Well, my personal favorite double standards are the ones that vary, depending on what race or class the woman is!

My all-time favorite: the motherhood double standard. As in: of course, since motherhood is the most important job in the world (as we can all see how our society rewards it so lavishly) and since it's the ultimate in female happiness and fulfillment, educated, middle-class white women should give up (or at least dramatically downscale) any kind of serious career, so they can stay home and make peanut butter sandwiches for the kids (who would of course fall apart without the 24/7 presence of selfless maternal care).

Oh, but . . . if you're not white and middle class? If you're a poor woman of color? Well, sorry dear, all that doesn't apply to *you.* Don't you dare think *you* should have the option of staying home and caring for your kids, you shameless hussy, you! Especially if you need government assistance to care for your family. Oh, no -- you, my dear, are morally obligated to find a job, any job, and park your kids in daycare, so some other woman will have the exciting career opportunity to look after them for minimum wage. Don't forget, dear -- it's your sacred duty to work. Because taking care of kids is not really "work", of course. And you need to show our wise and beloved political leaders how delighted you are to be showing your all-American enthusiasm, drive, and commitment to "personal responsibility." So you go, girl! Just be sure to take a job, any job. And arrange it so that anyone but you yourself is actually taking care of your kids.

Whore/player double standard. Guys asking if she fucks you on the first date, is she a whore. What the fuck guys? You fucked her on the first date too!

My personal peeve is that you can't be strong, confident and in control in the workplace without being a bitch.

Whatever, you can't be strong, confident and in control ANYWHERE without being a bitch.

I'm going to second MissMay12's comment, in part because I find myself defending those strong, confident women in the workplace against those charges of bitchiness.

Something that's always struck me as particularly ridiculous is how women are put on a pedestal -- women are angels, women are good, women are the moral compass of men/men are savage beasts who need women to tame them, which is why we ought to protect our virtue, etc. -- and yet, even though we're apparently so much better than men, still men are the ones who ought to be and get to be in charge.

I mean, imagine if a presidential candidate said "the other candidate is a much better person than I am, but you should still vote for me anyway." Like, how is that a reason to vote for THAT candidate?

I suppose everyone's top-of-the-list double standard is the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" when it comes to sex.

But my favorite (well, not favorite - but non-favorite?) is the double-standard about motherhood and race for women.

It seems society wants women to embrace motherhood and makes it out to be the greatest job in the world ...but because of the intersectionality of race and class, this only applies for white women.

It seems like only white women who are capable and career-driven are being asked to stay home and be mothers, while single, poor, uneducated minority women living on government assistance are being asked to actually leave the home and their children (God forbid!) to pursue a career.

I ...just ...don't ...get it.

When a mother spends time with her kids, it's called parenting. When a father does, it's "babysitting". Grrrr.

I love the double standards that begin in childhood, especially around toys. First off, there are girl toys (tea sets, Barbies) and there are boy toys (guns, dumptrucks). Boy toys are adventurous, girl toys involve involve cooking and being pretty. But secondly, girls can generally play with Tonka trucks or building blocks with no problems, but if a boy wants to play dress-up or with a doll, he is shooed away. Feminine toys are not for boys, because, gasp!, that seems so gay.

A man can hold a door for me, which I graciously accept; but when I try to do the same for some men, they shake their heads, seize the door from my hands, and say "No thanks". Apparently men are allowed to be helpful but women are not, at least not if the help involves strength or their implicit assumption that they are too weak to hold a door.

1. When men are attracted to hot, (often younger) women with a luscious head of hair, it's a biological trait that ensures survival of the species, and they simply can't help it anyway! When women are attracted to hot, (often younger) men with a luscious head of hair, we're "shallow."

2. Women belong in the kitchen, unless it's attached to a restaurant.

I hate that a man is never judged by the cleanliness of his home, but women are always blamed for the lack of cleanliness in theirs, no matter how many other people live there! Just because I'm a woman I'm supposed to like to clean?

I don't know if this is a widespread thing, but... double standard in banking:

Adult woman with secure, full time, employment having to get her father, husband/partner, brother to cosign in order for her to get a loan.

Men with comparable life situations (in my experience) don't seem to need their mothers to cosign for them. [gasp]

This is more than one woman of my acquaintance.

!!!!

Slight variation on Jane Minty's #1:

When men are attracted to hot, younger women, it's "just natural -- can't fight biology, man."

When women are attracted to rich, older, handsome men, it's because they're shameless golddiggers with daddy complexes.

Women belong in the kitchen, unless it's attached to a restaurant.

I find that one is generally limited to high-end restaurants. It tends to even out the lower you go, although I noticed when I worked in food service that women were more dominant in the prep part of restaurant cooking while the men were slightly ahead in the line cook category.

Mine HAS to be this little gem:
In the UK girls have started to out perform boys year on year in secondary school examinations. Prior to that-when boys did better-no-one raised questions around that, after all boys are naturally brighter or whatever-but as soon as girls started achieving better grades, it was all about the teaching methods being inappropriate for boys and was seen as a huge national intelligence problem. Nice. On that note, men are always argued to be physically stronger (obviously rubbish), but girls cleverer-not a chance!

The attractiveness double-standard, especially in regard to entertainment. Namely, a man starring in a big-budget Hollywood movie can look like Seth Rogen (who I love; don't get me wrong), but for a woman to do the same she should look like Katherine Heigl.

Related: A dude can be considered funny whether or not he's attractive, but for a women to be funny she should preferably be frumpy looking.

Oh, and...

3. Mother's Day advertising: diamonds, flowers. Father's Day ads: tools, electronics. My mom sure preferred plasma to diamonds.

4. If women want to get married, they're clingy. If men want to get married, they're respectable and responsible.

If women DON'T want to get married, they're weird. If men DON'T want to get married, they're normal.

5. While not a male-female double standard, why are cat ladies considered nutters as opposed to dog ladies? Have any of these people seen the ladies on 5th Av and their toy pups??

If a man is angry, it's probably for a good reason. If a woman is angry, she's probably PMS-ing.

My teacher was a woman taking classes at Harvard in the days when it was still unusual for women to be attending actual Harvard, instead of the adjacent women's college, Radcliffe. Walking into a building one morning with her fellow students, she reached the door, just to have it slammed in her face. The man not only shut the door on her, he waited just inside for her. "If you want to take classes with us," he told her, "you can open your own goddamned doors." "That's funny," she replied, "because I would have opened it for you."

Definitely the weight double standard. Jordin Sparks wins American Idol and sparks debates on obesity and health. Sean Kingston, significantly more ample, is everywhere and I haven't heard similar "health concerns" or criticism for being a poor role model. One example of a gazillion.

Incertus: true, though I still read about this now and then...what always amazed me most about that was was more the reverse scenario: men make the best chefs, but it's ok for the "average" guy to be clueless in the kitchen (thankfully, this isn't the case with my dude!).

Melanie: where do you live? that brought a chill to me just now, because I remember my mother bitching about this very thing in the early 80s (we were in Michigan at the time). My father had gone bankrupt 10 years before, and her credit was ruined temporarily because of it. I know it wasn't simply a case of joint assets, but this was during a time in which a woman had to get her husband to cosign for certain things. Even as a kid, this struck me as horribly wrong and highly illogical.

Mine is the double standard of literature; women are expected to write about filghty things suchy as 'chick lit', and men write the classics. Because men, shopping, and diets are all women think about. I submit my work in school, I'm always second-guessed and edited, and the boys write drivel praised as intellectual genius. It's like Shakespeare's Sister, only in modern times.

Yes, it's 1. Sexual double standards, and 2. Assertiveness/work double standards which piss me off the most.

And I'm not sure if this is really a "double standard", but I am continually infuriated by the cultural narrative that women who get abortions are brazen, irresponsible sluts, but at the same time are clueless children who are taken advantage of by opportunistic doctors.

I'm still rather fond of "What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?" "A slut sleeps with everyone, and a bitch sleeps with everyone but you." It's pretty much how a lot of sad little straight misogynists feel, and it's pretty pathetic.

The other one that bugs me is the parenting double standard. If a man is a good father, and tends to his children well, and with great patience, everyone goes "well done for him, got to admire a man who loves his children." Now if a woman does the same, it's either a) completely ignored and taken as for granted in the society, or b) coddling and infantilizing and generally making her children into incompetent weaklings who will never amount to anything because mommy always gave them everything without having to work for it.

If a man calls off work because his kid's in a play that afternoon, he's St. Dad. If a woman does it, she "needs her priorities straightened" and is viewed as disloyal to her job and to her family. It's much the same if a parent brings his/her child in to the office with them one day.

I'm also irked by the constant stream of "it's only disproportionately male when it's convient" sexist appologists. You know them, the ones that argue that men are special because they're more likely to be soldiers, firefighters, cops, etc., but, when a devil's advocate points out that they're also disproportionately child molestors, rapists and serial killers, then, suddenly, the whole thing changes into a discussion of how you can't lump everyone in a particular group together. Then they rant about stereotyping, and suddenly, you're called a Nazi.

Which is the other thing, BTW. "Feminazis." What. The. Hell. I was under the impression grown ups knew that comparing a person, movement or idea akin to Nazism requires, at bare minimum, a connection to genocide. Comparing Rwanda to the Nazis? Fair enough. Comparing main stream non-mass murdering movements to the Nazis? Not so much. Why is it that, for some reason, when a person argues for women's rights, suddenly, that standard of adult conversation errodes?

The court pre-supposing that in a divorce, the children belong with their mother. The burden of proof is on the father to prove that they should live with him. Men seeking custody are "dodging support payments" or "trying to hurt her".

woo hoo you are going to write another book! so pumped.

my #1 is a woman has sex and she is a slut, a man has sex, he is cool

#2- men don't have to choose between a career and raising children...if he works, he is not seen as a "bad" father. if a woman works and chooses not to stay at home with her children she is a "bad" mother. also if a father does choose to be a stay at home dad, he is a saint! no such recognition for stay at home moms...it's just expected...and she is basically evil if she does not stay at home to raise her children.

#3 men who are not very attractive calling out women who are not attractive (according to societal norms) rush limbaugh said during the clinton administration that chelsea was not attractive (in meaner words obviously)...who is he to talk? rush limbaugh is no brad pitt. all women have to be beautiful all the time and if not they are worthless and ugly, while white men run around ruling our country and no one says a damn thing

true, Werechick. I support maternity and paternity leaves, but it still seems as though men who take paternity leave are regarded as heroes while for the women it's expected (other than physical necessity).

Jer, I agree completely.

anybody else really fired up after reading all of these? jesus..

anyway, my favorite has to do with gender and clothing.
look around when you go out, and what it means to look nice for different people. in college or out at bars countless men are wearing shorts or jeans and t-shirts, while most women took 1-2 hours to get ready. If i woman were to go out wearing the same thing a man does, she would look sloppy, wheras he looks good. I, not conforming to gender demands, am constantly frustrated over the idea that if my brother wears shorts and a polo shirt he looks hot, and if i wear the same i look lazy.

I work in health care technology. Like all tech fields, it's highly male dominated.

Some of my (least) favorites...
If I am assertive in my opinions, I am a know-it-all bitch
If I am aloof to vulgar conversations and jokes, I don't have a senso of humor or I'm a prude. But if I pay attention and am inevitably offended, I can't take a joke and I'm trying to cause waves.
If a male tech makes a mistake during a repair or troubleshooting, well, stuff happens. If I make a mistake, my thought process, education, and intelligence are called into question.
On a side note, I've taken to wearing a sports bra to work, to minimize my breasts. I find I am taken more seriously when I do this. Apparently techincal skill is inversely proportional to breast size.

I second the class/race emphasis on women's options. That's crucial to talk about. Here's one that might not effect that many women, but it points to the underlying double standards associated with women/work/attractiveness. I just graduated from Divinity school and I was the Feminist group co-chair. We used to hold a variety of panel discussions and brown-bag lunches on topics regarding women and ministry. One panel was on "Sex and the Single Seminarian" or Minister. Our guest, an early 30-something, liberal, Presbyterian minister got us talking about how difficult it can be to date (heterosexually especially, though still in some denominations, same-sex dating is furtherly complicated by ordination considerations--the UU's, UCC's, and Episcopalians are pretty cool with same-sex relationships, but I digress)...anyway, back to heterodating, the young, male minister is considered a catch (and the young male rabbi, some female rabbis have this problem too). However, the young, female clergywoman is NOT considered generally a catch, especially if she's trying to do something not involving child-care or youth groups. If she's trying to actually be the preacher, to represent the church, etc. dating is extremely hard (of course, dating anyone in your congregation is a no-no, but some male ministers still do it despite official discouragement as a result of sexual abuses and unequal power issues that are more talked about today). Anyway, dating just in one's town (or even through the internet) becomes really difficult for young women in the clergy because of a number of issues, like 1. perception that she is not a sexual being, or 2. taking a position of traditional male-dominated power means she's a ball-buster or similar or 3. ministry is a demanding job that really requires a wife (literally, many churches look for male pastors with a wife who will work for the church for free, organizing the childcare, etc. They want two for one, but with women, you get a husband who presumably has his own career or she's single).

Part of why I'm going into non-profit and social justice work is that I don't want to be a parish minister in my 20's, single because of the baggage...also, I really want to have an impact on the broader community and help bring about economic, environmental, racial, GBLTQ and gender-justice and I think I can do that better working in community organizing, fundraising, and writing instead of preaching to the choir (I'm a UU (Unitarian Universalist) and the vast majority of our congregants hold progressive social views). But, I will not pretend that someday I might not go into parish ministry, I might, but as a woman (even in a church that has a majority female ministry), being single and wanting to partner/have kids is harder to do in that profession as a woman than as a man because its all on you. (oh, plus most denominations make individuals negotiate for maternity leave before signing the contracts, so if a woman asks for that, then they church board knows she wants kids and they're less likely to offer her the job because they don't have to offer maternity leave by law...some sympathetic male clergy members have become aware of this and are now asking for paternity leave even if they are past having their children because they don't want women discriminated against, but that's only a small number of men and when you have a 60-something asking for paternity leave in solidarity, that's kind, but logically they're going to see the 20/30-something asking and anticipating that she'll use it and he won't...we need mandatory maternity leave in this country damnit)...

Anyway, another perspective.

Peace

The worst is the sexual double standard, but the appearance double standard is a close second.

I'm very tired of unattractive older men with big bellies who say they'll only date much younger, slender women. Those same men then complain that women are only dating them for their money; wtf, the men are only dating the women for their looks!

Just to continue Heroine's point--when a woman writes about relationships she has written chick lit at best, but for addressing the same themes Jeffrey Eugenides is a literary hero, and the sub-Harlequin romance "The Bridges of Madison County," which a dude condescended to give us (in the early 90s), becomes a big-budget studio film with Streep and Eastwood.

Great subject - we all have examples. I remember traveling in Nicaragua, briefly in the company of a male English speaker. I would ask a local a question, for directions, and the local would answer to my friend, who didn't understand Spanish. I would even say, "he doesn't understand Spanish," but the local guy would always blithely continue. Even with language skills, I didn't quite count as person enough to have a conversation with - the male was the one to talk to. My friend thought it was a hoot. He'd watch the hand signals, say thank you, and laugh and laugh.

How about engagement rings? Two people decide to get married, but only one of them is marked as "taken"?

I think my favorite is:

Women are a moral compass/responsible for original sin.

Women are pure/can't be trusted with their own sexuality.

You know, the same old same old.

This has already been touched on, but my (least) favorite is the work/family thing. When a man has children it means he's more stable, ready for more responsibility, more mature and thus ready to advance further at work. When a woman has children it means her priorities have shifted, she's less dedicated to the company, she needs to be given less responsibility . . .

p.s. Jessica, if you would like an interview for your book with a couple single-female ministers (feminists), I could arrange that for you...or a couple female rabbis...I think that the idea of THE JOB WITH AUTHORITY as made literal in ordination really does uncover how gendered professions/power-structures are.

p.p.s. I could also arrange meetings with Neo-pagan priestesses who could talk about literal gendered incarnations of spiritual leadership...oh, and ditto for Buddhist practioners (I even know one trans-woman Buddhist nun). I've got connections across the country, so feel free to inquire if I could be of use...I believe my email addy is contained in the login info.

Oh, how could I forget my other favorite? Two girls kissing vs. two men kissing, sexual orientation of anyone notwithstanding.

I've seen this enough:

Men are counted as people. Attractive and/or young women are counted as people -- second class, but still, they're people.

Middle aged women who do not maintain the facade of youth fade away and aren't noticed by society at large. They are not counted as people -- until they do something drastic to "update" their appearance or otherwise try to recapture youth and beauty.

It's so friggin' sad.

I don’t know if this counts or not, but I think the portrayal of women in Christianity is interesting. For instance, you have all these women that are portrayed as wicked, sinful, untrustworthy, etc. However, even with that pattern, it doesn’t change the fact that the whole religion is based on a woman's word - that Mary wasn’t lying about her virginity and was really impregnated by god.

Similar to what's been said before about weight, but maybe a different look and one I worry about a lot. I have a four year old daughter and I have to fight myself from feeling pleased that she's sort of skinny. I have a five year old nephew and have to fight myself from being worried that he's sort of skinny. The weight double standard is really insidious.

Okay maybe this is petty but I've always felt an inferiority complex over so-called "girly" drinks.

Walking into a bar and ordering a fruity, sweet "tini" -- especially in front of guys or a date, is something that I've always felt defensive about. Like I have to apologize for not drinking Scotch straight-up.

It's not that women can't enjoy higher-proof alcohol, its that assumption the one who doesn't is somehow immature, flighty, or just not as cool as the ones who do. The men drink "real" drinks and approve of women who do, kind of snobbery.

I had a male friend make my very point when he said "a woman knocking back shots of whiskey is just hot." Which means my Fuzzy Navel/Appletini/Cosmo means what about me? That I'm *not* hot?

One that I was really thinking about today ... if a man is hairy, that's "manly" and "rugged." If a woman is hairy or even slightly stubbley (or missed some hairs on her knees), she's EW OMG GROSS. And some people imply that it's even poor hygiene for a woman to have body hair. But ... not a man. That's just sexy.

One I remember from the college days: Men who are attractive are judged to be more competent; women who are attractive are judged to be less competent.

Women spending time on their appearances? Mandatory. Men spending time on their appearances? Gay.

And so on. I could probably think of a bajillion more, but a lot of the best ones have been covered already.

Ooh, this one burns me up! If I'm upfront and ambitious in the workplace, I'm a ball-buster, but if I'm more subtle and polite about things, then I'm passive-aggressive and lack leadership qualities.

I hate the good father equals hero, good mother equals normal double standard. If a dad cares for his children, manages to dress them and feed them and interact with them, somehow he deserves a medal and possibly a national holiday declared in his honor. If a mom does it, it's just expected. On father's day this year, one of the national morning news shows did a piece on outstanding dads. Their outstanding dad was a man who had three small children and whose wife, their mother, had died. His outstandingness? He stuck around and cared for the kids. WTF? That's what you're supposed to do! They're your freaking kids! I could have walked into town and pointed out about fifty moms doing the exact same thing and this guys gets recognition and rewards for caring for his own children after their mom died! I mean, good for him and all, but should being responsible and caring for the human beings you chose to bring into this world really be so unexpected that any man who managed to do it is a hero?

Ooh, this one burns me up! If I'm upfront and ambitious in the workplace, I'm a ball-buster, but if I'm more subtle and polite about things, then I'm passive-aggressive and lack leadership qualities.

I really hear you on this one, and struggle with it constantly. I have yet to find the happy medium.

Perhaps this is a nuance of the "professional woman = bitch" phenomenon...but I find (as a college professor) that I get along with students largely because, while my classes are hard and I'm demanding, I'm also naturally self-effacing, chatty, and perhaps tend to treat my students in a slightly maternal fashion. It's just the way I am. BUT...my female friends who are more reserved and business-like, no matter how great a teacher they are, are almost uniformly disliked, especially by male students, for refusing to temper their curriculum with any "spoonful of sugar." Indeed, students practically REFUSE to learn from female professors who approach their classroom in this way.

Male professors, on the other hand, are pretty much respected in exact proportion to how tough and business-like they are with their students...OR can be well-loved softies...OR can be absent-minded-professor types. Essentially, there is ONE embraced model of female professors, but a whole range of leadership that men can demonstrate.

And, unfortunately, their chairs/our administrators do not take such sexist responses at all into account...instead, I get: "Maybe you can teach so-and-so how to be a better teacher." When it should be: "She IS a great teacher. Maybe we can teach our students to learn that women can be leaders/mentors outside of the mommy model."

Also...did anyone else catch last Thursday's "Talk of the Nation" on NPR? http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12633456
I think it was Deborah Tannen who was saying: Men who are assertive are 'the boss,' assertive women are just 'bossy'...even when they ARE 'the boss!'
I thought that was beautifully stated!

BeezNeez's post reminded me: while I agree that under arm hair is gross, why is it only so for women? Why is it ok for a man to look like he's got Don King in a headlock? If I see another young male with a ripped tank top to show his massive shrubbery like underarm growth, I may have to forcibly shave him.

Worst double standard is drinking. Women who drink are responsible not just for their own behavior but for other people's behavior. It is her fault that someone attacked her because she was drunk. Men who drink are not responsible for their own behavior. Oh, you can't blame him for attacking her, he was drunk

Men who do not want children are career minded, driven, and serious. Women who do not want children are unnatural, and selfish.

OT response to Katie. In a upscale bar, I mention the clothing double standard to my father. His response: "Women like to dress up."

Most of my favorites are taken, isn't that sad?

How about if a married man has an affair, it is almost looked upon as something normal, or that maybe his wife isn't "doing her wifely duty", yet, if a married woman has an affair, she is an evil, sex obsessed bitch who deserves all of the retribution that she gets.

Or how about if a male teacher has sex with one of his students, he is either pitied because you know that men can't control themselves around those hot, young, sexually ripe, teenaged girls or the girl is seen as the victim of a monster. If a female teacher does the same thing, she is seen as a dirty predator and the boy is seen as "lucky"

How about engagement rings? Two people decide to get married, but only one of them is marked as "taken"?

My fiance has a ring! :) I told him that if I had to be branded, he did too. (Got the idea from my sister who did the same thing with her fiance).

Needless to say, it causes endless confusion among colleagues/acquaintances when they see he's wearing a ring but doesn't refer to me as his "wife."

1. Young women (although this isn't limited to younger people) wear revealing sexy clothes, while young men wear loose baggy clothes that are not revealing.
2. Some men seem to think that all women exist for their visual pleasure or displeasure and they can make their "judgments" known.

From Dorothy_Parked_Her:

Related: A dude can be considered funny whether or not he's attractive, but for a women to be funny she should preferably be frumpy looking.

I'd have to disagree with this. Look at the female cast of SNL, look at the most famous female stand-up comedians like Sarah Silverman. Comedy is moving toward the ideal that fashion magazines and society in general idolize: skinny, straight-haired, light-skinned women. It seems that comedy used to be more inclusive in making room for women of different shapes, sizes, and looks, but could Roseanne start her career as a young comedian today?

I'm fascinated by how often women are caught between two extremes, and how narrow the happy medium is.

Too assertive at work and she's a bitch, no enough and she's a pushover. Men have the same problem (asshole vs. wimp), but the penalties are less and the range of acceptable behavior is wider.

Same thing with sexuality, dress, nurturing, etc.

I was friends with a brother and sister in college. Michelle told me that her father told her that if she ever had sex before she was married, he would not hesitate to kick her out of the house and stop giving her any sort of support at all. Steve the brother told me his father never said anything to him like that, and he never got the impression his parents much cared whether he had sex or not.

That really pissed me off.

One of the double standards that I hate the most is the distressing difference in the clothing that is marketed towards girl infants when compared with boy infants. At the Gap, where I work, boys' t-shirts have phrases on them like, "I dig bugs!" or "Basketball star". On the other hand, girls' clothing items have very passive and cutesy phrases on them like, "saturdays are for sleeping" or "sweet and adorable". The gender stereotypes even extend to infants... I once saw a boys' onesie that said "bikini patrol"! It's disgusting that first, that phrase is both assuming he will be heterosexual, and also pressuring him to be so. Second, it's sexualizing him. They would NEVER, in a million years have something like that on a girls' onesie (not that I think they should!) because girls aren't supposed to be sexual. In addition, they even sell string bikinis for infant girls. If that's not sexualizing little girls, I'm not sure what is.
And it's just so sad how obsessed and preoccupied parents are with these standards. Both moms and dad uphold them, for their sons and daughters alike. God forbid their little girl wears anything but pink. Or their little boy wears anything color but green and blue.

This one really bothers me: women under the public eye, whether in entertainment or politics.
Woman news anchors have to be perfect examples of the standard 'beautiful' female image (skinny, perfectly coiffed, big flashy smile, and most importantly YOUNG). Male news anchors are allowed to be, well, old and grey and lined.
Political figures have it even worse. Just look at all the coverage of Hilary's fashion sense, weight, cleavage, etc. It's absolutely ridiculous, but the general public doesn't bat an eye. Conversely, if the press did the same thing to a male politician, well... it just simply would never happen. Grrrrrrr...
Not to mention the media's endless reports on Oprah's weight fluctuations and blah blah blah, but nobody gives a sh*t what male talk show hosts look like.

Here's another one, too, that kind of irks me.

Women who claim to be feminists are considered whiny, bitchy, men-hating bitches. But if a man is in such a movement, he gets a fucking cookie!

Also: "virginity" is treated as a great loss for women should they ever have sex before marriage, but men are pushed to throw theirs away.

Regarding caretakers: minority women are considered inferior to white women in many cultures, yet are entrusted with children, which to said society, are the most prized possesions.

On Hillary Clinton: if a male politician exemplifies the traits of an Alpha male and a driven politician, he is seen as ambitious. Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, is seen as ...a manipulative bitch.

Motherhood is treated as the most important and noble job in the world, yet the job of tending to t he home and children is ...you guess it, unpaid!

I love this game!

If you're a professional woman who has children, esp. young children, your commitment to your job is constantly questioned. Asking for time off for a sick kid or an extended parental leave means that your job has fallen off your radar. You are a weak employee blah blah fucking blah.

If you are a professional man who spends time with his kids or caring for elderly parents, you are kind, progressive, evolved. It's always a plus for you, never a minus.

If you are a woman and you do housework (on top of your demanding f/t job) and cook and take care of your spawn, well that's what's expected of you, honey, and by the way, cant you work out more in all your abundant spare time so you can fit into your pre-pregnancy size 4 jeans again?

If you are a man and you do any housework without being asked to, or take care of the children happily, then yes, yet again, you are so evolved, so GOOD.

Fuck marriage. Dont do it, ladies.

1) The double standard women hold for themselves vs. other women. "But it's different when I do it" in all its forms: I can have an abortion but you can't be trusted; I can get to the top with my hard work but you can't be trusted, and all their cousins.

2) Clothing double standards based on shape. Before I had a breast reduction I couldn't wear tank tops because, frankly, I spilled out all over them. Now with smaller tits I can, and I don't get as much abusive attention because of it -- the size of my tits shouldn't have any more to do with how I'm treated on the street than the size of my earlobes!

1) The double standard women hold for themselves vs. other women. "But it's different when I do it" in all its forms: I can have an abortion but you can't be trusted; I can get to the top with my hard work but you can't be trusted, and all their cousins.

2) Clothing double standards based on shape. Before I had a breast reduction I couldn't wear tank tops because, frankly, I spilled out all over them. Now with smaller tits I can, and I don't get as much abusive attention because of it -- the size of my tits shouldn't have any more to do with how I'm treated on the street than the size of my earlobes!

My least favorite: The avowed feminist career woman and single mother who turns into a stay-at-home mom upon marriage, and, when divorced, demands alimony to maintain her lifestyle while only working part time. This has happened to three friends. For some reason, these women, all in their mid to late forties, can demand equal rights without assuming equal economic responsibility.

1) The double standard women hold for themselves vs. other women. "But it's different when I do it" in all its forms: I can have an abortion but you can't be trusted; I can get to the top with my hard work but you can't be trusted, and all their cousins.

2) Clothing double standards based on shape. Before I had a breast reduction I couldn't wear tank tops because, frankly, I spilled out all over them. Now with smaller tits I can, and I don't get as much abusive attention because of it -- the size of my tits shouldn't have any more to do with how I'm treated on the street than the size of my earlobes!

I was reminded of my stint as a teaching assistant for freshman chemistry lab. Like an earlier post, I ran my classes very business like. Yes, they really disliked me. The women just as much as the men. My evaluation forms came back rather low with comments like "She should smile more." As if I was put here to smile for them. Even the professor (male, in his 70s) laughed wondering what smiling had to do with being a good TA. I've seen this elsewhere too... women are supposed to look pretty and smile or else you're some horrid hag.

Mine is the education = attractiveness double-standard, and it holds true for all races. A woman with a degree from a prestigous university does not make a good mate (unless she stays home with the kids), but a man with a degree from a prestigous university is the ideal husband.

Jeebus, where do I begin?! I think the weirdest childhood one I've heard was from my dad when I was about ten or so. I was whistling and he told me to stop, that girls shouldn't whistle; that it's not "ladylike." Yeahhh, I sure wouldn't want to look like his pervy old friends who whistle at every damn thing that moves.[/sarcasm]

A friend, who when he speaks, every other word out of his mouth is either sh*t, or a variation of f*ck, had the nerve to tell me, that oh "it's nasty when a girl curses" and that I need to f*ckin' stop.

The virgin/whore dichotomy is applied in this scenario: "sit with your legs closed/crossed, what you want people to think of you" (even though I'm wearing pants?!). Yet, these f*ckers on the train occupy three seats because "well, they're men, they need to let their boys breathe." Yeahhh, they are just that BIG...my ass.

And my mother last week, in regards to the deteriorating tiles in the bathroom: "it's a shame that neither you (my father) nor your son (who's only 19 and never fixed a damn thing in the house, well in his life), the men of the house can't fix the tiles." Me: "umm, why can't you fix it, or why don't you ask me to fix it." Mom: "that isn't our job to do, women don't do that." ...A few minutes later, after a short heated debate...Me: "you do realize that women work in carpentry and house remodeling, etc, right?" Mom: "well, they took a course for that." Because apparently, male carpenters, plumbers, never, ever had acquired some sort of instruction. It's just natural.

(Mind you, I'm the one who has fixed/assembled 90% of the things in the house).

Oh, I have another one!

My dad, I love him, but is quite the chauvinist, used to say that if a woman used words such as "Fuck" that they were not "real women", they were trashy pigs. It is ok for a man to say "fuck" as long as he doesn't do it around any women or children. He still yells at me if he hears me say "Fuck" and I am 32 FUCKING years old!

i can't wait for this book!

My personal favorite is when people say the phrase, "you guys." It's just infuriating that many describe it as a gender-neutral phrase, when "you all" or "y'all" work just as well.

The problem is, nobody catches it as a problem until you reverse the phrase. Calling a couple of men "you ladies" is ludicrous and offensive. I don't understand why they can't understand that the opposite is the same to women.

This is a bit specialized, but has to do with men in technology fields. I was a computer science major in college and hated going to the computer labs to do work. The other students (95% men) would put up tons of "funny" lists about how to get girls and what made a girl a good girlfriend. They were all fascinated with discussing women and how to get to know them and date them, etc.
But the second I walked into the lab, I was wildly unwelcome, actively ridiculed, insulted, and shooed towards the door. I could never understand why they were so desperate for women in the abstract but so wildly unfriendly to the actual woman in front of them.

Those times also highlighted the "women are good at English and poetry, men are good at math and science" stereotype. Women who are smart at history, literature, etc, are dismissed because those are "soft" specialities that involve sensititvity and feelings. Men who are good in those fields are viewed as softer or even as gay. Then, women who excel in math and science are usually seen as "manly" or "dykey" or somehow less feminine, whereas men in those fields are just good men. I once had a computer science prof tell me that I would be confused by the week's assignment because the description was unclear and since I was more of an English person, I would no doubt get hung up on the words.

Apparently I have some bitterness left over from college!

pharmacists and health insurance companies wont distribute/cover birth control, but they dont seem to have any problem with viagra...

This might have been mentioned already but I'll second and third it: When a young woman says she wants a child she's got her future all figured out. When a woman the same age says she doesn't want kids then she doesn't know what the hell she wants out of life and she will "change" her mind. Unlike the woman who wanted kids, and changed her mind, cause we know that NEVER happens (wink wink).

My least favorite double standard...the amount of focus given (and offense taken), in analysis of advertisements, TV, movies, etc, to female steriotypes...while the same supposed gender equalitists are continuing to perpetuate related male steriotypes. Personally, I try to be equally offended by both (though sometimes I fail).

I have another I hear a lot from both sexes. Women's bodies and sexual parts are "beautiful." Men's are "funny looking."

I hate how a woman's physical appearance is ALWAYS a factor. Specifically, when people discuss a political figure, pundit, or anyone who has stated an opinion in public a woman's looks always come up but a man's rarely do. I was trying to explain to my boyfriend's roommate all the things that are deeply wrong with Ann Coulter and her role in the media and he eventually said something to the affect of, "But, I mean, she's relatively attractive, so that probably plays a role."
See also: Hillary's cleavage, Michelle Obama's makeup, and boobgate.

Side note re: Dorothy_Parked_Her's comment about Rogen-esque male actors and hot female costars. I was watching The Vicar of Dibley this weekend (a British comedy staring Dawn French) and realized it's pretty much the only show/movie I've ever seen where the woman in a relationship is realistic looking (though she's not in the role of "the ugly one", they often refer to how attractive she is) and the man is super-hot and the whole thing is just taken at face value; "yes, it is realistic that this man is attracted to this woman, so just get over it and laugh at the ridiculously cheeky British humor."

I got another one. I'm an amateur weightlifter. The general philosophy at the gym is "no pain, no gain." As most of us know, pain is not pretty. I've had a few people comment on how I never smile, that I look too aggressive/angry when I lift. Ohhhhh yeahhh, try crackin' a smile when you're squatting with 175lbs on your back, running out of breath and your heartrate goes over 170 beats a minute. Yeah, try to crack a Colgate smile, dipsh*t.

Oh, and apparently sarcasm isn't too desirable in a woman either.

I thought of more!

How about when a man complains about poor customer service or something else, he is taken seriously, yet, when it is a woman she is just hysterical.

Or, this is in my family. My brother doesn't have much to do with many members of the family and no one bats an eye, but, because I don't like my cousin and I don't want to be around her, I am impossible.

Or, when my mother wanted to have an alarm system installed, she called around and one of the companies told her that they would not come out unless her husband was home to make the decision. She told him that she is the decision maker on this and that he just lost a sale.

Women can easily squelch a salesperson if they say that they "Need to speak to their husband first", yet, when my husband tried to do that when buying a car, he was given a hard time by the salesmen for having to consult with his wife.

In one of my classes were doing a group project. I was in a group with two men, who are great friends of mine, yet, we tend to argue over how things get done, yet, it always turns out great in the end. When the males were disagreeing with what I wanted to do, the professor saw it as discussion, yet, when I disagreed, he pulled the males aside and called me "combative".

Okay so I work in retail, fabulous I know, specifically I’m stationed in the bedding department...Anyway it's double standards in the workplace that really piss me off. Guys automatically assume that because I’m a woman I know about what bedding ensemble looks best with taupe colored walls and evergreen draperies. Now I’m usually more then willing to help out a customer and I can tell you everything you want to know about thread count and Egyptian cotton…but shit just because I have a vagina doesn’t mean I’m an interior decorator! And don’t even get me started about the comments I’ve received from men and women!--when they see me climb a ladder. So, yeah double standards in the work place kill me…but the whole he’s “the man� she’s “a slut� thing is up there too. Personally I prefer the term “opportunistic single�.

My favorite example of the double standard that it's okay for men to be promiscuous but not women is: On VH1's "Rock of Love," Bret Michaels became outraged when he found out that he could possibly be just another "notch" on one of the women's bed post. He acted offended by this and responded by saying: "No , I'M the bed notcher!"

I can't decide if it bothers me or is a blessing that "gay culture" is gay male culture. The most prevalent stereotype about lesbians is that men find them sexy.

Of course, women's sexuality doesn't matter except for its effect on men, so lesbian sex and female masturbation are both primarily male fantasies instead of... you know... our lives.

I think this is part of why only straight characters on TV and in movies can be butch-- lesbians are usually uberfemme. Even on a show like the L Word, whose primary audience seems to be actual lesbians.

On the one hand, this makes actual queer female sexuality a comparatively safe space. On the other, it feels awfully invisible that queer sexuality is so often gay men, and that my life is primarily a male fantasy.

Kat, I had the exact same experience as a chemistry TA. My boss had to keep reminding me that I couldn't take points off for calling me a bitch. I remember thinking that my job was to keep them from blowing themselves up, and they really wouldn't care how nice I was if they were scarred by acid burns.

I just kept reminding myself that college freshmen really aren't humans yet, and they'd be better by the time they got to organic.

I've just been a reader up until now, but now I've been moved to join and comment. I love this site. Now for some pet peeves:

My best friend has a ten month old daughter with a woman who refuses to let him take the baby by himself. If he wants to see her, it has to be at her house with her supervision. His crime? He broke up with her. Right now he's in a terrible custody battle and because he's a male without a lot of money, he's having a hard time being taken seriously. The mother, on the other hand, has no job, serious mental health issues and lives with her parents, but since she's the mother, she's automatically "more fit" to raise the child. It breaks my heart.

Also, I was reading my boyfriend's Playboy last night, and there was a letter from a 20 year old man who had gotten a vasectomy. I'm a 20 year old woman, and while I don't want to get a tubal ligation, I know for a fact I would not be able to find a doctor to perform one. I would surely "regret my decision" when this 20 year old man was hailed as being responsible!

One thing I find very backwards about our culture is the prevalence of circumcision. Why is it ok to remove a piece of a boy's genitals against his will? We condemn this practice against females in other cultures. Also, one of the main reasons for circumcision is an aesthetic one, but plastic surgery in women is widely mocked as being superficial. The whole practice makes me nauseous.

Nagging vs. commanding.

When women ask for something (more than once) it is called nagging. When men ask for something, it is leadership/issuing a command. Of course, if a woman has to repeat herself, it is because NO ONE DID WHAT SHE SAID THE FIRST TIME!!! Because even if she is in control, no one feels the need to listen to her.

Anger vs. sorrow.

Women's sorrow and men's anger are seen as legitimate emotions (in certain contexts.) But men can be angry in the workplace while women can't express sorrow in the workplace without being seen as unprofessional. And men who cry--boy are they in for it. (Usually.) Women's anger is usually discounted, blamed on hormones, or seen as inappropriate. Guess what--no one else has a vote over when one of us gets angry.

Oh, and the smiling thing. A guy once said to me "but Ismone doesn't smile." I said -- say something funny and I will. That shut him up.

Presumed ignorance of sports.

Me and my negotiations partner (a total baseball fanatic--we'd prepare for our sports law negotiations in sports bars, and she'd get in these heated discussions with the old guys. Even when they didn't agree with her, she got mad respect because she knew everything--stats., strategy, you name it.) I'm not half bad myself. So we go up against this team of two guys, and are being judged by one female and two male attorneys. The sports law contract terms are flying thick and fast, and our opponent throws out "why don't you do x?" and my partner throws back "why should we do x when it will make it harder to trade your client and we can already do y and trade him easily?" She was totally right. Afterwards, the woman attorney comes up to us and says that although she knew that as women, we don't know much about sports (just like her) we should learn the terminology better. My partner and I were pissed. We didn't reject our opponents offer because we didn't get it, we rejected it because it would cost us more money and because we could still get rid of the guy without it. Geez.

All this alimony crap.

Guess what--if someone gives up economic opportunities to stay home with children by mutual agreement of the parties, and then they get divorced that someone (whether male or female) is entitled to support to make up for the income they now can't earn because of the hit their career took (and the boost their partner had to theirs) while they stayed home with the kids. It's called benefit of the bargain--it is simple contract law.

Word to Nick about the men's bodies things. I make a point of saying that I think men's bodies are beautiful because I think our culture is warped when it comes to male attractiveness. I don't think men are "worse-looking" then women. I think men are freaking gorgeous, and while I can acknowledge that women are aesthetically appealing in some sort of vague abstract (or comparative way) I think MEN ARE GORGEOUS. All of you. And yes, I like it when you wear kilts. Thank you, scotsmen, and wearers of utilikilts.

As a writer, the double standard that bugs me the most is that if a man writes, directs, stars in and produces his own movie then he's impressive and talented. If a woman tries to do the same thing, she's egotistical and just looking for attention or otherwise a ball-breaker.

@ SassyGirl
During my short stint selling Cutco Cutlery, I remember being told to avoid, if possible, going through the sales pitch with a woman when her husband wasn't around. The concern was he'll probably come home and decide that they won't be going through with the purchase. You can bet that we were not "warned" about the reverse.

Here's another caveat to the personal appearance double standard, aging.

Men are allowed to age. A man with greying hair looks 'distinguished'. A man is allowed to have wrinkles. Lines around his eyes and mouth give him character.

Women are not allowed to show signs of aging. Gery hair on woman is unattractive. Wome are encouraged to cover up the grey with dyes. Women are also not allowed to show signs of wrinkles. Because god forbid a 50 year old looks like, well, a 50 year old.

As a guy, I've been trying to come up with some double standards that hurt men more than women, and these are the ones I've come up with:

1. A woman trying to maker her way in a male-dominated field is a "pioneer", but a man doing the same is "gay". He may actually have to pretend to be so in order to succeed.

2. Child custody. Already been covered in the comments above.

3. Men are expected to pay for the first couple of dates, at which point the couple usually arrives at some kind of equitable arrange (or they break up).

That's all I could come up with. Which I guess leads to #4: Women have an unfair advantage when it comes to complaining about gender bias!

Double Standards:
How people think when a guy is successful in the business world, it's because he's powerful. When if a woman is successful, she's sleeping with her boss to get to the top.

How parents freak out when a kid is hugged by a male teacher in Kindergarten but not when it's a female.

How by having many many friends of the opposite sex you're either a)if you're male,and have many friends that are girls you're automatically gay. Or b)If you're a woman and have many friends who are guys you're fucking them all.

And another thing,
If a guy looks good, wears nice clothes, is nice then that means he's gay. If a girl is all of that, then she's usually popular.

(Sorry if I can't think of double standards on women, I'm a guy but I do agree with the ones mentioned.)

Here are a few of my favorites.

If a married man sleeps with another woman, it's her fault because she seduced him. If a married woman sleeps with another man it's...her fault because she should only want to have sex with her husband. (Not condoning adultery, just saying...)

And I second all of those who talked about women having to be responsible for everyone's behavior when they drink. I actually had a guy I was dating get mad at me when I was drugged and assaulted because I'd been drinking that night, and as a grown woman I should have known better than to put myself in that situation.

There's also the thing where men's emotions and opinions are always more valid and important than a woman's. There are endless examples, but my favorite is when that same guy was upset because I didn't care enough about the trauma he experienced when I was assaulted.

Men who don't want to commit are normal. Women who don't want lifelong committment are unnatural.

Women must look and be feminine at all times. However, if we do so, we will be judged for trying to get by on our looks and/or our feminine wiles.

Women who are comfortable with their sexuality are sluts. Women who choose not to engage in sexuality are frigid. Any woman who won't do what is wanted/expected of her at any given moment is a bitch.

If you have an abortion, you're a murderous slut. The man in the situation is a poor guy with no control over his child. If you have an illegitimate child, you're an irresponsible whore. The man in the situation is a poor guy being trapped into financial hell by a manipulative woman. If you try medical means (either permanant or not) to avoid pregnancy, you're a slut who's trying to avoid responsibility for her actions. If you're a man who does the same thing, you're acting as a responsible adult.

Something that has always bothered me to no end is the way that women are expected to care about the way they look to the point of obsession... but at the same time, men (and often other women) look down on the women who embody these ideas as being weak, shallow, fake, flighty, etc etc...

Society drills certain ideas into our heads and then we're punished for actually believing they're important.

At the same time, if you reject these potentially damaging ideas of feminine beauty to any extent you're sloppy, and outcast, or -gasp- a LESBIAN.

I could go on and on.

Another thing is the way that some women will take on the frame of mind of your average chauvinistic male as means separating themselves from other women. You know, the one who eats "like a man," drinks "like a man," goes to stip clubs... looks down on other women. Basically someone who has internalized the idea that women are inherently weak, and in order to be respected they had better act as much like a man as possible.

That last one almost bothers me the most, because even if these women feel some kind of empowerment, they're completely buying into all of that misogynistic bullshit and making things that much harder for women down the line.

Random complaint though: I play trivia at a bar with my friends every Monday night, and each week the 20 or so teams each try to come up with the funniest team name... so the announcer is rattling off the scores after the first round and one of the team names is "Girl At the Bar, Are You Walking Home Alone Tonight?" Big laugh from the crowd. I wanted to cry. BECAUSE SEXUAL ASSAULT IS FUNNY, RIGHT?

Double Standards:
How people think when a guy is successful in the business world, it's because he's powerful. When if a woman is successful, she's sleeping with her boss to get to the top.

How parents freak out when a kid is hugged by a male teacher in Kindergarten but not when it's a female.

How by having many many friends of the opposite sex you're either a)if you're male,and have many friends that are girls you're automatically gay. Or b)If you're a woman and have many friends who are guys you're fucking them all.

And another thing,
If a guy looks good, wears nice clothes, is nice then that means he's gay. If a girl is all of that, then she's usually popular.

(Sorry if I can't think of double standards on women, I'm a guy but I do agree with the ones mentioned.)

I didn't read ALL of the 90 or so comments above mine, so pardon if this has been mentioned:

Women who have jobs and children want to "have it all" but men with jobs and children are responsible fathers.

a few things...

I agree with whoever threatened to shave armpit-hair-baring-men. I have a friend who wears muscle shirts and like to give hugs, and I don't even have words for it...

Regarding the whole appearance double standard: Scrubs, which is a medical comedy, has a great episode addressing all this. Eliot, a female doctor, gets so much crap from everyone for looking good, that she decides to forget her morning ritual and just go to work as is. After then getting crap for looking terrible, her male friends try to console her by saying "Don't worry about it...you look...smart." To which she replies "Of course I look smart, I'm a doctor!"

And in terms of double standards...beyond just clothes, let's look at what's underneath. Supposedly, men have these tremendous sex drives and have to work to get women to sleep with them. Tell me, then, why we spend billions a year at places like Victoria's Secret? And this starts at an age before anyone should even care about lingerie! Guys, who need only choose between boxers and briefs, don't get it either--when my friends ask me why I care about matching sets, etc. my only reply is that it makes ME feel sexy. Which I know is true to some extent, but I kind of wonder anyway...

In the book, I would really like to see a focus on the double standards that are most often true for all women, but also take into account that certain standards are very different for white women versus women of color, heterosexual women versus queer, urban versus rural, etc. Is this book also going to focus on North American culture or take into account a more worldly view?

And not to derail this thread, but this caught my eye from Brianne: "One thing I find very backwards about our culture is the prevalence of circumcision. Why is it ok to remove a piece of a boy's genitals against his will? We condemn this practice against females in other cultures." Because some forms of FGM leave the girl with nothing but a tiny hole through which to urinate and leaves behind no possibility for sexual stimulation. This isn't even factoring that most circumcisions in the US tend to take place in a sterile hospital environment versus some of the conditions in which these girls are cut.

P.S. "#4: Women have an unfair advantage when it comes to complaining about gender bias!" And I wish we didn't have this "advantage".

Okay, I didn't have time to read through all the comments, but this one drives me nutty:

Fiancee #1: I bring up that I want to hyphenate my last name with his after marriage, because why should I lose my family identity to marry him? He says it's fine if I do it that way, but he won't. I ask why, he says because he doesn't want people he works with to think he's "whipped."

Fast forward one messy breakup all the way to fiancee #2: Decides he flat out likes my name better and when I bring up hyphenating, he says why bother? He'll just take my last name. So I then have to justify to everyone else WHY he'd so something that weird. Never mind he's not close to his family and I'm close to mine. Never mind that all my education and work records are in my last name whereas he's immigrating and it won't matter as much if his last name is the same. Never mind if we both just flat out like my name more or that my last name is so rare it's risking dying out. My dad still says, "That's weird" and I still have to cough up something like $200 for us to have the same last name because that's how state laws work.

I hate the double standard that women/girls need protection and that men/boys should be the protectors.
Examples include parents giving their daughters strict curfews and giving their sons loose or no curfews; girls must be chaste until marriage, but not boys, etc. Or parents trying to turn their daughters into princesses and their sons into heros (sports, army, career driven,...). And, a big one, men deciding that women are not capable of choosing when they are ready to become mothers (the abortion debate, the debate to have/not have kids).
And while I know that these prejudices may impact women in more serious ways than men, I hate that the people who hold the prejudices refuse to realize that they are limiting both boys and girls. Some boys are naturally gentle or attracted to more feminine objects or behaviors. And, of course, vice versa.
Oh and another pet peeve that is related. That it is ok for a men to objectify and lust after women. But its not ok for a man's daughter to be lusted after. Because, of course, every man's own daughter is a saint, in need of protection. Its just the other women who are pieces of meat for the taking.

Agree with ALL of the above - sometimes I despair of the society we live in.

My personal pet hate is the whole title-depending-on-marital-status-thing. You know the whole 'Miss' when unmarried and under your dad's watch, 'Mrs.' when you finally find a man and "snare" him, and Ms. (as everyone wrongly) assumes when you are no longer under your husband's watch (even though that is a complete fallacy and I can't tell you how many times I have had to explain the origins of Ms to people). And yet men (and boys usually) are always known as 'Mr.' as 'Master' has fallen out of use, being an antiquated term. How come Miss and Mrs are not antiquated? How come even in the 21st century we are still judged by our relationship to men and yet men don't have the same tags. When I am Empress of the world, Women and Girls will be known as Miss until they come of age at 18 and Ms from then on - just like men.

here's an annoying one... if a man takes over the family business, he is carrying on the family legacy. if a woman takes over the family business, her daddy handed it to her as her new toy.

and for any canadians out there, 2 words: Belinda Stronach. A successful business woman and politician, who also happens to be very traditionally attractive. The newspaper in my city ran a full picture of her one day when she dyed her hair from blonde to brunette... i searched for the accompanying article, but there wasn't one. just a large photo, with a blurb about her new hair colour.
The media in Canada basically tore apart every move she made, and finally she resigned from politics to go back to run the family business. Of course she was labeled a flaky quitter.

additionally (I promise you, I will be thinking of more of these all days...), I hate the treatment of periods in this country. By the time I got one, my mom was in menopause and there were three guys in the house; I was expected to keep my period a secret, even keeping the pads in the linen closet rather than right inside the bathroom.

I hate that guys are expecting to be squeamish about periods, and we're expected not to subject them to hearing about it. If I have to deal with the pain, they can deal with the conversation. Nevermind that we're the "delicate" sex and we have to bleed like a wounded animal once a month; let's not rock the boat by talking about it with the poor boys.

It's amazing how much I can like guys while simultaneously hating their culture so much.

Going back to the tech theme, my brother and I are both fairly good with computers ( we do a little programming, run linux and are recruited to troubleshoot family and friend's computers).

Because of this people think that I'm gifted, special, and/or smart. My brother is a better programmer than I am, yet I have never heard people complement him on it and rarely hear anyone call him smart. It's really weird

additionally (I promise you, I will be thinking of more of these all days...), I hate the treatment of periods in this country. By the time I got one, my mom was in menopause and there were three guys in the house; I was expected to keep my period a secret, even keeping the pads in the linen closet rather than right inside the bathroom.

I hate that guys are expecting to be squeamish about periods, and we're expected not to subject them to hearing about it. If I have to deal with the pain, they can deal with the conversation. Nevermind that we're the "delicate" sex and we have to bleed like a wounded animal once a month; let's not rock the boat by talking about it with the poor boys.

It's amazing how much I can like guys while simultaneously hating their culture so much.

If I choose to date someone firstly on the basis of appearance, I'm shallow. If a guy does it, well, it's just biology.

I think Peter from Family Guy summed it up best when he wore the "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt.

I hear straight guys complain all the time about having to be the one who initiates contact with women, but if we do, we're aggressive/desperate sluts.

Also, homosexuality in women vs. men. Lesbians--totally hot. Gay men--EWWWWW.

If a guy swears: boys will be boys, donchaknow. If I swear: I must be stupid or mean or something.

One of my friends complains about this all the time: at her job, she's expected to be nice and cordial (service industry ftw), but when she is, she gets tons of unwanted attention from guys. If she isn't polite, they call her a bitch. Is it that hard to figure out she's being polite to you because it's her job and not because she's interested?

I don't know that it is a double standard per se, but the severely mixed message women receive about breastfeeding is very troubling to me. So breastfeeding is the most important and responsible thing a mom can do for her baby....just not in public places? As a breastfeeding mom, this enrages me. It does become a double standard (rather than simply a mixed message) where visible breasts in public are concerned. It is permissible for the Victoria's Secret store to feature images in which women's breasts are visible nearly in their entirety...but it is offensive that, in feeding my infant on the bench outside that store, someone might get a brief glimpse of my breast? It's almost laughable.

Also, I have to second the outrage over insurance coverage of Viagra (and other ED drugs) but not contraceptives. This double standard is not only infuriating, but seriously disadvantages women...

The other night my husband and I were out with a new friend and we were debating about whether or not to get ice cream. When my husband finally decided he didn't want any, I decided I didn't really want any either (I was mostly just going to help him eat his). The guy we were with said to my husband, "Oh come on! You know she really wants ice cream!" He NEVER would have said that about my husband, but because I'm a woman (and pregnant) I can't be relied upon to accurately state my own desires.

Before I could open my mouth, my husband said "If she said she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. She's not a child." Then the guys said to me "Oh, so you're not one of those women who repress their desires and then lash out later?" I said "No, I generally lash out right away."

GOD. If I want fucking ice cream, I will eat fucking ice cream. If I don't want it, you may bloody well rest assured that it doesn't have to do any sort of desire to avoid looking like some sort of ice-cream crazed wildebeest in front of a new acquaintance.

Other choice comments during the night: "Men have more in common with adult chimpanzees than with women" and "Women hate talking about history. Nothing is more of a turn-off for them. Except talking about politics."

OK, so these comments aren't really double-standards. But I've been stewing about them all day.

I was watching Tyra the other day and it was one of those body image shows. first they had the girls that thought they were too fat, and at the end they had a girl who thought she was too skinny. That made me realize that no matter what they look like, every woman either thinks they are too fat or too skinny.

Oh, another thing that is related to my last post. First of all, I'm the mother of a boy, but if I ever have a daughter, I would expect myself to have the same standards for a girl as I do for my boy. So here is one of my pet peeves: that even very, very young boys are expected to be tough and independent. For example, people expect me to allow my 5 year old to go hunting! With a gun! I remember the same being expected of my little brother, but not me, when we were growing up.
And another strange example, is that stores stock winter coats for girls in the fall, but they don't stock winter coats for boys until Nov. or Dec. This has happened every fall when I go to buy my son a winter coat, I can find nothing but maybe a thin navy wind breaker, whereas in the girl's section of the store, there will be multiple styles of thick warm coats, in pink and purple, of course! Aside from the unfair rule that while girls can wear navy, a boy can never ever wear pink, unless he's ok with a lot of harrassment and ridicule, Are little boys NOT supposed to get cold? What the hell? The toughest little boy will still be affected by the weather. But the stores seem to think that they won't?! Its so bizarre!

Also, everyone so fat has made really great points!

Men are called men, women are called girls.

crimgirl--AMEN! I found myself intentionally not talking about purchasing "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeing" last night when we were out with the guy I talk about above, because I didn't want to deal with any comments--and because deep down, I couldn't shake the feeling that breastfeeding is something that shouldn't be brought up with a man you have just met that night. Sigh. Sometimes it is discouraging to realize just how far I have to travel on the feminist road.

"Women hate talking about history. Nothing is more of a turn-off for them. Except talking about politics."

Aw. Shit. Does that mean that I have to give back my History MA and delete all my news site bookmarks?

Crap. I knew I should have checked my genitals before I developed my personality.

My pet peeve double standard comes courtesty of my father.
During an arguement with my brother (when he was in his late teens and I was in my early 20's) He called me a "bitch." I responded by calling him an "asshole." My father, who had heard the entire conversation promptly chided me, saying "Polite ladies don't use that language." I glared at him and said "Acutally Dad, polite PEOPLE don't use that language."

Dunno if this is a "double standard", but when the Evil Conquering Hordes ride into town, they generally kill the men and rape the women.

Holy shit, you guys rock! Keep 'em coming!

tankerton--what I can't get over is all the army camo clothes for infant boys! Sorry, Military Industrial Complex--just because you need more cannon fodder doesn't mean I'm going to indoctrinate my newborn son into thinking that in order to be a Real Man he needs to be a military man.

As harmful as I think gender stereotypes are to girls, as the expectant mother of a boy, I'm starting to realize that they can be just as harmful to boys.

SamBarge--That's okay, you're probably a lesbian or will never be able to snag yourself a man.

Oh gosh! I posted, then went back and read more. It definitely reminded me of a few more from my oh so Southern Baptist Republican upbringing (Long story short- my dad gave me Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura books for christmas every year).

My dad offered to take my car away from me and give it to my brother if my brother witnessed me sharing a bed with my boyfriend while we were on a fishing trip with my boyfriend and his cousins. My dad also regularly bought my brother "nudie mags" as a reward for good behavior and grades.

My brother now feels disgusted with and refuses to date any girl who sleeps with him "too easily." This does not, of course, prevent him from sleeping with as many girls as will have him, or from considering himself perfectly dateable.

I've got a million examples...

Here's one I forgot earlier. A man who owns a gun is normal. A woman who owns a gun (even just a 9mm handgun) is a potential psychopath who must be tiptoed around lest she go hormonal and shoot your ass.

theres that recent study, where women were percieved to speak more even when they spoke less, so i guess the perception of a talkative man as not speaking excessively vs a woman who speaks fewer words being a "chatty cathy"

eff, the existence of the phrase "chatty cathy" is problematic itself. is there a male equivalent?

So what majors are left for women? We've already taken down Computer Science, History, and Political Science. Chemistry? No Chem sets are always aimed at boys. Physics? No that would tax women's feeble brains to much.
Maybe we should give up and stay home.
end snark

This is kind of minor but, male PhDs often marry women with significantly less education than them, however female professors are almost always married to other PhDs.

I went to a Catholic college for my BA in gender studies and the health insurance that covered the employees covered viagra but not birth control, a librarian told me she was pissed to find out this out when she went to refill her prescription at a cvs..i wanted to write an article about it for my school's newspaper when i was a senior but they thought it was too racy of a story. i mean come on, that is so outwardly sexist.. either cover both, or neither...and you know maybe having erectile dysfunction is just God's way of saying you shouldn't be having sex, haha

Mine would have to be on the basketball court. I have played basketball all my life and I would say that I am an average player. I don't suck but I didn't play college ball either.

Yet for some reason, no matter where I play pick up games, men always feel the need to give me and ONLY ME pointers on how to play the game. As if being the only female on the court somehow designates all the men as my coach.

Other favorites of mine involve being propositioned for sex in the middle of a game, being apologized to when bumped, and hearing for the hundrendth time the joke about being skins and shirts.

regarding movies/books: if main character is a woman/girl, it is seen as having been made for girls; if a man/boy - it's "gender neutral."

Woman - Ask for more pay - You are selfish and want more shoes and purses.

Man - Ask for more pay - You're management material.

Not necessarily female/male, but infuriating nonetheless:

College campuses (especially the ones with large GBLT communities) that won't allow male/female couples to room together because they might break up and then things would be awkward, but don't really seem to care if queer couples room together. Are homosexuals more stable, or does it just not count as a relationship?

Oh there are so so many...

1. ) Men and women's bodies.
Women are the embodiment of "sex." We're either virgins or whores. The same people who criticize the hijab will say a woman wearing a tank top and skirt is slutty for showing too much skin. And it's just insane that it's considered women's responsibility to protect the vulnerable men from our dirty, tempting bodies. If we're raped, it could be our fault for wearing the wrong thing. If we're harassed, we may have been asking for it by wearing something sexy.

You know what - it's also a double standard that men can go out shirtless in public but women can't. Hell, we can barely get away with wearing "skimpy" clothing. We can't win. And it all comes back to the fact that women's bodies are sexualized in a way that men's are not.

2.) Like some other folks said, the treatment of daughters vs. sons. Sons are given wayyy more rope than daughters are. This was true in my own upbringing and it drove me crazy. I had the earliest curfew of all my friends. I was not allowed to stay over at boys' houses (the only times I asked were a.) for an after-prom party and b.) between my freshman and sophomore years of COLLEGE when I wanted to visit my boyfriend in another state. As though we didn't have opportunities to mess around away at COLLEGE!)
Meanwhile, my younger brother was allowed to go on roadtrips with boys and girls during high school. And his curfew was much later than mine. I'm always referencing television on here, and I'll call your attention to Hogan Knows Best. Hogan's treatment of his kids (a boy and girl) is so unfair. Even though the boy is younger he's given way more freedom than the girl. He spies on her, makes her call every hour when she's out, etc.

3.) Female politicians. Every time my extended family talks politics, my aunt says something about how Clinton just wants to be president because she's "power-hungry." I'm like, what!? That may be true, but nobody EVER says that about male politicians! When they run for public office, it's accepted that they want power. When women run, something's fishy.

Megan: Very good point about the Victoria Secret thing.

My picks:
1)It's a terrible thing for a woman to look ugly. But women who make a deliberate effort to look good are pathetic or shallow.
2)Remember when one women's college said they didn't want Barbara Bush for a graduation speaker because she hadn't accomplished anything beyond marrying the president? After which vast numbers of columnists denounced the students for not realizing that She Is A Mother--The Highest Possible Achievement (and after she spoke, treated comments such as "Nobody dies wishing they'd spent more time at the office" as if no one had ever uttered them before). Just imagine anyone suggesting they should pick a graduation speaker solely on the grounds "He's a father!"
3)John Leo is his own double standard. He's ranted for years that statistics showing women are underrepresented (ditto nonwhites) don't prove discrimination, but statistics showing males at a disadvantage are all the proof he needs to show society (or schools) are biased against the Y chromosome.
4)Any conservative woman who announces that women are stupid/emotional/hormone driven ... except for her, because she's More Like A Man (People like this remind me of traitors in Cold War movies--the ones who turn over the secret information to the spymaster, then get dragged for execution while screaming out "No, no, I'm loyal to you!")

I apologize if this one has been touched on, but with kids, girls are supposed to enjoy any movie/book/story regardless of the protagonist or plot, but boys are only given "boy" movie/books/stories because of course they wouldn't like girl ones.

So, I run into this problem pretty often. I start dating a guy and in the beginning he loves the fact that I am independent and have a job that I love. Months later, this is the very same thing he hates about me because it makes him feel insecure. What is a woman to do? You are damned if you have a career you love and money to take care of yourself, but you if you let a man pay for things and take care of you you are labeled a goldigger. Find a guy who isn't so easily intimidated I suppose....

Oh, ooh! This one really made me mad.

When I was in college I was dating (read: sleeping with) this guy who was a few years older than me, and some of my friends HATED him. They'd say, "Maggie, he's just using your for your body." To which I would reply, "Right, and I'm just using him for his body." To which they would reply - and I'm really serious here - "Yeah, but that's different."

What?!

Most of the double standards that bother me the most have already been covered, but here's another one. Girls who like sports, tree climbing and other athletic activities are "tomboys" and "unladylike." At the same time people claim that "girls just don't like to participate in sports." By that reasoning any girl who likes athletic activities isn't really a girl.

God, I can go on all day.

The whole virgin/whore dichotomy. Women are supposed to look as sexually appealing and available as possible. But she shouldn't actually have sex, that would just make her a skanky whore. This is seen most prominantly in pop culture (think Brittany Spears), but sometimes crosses over to the real world as well. If a woman wears a low cut top and/or a short skirt, she's asking for trouble or using sex to get her way. Somehow it is just assumed that men never use their attractiveness to their advantage.

Women cannot be too fat or too thin and the middle fround is a very thin line. If a woman eats junk food or doesn't work out, then she is a fat pig. If she succumbs to societal pressure and eats less, exercises too much, and/or resorts to diet pills, then she has body issues and is anorexic. It's just one more of those damned if you do, damned if you don't scenarios. Men don't have nearly as much pressure put on them about body issues.

Non-body issue double standards:

I remember in my immediate post college days, money was tight, my roommate left me with an apartment I couldn't afford, and I was going to be 'couch surfing' at a friends place until I could get back on my feet. My family and some friends were completely horrified at how I would put myself in such a dangerous position. When my brother did virtually the same thing, it was no big deal.

Children's toys. Girls' toys bug the crap out of me. Forget that everything is pink (although this bugs me too). The toys seem boring compared to boys' toys. Boys have tonka trucks and erecter sets compared with girls' easy bake ovens and baby dolls.

Also, it is somehow more ok for girls to take small steps across gender lines. For example, it's more acceptable for a girl to play with toy cars then for a boy to play with a barbie doll. Clothing wise, it is accepted that women can and do wear pants. But men still cannot wear a skirt. Many men still will not wear pink.

Also, this isn't really a double standard, but it bugs the crap out of me that easiest way to insult a man is to call his manhood into question. For example, teasing a boy by feminizing his name (a friend's mother used to try to 'motivate' him in sports by calling him 'Brianna' instead of 'Brian').

The easiest way to insult a woman is to attack her physical attractiveness, usually her weight.

You can incorporate many double standards all at once simply by featurin jfpbookwarm's "dating bingo"

Some double standards include...

We're hard–wired to work that way! -- But he isn't willing to discuss what women are also hard-wired for, or his arguments clearly contradict each other, such as when in one breathe he says women look for the guy who'll be a good father to her children, then in the next breath complain that girls only like jerks (who don't make good fathers for her children)

How about this one? One day a guy argues that we shouldn't be prejudiced against black people even if 49% of them are criminals (allegedly). Then the next day, he says 25% of all rape reports are false and therefore we should treat all women as liars.

agree with so many of these comments.

How about the fact that any complete stranger can talk to me/command me to do things? My whole life has been filled with old men telling me to smile. If I ever went up to a younger man and told him he would look so pretty if he just smiled I would be taken away.

Some of my favourite double standards...

If a woman stays at home while her male partner works, no one says anything. If a man stays at home whilst his female partner works, he's a lazy good-for-nothing, he's taking her for a ride and she's clearly being abused.

If a man decides he doesn't want or like children, that's his choice. If a woman decides that she doesn't want or like children, she's cold-hearted and she WILL CHANGE HER MIND, or she's just saying it to be rebellious.

When a young boy plays rough games and gets into trouble, it's "boys will be boys" but if a girl does the same thing she's being very bad and is clearly the wrong sort.

Older men look "mature" and "well-weathered", older women look "past their time" and "saggy".

Oh, how I could go on...

What about that article we saw the other day about food choices? If a woman orders a salad on a first date, she's got "food issues"; she should really order a steak or a burger (but of course, she can't get fat - that would be gross.) But a man SHOULDN'T order a burger - lest the woman think he eats like a pig all the time. Wait, what? I'm lost.

One of my favorites: Men are required by law to register for the Selective Service, but women aren't.

I also agree with arma's comment about man = man and woman = girl.

I hate any and all double standards that exist in the workplace. One that affected me personally was the idea that young women must earn their dues professionally, while young men are often seen as talented, fresh, young blood. After I was promoted from my first job out of college, I was tasked with finding a replacement for my old position. I interviewed 5 men, all right out of college, and one woman with two years of experience (this is an entry-level position). After conducting secodn interviews, my boss told me that he was hiring the woman, not because she was the best for the job, but because the young men were all too "smart and ambitious to care about the work"- the same work that I had done for a year. I know that he did not think me unintelligent, because I had just been given a substantial promotion, but rather lumped me with all other young women as being "unambitious" and tolerate of doing the nitty gritty work that was unsuitable for the men...

This isn't a huge earth shattering issue, but it bugs the hell out of me every summer - swimware. Men are given loose fitting swimtrunks (read shorts) that cover to just above the knee. Women are forced to wear tight fitting spandex. This really irks me since I'm a size 20 and I've got some body issues (both society and self imposed). I think I look like a sausage coming out of its casing when wearing a bathing suit. How come I can't wear loose fitting shorts?

The funny thing about double standards is that feminists despise all of them, no matter which sex they seem to "benefit."

We recognize that men and boys are limited/hurt by double standards too

I'm also in agreement with Amy's earlier comment about boy toys vs. girl toys.

I thought of another one!!!

As a female, I can't "fuck" anyone else, even if I'm the one initiating the act. I can only "get fucked" or usually, "let someone fuck me." Gee, thanks for denying me agency, language!

To this day I won't associate with anyone who doesn't understand why this is irritating.

I refuse to abide by that, La Fille. I fuck my boyfriend. On more than one occasion I have promised to fuck his brains out, as a matter of fact. Never let anyone tell you differently.

I would divide my worst double standards into two categories:

1) double standards that I internalize and make me unhappy every day.

2) double standards that I fully know are bat-shit crazy, but oppress me everyday.

on the first category, the absolute worst is the gender and appearance double standard. I totally have a type of people that I think are attractive, and they really are not anything like the convential beauty standard. But I continue to judge myself by that convential standard! Which sucks. And then on top of that, when guys are not considered conventially attractive, they have full permission to ask out whoever they want! It's like they get points for trying, or they expect cause they have other qualities they can just go out there are ask. But if a woman isn't considered "tewtally hawt", she will be despised for trying to meet people or asking anyone out. Like she has absolutely no right whatsoever to want to be sexual cause she's not hot enough. That's definitely one that gets into my head and shames me and limits how I am in the world.

As for category number 2, the oppression scale, basically I would have to go with the double standard that says men can make decisions about women's bodies. While, sadly, I would still be afraid to trust my physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological well being to Ann Coulter, I still can't understand why our society thinks it's ok for men to decide about abortion, birth control, rape laws, etc. It's completely unworkable I believe, to create some sort of law that would restrict men from legislating on women's issues. It would end up being some sort of horrible discrimination in reverse. And what is a "woman's issue" anyway? But all that aside, it still strikes me as very very oppresive, and it frustrates me that we don't talk about it in society anymore.

As for work issues, I can't even get into the finer points of "leadership" versus "bitch" as many of my clients still refer to me as the "lady lawyer" :(

Sigh, I look forward to the new book , Jessica!

wow, I agree with all of these. most of the ones I can think of have already been brought up, but one I read a couple years ago that I still think is funny:
In movies, men who pursue women wildly are in love and charming and the movie is a romantic comedy. Keep calling her after she's said no? Adorable! Break up her wedding? HOW SWEET! She's too blind to realize who the right person for her really is anyway!
The only time a women is ever shown "pursuing" a man in a movie is when it's a scary stalker drama, like Fatal Attraction. Are there any romantic comedies where the girl goes after the guy?

i'm an architect. i select/specify products for my projects.

frequently we have sales reps come to our office to give presentations. if the product seems useful to me, i'm going to ask a lot of pointed questions about said product. If a rep says "this is the best", i'm going to ask WHY.

If i'm the only one asking questions i get: 1)"My but you ask a lot of questions." What, i'm not supposed to express interest in a product that you're trying to sell? Dumbass. But if a guy asks a lot of questions no one comments no how many questions HE asks, and he gets taken aside for additional small talk afterwards because that means he's going to use said product.

(2) "Are you an interior designer?" (And there's nothing wrong with that, but the guys are never asked that question.) i'm an Architect dammit, working in an ARCHITECTURE firm.

(3)At the end of a presentation in which i've been consistently asking questions - "Are there any questions? What there are NO questions?" What were my questions doofus? Do they not count b/c i didn't ask them either as the right gender, or at the right time? Hello, i'm a potential customer - NOT.

(4) Generally i ask rather specific questions that inform upon the use and installation of products based upon my experience in the field. i KNOW how things go together. Nonetheless if i ask a technical question i get the dumbed down version.

(5) I'm in my mid forties. i'm pudgy and my hair has never grown back from chemo. To some sales reps i'm invisible during the tech lunches even though i'm more likely to specify their products than the young interns with which they try to flirt.
(6) The questions i ask that they cannot answer -e.g. "what percentage of your product is either post industrial or post consumer recycled content?" - are not followed up. I don't get asked for my card so they can research my question and answer it.

I assert myself, but god almighty i get tired of this b.s. One would THINK that enlightened self interest -e.g. HELLO SALES? would predominate over gender bias.

VT, your comment about the bathing suits struck me - that IS weird. Reminds me of how I've internalized the advice my mom gave me as a teen - if you're self-conscious about something, the worst thing you can do is cover it up, because everyone will then know that you're self-consciuos. What the... OK, I'm pretty sure my brothers never got that advice.

When I walk alone to the grocery store, bus stop, etc., men feel entitled to catcall or harass me. Yet if I walk with a man, this never happens. I'm a grown woman -- surely I should be able to leave the house without male accompaniment and expect to be treated with respect! And I have a sneaking suspicion that the men doing the catcalling would bristle at the thought of anyone doing the same to their mothers, sisters, wives, etc.

Another thing about catcalling: women are expected to take it as a compliment or ignore it. Confronting the person who is harassing you is never an option, and if you dare to talk back you're asking for trouble or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

re swimsuits

I think it's insane that we are supposed to be embarassed to be seen in a bra and panties (I hate the word 'panties') but are suppoed to strut around in less on the beach. I have two swimsuit bottoms. 1 is a pair of swim trunks and I lov them. The other is a closer fitting pair of "boy shorts" but at least they give more coverage than a typical bikini bottom.

Oh, and btw, it's not that I don't think I look good. That has nothing to do with it. It's called self respect.

I apologize because this is OT but Entities just reminded me of it:
Twice in the past week I have been catcalled by men in cars while driving on the highway.
??
The first time, I heard some honking coming from a couple lanes over; when I looked over to see what was going on, a bunch of guys hung their heads out of the car and nodded their heads at me like they were so proud of themselves for getting my attention.
The second time I was in stop-and-go traffic. Some idiot in the car next to me kept whistling at me. Guess that's the price I pay for driving with my windows down. I looked over, he laughed, and then continued to whistle and hoot until I passed him.

Believe it: You needn't be gorgeous or wearing a sexy outfit to be catcalled. All you need to have is the appearance of being female.

Yes! New book!

Aw dammit I had a good one, but it slipped my mind while I was trying to log in to post this comment.
Ah well.

As a military woman, what frustrates me the most is that strong, aggressive men are generally highly respected in leadership positions, while women who show the same qualities in leadership positions are frequently disliked, disrespected, and called bitches. It's as if men don't think they have the right to act with the same assurance and authority as they do. I know this isn't just a military thing, but as with most gender issues, it's clearer there.

One that pisses me off a lot is the difference between male and female musicians. There are a lot of unattractive male musicians, and no one seems to care. But if a woman musician should be anything but gorgeous, she automatically sucks. I once talked to a guy who didn't like Amy Winehouse for the sole reason that she didn't fit his idea of feminine beauty, or to quote him diretcly, because she was "fugly." He didn't even mention her music at all.

Just a small thing, but...in reaction to arma's Men = men /women = girl. I tend not to use the words 'man' or 'woman' to describe anyone, unless it's with respect, something like calling them a "grown-up." In general, for me, men = guys. 'Guy' works pretty well. It doesn't imply any immaturity like 'boy' would, nor respect like 'man.' The double standard comes in that, I still can't think of a general term for women that falls into the same category. You're stuck with 'girls,' which sounds so dismissive when referring to anyone over twelve. While I'm sure some will dispute my personal views on the word 'woman,' I still wonder why it is there are so many synonyms for woman that sound pejorative or dismissive, or carry the 'delicate' connotation, (doll, lady, chick, chica, shorty) but no real middle-of-the-road plain descriptor. If you’re not a boy, or a man, you’re a guy. If you’re not a girl, not a woman, you’re a…what? I know I should just stick to using ‘woman’ in all places applicable, but I have to wonder why our society can’t produce an informal term for women with infantilizing them or sexualizing them.

Women are expected, by society in general, to wear makeup. Men, of course, are not.

And what's really sad is that I'm pressured by other women to wear it. I've been told that I "would be so pretty with some lipstick/eyeshadow/whatever."

Wearing makeup is such a strictly gendered act. Sure, plenty of women say they wear it to please themselves, but then why don't men wear it too?

I agree about bathing suits. I actually need to buy a new bathing suit soon, but I can't find one that doesn't reveal lots of skin. I know those highly conservative bathing suits - made only for women - that cover the arms and legs are highly criticized, but those aren't the norm. The vast majority of bathing suits for women leave a lot of skin uncovered, which is fine. But why do I, as a women, get weird looks for wearing swimming trunks that go down to my knees? If I show cleavage at work I'm being too sexual and/or trying to gain favor using my body, but if I don't wear a bikini or high-cut bathing suit then I'm a prude?

My personal UN-favorite: Even when I am dating one of their friends, when I am holding my own in a conversation on a "male" issue (ie, politics, etc), they invariably ask me if I am a lesbian. As if the only way I could possibly have a semi-logical and intelligent conversation with you is if I was only sexually attracted to other women. What the hell do they think I'm going to do? Get lost in their eyes???

Also, I HATE how whenever I express any opinion in an assertive manner I am 'being a bitch,' or 'bossy,' but if a male does the same thing, they are simply expressing an idea.

Here are a few that have not been mentioned or have been mentioned only in passing:

1. When a woman outsources home tasks stereotypically expected of women (child care, homekeeping), she is a failure at being a woman for letting her job get in the way of what is "naturally" hers to do. When a man outsources home tasks stereotypically expected of men (yard maintenance, "handyman" work), he is so successful at his paid job that he doesn't have time to do those tasks. Also, the outsourcing by women is seen as political fair game, whereas it is not used against men. When Zoe Baird was nominated for Attorney General, she had to withdraw becuase she hadn't withheld social security taxes for her nanny and that she employed an undocumented worker. Are men in such positions asked about their yard workers? Nope.

2. Women are taught to be pleased themselves by pleasing people. Men are taught that their pleasure is what is important. This ripples through everything in our culture.

3. Women insult each other by insulting each other's individual characteristics and exploiting their personal insecurities. Men insult each other by insulting women everywhere (calling each other "pussy" or "bitch" or "woman" or "girl") and by exploiting insecurities about being the worst thing humanly possible -- a not-man, i.e., a woman.

4. Men can be infantile in relationships, and it's supposed to be charming. Ronald Reagan could call Nancy "Mommy," on "Everybody Loves Raymond," Ray Romano's character was an emotional child caught in the crossfire between his "nice mommy" mother and "mean mommy" wife, and many a commercial thinks it appropriate that a man would be so unfamiliar with the most basic home and child care tasks that the instant a mother leaves the house, hilarious bedlam ensues. Despite being portrayed as children, these men are still supposed to be the "man of the house" and be the father able to "know best" and otherwise have the final say in home-based governance. In addition, women who are infantile in relationships are derided as golddigging whores whose only worth is as a sex object and can therefore be cast aside when her looks go.

5. Bachelor parties are about men "living it up" before they get married, and, despite their being in committed relationships, are considered entitled to ogle, fondle and/or fuck other women. Bachelorette parties are about making jokey, cutesy nods towards penises but not actually touching or using any strangers' penises for sexual pleasure on the part of the brides. Put more simply, a man fucking a female prostitute during his bachelor party might be a problem, but it's not anywhere near the problem that it would be if a woman fucked a male prostitute during her bachelorette party. Also, married and committed men who go to bachelor parties with their engaged friends are permitted to attend strip clubs and ogle and/or fondle women, but such extramarital pleasures are not part of the bachelorette experience for the married or committed friends of their engaged friends.

Jeez, I was reading over these posts and I saw my last entry. I intended to type 'everyone so FAR has made really good points", but I made a typo and wrote fat. I tend to make so many typos with these tiny comments sections. Sorry!
I asked my husband what his peeves were and he said the "player/slut" dichotomy. His other is the fact that people point out what a saint he must be for taking care of and loving his kid and for doing basic housework, like washing dishes, where as its taken for granted that I, the mother/wife, do the same things. I think it truely baffles him when strangers see him out with the kid and ask if he's "babysitting" for Mom. No, he's just taking care of/having fun with his kid! He's a wonderful dad and I'm glad that people recognize that - but I'm a pretty awesome parent myself! Which reminds me, people have looked down on me for being a Mother with activities outside the home (other than exercise) but its expected that my husband have time to himself. Once again, he's seen as a Saint for "giving" me time to myself! Ugh!

Fuck! How'd I double-post? Sorry.

That is fantastic that you are working on another book! I already feel like an agent for your first one, I've been spreading the word about it whenever I can!

1. This was mentioned already but it is worth mentioning again. It is freakish that an outspoken, opinionated man is usually described as such but a women with those characteristics is usually labelled a bitch.

2. If a young man is not sure whether or not he wants to start a family he is being cautious and thoughtful...if a young women is debating about the same thing there is something wrong with her biological clock!

3.I work in an office made up primarily of women but constantly receive letters addressed "Dear Sirs...". My work environment entails some complicated stuff so of course the workforce must be comprised of men (gag...that is sarcastic of course).

4. This is from the past...history of women being treated for hysteria if they were "too emotional" or not as docile as they should be and were given all sorts of crazy remedies(I've read that vibrators were in the Sears catalogue until the 1920's advertised as a hysteria remedy). I doubt this applied to men at that time.

I'm sure I will think of more...

yeah the whole men=men and women=girl is a pain in the ass

i was listening to justin timberlake's song "summer love" on the way to the gym and he says "girl" at the EVERY SINGLE line of the song

does he want to be dating an 8 year old!?!

wtf

Any actions that result in criticism when a woman does it but only results in a "boys will be boys" comment when a man does it. There are way too many to name.

I know so many couples where if the kid is sick, the dad takes him/her to the Dr because he'll be taken more seriously than mom would. Even in one case where the mom is a doctor!

I hate how when men serve in the military, they're "brave", "patriotic", "honorable", etc. However, when women serve in the military, they're "dykes", "bitches", or "cock-hungry whores".

How about male masturbation not only being accepted, but celebrated and considered just "part of being a man", but a woman masturbating is viewed as weird or deviant.

I think that male "chatty cathys" should be Gabby Garrys, to answer an earlier question.

Also usable: Yakkin' Johan, Verbose Victor, Talkative Tom, Chatty Chuck.

My own pet peeve has to do with grilling food: Why is it that when I have planned, purchased, and prepped a meal, it's only Grill Jockey standing there with tongs that makes it a success?
As far as I'm concerned, I'm the executive chef, and he's a line cook on the grill station.

My number one pet peeve double-standard is the parenting one, which has been mentioned already (if a man watches his own kids, he's "babysitting").

Not sure if this is a double-standard exactly, but I also hate the premise behind parental consent laws, that teenage girls who are pregnant are deemed not "mature" enough to decide whether or not to have an abortion -- and thus they are mature enough to have a child instead?

Oh! Another one...

In my school, sports weren't gender-segregated until we reached the age of about 12.

Suddenly, girls weren't allowed to play rugby or cricket any more. Instead, we played "handball" and "rounders". Basically the same games but with extremely simplified rules, and less violence in the case of the rugby.

As if it wasn't enough that they were saying "girls don't play these rough games, or these complicated games". They were even saying "but here is a nice, gentle, easy version we made just for you. Aren't you special?"

Ugh...

This was mentioned earlier- but double standards about women in the workplace: young women out of college are expected to do time getting coffee, preping meeting rooms, acting as go-fers; guys out of college are young professionals, on the career track and not to be bothered with "secretary stuff". And THEN when the women complain about it, the older men remind us that we "have to pay our dues"! Like these guys ever schlepped coffee for 12! *&%$!
Also, guys can wear khakis and polos for casual day, if women wear anything the least bit fashionable or trendy- it makes her seem frviolous/unserious (or worse, it's deemed "office inappropriate- even if there is no skin showing).

The double standard that there is a default male outfit: dark suit, white shirt, tie and leather shoes, but no such outfit for women. So no matter what we choose to wear, we loose. Either too trendy or too frumpy, to "powerful" or too "feminine" (see how those two things are opposities in the work world?)

I have a random double standard that is not gender related: I'm a white girl and I learned Chinese (studied/lived there). Now it's been a couple years so I'm not as fluent as I used to be- but still conversational. People are SOOOOOO impressed that I learned Chinese (Chinese people and Americans) Even though my Chinese is kinda iffy now, people still oohhh and ahh over it. BUT- whenever anyone-Chinese or otherwise-learns English, unless they speak it PERFECTLY with NO ACCENT at ALL, it's totally taken for granted (even with total linguistic perfection it is still taken as a given that of COURSE the foreigner will learn English- everyone wants/needs to know perfect American English!) AND (would this be a triple standard??) I have friends who have no connection to Spanish other than through education (i.e., no family, cultural or historic ties) but no one seems to give a crap that they speak perfect Spanish at the college-educated native speaker level. It's "like, well, duh, doesn't everyone speak spanish?" "Spanish is so easy, look- even poor mexicans speak spanish!" kind of an attitude. I can't even get into it. All this while most Americans don't speak ANY foreign language (love my dad, but he says "El nin-no" when referring to the weather phenomenon.) Sigh.

Oh, the one that really gets my skin to crawling is men are decisive leaders and women are controlling bitches.

As little girls, we are not supposed to get our clothes dirty like the boys do, or eat as much as they do, or argue when they can...then as women we are supposed to miraculously have stain removal skils, bake like Betty Crocker and be the peacemaker.

Ok. I have a few:

1) The sheer amount of media directed at women advising them on how to please their man (emotionally and physically). Articles for men are generally about how to get women to sleep with you.

2) The notion that men are the true creative force, the ones with the talent and brains, while women are at best muses. Connected to this, the idea that men are active and women are passive.

3) Women really exist to be seen and get fulfillment from being seen and appreciated, not from actually accomplishing things, which they don't, because only men really accomplish great things. Also, women are taught to be sexually fulfilled by being sexually desired, so they have to work really hard at being desirable, otherwise, they cannot achieve sexual fulfillment. Men achieve sexual fulfillment by getting laid (or blown).

4)Blowjobs are par for the course, but they guy's doing you a favour if he goes down on you. That's because penises are nice and clean (whatever!) but vaginas are icky and dirty. Oh, and it's ok if the woman doesn't come during sex, but if the guy doesn't, then it's a total tragedy and the woman TOTALLY owes him bigtime.

5) My big issue with work right now: women in their 20s, or just young-looking women, are infantilized and talked down to, but younger men are encouraged to take on more difficult projects (even if they're not ready for it yet) and are actively mentored by the mostly male management(which leads to favouritism).

I'll think of some more. This game is fun, but soooo depressing.

My favorite double standard is that the parts of the human body that are specifically female are all sexual (ass, breasts, vagina), while the broad shoulders, flat chest, and tight ass of males are viewed as completely practical and non-sexual. That's simply not true. The DEFAULT human isn't male. Males are exaggerated one way, women the other way. If women have to cover their chests while outside, then so should men.

@Simone

5) YES, YES AND YES!

I think the worst "joke" I heard involved "proof" that women whine...

It compared giving oral to a woman to "licking a dead fish" while giving a BJ was "swallowing a teaspoon of cream".

Yeah... salty, sour, lumpy, snot-textured cream, maybe...

Okay I think probably I should get some sleep now- it's gone 1 am and I think I may be talking b*lox...

How about a the whole black hole of weddings for a little fodder? Women are expected to obsess over every little detail because it's 'her day' - should she not really care that much, there's something wrong with her. Meanwhile, men are expected to not care in the least. If they do, they're gay. Women are expected to wear a white dress on the wedding day, but if they do, people will comment about how she shouldn't be wearing it if she was already shacked up beforehand. What the groom wears? Tux, no matter what his previous sexual exploits.

I wanna play too!

-baller vs slut...need I say more?

-I third the complaint about engagement rings only being worn by the woman. It strikes me as being way too similar to a "sold" sign.

-socialization of girls vs boys.

-and I'm not sure what category this falls into...I just started med school this week and out of my class of about 170, approximately 20-25 are married, some with small children. Of the married students, only one that I know of is a woman, and she doesn't have kids. I'm not sure if this represented the applicant pool or not, but assuming it does, why is it more acceptable for a man to put his family into close to $200k of debt (assuming he's financing the whole thing on loans, as many students do) for his career advancement, than it would be for a woman to do the same? Most of them seem like great guys, and a good social support system is really important, but why aren't more women doing the same?

Word, word, word to all of these. Reading this has been like reading a catalog of everything that has ever frustrated me in the world before.

If you've ever lived in a poor small Catholic town somewhere, you might know this one: the bar is across from the church. On Sunday morning, the women are expected to take the children to church. Married men go to the bar. If, as a male over the age of fifteen, you go to church willingly, you're called a sissy. (But, ironically, if you join the church as a priest, then you're revered.)

Do you think any of these men ever have their social responsibility to religion questioned? Or have the bible quoted at them if, God forbid, they sleep around?

I'm not sure if this one has been noted yet, but it struck me as really weird when it happened. I work with a man and a woman, both of them using swears quite often at work (it's a pretty casual environment). The man commented to me about how the woman uses the F-word so often, and how he doesn't really like it, yet he uses it freely. I actually commented about this double standard to him, and he did agree to it, but couldn't really figure out why. Is swearing a 'masculine' trait, because I must have missed that memo.

I've got a bunch that I thought of while reading the whole thread:

* Women are expected to be as beautiful as movie stars but when they put in the necessary time and effort to actually be that beautiful, they are considered high maintenance princesses and/or vain.

* Women are expected to "show off our assets" in order to simply be viewed as women but the very same thing is used against us when we are raped or harassed as evidence that we wanted it.

* Women's bodily emissions are invariably gross and require cutesy euphemisms but men's can be talked about openly at the dinner table, on t.v., etc.

* In my experience, when women do any work, they don't get as much credit for it as men do when they do the same thing.

* Men who are really interested in a band or musician are "fans" and treated with respect but women who are really interested in a band or musician are invariably "groupies" who are only good for unattached sex.

* If a man doesn't sing exactly perfect, he has a unique style of singing; if a woman doesn't sing exactly perfect, she doesn't know how to sing.

It seems like women who are musicians also have to deal with a huge double standard (and my husband was actually the one to bring this up): either no one likes her music solely because she's female, or they like her music solely because she's female.

There are also a few that my husband's family do that drive me insane. For instance, I get presents and cards on mother's day (even though I'm not a parent) and shooed out of the kitchen because I'm not a man (!) but my husband (also not a parent) doesn't get anything on father's day. They also seem to think that I will have infinite patience with children, which I don't, whereas my husband can walk away from them after 5 seconds and no one thinks twice.

I'm sure I'll think of a million more right after I post this.

I mentioned gendering of professions...here' some more according to a couple friends.

I have friend in Med School and ped's, ob-gyn, or family practice are the expected fields for women. Surgery is still a jock field, and neurology (her interest) is still very male dominated. Also, ob-gyn is not considered "real medicine" or the vagina patrol.

Law: many female lawyers are expected to go into family practice (divorce or custody) or non-profit/service law, but try patent law, many corporate gigs, environmental, or especially Constitutional law, and that's man's turf.

Ministry (in brief), women are supposed to do youth-groups, children's religious education, and perhaps home-visits/chaplain stuff; but men are Head-Pastors and preach on Sunday.

Teachers: women teach, men are the administrators and policy makers.

Etc etc etc....

Mechanics. Good god, how I despise them.

Obviously since I have breasts I don't understand what it means that the transmission needs to be flushed out. Or somehow there seems to always be more wrong with my car than any guy who has ever been in line before me.

That crap stopped REAL quick when I started bringing my boyfriend along for the ride.

Imagine that. /sarcasm

This isn't my favorite double standard of all time, but it is way up there and something that I deal with on a regular basis.
I'm bisexual and so is my ex-boyfriend. When he comes out to people, he's taken seriously. When I come out to people, or at least to men, the immediate response is "that's hot" or "so if I find a hot chick will you make out with her in front of me?" I feel like since I'm not a lesbian, since I'm still attracted to men, my relationships with women are never taken seriously--they are simply seen as me fooling around or being "bicurious" (I HATE HATE HHAATTTEEE THAT WORD!) and everyone assumes that eventually I will "fall back" on the priviledges of a life-long heterosexual relationship. Or, if for some "CRAZY" reason I wind up with a woman for the rest of my life, people will assume that I've always secretly been a lesbian but never wanted to come out as one. Like I said, this isn't my favorite issue because I feel that there are more pressing matters out there, but this is one that hits me home. As much as I'm sure LGBT individuals will gain more respect in the future, I don't think my bisexuality is something that very many people will ever be able to take seriously.

Or one of my personal faves was my boss telling me he preferred working with men rather than women because women stew about problems, and men just hash them out.

Yes, it is only men who hash out their problems. Whatever!

Ooh, one thing that's really bothering me right now is the difference between Rush on college campuses for fraternities and sororities. I'm in a sorority, and we do this extravagant 3-week-long Rush period where we sing & cheer & talk to girls on weekends & get all dressed up...it's extremely formal & restricted. The guys, on the other hand, basically throw giant beer-fests to attract new members (whereas we sorority girls are NOT allowed to have alcohol in the house) & are extremely casual about the whole thing.

Plus, the rules are different. Again, frats have all the parties & booze, whereas sororities don't, and frat guys can have girls stay overnight with no questions asked, whereas it's a major violation of house rules for us to have a guy stay the night. It drives me CRAZY!

I don't remember who mentioned this but, yes!! Bachelor's parties make me furious! If I walked into my apartment and there was a woman wearing nothing but a thong dancing in front of my boyfriend, he'd be kicked out b/c I count that as CHEATING! So why is it okay if we're about to get married?? Because it's his last fling as a single guy? If we're getting married, he hasn't been single in quite some time, and I don't think he'd be very understanding if a half naked man was rubbing all over me and I said, "But baby, I just had to get my ya yas out before we walk down the aisle!"

I just thought I'd post this article on the sexual double standard for men & women - apparently some mathematician has debunked the idea that men have more sexual partners than women?

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/12/weekinreview/12kolata.html?_r=1&n=Top%2fReference%2fTimes%20Topics%2fSubjects%2fW%2fWomen&oref=slogin

A lot of great ones have been covered here, but one that bothers me in particular is: if a woman decides to be a stay-at-home mom or housewife, little attention is paid aside from the occasional pat on the head; if a man decides to be a stay-at-home dad or househusband, he is regarded with suspicion, contempt, and alarm.

I'm the breadwinner in my marriage, so this one hits close to home for me.

When women adopt "masculine" habits and tastes, it's by and large considered sexy and exciting - as long as, of course, she continues to take care that her appearance is traditionally feminine. Like the notorious recent NY Times article (linked below) indicates, women who eat steak, drink beer or whiskey, watch organized sports, etc., are seen as "low-maintenance" and "fun." (Of course, eating "man food" only works if you are the type who remains thin no matter what you eat.)
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/09/fashion/09STEAK.html

But of course men, no matter how attractive, who are interested in "feminine" activities like cooking (except, as has been mentioned, in the egocentric world of haute cuisine), sewing, or childcare, are seen as emasculated and assumed to be gay.

It's viewed as a positive thing for women to act in a "masculine" way to please men, but by adopting those activities seen as traditionally "feminine" (and therefore devalued), a man is seen in a negative light.

Good to hear you're writing a new book Jessica, keep up the good work!

As for double standards that really "grind my gears," there's two that I wish to share.

The first one both irritates me but I also find it incredibly funny because of how hypocritical it is. Men are supposed to be the intelligent and rational ones where as women are supposed to be simple minded and emotionally driven. Except when it comes to sex. When sex enters the equation, men suddenly become hormone driven and "can't help themselves," where as women are the rational ones with the capability to say no when sex is inappropriate or unwanted.

I work at a hotel, and one thing I've noticed is that when I'm entering in the guests' information into the computer, I can be looking at the computer screen and when I ask for the phone number 9/10 times the woman answers but when I get to the address 9/10 times the man answers. Also a lot of the times when an older woman calls to make a reservation, even if the credit card is in her name, she'll give me her husband's name to put on the reservation. Then there's always the mostly unoriginal jokes and wise cracks I get when I tell people we don't accept pets. "Does my wife count?" To be fair, I do have some women who come in and ask if their husbands count, but more often I get "Does my wife count?"

I am commenting to agree with apb3000, directly above me.

I'm an engineer and, sadly, this means that I am almost exclusively with men all the time. This has led to my entire social circle being male.

I am often complemented on how I'm "basically male" or "just like a guy." This is supposed to be a good thing. I'm "cool" because I display masculine traits.......but note that I happen to be thin and fairly attractive. (I am also 5'2" and physically unthreatening.)

I have heard these SAME men say the SAME things about other women who are larger or more muscular but in a clearly derogatory tone. This often comes with the insinuation that the woman is a lesbian (as if that's an insult!).

What gives??? Maybe I am not "cool" because I'm masculine -- maybe they just have a wrong idea of what a woman is! And how are these same traits suddenly negative in someone else?

According to Laumann, Michael, and Gagnon- vibrators and dildos are sex toys that are equally used among females and males, while only females are seen to be the ones that need to use them. And actually, according to the same sources, the reasons why male and females lose their virginity for the first time is most commonly curiosity whereas the males are thought to have wanted to lose just for the sake of it, and girls are thought to have just because they want/need affection, etc.

my personal pet peeve is how girls can do things that people think as manly, but if guys do things that people think is girly, they are just gay. i just had this conversation with my dad the other day on why he lets my 3 year old sister wear blue goggles, but he wont let my brother wear pink ones.

MEN IN POWER MAKING DECISIONS FOR FEMALES (ABORTION RIGHTS, ETC)

obviously the gay/lesbian double standard. that its okay to be a lesbian because its "hot", but its not okay to be gay cause thats disgusting. you can actually go even deeper into that and see how its okay to be a lesbian only if you're hot, but if you are not aesthetically pleasing then you either "cant get anyone else" or its disgusting.

how there is no word for a "man whore".

how science textbooks give off the impression of the vagina as this disgusting object which "rejects" and "shreads" and "doesnt accept" and the penis is a powerful force that always creates new sperm and doesnt die out or get old.
and on the same note, how the sperm is this powerful swimming force given off by the male, and the womens eggs are just sitting there waiting for these strong sperm, when in all actually thats not quite what happens at all.

i can go on for hours, seriously.

Oh yes... and the way that many places not only can't seem to conceive of but refuse to make allowances for couples or families with a female breadwinner.

A few years back we found out that H&R Block automatically puts the husband as the primary earner on joint tax returns, regardless of whether or not this is the case. We started going to a smaller company which doesn't do this, and were able to get more money back at tax time.

Whenever we go out to dinner, the server brings the bill to my boyfriend. That really bugs me. We alternate who pays, or base it on who's making more money at the time, but the bill is always set in front of him.

Two on the subject of appearance:

From the moment they're out of the womb, females are being judged by their appearance... but naturally, the reason why women pay so much attention to their grooming and wardrobes is simply because they're vain.

I know I mentioned this already on the "girly guys" thread, but it bears repeating: the language for describing female beauty is extensive (eg. voluptuous, willowy, zaftig, petite), but almost none for male beauty. Men are either "handsome", or they're somehow "feminine". (I suppose they can be "cute", but that's extremely vague, and is sometimes seen as belittling.)

"yeah the whole men=men and women=girl is a pain in the ass

i was listening to justin timberlake's song "summer love" on the way to the gym and he says "girl" at the EVERY SINGLE line of the song

does he want to be dating an 8 year old!?!"

To be fair, I'm not sure this is a double standard, because women always say "boy" in songs too.

I'm so glad you're writing another book. Full frontal feminism practically changed my life. Before the book I was interested in feminism, but was reluctant to call myself feminist. Now I'm fucking proud. I am 18 by the way, and I can't believe how many young women my age are sexist even to other women. Anywho.
Everyone above me pretty much covered it. But something that really pisses me off is how women are not supposed to like sex as much, or as often as men. I like to have sex the same, if not more then my boyfriend. And previous boyfriends. But it's seen as unusual because we are supposed to roll over or be too tired or have some other reason not to want to have sex. But if we do want it constantly, then we are slutty. If we don't want it, we aren't pleasing our sex-crazed boyfriends. That's ridiculous. I love sex and I love it often. And nearly every girl I know loves it just as much.

"A lot of great ones have been covered here, but one that bothers me in particular is: if a woman decides to be a stay-at-home mom or housewife, little attention is paid aside from the occasional pat on the head; if a man decides to be a stay-at-home dad or househusband, he is regarded with suspicion, contempt, and alarm."

There are a couple others that don't favor men:

The opposite side of the baller/ho problem: If a woman is selective about who she sleeps with, she's responsible; if a man is selective about who he sleeps with, he's a loser.

If a woman puts up with abusive relationship, she's a victim; if a man puts up with an abusive relationship, he's a pussy.

Lastly, if a woman supports femininity as a gender, she's a feminist; if a man supports masculinity as a gender, he's a chauvinist.

The majority of states where the pro-life movement is the strongest generally tend to be the states where capital punishment is still in full swing.

The predominant preference for male children globally. Doesn't anybody realise that every male child is given life by someone's daughter?

I'm living in Hong Kong right now and barely pay for anything when I go out. Granted that drinks usually involve a magnum of Dom Perignon, no big argument on my part. That was until a few weeks ago I offered to buy a round of drinks for my date - I could surely afford at least two drinks - and he said "no, it's okay, I don't drink on 'women's money'". Along this thought, "men's money generally supports the household while "women's money" is for her frippery like shoes, and purses, and makeup.