I saw this on tv the other day during breakfast while watching my younger cousins (ages 11, 6 and 3)... I cant remember what network it was on but it was programming suitable for the younger ones and it ran. I about spit out my breakfast. Sorry, I love them and all, but I am not about to answer to a 1st grader what the definition of a virgin is and why mom hasn't talked to him yet. I told him it wasn't appropriate for the tv to tell anyone what to do. Thankfully, that satisfied his curiosity.

*gags* The whole ad makes me sick.

Is it just me or are some of those girls "posing" ina very adult fashion?

HAH! Oh my goodness!

"Talk to me about SEX!"

"Tell your kids to wait to have -SEX-."

The emphasis when you say "DRUGS" makes some sense, but they talk about sex like, well, drugs. I mean, who else had flashbacks to DARE?

"Talk to your kids about DRUGS"

Also, the whole thing felt slimy and kind of kinky, which made my skin crawl.

UGHH!!! I too saw this on the television ...hmm sometime this weekend but I was actually sitting with a bunch of guys and we were all watching this incredulously seeing as how success came to all of us [in college-good colleges at that] and there wasn't a person in the room who wasn't already sexually active. All of us are fine. AND I ALSO AGREE about it sounding like drugs-because that's what we ALL thought it was until the good ol punch line came on and we really understood what was going on. HORRIBLE.

in the end one of us yelled f*ck the b. govt. and took a shot.

sooo...if i've got this right...people who have sex are neither successful nor happy?

fuck...that must be where i went wrong ;)

give me a fucking break

At first, I thought the ad was decent. Parents should answer their kids' questions about sex and share the family's mores and values. This shouldn't, however, amount to "tell[ing] me what you want me to do"--and note I said "parents", not "the government".

I also look back to my first time having sex, which wasn't something I'd want someone to experience on their wedding day.

“save sex for marriage” is not a properly matched opponent to the onslaught of the sex in the media. we need to teach our kids about sexual responsibility instead of passing the buck!

Can I be absolutely honest here? Aside from abstinence education, which I am against, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this ad. It's a vehicle to jumpstart the dialogue between children and parents on sex, which is an important one.

Besides, what's wrong with preaching the message of love?

Idealistically, children ought to learn about sex in a comprehensive way, as I did (at church, starting at six or seven). However, the very least parents should do is have a dialogue with them.

While I am pro-sex and enjoy it tremendously, I see nothing wrong with teaching children to wait until they're in love to have sex. After all, sex can be quite the intimate experience.

Perhaps that's where we, as feminists, are often seen as "immoral" and "anti-family." It has nothing to do with our values and convictions. It has to do with the message we send and the things we choose to take on.

I don't have a problem with encouraging teenagers to "wait" - honestly, I'd like to see the age of consent change to 18. But to tell ANYONE that they should wait until they're married - in an institution that a lot of people these days aren't even entering, or if they are, they are more than likely to leave, is just... is there a better word than insane for this??? I'm just curious, for kids whose parents aren't married, how exactly does this commercial come across? It seems to discount certain types of families, too, which isn't a good thing to do when advertising a "moral" idea to 9 year olds.
The abstinance commercials with the teenagers saying that they don't want to get pregnant, I'm ok with (although pregnancy seems to be a major reason why one should abstain, versus STDs, extra doctor visits...), since I haven't noticed them saying "AND I'm going to stay a teen until I'm MARRIED!" (But maybe I missed that?)

"Where did you learn that Kama Sutra position? WHERE? HUH?"

"From you and Mom, Dad... I learned it by watching YOU!!"

My daughter is taking Health in high school and the sex-ed portion it is abstinence until marriage. Being a never-married single mom, I'm not too thrilled with the emphasis on "if you're a good person you wait until marrige". Does she need to hear that according to the text book her mom doesn't have high moral character (ya know, because if I did, I'd have waited until I got married to have sex)?

I'm not really too worried about my daughter, she has me and a number of friends who are pro-sex-when-one's-ready; her friends, though, or worse the people she may one day date, scary. If the kids buy into this too much, what's to stop them from getting married so they CAN have sex.

Really, if everyone in the US only had sex within the bonds of judeo-christian marriage, how much more screwed up would things be?

This is so ridiculous. Telling parents to talk to their kids about sex is great...but telling them what to say is absolutely ridiculous.

I wonder if this is suppose to be a preaching to the choir commercial or a commercial that's suppose to convince parents that waiting until marriage is their opinion.

Also, in my opinion, telling teens to wait until their in love is a recipe for disaster because it's too unspecific. I fell in love at the drop of a hat when I was a teenager.

If I have kids I'm going to tell them to wait until they meet someone that they respect and who they know respects them back. (Come to think of it, maybe I'm just substituting in another unspecific word for love; I guess all I mean is that there were plenty of people I thought I "loved" that would have been [or were] disasters to have sex with.)

They should also be able to have a conversation with this person about what sex means to them (but that's a tough one for teens [and some adults] I know).

Small boy sitting on curb to older boy: "But if you don't tell me, I'll pick up a distorted version from my parents."

That's a cartoon I saw back in the '50s. True then, true now.

ugh. When will Republicans learn that there are much better uses of our tax dollars than trying to tell 200 million people how to raise their kids?

But the waste gets even worse ... I don't know if they're still doing this, but a year ago the government decided to follow this line of reasoning to its logical conclusion: http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-10-30-abstinence-message_x.htm

I was lucky enough to get a good old-fashioned, Clinton -era comprehensive sex education. But the best lesson I got in school on sex came in a seventh-grade English class when my teacher assigned me a list of questions on their expectations and rules on dating. Which was when my mom told me, among other things we previously hadn't discussed, "no sex until you're mature enough to handle the consequences." A better way to start a family conversation on sex, imo.

er, I meant questions to ask my parents on their expectations.

I initially saw it in Spanish. I immediately started cracking up, which quickly turned into a debate with my mother over the message of the commercial.

However, I still crack up every time the commercial comes on...and she just looks and stares at me.

I have a request: does anyone have a link to the Spanish version of this ad?

Thanks!

EyeHeart, that is the most appalling thing I have ever seen. Why the hell shouldn't adult women have kids out of wedlock if they want to?

I don't watch more than an hour or so of TV per day, and I've already seen this commercial SEVERAL times.

I like the general style. I think it IS important for parents to talk to their kids about sex. But including marriage in the equation is WAY over the line.

And, in my opinion, telling parents to push a standard that 95% of the children will fail and which will bring no objective benefit is just plain cruel.

Talking to your kids about sex is important. Telling them to wait until marriage is like signing them up for a triathalon before they've learned to ride a bike or swim.

I wish this commercial said something along the lines of: show your kids how much you love them, how much you value them, and that they should value their own lives and health. Not, wait until marriage or be a huge disappointment to everyone. I think I turned out pretty well and I think it is because I valued myself enough to choose my first sexual partner wisely (but still outside of the bonds of marriage). Blech to this commercial.

Oh, how I miss the days when we stuck to the good old constitutional separation of church and state.

Initial reaction was to indulge in a good belly laugh.
I have to say that while it is important for kids to hear about sex, love, and responsibility, I don't think the majority of parents (good god, can you imagine social conservatives giving a sex talk? {shudder}) are well equipped to be frank and thorough on sexual behavior. The emphasis is equally dispersed between the boys and girls in the commercial, which is at least a good thing, I'll give them that. But the majority of the pressure to abstain is laid on girls, IMHO...

My problem with this whole issue (that goes beyond this commercial) is that the hymen becomes a symbol of my status and worth as a woman - break my "vagina's freshness seal" and no longer will I achieve happiness, success, or a loving relationship. I know, DUH! The correlation is so obvious!
Sarcasm aside, the hymen is such a powerful symbol that it requires protection at all costs, and affects the very definition of virginity...Oh fuck me! [pun intended] I just rode a horse/bike/broom! Or, ironically - Well, anal and oral sex isn't really sex because my hymen is not broken and I can't get pregnant, so...I'm still a virgin!
It's ironic because the same proponents who push for this type of futile education are probably the same kinds of people who view all things not vaginal intercourse as sexually deviant and immoral.

Change "married" to "ready," and I'd be 100% supportive of this ad.

I always find it ironic when people say "I'm waiting til marriage." Even pondering the possibility is a sign of heterosexual privelege in this country. I can't remember where I read this, but I read an FAQ section on a website about abstinence. Of course, the organization was all about waiting to have sex until marriage. But one of the FAQs was "What if my child tells me that s/he's gay?" The answer: Support them! But be sure to tell them that you want them to stay abstinent." Until when exactly?

Jem:

This is what leapt to mind when you said, "vagina's freshness seal"

http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF226-Preserves.jpg#211

Sending out a message to parents to have open channels when it comes to discussing sex and how the parents feel about it is fine. But the government telling mothers and fathers what to tell their children on the matter is a flat out invasive.

Cola, that's hilarious!
I actually got it from this:

http://www.ironhymen.com/index.asp

My favorite (but there are so many!):

"To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises. "

Joy wrote:
[i]I like the general style. I think it IS important for parents to talk to their kids about sex. But including marriage in the equation is WAY over the line.

And, in my opinion, telling parents to push a standard that 95% of the children will fail and which will bring no objective benefit is just plain cruel.[/i]

I totally agree on both counts. My problem with the use of marriage is that it is based on a Christian belief - that sex should occur only between married people and only for procreation. GAH! I don't want my government advocating that (or any) specific set of religious beliefs.

And I do think it's interesting to think about how these abstinence promises affect teens in light of the 95% failure rate. Setting kids up to fail doesn't seem like the best way to teach them what they really need to know about sex.

Instead, it seems to promote feelings of shame when the kid breaks the promise by having sex before marriage. That's just what we need - more shame surrounding sex! (not.)

A quick note: Thanks for posting on SCHIP.

Hmmm...If the message was just abstinence until you are ready, that would be one thing. However, I find the message to be homophobic. At what point will gay people be allowed to have sex - oh thats right, gay marriage is not allowed so NEVER.

Hmmm...If the message was just abstinence until you are ready, that would be one thing. However, I find the message to be homophobic. At what point will gay people be allowed to have sex - oh thats right, gay marriage is not allowed so NEVER.

Three things:

1.) Without premarital sex, some of us wouldn't even be here.

2.) "Success comes to those who wait to have sex." Okay, I'm a thirty-year-old virgin with no husband, no kids, no college degree, no money, massive debt, and a crappy job. When exactly does that success kick in?

3.) Every time I see people advocating teenagers not have sex until they get married, I think of those sixteen-year-old characters on "One Tree Hill" who eloped just to have sex.

SOB. Way to waste EVEN MORE OF OUR MONEY.

He's making me believe in everlasting torment. Because he deserves it. What a tool.

I laughed out loud when I heard the 'wait until marriage' bit. Is this seriously a real government program? How on earth can someone think this is a good message to teach kids?

Yes, the 'talk to your kids about sex' part is good advice - as is the suggestion that they should wait until they're ready. But until they're *married*?!! I can't put it better than SarahMC did above:

"Telling them to wait until marriage is like signing them up for a triathalon before they've learned to ride a bike or swim."

Exactly.

FEMily: When I came out to my mom, she told me that, gay or straight, she wanted me to remain a virgin "for a long time" (I was...17?) Previously she'd always told me that she didn't expect me to wait until I was married, since she hoped I wouldn't marry until I was at least finished with college and it just wasn't reasonable to expect me to wait until I was 24 or older! When she did find out I was having sex (at 19, when she stumbled across my birth control accidentally), she said she was glad that I was being smart about pregnancy, asked if we were using condoms, and then dropped it. Maybe her post-coming-out reaction was just momentary shock at having a lesbian/bisexual daughter?

Oh, this is hilarious. It's the exact opposite of what my mom tells my sister and me. "I don't want you guys to wait to have sex until you're married." My sister says she is going to wait till she's married, though. My mom and I think she's insane.

Dumbest crap ad!

hat's off to feministing for relating this to SCHIP.

The neocons insist that SCHIP is no good b/c it's a slip down the slippery slope to socialized medicine, but they have no problem pouring taxpayer dollars in to abstinenence education, which has been proven ineffective, and thus has no public health value. Why? Is it that they are only for government funding of inneffective public health initiatives, christian ones, or both?

hat's off to feministing for relating this to SCHIP.

The neocons insist that SCHIP is no good b/c it's a slip down the slippery slope to socialized medicine, but they have no problem pouring taxpayer dollars in to abstinenence education, which has been proven ineffective, and thus has no public health value. Why? Is it that they are only for government funding of inneffective public health initiatives, christian ones, or both?

"I can't remember where I read this, but I read an FAQ section on a website about abstinence. Of course, the organization was all about waiting to have sex until marriage. But one of the FAQs was "What if my child tells me that s/he's gay?' The answer: Support them! But be sure to tell them that you want them to stay abstinent.' Until when exactly?"

Until s/he and her/his same-sex fiancé/e move to Massachusetts and get married? ;)

"Instead, it seems to promote feelings of shame when the kid breaks the promise by having sex before marriage."

It also promotes unwanted pregnancies when the kid keeps the promise by not having sex until marriage. In addition, it promotes being at high risk of STDs when the kid keeps her promise by not having sex until she marries a man who had traditionally-macho unprotected premarital sex.

"1.) Without premarital sex, some of us wouldn't even be here."

OTOH, that's damning premarital sex with faint praise.

The "without X, some of us wouldn't even be here" argument can apply just as easily when X = the Blitz attacks, child marriage, laws against abortion, stranger rape, or whatever instead of premarital sex.

"2.) 'Success comes to those who wait to have sex.' Okay, I'm a thirty-year-old virgin with no husband, no kids, no college degree, no money, massive debt, and a crappy job. When exactly does that success kick in?"

Very good points. The "all teens will have sex" crowd sure seems to forget those of us who couldn't have consensual sex as teens even if we wanted to and are still virgins years later...

I thought it was funny too, until the end about "success". What a load of shit. That's like the government promoting "The Secret" or something- if you only do *this thing* you will BE SUCCESSFUL. Who thinks like that? Why should the government promote that sort of moral superiority? It's gross.

I don't believe in abstinence only programs. I don't believe they work because today's kids are going to do it regardless. They are going to experiment. What we have to do is just teach kids how to be safe about having sex. They need to know the importance of using protection and what to do in case something happens. I don't think telling children to wait is going to work. Because of today's society sex is a more open subject than it was 50 years ago. Kids see sex in movies, television, music videos, magazines, its everywhere. I think that running this program just fulfills the religious aspect of politics and that is not what all people believe should be done. I think tell your children how to be safe, at least try to help them make good decisions, whether they decide to have sex or not.

President Bush needs to stop imposing his personal views on America’s youth. He need to start doing what is in their best interest and this is one of the many examples that he simple does not care. Having abstinence only programs in school,homes, youth groups etc is not teaching American youth anything. That is only telling them to save sex for marriage which we all know that many teenagers are not going to do anyway. We need to educate the youth about using protection and the consequence of having sex. We need to teach the youth about STDs, STIs, AIDS, and HIV. Having abstinence only programs is only going to increase the rate of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.