomfortable the better. I have been abused in public, not in a very obvious way, but people looked, whispered, and moved on. Noone stopped to see if I was ok. NO ONE!

Jessica, thank you for posting this!

The comments on the Australian ad are absolutely unbelievable: "He shoulda given him a shotgun!" And so on.

That's the kind of thing I will point to the next time somebody questions the need for feminism "because things are different now."

That's also the kind of thing I will point to the next time somebody wants to know how sexism has been a real, tangible problem for me. Knowing that there are people out there who actually think it's *funny* to kill women, even hypothetically . . . how in the hell can you not be affected by that? THAT's what's traumatizing, not the ads themselves.

I think I'm going to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Admittedly I have no sound on this computer, but that was intense.

Is the voiceover concise enough that it wouldn't be too much to ask someone to transcribe it, or even just summarize?

What a great, hard-hitting ad. I think the most intense part, for me, was the horrible looks on those children's faces. They know what's coming. They just look so hopeless. I've never been a victim of any sort of domestic violence, but that part seemed very real to me.

Vervain - the voice over says "you wouldn't get away with this in public, you shouldn't get away with this at home" or something like that. It's all talking to the abuser.

Vervain, here you go:

Server: Would you like some coffee?

Man: Please.

Woman: I’d like some more, too.

Server: Sure.

Man: She spilled my coffee.

Server: I’m sorry, sir.

Man: You fucking bitch!

Server: [screams] Stop it!

Man: [shouting] How do you like this?

Server: [cries]

Male Voiceover: You wouldn’t get away with it here. You shouldn’t get away with it at home.

"Is the voiceover concise enough that it wouldn't be too much to ask someone to transcribe it, or even just summarize?"

She spills the coffee on him, and he sort of half-laughs and says, "She spilled my coffee". She turns and says, "Oh, I'm sorry sir!" and he screams, "You fucking bitch!" and jumps on her.

Christina is my new friend.

Anyway, I'm assuming the content is what got the ad pulled. In particular, I think it was when he poured the coffee on her. That's the part that really hit me and made me feel uncomfortable. The thing is, I think a lot of people would believe that the ad went over the top, that domestic violence isn't really like that in the majority of cases. "Sure, he may slap her around a bit, but it rarely goes to the point where he burns her." I think only having him slap her makes the commercial more "real" for people. And the point that "he can't get away with it here" is still made. It's sad that I have to say that, but it's true.

Thanks for moving up the warning, Jessica. I wouldn't want any survivors to get triggered if they did what I did, which was watch the clip before reading the rest of the piece.

Jessica, I think Kate was referring to hypothetical warnings that might run on television.

Ahhh, I'm a little slow today. ;) Sorry Kate!

Thank you so much, Christina! Your comment really made me think and now I have even more to say if I ever have to support someone who's going through domestic violence.

I like the ads -- they absolutely should be shocking. It's too bad they didn't air, because I think they might do a lot to change attitudes.

My question is who is the ad targeting? Those who are survivors of DV? Witnesses? Or perpetrators?

Can they say "fucking bitch" on Canadian TV? If so, I'm jealous.

Anyhoo, that was a little hard to watch, since I had to see my aunt go through that. Even though it's been several years and my parents tried to shelter me from it, I saw enough that that video made me squirm.

But I think it's an effective PSA. I wish we could get it on TV.

I need to know--what SHOULD I do when I see or suspect domestic violence? I used to live in the same apartment building as a woman who was being abused by her partner. I often heard him screaming at her, and one time I saw him slap and pull her hair in the parking lot. I called the cops--one time, the cops didn't even show, and the other times, nothing changed. The police showed up, but the man wasn't arrested, the woman didn't leave, and everything happened again. I tried striking up a conversation with the woman, but she didn't even look at me. I worked for a community agency at the time, and I set up a display in the laundry room with brochures for various neighborhood agencies (child care, tutoring for youth, food banks, a center for victims of domestic violence, etc) (I felt safe doing this since I never, ever saw the man in the communal laundry room), but the dv information never looked touched. They eventually moved out of the building together.

What else could I have done?

That Chile ad is especially confusing to me. What would those patrons have done? The couple had left; if they called the cops, who's to say the police would track them down (and even if they did, who's to say they would care, or if they did care, what could they do if the woman denied that anything was happening)? And I'd be wary about saying anything to the man--what if it sets him off, or makes him lash out at her again?

Please, I'm curious. What can people do in these situations without making things worse?

wow, i think this ad is so effective, especially if people can make it through until the end. I would be worried if this aired that people may turn away or not listen to the actual message and just be upset by the violence (which would makes sense because it is extremely upsetting).
I think the voice-over is the really important part though, it is so important to show people that this happens in homes and it should be as unacceptable as it is when it happens at a restaraunt.

This brings up the issue of the private vs. public sphere which is an imporant thing to talk about when discussing domestic violence. This will allow people to see that they shouldn't ignore domestic violence just because it happens in a home just like they shouldn't ignore it if it happened in a public space.

Cedar: Unfortunately, the police often can't do anything unless the victim levels something against the abuser. If she denies anything happened, they often can't do a thing. People can correct me if I'm wrong, but it's often very hard to arrest a person unless they witness something happening or a victim accuses the perpetrator.

As for what you can do? No one could do anything for me while I was in the relationship. I finally realized it myself that I needed to leave. Before then, I ignored and denied it when a very insightful friend realized what was going on and tried to talk to me. What I needed was support AFTER leaving him. As I stated in an earlier post, people didn't believe me when I said he had hurt me and they took his side because they couldn't believe that "such a nice guy" who loved me so much could be turned away by me. I was the bitch and he was the poor victim. The most important thing, in my opinion, is that you listen when a victim needs to talk and that you don't judge and that you support them in the way they need. It's as easy as asking them what they need and then making sure you do it.

Ontario has a campaign called Neighbours, Friends and Families (www.neighboursfriendsand families.ca). It provides information and options on what you can do to help stop or prevent DV. There is some valuable info there, but I agree with Xana that the best option is to listen to the woman (and usually it IS a woman) when she needs to talk, don't judge her, and support her in whatever way she needs.

now see...so many times you never know until the relationship is over that someone is being abused. Women cover up for men a lot.

When any boyfriend of mine is being a jerk, in whatever way, I don't cover up for him. Not to anyone. I tell all my friends. That way, if things ever get serious, no one can say "well she never said anything. This is a first. Everything seemed fine." Oh no. I love it when he says "you talk to your friends about me don't you?" And I say, well, if you are so ashamed of how you act that you don't want anyone to know, then you shouldn't be acting like that in the first place.

Never cover up for anyone!

Oh, wow. That is -extremely- disturbing, and if I had an abusive relationship in my past I wouldn't like to run across it on TV unexpectedly. But I think it's a very good ad. If domestic violence wasn't uncomfortable to watch, after all, it'd be very, very worrying.

Having witnessed my father beating my mother repetitively and knowing how often this horrible offense happens... I think the commercial has good intentions... this won't do anything to stop the male and viewing the act on tv will be emotionally painful to the woman that is enduring dv... The information is good saying that there is a place to go and talk for help. Hopefully it will be of more help than pain.

I agree with the previous statement that people have started to review violence against women as funny... I'm not too sure who started that trend though I know it appears on South Park and Family Guy.

I was thinking that, if a man attacked a waitress, other patrons would be more likely to step in, than if he were attacking his wife. It would be easier for people to accept a man beating his wife. People would be thinking, "Oh, that's a family problem," or "She must've had it coming."

"You're not allowed to beat up strangers. Why should you be allowed to beat up your wife?"

We learned about a study in a psych class I took a while ago, mainly about the effect who's name I can't think of now where there will be a crowd of people and no one will do anything because everyone thinks someone else will , but a woman was being attacked (she and her attacker were actors, of course) and people were walking by a phone where they could call the cops (anonymously) to get her help. The trial were they got the lowest number of people who called was when the woman screaming for help said that the man was her husband, the highest when she said he was a stranger.

yeah, sorry i wasn't clear, i did mean warnings for the television ads, not your warning on the post.

Also, I prefer the Chilean and Australian ads because they much more get to the point that domestic violence is and should be a public concern, not a private mater about one individual's lack of self control, as implied by the Canadian ad.

And in response to what someone can do in a public situation. I think its perfectly appropriate to approach the person and ask them to stop. You don't have to speak on behalf of the person being abused, just speak on behalf of your self. If i were as awesome in reality as i am in my head i would say something like, "excuse me, you're behavior is making me very uncomfortable could you please control yourself. " I think just being there and showing the abuser that they are being watched, and not by someone who is also intimidated and controlled by them could be powerful.

I agree with the previous statement that people have started to review violence against women as funny... I'm not too sure who started that trend though I know it appears on South Park and Family Guy.

Which is why I prefer American Dad - you can't really watch that and not know that they're taking the piss of "manly" men.

I like the ad, but I was thinking about our current domestic violence ads (our rates are horrendous), with different people saying "it's not OK to 'x'" (eg: hit your partner, make excuses), then "but it is OK to ask for help".

Then I imagined seeing that ad on television and think it might give me a mini-breakdown if I didn't know what's coming.

So I don't know :(

When talking about violence displayed to the public, I can't help thinking about the documentary Unborn in the United States, talking about showing offensive abortion images as a tactic to persuade people against abortion.

I think it has a lot to do with people wanting to ignore the fact that this happens. In an actual TV show, even if it does feature domestic violence, there is always well this is just pretend defense. But if you put something like that out there you are acknowledging domestic violence, and that is something a lot of people are not willing to do.

"now see...so many times you never know until the relationship is over that someone is being abused. Women cover up for men a lot. Never cover up for anyone."

Is easier said than done after you've slowly been manipulated by your abuser. Yes, women cover up for the men that abuse them. It's part of how horrible intimate partner violence is. I'd be careful because statements like that start to sound like victim-blaming to me.

Cedar--I agree that the Chilean one is unclear in what it asks of the audience. The scene happens so rapidly that by the time the audience (and the patrons in the cafe) realize that this is more than a little argument, the couple is gone. Still, I think the message that this is a public problem is very clear.
As much as people complained about the ad, it got people talking about domestic violence--and for that it's a success to me.

"We learned about a study in a psych class I took a while ago, mainly about the effect who's name I can't think of now where there will be a crowd of people and no one will do anything because everyone thinks someone else will , but a woman was being attacked (she and her attacker were actors, of course) and people were walking by a phone where they could call the cops (anonymously) to get her help. The trial were they got the lowest number of people who called was when the woman screaming for help said that the man was her husband, the highest when she said he was a stranger."

The name, I think, is Kitty Genovese. A woman in NYC in 70s who was beaten and killed outside her apt building with a dozen of people watching. Nobody came down to help her. Someone called the police, but the newspapers all said it was dozens of people that saw and nobody called. The attack lasted half an hour and she died in the ambulance.

Not all of us (men) get upset at PSA's like this. I suspect the abusers would be upset by them. For the rest of us who know that women aren't lumping all of us in the same class as the guy in the ad or with men who do things like that, no, we certainly don't get upset.

A lot of us realize that WE are greatly affected by this sort of misconduct. When my sister was brutally beaten by her boyfriend when I was in college, the males in my family reacted in a typically stereotypical male manner (I am sorry to admit): our first reaction was we wanted to kill the guy. And yes, I, too, was scarred by the event -- not physically, but in my mind I still see her blood literally streaked on the wall of their apartment years after the fact. I would gladly have taken the beating for her, and I can still cry thinking about it. So yes, for the non-abuser males, it affects us, too.

Wow. I really like the Australian one because it takes the perspective of the bystander. It seems very true to life. You're sitting at home having a nice dinner, and suddenly you get the feeling that something is...off. You're not quite sure what's going on so you try to ignore it at first, but as it becomes more and more clear what's happening, you start to feel more and more uncomfortable, until the moment of holy-SHIT-I-have-to-do-something. I think people could relate to that and take the message to heart.
Also I think it's less threatening to have the violence on the other side of the wall.

Oh, and the YouTube comments section is a cesspool that breeds sub-human life forms. I don't read it anymore.

I'm wondering how many abusive men will identify with this ad. I wonder how many of them think "I wouldn't do that" or "It was just one time" or whatever. Would it have been more effective to show something less violent but maybe more common, like slapping the waitress. It might make the abuser feel less defensive and maybe more identifiable.

Sadly, even if it was aired.... specifically here in southern california... I think most people would just laugh at it. Seriously, this would be hilarious to the people over here.

I think the Canadian ad is 'funny' to some people because it seems to come out of nowhere. Violence that comes out of nowhere can be cartoonish or silly or belong to a number of genres like action movies or video games where violence isn't real and doesn't have real consequences. The same kind of violence that makes people giggle at pratfalls or cheer for the destruction of the Terminator or enjoy America's Funniest Home Videos. I don't think there's danger in *that*. I don't think there's misogyny in that, even if the violence is against the woman. And taken out of context in a 20 second commercial, one minute this seemingly normal man with kids is out at a restaurant and the next he is choking a waitress and burning her with a hot pot of coffee and calling her a fucking bitch.

It's not that this *doesn't* happen to women, and it's absolutely awful when it does. I think very few people actually think DV is funny. But up until the tag line, the point of the PSA isn't clear, the man seems to lack any motivation whatsoever, and there is nothing leading up to the violence to prepare us for a discussion about DV. The man attacks random women who don't serve him coffee at restaurants, and I think it's safe to assume that a man who does that would get arrested and charged (and possibly put in therapy) fast. So this attack seems to comes out of nowhere, and some people find that type of violence funny, because it has no root in the reality of their lives, they can't contextualize it with what they've experienced or what they know of DV. It feels like a cartoon, and kids are encouraged to laugh at cartoons.

I think the ad would have been more effective if the woman *was* the wife/partner of the man, actually, because then people would have been able to place the man's motivation better in relation to what they know of DV. I think, for that reason, the Australian ad is extremely affecting. The twist at the end with the baseball bat makes me feel sick.

(Please note: I am not saying that everyone should find the ad funny, that DV is funny, and I don't mean to be insensitive to those who have experienced DV. I can see how these ads could also be deeply disturbing, and I wish we had more PSAs and more info about this issue. I just think it's a good idea that *this* ad wasn't aired, not because it's too disturbing but because it has the potential to be dismissed.)

Sarah: I understand what you mean about people not taking these ads seriously. All you have to do is look at the comments on YouTube for this one and the Australian ad someone posted. Then again, both of these ads really shocked and angered me. I think a lot of people would feel the same if this was allowed to air, and it might actually get people involved in a dialogue about this at the very least, and bring some attention to this issue, which tends to disappear right under the radar, or be swept under the rug, from what I've seen.

Also, Gamma, I see what you're saying. I also wondered why the PSA depicts a waitress instead of the man's partner, but I got the message at the end. I too felt the Australian ad was much more effective- it involved couples in a domestic setting which is what most people think of when they hear "domestic violence" (a couple at home). The twist at the end really made me uncomfortable.

I don't think this ad would actually be effective. Unfortunately, abusive men are the best deniers and self-centered justifiers in the world. I think their only reaction would be either, "She obviously deserved it. She spilled coffee in his lap!" or "I'm nothing like that! I wouldn't hit a woman for something like that...."

I know the message at the end is aimed toward the abuser- but I think the abuser is already so steeped in his ways he may not change. So waxghost, I agree with you there. But I think it would be effective in getting people- whether victims or people in general- active and thinking about this issue.

Ads targeted toward abusers are useless since they aren't looking for ways to stop the abusing. The only reasonable thing to so is target ads towards the abused and show them ways to get help/get out/ and stay out of the situations they are in.

I'm not convinced that this ad is aimed at the abusers. I know the language is addressing abusers. But...might that just be a ploy? An attention-getting technique? Especially given the public setting of the commercial, perhaps it's actually aimed at potential bystanders, family and friends who might make excuses to themselves and others for the abuser?

I have a couple rxns to Jessica's question. One, there's probably never going to be a solitary PSA/poster/billboard that is going to stop someone from abusing his partner. It's actually pretty hard to come up with an outreach tool that isn't problematic and subject to misinterpretation in some way. But good ones can make all people think about an issue a little longer than they normally would and I think this ad is great for starting people thinking or talking at least. (The thing that really got me was the kids' reaction when dad starts his explosion. That familiarity, helplessness, and terror.)

I think these ads are probably aimed at the general public, to raise awareness about the issue of intimate partner violence.
Abusers aren't going to see these ads and think "They're right! I shouldn't beat my wife!" As far as I know, abusers don't change.

The Kitty Genovese case actually happened in 1964, in Kew Gardens, New York (Queens). There were 38 witnesses, many of whom said they didn't do anything to intervene or call the police because they assumed "the police must have 30 calls by now," as one woman put it.

As for this PSA, no, I don't think it's going to revise the psyche of a sociopath watching it -- obviously, the YouTube and other reactions demonstrates that the sociopaths just think it's a stone riot. But it might make someone who is not necessarily sociopathic but merely detached from the horror of DV think twice about it.

On a tangent, I've read that there might be more to the Genovese case than that--she was a lesbian, and some have wondered if there wasn't some latent homophobia behind her neighbors' refusal to act.

(dan part of dan&danica here).

These ads dont bother me in the least but they will not be effective at all. For men of my generation (born in the late 70's), we have seen these ads or ones with the same basic message our entire lives. The violence in the ones listed here is absolutley nothing compared to what a lot of us expose ourselves to on a daily basis (hence all the snickering on youtube).

I'm not really sure what would be effective, there is no PSA or government forum that will help at all as the newest generation of men function in a splintered society (mass-media wise) and are both jaded and incredibly hard to reach.

The issue of domestic violence is a tricky one for me personally as I've seen men physically defend women (good), defend womens "honor" (usually works out badly and is done mostly for the guy himself and not the woman), and women emotionally and/or physically assault men with no ramifications.

I think that the message that must be hammered the most is that all are equal and have an equal right to not be physically or emotionally abused. Equity and fairness should be the order of the day. I imagine some of the posters here will bash me for this but we need to educate men more on their rights, on what abuse is and how often they suffer it. This would help women as well as a person educated to see DV on themselves can see it on others. One of the sadder days of my life was seeing a friend of mine, my size (so over 6'5 240+), crying like a baby after being repeatedly beaten. I wont argue the stats on who starts what or who is more likely to end up injured but simply that as I mentioned above, I think the best way to cover this issue with younger generations is continually pound the fairness, equality and education tip.

The era of shock ads is over.

ps. wanted to ask, in the blog above about the crisis pregnancy center, the article mentions the players "better halves". I didnt see any mention of that in the responses though I may have missed it, long day. Should we still be using that phrase?

I saw this video at part of a training I did (I volunteer with abuse resources) and there is a second video with the same theme... a man is in a board meeting and says something in a presentation. A woman corrects him pleasantly and he beats her up, during the meet. Same voiceover after.

I just can't believe this kind of PSA was too upsetting for tv (yes the content was the reason it wasn't aired, according to the presenters at my training, who participated in developing the ads).. but you can see women being murdered every hour on tv crime shows.

here it is, the second one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdgREmzi97o&feature=related

I'm from Australia, and I have never seen that Australian ad on our television networks. Instead, we have these naff still shots with voiceovers followed by the tagline, "To Violence Against Women...Australia says No."

The worst thing is that they had far more provocative ads planned, but our (recently, thank god) former prime minister put the kybosh on them and watered them down. Meanwhile, the ads telling you not to step out in front of a train are far more shocking than the ones telling you not to beat up or rape women.

Here is another effective one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MOr4wBwmtk

I had a whole lot bookmarked, but they're no longer available.

I also have a link to an effective video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bm-9yrqZ8g

It's in French, but the words aren't really neccessary.

Here's a rough translation:

First, the man is saying "Do it quiety (as in put away the dishes quiety)." Then, he says "I didn't touch you! I didn't touch you!" Then, "Get up."

The part at the end says "A man who hits his wife teaches violence to his kids."

I'm really, really certain I *did* see this PSA on Canadian TV, at least on the news, around 5 years ago, maybe? Not sure exactly when, but one 1 second into the clip, I know I'd already seen this ad.

Hey Dan, check it out!

Also, I'm pretty sure that "Better Halves" is what the women are calling themselves, since both words are capitalized.

I had this series of ads first shown to me by my ex-boyfriend. He thought they were hilarious non-sequiturs and couldn't stop laughing at them. I should have broken up with him then and there but waited a few more weeks when it was far more obvious he wanted my personality gone.

Finding these ads funny, to me, means that A. you have no thoughts in your head, or B. you are actively trying to get away with beating someone.

The more shocking you make it, the less likely the intended target is going to see themselves in the add. This is true whether your message is directed at the abuser or victim.

I recently saw a billboard in rural Iowa with a shocking picture of a woman with a face beat up to a pulp. It truly got your attention. But I wondered how many domestic violence victims would see their situation as not being that bad, and not take the message to reach out and get help to heart? Certainly people generally see their own lives as more nuanced situations than these stark images portray.

For those of us who work in the domestic violence and sexual assault fields and who answer hotline calls, the violence portrayed in this ad is all too familiar, and actually quite mild. While the figures for domestic assault and sexual assault remain high, they are only the figures that are reported, that we actually know about. The unreported assaults are estimated to be anywhere from 2 to 10 times as high by various sources. Domestic and sexual violence is gendered violence, meaning almost all of it is perpetrated by men. Since men control most of the media, we don't hear much about the details of this male violence because, even though most men are not violent, most men prefer to be silent about these issues. We simply need more men willing to stand up and speak out against male violence against women.

This is probably a better question for a professional, but the posts on this site are almost always informed and thoughtful. So here goes: I moved to a new city with my "passionate" boyfriend, who took to beating me up as soon as the boxes were unpacked. After about five months of this, he tried to smother me and I called the cops. He was arrested and faces jail time--not for what he did to me, but for having loaded guns in the apartment. I moved and he stalked me for a while, but has since left me alone. So here's my question. I know that he's dating again and I'm torn. What obligation do I have to let these women know about his abusive and manipulative nature? My safety is my number one concern, but if he kills someone--and I think he's capable--I'll feel at least partially responsible.

Sophie, I'm no expert, but I grew up with an abusive father.

First, let me say that I'm really glad you aren't with him anymore. It takes a lot of strength to leave a situation like that.

I can't really answer what your obligation to his new girlfriend is. I wish that you didn't have to feel responsible, but I understand and think it is totally admirable.

But I would ask you how you felt about him in the beginning of your relationship. How would you have felt if, before you were aware of the fact that he is abusive, a woman you didn't know had tried to warn you away from him? I ask because abusers tend to repeat the same trajectory throughout each relationship, so examining how you would have felt in that same situation could be an indication to how she might react.

Whether or not it will work, and whether or not it is worth trying, is something only you can determine.

Whatever you do, good luck and stay safe!

Sophie, I want to echo what waxghost said. I hope my friends with abusive boyfriends are able to find that level of strength--especially after moving to a new city, as well, which is stressful and isolating enough.

Calling the police was one of the things you already did to protect future girlfriends. It didn't work out, but that wasn't your fault. It seems like a danger might be not only that your life would be in danger, but also that in order to keep up with what was going on, you'd have to immerse yourself in his life rather than moving away from him emotionally. I don't know; I recognize and admire your bravery and sense of responsibility, but I just can't think of a way for you to safely and effectively provide the benefit of your experience to others.

This commercial is not Canadian, but Albertan. I live in Alberta, a province with a booming economy and the highest rate of domestic violence in Canada. Here is a commercial that does air often in our province:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrjrB_bUMK8
I don't know who in the government is behind these campaigns, but I praise them.

someone upthread mentioned that the woman who was being abused didn't want to speak to her,

Victims of this violence know they should leave.

But they feel powerless to do so.

And that sense of powerlessness makes them feel ashamed that they are morally weak, not the reality that they are caught without seemingly any choice.

That sense of shame forces them to feel they have to shun those who they might be able to turn to for aid.

trust me. this sense of shame is very real.