Why such an issue over a tissue?

What exactly are the dads supposed to protect the daughters from? Sex-crazed black rapists with giant cocks who stalk suburban white enclaves at night looking for a pure young girl to brutalize and deflower? That's certainly the impression I get.

I mistrust the institution of abstinence pledges. This is a promise that a parent has no right to exact, particularly if the child has been raised in ignorance of what sex is about. It's a feel-good measure that fails to address the real problem of teen pregnancy, and the failure can be tragic.

And it's damned creepy. I can't argue with the concept of involving fathers in their daughters' upbringing, but involvement should be much more than a royal decree which only the daughter can violate. Wishing away sex won't make it disappear.

One of the girls conflated having sex before marriage with giving away your heart too early. Sex is not a finite resource. Nor is having sex giving away your heart. These young women have been given a lot of messed up messages about love, sex and their value as girls.

So...you sign your virginity away to one man (your father) until another man (your husband) comes to sign a new contract--giving him the right to "own" your body and virginity? Great idea.

"I believe they're what the girls give to their dads with the pledge."

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Seriously, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

I find so much so wrong with these things, and I think it's awesome that the mother at the end, albeit somewhat misguidedly, stepped in. She said that dances are taking it too far. She's right. If parents want their children to remain abstinent, they need to teach them this without making the abstinence about the parent but about the wellbeing of the son or daughter.

I don't even think there's any point to teaching abstinence - who is anyone to tell me that I shouldnt' have sex? I went to a public school in Illinois for Middle school and high school and I can't tell you how many abstinence pledges i HAD to sign to pass sex ed. By the third pledge, I was already sexually active and I had to use the internet and conversations with my girlfriends to determine how to protect myself from pregnancy and stds. These abstinence lessons were bullshit. They had the same lady come to us two years in a row telling us how she got pregnant at 19 aborted and regretted her decision. The only thing I learned from her is religious parents cause abortions.

/rant

I agree that the idea is entirely creepy and gross. There is a difference between owning someone's body and being involved in their life.

This brings forth another point. I have met so many men who have daughters or are planning on having a daughter one day who say that they are or are going to be the "scary dad with the shot gun" so they can protect their daughters from evil horny boys. Many of the men who plan on being the "scary dad" are men who regularly disrespect women or have done so in the past. I think that men wouldn't be so fearful of their daughters getting used and hurt if they did treat girls badly themselves.

Outside of the creepy ownership thing, I just can't stand how these parents are largely setting up their children to fail. What a tremendous amount of pressure, to subvert all natural urges in the name of love or respect or whatever. Although I don't know who I worry about more, the girls who break the pledge and have guilt because of it, or the girls who live up to this twisted ideal of what a woman should be.

And another thing!

Virginity is a gift you give to someone, I'm sorry. If sex between to people is special, and meaningful it's because of the feelings and relationship surrounding it, not because of some incredibly arbitrary hymen/no hymen construct.

Nothing magical is going to happen when penis meets vagina. There is a physical act and then there are the emotions you attach to it. I refuse to believe that any sex *I* have is empty or meaningless or dirty because my daddy didn't oversee it or because I was a bad slut and (UHOH!) it's not my first time.

at a church i used to attend instead of going to prom high school seniors were offered (and expected) to attend "the promise" where the girls would dress up in prom-style dresses and the boys would wear suits and they both both make commitments to stay "pure." After there would be prom-style pictures and a dinner reception. I think that this idea is completely archaic and disgusting, but what I don't understand is why this "purity" vow is so much more important for women than men. Is my hymen a symbol of my worth? get a pap smear or do some stretches and it's broken even if I haven't had sex. These girls are being taught to guard themselves against men who are taught to try to keep it in their pants but if they happen to have sex it's okay, because they can't help where they put it.

i meant isn't obviously, not is. whoops.

Agreed, Lilaeden. It is outright cruelty, in my opinion, to align purity and honor with a standard that 95% of them will fail and that can bring them no objective benefit.

It is perfectly possible to promote abstinence followed by responsible contraceptive use without raising the hymen on a golden pedestal and without demeaning girls who've had sex: give girls a healthy sense of self-respect. They will probably not wait 'till marriage for sex (and why should they?) but they will be more likely to wait until they are personally ready for it - which, IMO, is much more important.

Yeah, I knew plenty of girls who were "saving themselves" for marriage, but also grew up around too many girls who had sex before they were really comfortable with it because they viewed it as something they owed to their boyfriends as proof of their love. It's two sides of the same coin.

Not so keen on belonging to daddy until he can give me over to belong to a husband. So creepy on so so many levels.

What a one-sided report. It barely touches the notion of boys pledging their virginity as well, nor does it allow arguments against this idea (except the woman who doesn't like the dances). I am disgusted.

The first line freaked me out.

"Would you pledge your virginity to your father?"

It just sounds quite wrong and I think whoever wrote this piece should have rethought this one.

The whole concept of fathers protecting daughters annoys me. It places all sex outside of marriage on the level of rape. Instead of teaching their children how to say no, how to respect hearing "no" and their daughters (and sons I suppose) how to defend themselves and respect themselves, they're setting their children up to be hurt. The only way fathers can completely protect their daughters virginity is to lock her in a closet and never let her outside until some gallant man on a steed comes and gives the father a dowry he can't refuse. It's just repeating the same old "daugher=property" idea.

Yeah, like some other sommentators, I was also creeped out by this particular report's tone - No real look at the weirdness here, no other point of view (has anyone else noticed that anything with a "liberal" slant always has to be refuted with another point of view, even if the only other view is that of a complete fringe nutter, but it is not so in reverse?) and I really didn't like the last twenty seconds or so - Go online! we'll tell you how to get involved with this creepy, sexist, controlling, religiously rigid practice! So much for objectivity.

The only woman against it couldn't summon a single cogent thought. Saying the balls are silly, but parents need to be involved in children pledging chastity to god is... well, it's a worthless distinction.

They were showing creepy footage while she was talking. It was a perfect opportunity to hear someone say, "this is sick and twisted; a woman's sex life should never be associated so strongly with her father. Also, we shouldn't be supporting the idea among girls that they are the property of men. This retards their ability to" etc... SOMETHING!

A statistic in the video caught my eye: 10% of boys and 16% of girls will participate in some sort of purity event. I am wondering the percentage of people who actually remain abstinent until marriage (thus proving the effectiveness of such inane events).

ugh...if the parents actually cared about supporting their child's choices (if it is even their choice) and less about controlling them then i might feel differently...

but until then...i pity the fool who wants to throw one for my daughter *coughherasshatfather*
ugh...i should do something about this cold...;)

Could buying into the patriarchy have a better illustration than making young girls make pledges to thier fathers AND "future husbands" about their bodies? *sigh*

Yes, SarahMC! Sex is not a finite resource. Neither, for that matter, is love. I loved my ex-boyfriend, but our relationship didn't work out. Yet, I'm still capable of loving my current boyfriend just as much (if not more!). I don't think he considers me ruined goods because of it. It's not enough for these girls to get the wrong ideas about sex, but also about love and relationships, too?

Where are the mother-son purity balls?

I feel like part of why they don't exist (or don't exist to the extent of father-daughter purity balls) because in these families, the son becomes second-in-command over the mother once he hits his teenage years.

Someone asked for stats on how many people keep their virginity pledges. (Unsurprisingly) 88% of those who take a virginity pledge end up having sex before marriage. They are also significantly less likely to use condoms or birth control - you know, because doing so would take away their "It just
happened! I got caught up in the moment! I'm not a dirty slut who plans for sex - I'm a good girl! I am I am I am!" excuse. Wonder who would plant that idea in their head in the first place....

Source: http://www.alanguttmacher.org/listserv/agi_update/old/2004-March/000100.html

And I'd like to congratulate NBC or whoever did the story on their very thorough representation of both sides of the virginity pledge debate and use of actual proven statistics. Wait, no...

Having grown up around a lot of Southern Baptists who signed these abstinence pledges (my first girlfriend was one, and yet VERY DANGEROUSLY sexually active), I think these kids are all aware of what a sham these things are. They just learn earlier than a lot of us about the difference between their public face and their private face. Basically they learn how to game the system, not how to actually be "pure."

But with no resources on sex beyond their also-ignorant friends, they suffer from the effects of unsafe sex, plus the guilt from constantly being told they are "dirty."

so I guess I'm "contaminated" after I marry and give it up to my godlike husband? this concept is inappropriate and completely ineffective to boot.

One of those girls said that virginity is something a father and daughter can bond over. Is it really? That's fucking creepy. Bond over baseball or cooking, not virginity. Bonding with your dad over virginity doesn't even make sense. How can you bond over something that you don't have in common? Obviously, none of these fathers are virgins.

I think that the intention is good. I still get a little ticked off at the whole "guard your heart" bullshit. Sex is not the devil. Asshole guys who pump it and dump it are.

Honestly, though, while I am all about love and feelings and shit - I'd never want to marry someone who is a virgin, especially if she's doing so for purity reasons -- not because it devalues her as a person, but because I find fundamentalist women annoying.

If they want to remain celebate on their own, it's fine. Whatever floats (or doesn't float) your boat. But goddamn, to instill a system in which women should control and reject their sexuality? I can't accept that.

Virginity is pretty fucking ambiguous anyway.

FEmily - it's simply, really ...

Father: "Hey, honey, still got your hymen?"

Daughter: "Yup! Right here. See?"

Father: "Cool. Let's go out and grab a beer."

I think the worst part is the girls who say that the purity balls are a good thing because it's something for fathers and daughters to do together to improve their relationship.

My dad and I do plenty of things to improve our relationship that don't involve me giving him a pretty pink box tied up with a ribbon. Things like skiing, golfing, playing squash, and (oh!) talking.

It sounds like these girls have dads who have no idea how to be a good father.

Not only is the idea of bonding over virginity creepy, it's completely superficial. The parent-child relationship this kind of thing fosters is not one based on respect and understanding. More than likely, these fathers will never get to really know their daughters as people, and that is the real tragedy here.

"Dad, now that we've gone to prom together, I feel like I can really open up to you. Sometimes, I get this not-so-fresh feeling...."

Just another way the uber religious opt for style over substance.

a. Speaking as a journalist, I think this shows an utter lack of effort in finding someone to say how utterly creepy and wrong they think this all is. Or at the very least, a young woman to say 'I'm waiting until I meet the right person, but who I choose to have sex with is none of my father's damn business.' You wouldn't think it would be that hard, what with there being normal people (somewhere) in the world and all.

b. The whole precious-female-virgin argument treats women like a jar in the grocery store with "tamper-evident cap: do not purchase if button pops up" printed on the top. I am NOT a jar of fucking applesauce.

c. Nbrice: I think you nailed it. Some men seem to think it's perfectly OK to treat the women they desire as objects, but when the woman in question is "their own," suddenly it becomes problematic.
Whenever I hear about purity balls I think of that song "Hey Mister" by Custom that got banned from MTV a few years ago. How much do you wanna bet that if this guy were a real person he'd be escorting his daughter to a purity ball?
Creepy and objectifying as the song is, at least he's not trying to make the girl feel bad about it:

It's not
she's a tramp
It's not
She's not pure
She just likes getting her fuck on
And it's a good one a' that I'm sure

Am I the only one who would feel weird even talking to their father about sex? If pre-marital sex really goes against the parents' moral code, it seems the best person to explain this to the daughter would be the mother(and father to son). I just can't imagine discussing something so personal with my father. He doesn't even know I have my period. I have to say that I much prefer the Catholic School I went to's approach to abstinence because it was about remaining abstinent for yourself and why it was best for you. I can't imagine thinking about my father in regards to any of my sexual decisions.

I feel really grateful that when I was in (public)high school in northern Ohio, we didn't have abstinence-only education or purity balls. I can't even remember hearing about abstinence pledges. The health teacher even had a box of green and gold condoms on his desk (our school colors). The only promise we had was the Prom Promise, which is no drinking and driving. This was in 1997 though. I wonder if it's been changed since then...
I also hate when men do the "I'll be the dad with the shotgun" things. It's always followed by, "I was a young guy once, I KNOW how they think." I want to say, "So..you were a creepy, misogynist guy once?"

EyeHeartNY--

That is amazing! I want that as a T-shirt, an image of a jar of applesauce with the seal popped up and the "tamper evident cap" warning, with "I am NOT a bottle of applesauce" written above.

The whole precious-female-virgin argument treats women like a jar in the grocery store with "tamper-evident cap: do not purchase if button pops up" printed on the top. I am NOT a jar of fucking applesauce.

People, people, aren't we forgetting that there are ways AROUND this whole, penis breaking the hymen thing? I mean, isn't that why God gave girls an asshole and a mouth? ;)*

*i realize how shitty that sounds but i'm sure there are quite a few of us who know or knew "technical" virgins in high school.

UltraMagnus: I went to college with a very, very strict Evangelical young woman (who actually used to come in my room and pray for me while I went about my business because she was genuinely afraid that I was going to hell), who claimed that she was still a virgin because her boyfriend would "pull out" before he ejaculated inside of her. She dropped out of school when she got pregnant so she could get married.

My aunt told my cousins and I that we should wait until we meet someone that we respect. She said we don't have to be married, but we should at least wait until we respect the person so that we don't look back on the first person we have sex with and think, "What the hell was I thinking?"

That worked for me, and I have no regrets whatsoever.

This "purity pledge" is distorted on so many levels. The idea that someone should behave correctly because of a pledge is an abdication of responsibility, pure and simple; imposition from authority is a weak form of morality. Deeply held, carefully considered prinicples will always empower stronger ethical behavior than any sort of pledge -- whether to a father, a church, or a country. Further, as a father I can't imagine trying to force my way into this aspect of my daughter's life. A commenter noted quite accurately above that this is not something a young woman is usually comfortable talking about with her father. I theoretically don't know that my daughter is having her period, though since I take out the garbage and can do math I am aware of it. I'm confident this would completely mortify my daughter, so I don't burden her with it.

With a nod to H.L. Mencken, I believe the ethical principal behind the "purity pledge" is simple, easy to understand, and completely deeply wrong. Like the Apostle's Creed, though, it is an accessible way to think about the morality, which is useful. I know of no healthy alternative. Is there a simple creed somewhere that young women could look at that promotes healthy self-image and sexuality? As the father of a pubescent daughter, I care about what the "right" pledge would be. I would never want her to take such a pledge, of course; but it would be useful for me to have in hand as a simple articulation of the principles of healthy sexuality.

So here's my first cut at the "pledge" I would never ask my daughter to take, nor ever talk with her directly, but which I would want to permeate my attitude about how women should think about themselves:

"I am beautiful; anyone who doesn't see that is projecting onto me, not looking at me. Anyone who intentionally hurts me doesn't love me. My body is mine, and no one can expect or demand access to it. When I give of myself, I will give fully and without guilt."

Thoughts?

mlc-
Yep! Must agree with you. My dad and I have a good relationship, but he stays out of my sex life. It's most likely one of those things he doesn't ever want to spend any time thinking about, and I'm okay with that.
And the whole idea of virginity 'belonging' to anyone is so ridiculous. The only person who virginity ever belongs to is the person whose virginity it is (the woman's). And when it's gone, it doesn't 'belong' to anyone, it just...isn't there anymore, that's how I see it. But that doesn't mean the woman doesn't have worth--peoples' value is in so much more than their hymens. I mean, by these peoples' standards, I am the property of my asshole ex-boyfriend because he's the first person I had sex with, and, frankly, no. (Nevermind that I'm pretty sure my hymen broke prior to sex with him what with all the bike-riding I did in my youth. So am I the property of my Schwinn now?)
People need to learn that they will probably make mistakes in life, they will probably have some hardships (the whole 'getting your heart broken' thing), and the best thing to do is give people the methods of lessening these hardships (for example, a girl might realize that she wasn't really ready for sex after she had it--but if she used birth control, at least she won't get pregnant.)
I'm just rambling, but the whole idea of virginity pledges=ick. So wrong for today's culture.

I'm with you klynn, why aren't there balls where boys pledge their virginity to their mothers? Too Oedipal?

I mean... if the daughter is going to be treated like property, then by all means, treat the boys like property too.

If the girls have the will power and the desire to save it for marriage, and they make this decision on their own, power to them. People put too much pressure on girls to say "pure" and "virginal" and its a double standard that reaaaaaaally pisses me off.

I don't really get the whole saving it for marriage thing anyway. I understand saving it for love, but I sure wouldn't want my wedding night to be all awkward and scary and painful. Oh well.

This is truly nauseating...

A)SarahMC: i completely agree w/ your first comment...it's not like once you've done it, that's it...you're damaged... you "gave" yourself & your heart away. Granted, I think that kids/teens need a lot of education/advice on sex so that they can make good decisions for themselves...I think it's highly possible for a young girl OR boy to go out and have sex for fun, without love, because it's their body & they can decide...then TOTALLY regret it afterwards. No one is saying that having sex this way doesn't lead to any problems...which is why I think that the emphasis should be on having sex with someone you respect & who respects you...if you love each other, great, if not, as long as you wont regret it afterwards.
And if you do? Life goes on! It's a bad experience to go through but life doesn't end there, you're not damaged goods, you're still a wonderful, valuable, person...your value is based on SO MUCH, not whether or not you have a hymen.

If kids, by their own accord, decide they WANT to wait until marriage, good for them. That doesn't mean that you sign your virginity away to your Dad for safekeeping until then. Honestly, I think that the people who do these things are the people who are most afraid they'll break the pledge... as in "if I don't sign this, and do something to prevent myself from having sex, the temptation will be too great" (sort of like what that 1 girl said...about when it gets tough to follow, it gives her something "concrete" to look at and remind herself).
ugh

and dondo --- I think you should hold a Dad Intervention, and talk to some of these dads about how to respect their daughters. it sickens me that women are still being treated like property whose value lies solely within whether or not their vagina remains untouched by other men who haven't paid for it.
I'm 22 years old, and I'm smart, and I have a good sense of self-worth...yet these standards still messes with my head. i cant imagine what a younger girl must feel like.

In the early '80s, when I was a teenager and AIDS was making paranoid headlines as the "gay disease," my highly analytical father was the one who engaged me in a thoughtful discussion about what it really was and what staying safe really might mean to someone like me.

To me, that is the kind of respect a father should be showing his daughter: treating her as a whole human being (including a potentially sexual being) and ensuring her ability to make informed choices.

If my parents ever suggested an event like this when I was a kid I'd have been mortified. I was taught to "save myself" (bleh) for marriage, and believed premarital sex is a sin, so I figured I'd secure my place in heaven by remaining a virgin. For a while, anyway.
When I did start having sex, I felt terrible guilt afterwards (each time) and prayed to god for forgiveness. Luckily I shook my religious inclinations a year or so later. But as a kid I was taught that sex was for married men and women. That was enough to scar me a little and turn me off such indoctrination once I abandoned faith. But even when I was a Christian I'd have run away if dad ever proposed doing something like this. I don't think he's ever made a peep about my sex life. My mom was annoying as hell about it but that's her way, heh heh.

Sounds like a good attitude, dondo.

For the record, I am 47, 'lost' my virginity at 18 and it didn't affect the rest of my life IN THE LEAST.

Father/daughter OR mother/son virginity pledges are just...icky. *shudder*

That 10% and 16% statistic scared me. It looks like this hideous trend is taking off. I have not heard of any purity balls taking place here in New England, but I know some fundies whom I'm sure would love to see one. My question is: How can we speak out against this movement? I am currently trying for my degree in elementary education where my gaol is to someday write a comprehensive sex ed curriculum, but I really want to speak out on this issue, now! How can we effectively counteract this
"purity" message?

I have a serious problem with the way that southern Baptists (and all of the other groups that take this approach to chastity) look at sex, because sex is something that a couple does as a way of showing mutual affection recieving mutual pleasure.

It's not "vandalism" (I'm not quoting anyone in particular) because it's not as though your defiling something. As my ex-girlfriend (the wonderful feminist that she is) once told me: "looking at women as property is fucking ridiculous."

This whole idea of using chastity as a way of becoming closer to dad and God doesn't really make sense in that, it really fucks up alot of marriages. Literally and figuratively.

It's my personal belief that not having sex before marriage is unhealthy because if the sex isn't good, your in for a long lifetime. You have to find someone that your compatable with in the bedroom (or wherever you choose to do your lovemaking) because if you're not then your relationship is going to be lacking.

The reality is, an enormous number of marriages end because of sexual issues, and if people were sexually open about things before they got married, there would be alot less of that. (granted, some of these come along over the course of the marriage, but not all of them)

All of the insestual creepiness aside (because everyone else has made clear the implications of it), the reality is that chastity really isn't the healthiest lifestyle. Sex is a great anti-depresent. All things in moderation, all things in a good environment and all of that, but being totally ignorant to what it is just puts you in a bad place when if comes time for that first time if you're already tied into it.

My parents bought me a purity ring (which I helped pick out) when I entered high school. But it was nothing as creepy as this shit. It was a promise between me and God, not me and my parents, and certainly not to my dad. I don't wear the ring anymore, because a- I'm fairly certain I'm asexual b- Don't think that I need to wear a ring to remind myself of a commitment and c- because I actually don't have a problem with premarital sex and think it's way to big of deal with many. I think my parents were disappointed that I stopped wearing it, but it's not like they think they should have that degree of control over my life. I had great Christian parents, and I am continually grateful that I didn't grow up in a home where this creepy shit is a regular occurrence

Heatherinspiring said it!

tostartarevolution,
I never had to sign any abstinence pledges, however, high school sex ed classes were void of solid information. The sex ed teacher never mentioned the pill. He did tell us about diaphrams, and that his wife (who was my school advisor) used one. They are huge Christians (she always listened to Bible music in her office), and he always used to stress abstinence. Ironically I sat behind a student who was very visibly pregnant. He also gave some really bad advice about using free diaphrams given through the mail. I relied on information that I found on the internet, and through books I subversively ordered from amazon.com. When my mom would find them she would call me "sex-obsessed." I bet if I were a guy, she'd probably look the other way. People where I live (Colorado) are always pushing either crisis pregnancy centers, or abstinence only rhetoric.

Gopher
That surprises me that devout Christians would use a diaphram. I spent years hearing about how artificial birth control is a "sin against God" and "inherently evil" and how Natural Family Planning was the key to great "marital intimacy". I don't know anything about protestants though.

"The only thing I learned from her is religious parents cause abortions."
Overly-religious households tend to create more serial killers, too.

Oh Lord, please let this end. POSTHASTE.

Crack reporting there. I love TV news. They sure know how to present a balanced view of the issue. Their "dissenter" believed in abstenence and the "Loving the Lord", just not in the balls. They don't touch on the research that shows that purity balls don't even work?!? No. Instead, they endorse it by setting up their news website with links how to get involved with them. Fucking assholes. They're now an accessory to this insanity. Because, no matter how creepy, purity balls are something dads and daughters can do together!!!

you know I just thought of something horrible... suppose the dad gets gambling and then gambles his daughter's virginity away... you know its quite possible...it is his prperty aint it, now that she has signed it over.... doesn't this idiocy make one think of those possibilities?

LMAO!

Not that I'm against abstinence, but this is funny, and slightly disturbing. What will they think of next?

I'm sure plenty of people will chew me out for this, but did anyone notice that these three devoted abstainees are of the homelier type?

Great...
Imagine the incredible guilt the daughter and father will feel when she gets raped...
Daughter will suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts...
Father will blame her for spreading her legs to make himself feel better...
Fucking Great...

"but until then...i pity the fool who wants to throw one for my daughter *coughherasshatfather*
ugh...i should do something about this cold...;)"

Have you told him how it makes him seem as though he is jealous of her future partner and wanting to keep her for himself?

"88% of those who take a virginity pledge end up having sex before marriage. They are also significantly less likely to use condoms or birth control - you know, because doing so would take away their 'It just
happened! I got caught up in the moment! I'm not a dirty slut who plans for sex - I'm a good girl! I am I am I am!' excuse."

I wonder how many of the ones who *do* keep their pledges also have unprotected sex - you know, because doing so would contradict their "I'm not a dirty slut who needs condoms - I'm already protected because I'm having sex *after* my wedding! I am I am I am!" attitude. In some areas, being a wife has already been recognized as a risk factor for HIV:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3872773.stm

"Am I the only one who would feel weird even talking to their father about sex? If pre-marital sex really goes against the parents' moral code, it seems the best person to explain this to the daughter would be the mother(and father to son)."

In how many of these households is the mother an authority and peer of the father? In how many of them was the mother practically in the father's custody ever since *her* father "gave her away" to the father?

I'm 15 years old and have been thinking about taking the pledge and wearing the ring. I mean, I think the purity stance in a good thing that I would be proud to be a part of. But I will not deny it has been (like many other good stances in the past)tainted with add on's. As I do my research on the topic I become disturbed and turn-off by the whole concept. I mean the ideal that any father or daughter would not be bothered by the fact that they are going on a date together to a ball with slow dancing, that surrounds said daughter virginity. This man gave his daughter a purity ring with two red sapphires; the sapphires represent his eyes watching over her virginity-- in my opinion that is straight up weird. I mean if you are going to take this pledge of purity it should be for yourself and your future spouse, not for your parents. Who probably themselves, did not do the same they want from you. The thing that bothers me most, is the fact that these same fathers or mothers do not expect the same pledge from their son/s. I am big on equality for all men women all races gays straights cause in my eyes there is only one race the race of humanity but society project many messed up beliefs. I mean let people live their lives in the end it is them that must suffer the consequences of their actions and sins not you, you can guided them a bit but don't push them to be what they are not. I guess in the end it is one, who has to decide whether or not to take the pledge for or despite the weird beliefs and/or controversy surrounding the subject. I will choose to take the pledge and wear the ring despite the controversy. If we always live our lives based upon what others say and do we then forfeit our life and right to live it to another, who has probably done the same.