Wow, going to the virginity prom with your dad. Ewww, gross.

Jessica, your dads comments cracked me the fuck up. Mostly because I think that is exactly what I think my dad would say. Thanks for the giggle at my desk this morning.

Holy shit! What is it anti-abstinence week at feministing or something?

Ya do know they are pushing abstinence on young men as well right, this is not really a feminist issue. I know it’s a feminist site but feminists claim to care for everyone fundamentally, Though they only ever seem to represent women or girls?

I think these micro communities of godly abstinence are funny, they have been around forever, at least the majority in our culture now laugh at the idea instead of debating or supporting it.

Poor kids though, must be ruff on the boys and girls.

You're right--abstinence-only ed does affect both boys and girls, but the focus of the programs is girls' virginity. Where's the Mother-Son Purity ball? You can read more about the sexism in abstinence ed here and here.

Hujo,

Yes, efforts are targeted at girls and boys, but you can't deny that they are targeted much harder at girls. I don't see abstinance jewelry for men besides those true love waits rings, girls have a wide range of products they can wear to flash their virginity. And I don't know of any mother-son Purity Balls where moms pledge:

"I, [sons's name]'s mother, choose before God to cover my son as his authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a woman, wife, and mother. I will be a woman of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my son and as the high priestess in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come."

I mean it is rediculous to even read that. No abstinance organization is going to tell mothers that they are high priestesses or that they are the authority to protect thier sons.

I wonder how the now-father would've regarded this when he was a teenage boy? Would said father have A) respected the whole thing; B) used his powers of persuasion on girl; C) ran the hell away.
Fathers have always had a protective vibe - hurt my daughter, meet my fist - which is cool. You don't want your father to say, here, do what you will, I don't care. But there's a line between... you know.
Your father's wise words should be our motto: "This is just fucking weird."
Now excuse me - I need to shower my brain.

Just the idea of placing anyone as the guardian over a teen's "purity" is insane. (I'm sorry, but the very use of the word "purity" makes me feel kinda icky.)

How about: "I trust that I have instilled the right values in my children, and that they have the moral and intellectual ability to protect themselves."

Studies show that teens who make abstinence vows eventually are as abstinent as those who do not make a vow. Vow-takers actually have higher rates of STD's because they choose not to be sex-educated.

Ya do know they are pushing abstinence on young men as well right, this is not really a feminist issue.

Is there a abstinence program that beats boys over the head with the 'impure' label? Seriously curious, just because I haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but I have my doubts.

I have two sons, and I'm totally bummed they don't have parties for us. I want a tiara and a mini-tux for each boy.

Seriously, I want my sons to save sex for a permanent relationship, not "hook up" with everyone they can convince to spend 15 minutes in a bathroom stall. There is exactly zero support anywhere for boys who don't want to be promiscuous. Some leftists think I'm weird for not endorsing the sexual revolution. The wingnuts are, if anything, worse, because they assume any boy who isn't out killing small animals or screwing every cheerleader in the state is gay. Thanks for letting me rant a bit.

ICK. ICK, ICK, ICK!!! That is quite possibly the most disturbing thing I've read in a LONG time. To be a fly on the wall for that parade of pseudo-incestuous "high priest" installing. BLECH.

The reason why you'll never see a mother-son "purity" ball (why do I feel dirty when I type that?) is because the same wingnutty men who are terrified of their little darling girls having sex are also terrified that their sons will be gay. And - we don't want the little woman to have anything resembling power, do we? I mean, the son is supposed to grow up to be the "high priest" of his very own household of hymens, so to have him under the authority of his virginity-protecting mother would be ursurping his God-given manliness...which we all know makes the baby Jesus cry.

Your dad read about abstinence and said "fucking". Heh.

That is so squicky. Ugh. I think I need to take a shower.

Anyone who's thinking about their 8 year old's virginity is a sick, sick person. Most of those little girls look positively prepubescent! They're not anywhere near having sex- their Barbies are! (At least if their Barbies were like mine!)

I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father.

So, Daddy is going to abstain from sex, too? Or does Daddy have some separate rationalization as to why "purity" for him includes sex, but does not for his daughter?

If Daddy is abstaining from sex, how does Mommy feel about that? (Or is Mommy only going to have icky sex if she wants another baby?)

All of this "purity" and "abstinence is good" business -- focused predominantly on girls -- also makes me wonder about grown women associated with these organizations, particularly the wives. Do these Daddys value their wives less because their wives are not "pure"? Do the wives have to compete with their daughters for their husbands' affections? Say these girls grow up, play by these "purity" rules (god help them) and wait until marriage. Once they become wives, are they able to have a healthy sex life after a lifetime of indoctrination into "sex is bad"?

Even the Puritans weren't this f-ed up.

Jessica wrote:
You're right--abstinence-only ed does affect both boys and girls, but the focus of the programs is girls' virginity. Where's the Mother-Son Purity ball? You can read more about the sexism in abstinence ed here and here.

Yeah been reading em the fact that they ignore the impact or ways it is enforced in boys is no proof. Boys hardly ever get studied in these usualy feminist sponsored studies on “gender� let alone covered in the media. In an area like this it is more fun and quite frankly only excepted to make daddy look like the sicko in news stories.

I am sure there are many fundamentalist mothers that spend way too much time thinking about where their sons penis is or what other girl might be touching it and fouling there pure baby, I don’t really ever expect to see women made to look like that on feminsting or in the general press, things are not so equal for the genders in the “media sneer� area.

Just because girls offer the only “proof� doesn’t mean boys are not affected by the oppressive upbringing that goes against their every instinct as well.

Seriously, I want my sons to save sex for a permanent relationship, not "hook up" with everyone they can convince to spend 15 minutes in a bathroom stall.

There are relationships that are in between those two extremes, you know.

Flamethorn -

I agree. I hope I do a good enough job of teaching my kids that sex is NOT just for marriage (in particular, begging them not to be a virgin on their wedding night because sex can sour a relationship faster then unrefridgerated milk), but should always be treated with respect and responsibility regaurdless of the length, intensity, and legal status of the relationship.

Poor kids. Some of them look so young.
Re: the images from the actual event - what do you reckon about the actual shape and design of that (beautifully decorated) bower they are all standing under in the photos? What's the opposite of phallic again?

This is all so sad and depressing and sick.

Cheers,

TH

Re male purity: Karen, it may surprise you to know that I'm actually saving myself for a permanent relationship. 27 years old, no hookups. I decided a long time ago that I only want to have one sexual partner in my lifetime. And yes, I've taken a lot of flak for that from other guys.

And whether or not she has a hymen doesn't matter a hill of beans to me. You only have one first time--and then neither of you are virgins--so I don't get the whole virginity fetish. I guess it's tied in with old property ideals, waving the bloody sheet around outside the hut or whatever, but I just can't be bothered to care.

Cheers,

TH

Well...the idea of being a “high priest� definitely appeals to my ego, but this is just fucking weird.

WELLLL, I think THAT sums up why this crap is going on...male egos ("I'm the high priest, protector, and LORD OF MY DOMAIN!!!").

ROFLMAO!

Wow, super nasty. Those pictures were awful- girls posing with daddy under a lily-white arch for the camera. I wonder what they do with the picture once they get home? And how does mom feel about all of this? Eww.

Ruby Tuesday said: "Once they become wives, are they able to have a healthy sex life after a lifetime of indoctrination into "sex is bad"?"

I was wondering about that as well. I can't possibly imagine the kind of psychological mess that the honeymoon must be for people who have been taught that sex is The Work Of The Devil or some such. I'm sure they understand intellectually that "now it's okay" because they're married, but how terrifying must that be to keep your sexuality locked tight in the dark recesses of your psyche all of your life, only to be suddenly flung into a situation where not only is sex okay, but it's quite possible that your parter will feel -entitled- to it, whether you've made the psychological leap or not?

*shudder*

And, by the way, from the "Purity Ball" website:

"How can you measure the value of your eleven year old looking up into your eyes (as you clumsily learn the fox-trot together) with innocent, uncontainable joy, saying, 'Daddy, I'm so excited!'"

This would be maybe kind of cute out of context, but in context....... ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwww. What the fuck is wrong with people??

looked up the purity ball photos -- a more overt bunch of incestuous pedophiles I have not seen. how many will be caught by that tv sting operation on internet predators -- I wonder. Can't the mothers see what's happening here?

I love that when I visited, there was a quote from Anais Nin in thier little "What Matters?" box. Heh heh, oh stupid people...

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.� --Anais Nin

i'd like to see little boys pledging their purity to their mothers instead.

girls usually forget about these pledges while holding their legs up because of all of the blood that ruches to their smaller brains.

I wasn't aware that you could pleat or ruffle up blood...

I guess your bigger brain couldn't find a dictionary, huh?

"[T]he fathers stand in the middle of the ballroom and form a circle around their daughters...[they] place their hands on their daughters, and together we pray for purity of mind, body, and soul for generations to come."

A ring of men blocking their daughters off from the rest of the world, symbolically saying, "See this? This is mine, I decide who fucks this and when." And they clearly consider it only a man's responsibility: "If fathers are not able to attend, we invite Grandfathers, brothers, uncles, and cousins to escort the young ladies. Mothers are also invited." It seems there's no reason a woman should have any significant part in helping her daughter learn make such a big decision. To say nothing of the fact that it's clearly not even the girl's own decision to make.

That Anais Nin quote sums up exactly the religious viewpoint for me - they don't need facts; they know they're right.

"They wish to worship virgins

The image haunts their lives.

A chaste meet of thighs doth make them wild

Awe of unblushing flesh, hueless nails, long formless skirts

Eyes that find the floor when passing males

Smooth changeling, puberty's a while

Now cross legs to rouse your father's smiles"