Hir books Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us and My Gender Workbook are taught in more than 120 colleges and universities around the world. Ze has performed hir work live on college campuses, theaters, and performance spaces across the United States and in Canada, the UK, Germany and Austria. And renowned author, playwright, performance artist, and gender activist, Kate Bornstein is at it again. This time with a new book just released last month for youth titled Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws. Bornstein’s alternatives range from “#2: Take a deep breath and touch yourself� to “#22: Moisturize!� to “#79: Take drugs� to “#81: Starve yourself.�
I caught up with Kate during hir busy tour of the book. Here’s Kate…
You mention in the beginning of the book that you yourself have contemplated suicide the majority of your life. As someone who has contemplated suicide for so long, why did you decide to write a book on alternatives to suicide at this moment in time? And why for a youth audience?
After 9/11, I just got the stuffing kicked out of me, just like everybody else. And I was trying to figure out—because I had been writing about gender this, sex that—how to best address the horror [Laughs] of the world that sprang up after that serious incident. I really had no idea what I knew enough about to write on.
I knew I needed to write because that’s what I did. I knew that I had a platform, but I didn’t know how best to use it. I’d been traveling around the country and saw so many people despairing and hopeless and feeling trapped—just the way Bush’s government wants us to feel. And I just kept getting angrier and angrier, and heard more stories of people who were thinking about killing themselves, and more stories of those who had. So, I sat down to write alternatives to something I did know. I knew how to stay alive. Obviously, here I am talking to you.
But, “why to youth?� How old are you?
27.
OK, perfect. I have a lot more faith in your generation [Laughs]. And I wanted to do whatever I could to make sure that your generation had as much firepower behind it as it needed when it comes to time to take over. So, I wrote the book. The original title was 101 Alternatives to Teen Suicide. And my editor, Crystal Yakacki, and publisher Dan Simon, they entreated me and said, “Look, we’re adults and we’re reading this. And we’ve showed it to adults and they find it useful.� So, I opened it up. But I think the basis of it is to youth, and that’s important to me.
Did you personally try all 101 alternatives, or did you brainstorm?
It started with a whole lot more. I had about 250. So, it just came down to combining a whole bunch because that was way too many. I thought the book wasn’t going to have any essays in it. I thought it was just going to be a list of alternatives. And standing on their own, they don’t work as well as just a list of alternatives.
I worked again with Crystal to come up with the format of essays plus a shorter list. “Have I tried them all?� Yeah! I don’t think I haven’t tried any of them. Is there any that you might be surprised that I’ve tried?
No. [Laughs] I was just wondering how one would sit there and think of all of these. They’re particular but then again not particular.
Yeah. I’m not saying that I’ve succeeded in all of them. But I mean, working on things like learning moderation in all things—I don’t think I’ll know that one till I drop dead! [Laughs] But I’ve certainly tried every one.
Have you received any criticism for listing the alternatives that do not appear to be too safe? Some are more safe than others.
Actually, not as much as you would think. When people look at the ones—especially those like cutting and starving and taking drugs—everyone who was involved in this book gave them a lot of pause, and we went back and forth to figure out how best I could present them. I wasn’t going to knock them out because those are all things that I’ve done to stay alive. But how do you write about that? How do you say, “It’s really stupid but [Laughs] if it comes down to killing yourself or doing that, please do it!� That’s really what it came down to. And how would I say that with as much care and as much love, and without being a preachy jerk about it? That was the hard part, I think.
A couple of times I recommended readers to call the police. But I think I only recommended it once or twice. Only if someone is in a dire situation. Like, here you are, somebody’s really beating up on you, or really hurting you, you’re in danger. I don’t know if I would call the police. But, boy, if it’s either that or kill yourself? Call the police! I know a lot of people who wouldn’t be comfortable calling the police in any situation, so don’t. But that’s the one I got criticized for, oddly enough. The criticism was that some people are not in the position to do that. And I agree, and I thought that I made that clear in the book. If you’re not comfortable, don’t do that.
You begin the book by asking the reader to think outside the box about their sexuality and gender, and you talk about your own journey as a gender outlaw and being unhappy for so long. Why did you choose this approach? Do you think outsiders of all kinds can relate to one another’s feelings of outsider-ship?
Yeah. When I wrote my first couple of books, like Gender Outlaw and The Gender Workbook, even with the novel Nearly Roadkill, a lot of people who do not consider themselves in any way a gender or sexual outlaw wrote me and said, “Not this. But I sure understand this. It opened my eyes.� I got letters from fat women and skinny men, for example, who had not considered themselves gender outlaws but who had been put in that box. Like fat women, “Oh, you’re not really a woman!� And skinny guys are treated like not real men. That opened my eyes. And I took a gamble.
Do you think most youth are suicidal because they feel out of place or they don’t fit in?
Boy, I wouldn’t want to start that one. I think a lot of youth head down that road, if they are not outright suicidal. I think any youth who are despondent, are despairing, or feeling hopeless or trapped because they don’t fit in—yeah, that could lead to suicide.
I think the way this country has rigidified itself, if that’s a word, after 9/11, has made it a lot harder for creative people, for innovative people, for experimental people, for all kinds, to express themselves to the world. We’re seeing some of that in the increase of violence amongst youth that are labeled outlaws or cultural outlaws.
You also called President Bush a bully. Do you think he escalates this bully culture that we’re seeing more reported on now?
Golly, yeah. He is, whether we like it or not, the acknowledged leader of the free world. [Laughs] That’s what people call him and I know he thinks of himself that way. He’s just so mean. I can’t get over it. I can’t even listen to him on the radio. And I certainly can’t watch him on television. It just gets me so angry. Whichever way he turns he’s beating someone up. He or his henchmen or henchwomen.
Condoleeza Rice, there’s a complicated character. [Laughs] You know what’s interesting about her is that when she was at the administration of Stamford, she was actually a champion for some trannies over there. She’s a complex character, this Dr. Rice. She’s supporting a bully and she behaves like one. But every now and then she does something surprisingly sweet which is why I want to keep on watching her and see what she ends up doing.
But Bush? Bush, oh my god, I can’t wait till his administration is out of power. I think the fact that a bully like him got elected is so ironic because this country was founded by people who were trying to run away from King George who was a big bully. And it’s finally come full circle. Now there’s King George of the United States who’s being the bully!
I’ve thought about [moving to] Australia or New Zealand. I was ready to go. And instead I wrote the book. But I was really ready to go. And I guess I thought I was powerless. I thought there’s nothing I can do. And that, boy, that’s a terrible feeling. That made me again consider killing myself, from yet another point of view. “Oh, my god, I have no power in the world.� I do. I just hadn’t figured out how to use it. I’m an accomplished person. I’m a published author. I’m an old person—that gives me power. I’m White—that gives me power. And I had no idea how to use [my power]. I’m starting to use it the best I can now.
You make an interesting point: “As kids, most of us didn’t kill the class freaks. But, we developed something equally effective: We knew how to make the class freaks want to kill themselves.� Do you think many bullies really hate the “freaks� they’re picking on? Or do you think bullies are trying to fit in as well, but in a different way?
Good question. I’m sure it’s a little of both. I’m sure it depends on which bully. I don’t think hate comes naturally. I think we have to be taught how to hate. But I do think there are people who do hate. And people who are convinced of their right to bully other people. But I would say, shame on the parents. Shame on the community. Shame on the education system that fosters that, that allows it. That’s why I’m doing my best to get this book into as many school libraries that I can.
Have you been able to?
Well, we’re starting to. Yeah, [Laughs] one or two. I mean it just came out, so I’m crossing my fingers.
Well, with Fox Lane High School in Bedford, New York, banning you from participating in Wellness Day in April of this year, I was wondering if you were going to be able to get into any schools.
If I end up getting banned again and again and again, thank goodness there are youth groups outside the schools who still want to find out about this stuff. Many of them are GLBT groups. I’m totally fine with that. I love that. Just finished talking to Time Out Youth in Charlotte, North Carolina. I’m trying to get myself into as many high schools as possible. And I will continue as long as I can.
The same thing with college campuses. I do anything between 20 and 50 college campuses a year now. So, if it’s not the high schools, at least the colleges. But I think it’s real important to get [the book] into the public school system.
Do you think many school counselors will want to use your book?
I hope so! I think it would have to be a brave counselor because there is some scary stuff in there. Who’s going to raise their hand and say, “Yeah, I hope this kids takes drugs instead of killing himself.� I think that’s a loving thing to say, but boy, it’s a dangerous thing to say.
And I don’t believe that people who opt for self-injury are bad. They’re definitely not bad people, not all of them. I think counselors who understand that will be glad to have something in writing to help them with that.
Have you received any emails or letters from youth who have read the book yet?
Yeah! I have already. One young woman in North Carolina whose stepsister took her life. She has a website up about her stepsister and she and I are in touch. And we’re talking about getting the word out that there are other options out there. In her case, her stepsister was queer and couldn’t see a way of coming out, whether to parents or community or school. There was just no outlet. And she died, and that’s horrible.
Even today, I think people who are coming out as gay or lesbian, they’re only allowed to come out as a certain kind of gay or lesbian. You can’t be really queer. As long as you want everything—the Gay Games, the Disneyland, gay marriage, joint stock portfolios—as long as you’re coming out as that kind of gay or lesbian, then more and more liberal people are willing to let you come out as that. But god help you if you want to go further than that…Unfortunately with the Right-winging of America, the BT [in LGBT] are silent. It’s just LG—that’s it.
I think that’s about it. Is there anything you would like to add?
Yeah. Getting back to why I am writing for youth. I think this country is operating through blinders that were presented by this administration, especially to children. We’re supposed to believe that children are left behind for no other reason than their schooling. That is such bullshit! Children are left behind all the time because they’re queer or they’re fat or they don’t believe in their parents’ god, or they want to have a good time, or because the only way they can see to save their own lives is to cut on themselves, whatever. They get left behind. And I’m trying now to work a way to hijack our No Child Left Behind program. [Laughs]
You don’t think [the book] was too preachy or anything?
I don’t know how a teen who is a fundamentalist Christian would feel after reading the book, you know what I mean?
[Laughs] That was part of the challenge, as a writer, to think, “Who’s going to read this?� Because I didn’t want to be mean to those people even though I was mean to George Bush in the book. But I’m not perfect. I didn’t want to be mean to people who were trying to live a good life. I want to help people who are Christian Scientists, for example, or Mormons, or Right-wing fundamentalists, who are going to read this thing and maybe their kid is queer. And I wanted them to be able to read it without feeling personally attacked. And so, that was a challenge. That was a challenge.
Things are so heated now on the religious-values front. You really have to watch everything you say.
Yeah. But I didn’t want to cut corners. I didn’t want to hold back on what I was saying. I didn’t mind shocking people, but I didn’t want to offend them either.
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Cutting, starving, or taking drugs?
Okay I see her "point" that killing yourself is about the worse thing you can do, but that doesn't mean certain things should be advocated in exchange.
I mean, it's worse to kill yourself than to torture animals, but I don't think that's a healthy alternative. It's worse to kill yourself than to have a baby (in the hopes you life will be granted meaning) but that's not good advice.
And, really, how much LESS suicidal are you going to get by becoming an anorexic with bleeding arms and a coke habit?
I shouldn't be so harsh - I haven't read the book. But... I cannot believe there aren't 101 reasons/ways to avoid suicide that don't involve self-mutilation, animal cruelty, or god-knows-what-else.
IMSO: In my stupid opinion. :)
"Things are so heated now on the religious-values front. You really have to watch everything you say." - Celina
Irony?
"And, really, how much LESS suicidal are you going to get by becoming an anorexic with bleeding arms and a coke habit?" - EJ
Awesome. I couldn’t have said it better (and won't try).
Geesh, did right-wing sock puppets steal your ids? Because EJ and noname, you two generally post reasonably informed opinions.
But you're way off on this. Borstein didn't make this list up out of the ether -- most of these things are things that people actually do to self-treat for serious depression. (So while we're bashing a book we haven't read, why don't we throw in some blaming and shaming?) Granted maybe humor isn't the most conventional way to handle the topic of scary self-destructive coping mechanisms, but I'm willing to give it a chance. Especially since the interview -- which doesn't mention torturing animals (BTW- that's psychopathic and sociopathic behavior, not depressed)-- shows the author's awareness of the difficulty of the topic and of the audience that might need the book the most.
Geesh, did right-wing sock puppets steal your ids? Because EJ and noname, you two generally post reasonably informed opinions.
But you're way off on this. Borstein didn't make this list up out of the ether -- most of these things are things that people actually do to self-treat for serious depression. (So while we're bashing a book we haven't read, why don't we throw in some blaming and shaming?) Granted maybe humor isn't the most conventional way to handle the topic of scary self-destructive coping mechanisms, but I'm willing to give it a chance. Especially since the interview -- which doesn't mention torturing animals (BTW- that's psychopathic and sociopathic behavior, not depressed)-- shows the author's awareness of the difficulty of the topic and of the audience that might need the book the most.
Pray sinners! (just kidding)
I haven't read the book, but I've been to a lecture by Kate Bornstein and while she supports surviving by any means, she also has a stipulation: Don't be mean. That's the only thing. So, animal cruelty and other kinds of abuse are not supported. Also, that leaves it up to us. Is cutting mean to yourself? Or is it dealing with emotions that you can't deal with right now, but at least getting them out? You decide. I highly doubt Kate would ever ever go against a person's individuality in interpretation.
Rune,
Seriously calm down.
I admitted I haven't read the book - I said that right out. However, my opinions are not limited only to books I have read.
I've done extensive study in abnormal psychology which includes the self-mutilating behaviors of cutting, anorexia, and bulemia. Recommending that someone do those things - EVEN as an alternative to suicide - is NOT reasonable. It is not moral. It is not responsible.
I've worked off and on with suicide support groups for the last two years. I have heard many, MANY different coping mechanisms suggested. Self-mutilation is never one of them.
Becoming anoretic, cutting yourself, or getting addicted to drugs will not alleviate depression. It makes depression much, much worse. Sorry if I base my opinion on scientific studies rather than "right-wing propaganda", but I rather think my opinion is valid here.
And when I admit I haven't read a book, please don't give me a whiny "while we're all bashing a book we haven't read" statement as if I claimed to have knowledge that I don't. I CLEARLY stated I hadn't read the book, BUT based on the article my opinion is as follows. So don't be an abrasive bitch.
That's my job. Just ask noname. :) :) :)
Oh my god, you got to interview Kate Bornstein??
*jealous*
Word, EJ. I mean, really, is "not as bad as suicide" our only criterion? Self-harm (and I include self-starvation in there) is an aspect of self-destructive behavior, and self-destructive behavior is a symptom of depression, not an alternative to it. Self-medication with street drugs is a good way of understanding why some people become addicted to heroin, for instance, but it doesn't make heroin addiction a good idea compared to, for instance, getting therapy, getting safe, legal, medication, getting the hell out of dangerous situations, etc.
Thank you, EG. You always say it so much better (and more concisely!) than I do. :)
This is another one of those times where I don't like the word "individuality" as you used it, Rune. Kate has *already* "gone against" our individuality by saying that suicide is not a good/acceptable choice for an individual. Once you've thrown out suicide, why stop at self-mutilation? Besides, no one has suggested that she question or even condone self-destructive behavior - just that she shouldn't proscribe it.
It's worth noting that cutting, drugs, and anorexia can all kill you. Is it really a good idea to tell a suicidal person to slit their wrists, expecting them to keep the damage to a non-lethal level? Irresponsible at BEST. And drugs? Just BUYING drugs is dangerous. Using drugs can and will land you in jail for a very long time. It's nice to know that Kate here is batting for increased juvenile jailbirds.
OOC, does this Kate person have a degree in medicine at all? I would think that proscribing harmful, self-mutilating behavior could leave her open to all sorts of legal actions if parents felt their minors were influenced by her writings.
Anyway, this doesn't evem SOUND like a serious book. Why would a book on suicide say anything at all about Bush??? When was the last time a depressed teenager cared about politics? The more times I read this article, the more I'm thinking "nut-job" and moving on. There's no other explanation for a "suicide avoidance" book that recommends drugs and goes on for pages about Bush. I hate Bush as much as the next person, but I don't think Bush is even remotely important to a suicidal person. And I think it's annoying to use an anti-suicide position as a platform to whine about political leaders. Yeesh.
Good dialogue here. Please refrain from name calling.
Thanks.
Celina, if you're talking to me, I was trying to make a self-depreciating joke (The "funny" part was that I said it was my "job" to be an abrasive bitch.) (I realize it's not a very funny joke.)
Sorry if the attempt at humor didn't come through - it's hard to express whimsical-ness with just typing.
Uh, if you weren't talking to me, then just ignore the above apology, I guess. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew I was joking. (sheepish)
EJ,
I'm sorry, but have you ever cut yourself? No? Then perhaps you shouldn't talk. Or perhaps you should at least cite these "studies" that found that cutting/starving yourself/taking drugs is a causal factor in suicidal ideation. Because I've read numerous studies too. And they're connected, yes, but one is NOT a causal factor of the other. People cut because they're depressed. People kill themselves because they're depressed...not because they cut themselves.
And no, cutting/starving yourself/taking drugs isn't the healthiest alternative. But it is an alternative. I would rather my teenage sister have scars all over her body than be dead, wouldn't you?
As for the Bush not mattering to teens argument...Bornstein's work is often geared toward the queer community, and given that suicide is disproportionally high in the queer youth community, yes, politics do play a large role in that.
LOL.
Jen, I love the holier-than-thou tone you're taking. I suppose you had no way of knowing that in fact I HAVE cut myself in the past. I've also engaged in two different eating disorders. Tres chic, no?
After I was raped at 17 by my first serious boyfriend, I was extremely depressed for many months. With the help of several very good books and a few very kind friends, I managed to pull my life back together. I became subsequently very interested in abnormal psychology and depression in the hopes of helping others through similar problems. My past is part of the reason why I've been in close contact with suicide aid groups in the past.
However, even if I didn't have experience with self-mutilation, that doesn't mean I'm a total idiot or I'm not allowed to have an opinion on the subject. I love your statement that if I've never cut myself, I therefore "shouldn't talk." I find it especially funny that it sounds like YOU don't have cutting "experience", so congratulations: By your own reasoning, you are obligated to shut up now. Or does your rule only apply to people other than yourself?
However, I don't argue from anecdotal evidence. There is a large body of work that shows that self-mutilation is a symptom of depression, yes, but does not alleviate it. Telling someone to cut themselves when depressed is like telling someone to cough when they've got the flu. Yes, coughing is a symptom of the flu, but so are many other things including dizziness, high temperature, and vomiting. And deliberately adding coughing to your list of symptoms isn't going to make the flu go away - it's just going to make it a lot worse.
And I'm going to have to push you off your high horse on another matter: Cutting is extremely dangerous. A suicidal youth, having started cutting, will probably not stop at a non-lethal level. So telling someone who is suicidal to put a knife in their hand and cut their own body is irresponsible - You could very easily bring about the suicide you are supposedly trying to prevent! Now there's something to be proud of - pushing a suicidal person over the edge.
There are EASILY 101 safe alternatives to suicide. It's not like she was going for 100,001 ways and she just ran out of ideas. This book is irresponsible and is obviously not founded on any kind of science. I highly doubt she is even a doctor since advising patients to harm themselves would go against that pesky "do no harm" rule.
Wow, I really wish that I had the book in my hands right now (it's in the mail) but I think a reading of it, or talking with Kate zirself about it, would lead to a different understanding. Ze is going against suicide, but more along the lines of identity. While I admit, I only know of my suicidal times, and I haven't been a cutter, hir book is more along the lines of identity suicide - destroying yourself. As someone mentioned, hir ideas are politically influenced. In today's culture, I don't feel as though I belong or should exist. But I do, and I am, and I try to make it a place where others can exist as well.
Though I'm not saying it is the best thing, and admiting I don't have personal experience with cutting (though I'm friends with past cutters), but sometimes it is an option that saves rather than makes things worse. I mean, Kate did it, I have friends who have, and they are still alive and not cutting anymore. They've moved on. Also, I think it's helpful to keep Kate's personal ideas in perspective - she is a supporter of BDSM. Ze forges pleasure from pain. To hir cutting may be a different action than nearing death.
Anyway, I just wanted to voice that. I guess I'm defending hir but without saying what has been said is wrong. I agree, cutting is dangerous. And I'm sure it's not the most reccomended option in the book, but they are options to survive. I take the friends I have that have surivived through them as evidence that they needed it and grew from it.
For some reason I find myself reading Chris' post in a German accent.
So I'm seeing a lot of judgement of people who cut, etc, instead of commit suicide, including things like this:
self-mutilation is a symptom of depression, yes, but does not alleviate it
I am a transexual who has come under a great deal of stress from my family's reaction to my transexuality.
About two months ago, I cut on myself. I was so full of tension and pain, and could not release it - until I cut myself. I was close to committing suicide, and cutting myself prevented a suicide.
And by the way, I'm not a young 20-something, either. I'm 47.
I don't like these erudite sociological pronouncements from academia that judge and condemn people for the strategies they use to save their own lives. Before you judge me for cutting myself, why not talk to me first, and ask a simple question - "Did it help"? - and listen to me when I say "yes it did".
RachelPhilPa,
Any phenomena is going to have at least one exception to the rule. I'm not going to say that your experience isn't valid or geniune. However, in general, the statement that cutting does not alleviate depression is a valid one. "In general", however, doesn't mean 100% of the time.
This book is marketed towards teenagers - "teens" is in the title for goodness sakes. I still maintain that counseling a teenager to cut, mutilate, starve, or load themselves up on illegal drugs is immoral. Especially when there are so many more healthy alternatives that can and should be pursued instead.
EJ-
A book is not a counselor. The book can't counsel. Making a person aware of an alternative to an undesirable, unchangable, forever decision is different than putting a knife in their hand. RachelPhilPa is not the only person in the world kept away from suicide by cutting, as you apparently believe.
Don't make judgement calls on others- just because you haven't seen people for whom cutting worked does not mean it doesn't exist. Besides, the book isn't titled "Cutting 101" as you're making it out to be. The main chapter does not say "This book is about suicide, but let's all talk about cutting! Yay!" If you want to read that, I'm sure livejournal would be more than willing to give it up :-) The book lists it as an alternative- and apparently for RachelPhilPa it *was* that alternative. That doesn't mean that it glorifies it/makes it a good thing/tells you to do it. It lists the option. It talks about it.
Hi all. This is my first post to the Feministing site, and I'm a little sorry for it. Let me explain:
The articles, blurbs, links, and other information posted here are, to me, a valuable resource that helps me to better understand that ephemeral concept that is feminism, both in a personal sense and in a more cosmopolitan sense. In addition, the comments I read accompanying these stories provide even more thought-provoking information and opinions that helps me to shape my own opinions.
In reading this interview, I felt a lot of the mixed feelings that many of the previous commenters did: intrigue at the topic, uneasiness at some of the suggestions, and an excitement to actually get my hands on a copy of the book. When I read the comments, however, I felt completely disillusioned.
First of all, while cutting is a pretty taboo topic that many people have very strong feelings about, it is 1 suggestion of 101 in the book. One. So before we go on to dissect the entire work because it suggests a physically harmful alternative to suicide, let us remember that it represents less than 1% of the suggestions. Just a thought.
Second, I think with a work like this, the fact that the work exists at all might serve as a more important social symbol than its exact advice. That someone took the time to list actual actions taken to prevent the taking of one's own life, actions repeated in the privacy of homes around the world by any number of people, actions that, while they're not the textbook methods of your school guidance counsellor, they might just save your life; this list is powerful, if not in its implementation, at least in its existence.
Third (and my ultimate reason for posting), I think we're forgetting some basic definitions here. If approaching this discussion from a feminist viewpoint (which I don't think would be really off-base), let us remember that feminism is a part of humanism, and that humanism is a system of thought that centers on the welfare of humans, be it through values, capacities, and worth. In this light, a discussion of alternatives to suicide take humanism to a very literal (or corporeal, if you will) level: the actual wellfare of the human body (and soul, if you happen to believe in it). And while, I think we all would agree that in ideal circumstances all emtional, physical, and spiritual needs would be taken care of for all humans (feminism, right?), I think it could also be argued that guarding the actual existance of the human might be paramount to guarding the integrity of one's skin, for example. In short, if a method, however unorthodox, uncomfortable, or whatever, works to save a human life, shouldn't we as feminists (and humanists) see some measure of worth in it? I think so.
I also have a suggestion. While I don't want to put down anyone's opinions in this discussion, I think it's fair to say that the fact that none of us (I believe) have read this book, that perhaps our comments are not the most well-informed. Perhaps we should agree to read the book and discuss at a later date? Does anyone have any suggestions for a web space or time-table where/when we could discuss this work when we are more enlightened?
Looking forward to reading this book!
I'll admit my bias up front: I've known Kate on and off since I was sixteen years old, though we've been out of touch now for several years. Regardless of your opinion of hir advice on this particular matter, you should know that ze is an incredibly loving, caring person, who goes miles out of hir way to help young people. Once, in my early twenties, I confessed to hir that I was stressed about whether I could pay my bills that month, and without a moment's hesitation ze asked, "would five hundred dollars help?" I didn't take it, but I've never forgotten.
Although I have not read this book yet, I can only think that hir mention of cutting or drugs as an alternative to suicide is not meant to be understood as a recommendation for a long-term coping mechanism, but rather an in-the-moment substitute, after which one should promptly seek all available help. After I've read the book, I'll let you know if I still see it that way.
Can't wait to read the book.
One point to add about the two suggestions we're debating: you can recover from EDs and SI. You can't recover from suicide. And if someone notices your scars or emaciation, you're more likely to get help then if someone notices that you're dead.
I agree, EJ. It doesn't sound reasonable to offer taking drugs as an alternative, or starving yourself. It would end up being more of a added negativety to the individuals illness, rather than a solution. If your depressed your not likely to see the humor in it. You might just take it seriously.
"When was the last time a depressed teenager cared about politics?"
Boy, you hung out with a VERY differet crowd then I did.
In my experience, the answer to your question is "often".
(And then there're the people who, as have been mentioned, have a very direct stake in the politics of Queer-Bashing)
"If your depressed your not likely to see the humor in it. You might just take it seriously."
Mmm... I'm not sure if that's true.
When I was a teenager, there was always an appeal to people who aren't overly moralizing, who weren't full of idealistic... well, bullshit.
For depressed people, there's often an appeal to being listened to, rather then preached at (Because we already get enough of the preaching).
For me, at least, depression is self-reinforcing; I know I shouldn't feel depressed, but the fact that I am anyway just makes me feel more depressed, which in turn contributes to my depression.
This is exacerbated by a society which often doesn't feel depression is a real disease, and tells you to buck up and not be so gloomy all the time.
Hearing about non-optimal solutions, and especially hearing that engaging in non-optimal solutions doesn't make you a failure can definately be healthy and even encouraging.
In other words, a lot of us already feel like failures just for being depressed all the time; hearing that we're even bigger failures because we cut ourselves or drink or whatever instead of getting through things healthily, like a good person would... maybe not the most helpful thing.