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Big Love, big fight

I fully blame the premiere of HBO’s Big Love for a big old argument that I got into with my boyfriend last night.

Short version: I said while I enjoyed the show, it creeped me out and thought it was glamorizing the alpha-male daddy-knows-best family dynamic to the umpth degree. (Check out Feministe for some info on the episode.)

He said I was being paranoid and letting my feminism get in the way of Sunday night TV-watching. After all, he continued, it’s just a show. It’s not like anyone is going to use a HBO series to make a case for polygamy.

Ahem.


I win.

Posted by Jessica - March 13, 2006, at 05:17PM | in Television

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10 Comments

[0+]  JesusJonesSuperstar said:

What is wrong with polygamy? who cares? I don't see why the state or the majority opinion should define how ohter people live their private love lives. The government should leave those idiots alone, it is really no one elses business.

oof. i haven't had a you're-oversensitive boyfriend in years. what misery that was. i hope it turns out better for you and yours, kiddo.

and you're totally not oversensitive. hbo would make a show about a woman with three husbands exactly never.

[0+]  maryjanefoxie said:

I had the same reaction, as did my beau. The show glorifies and Leave-it-to-Beaver-ises a lifestyle that fosters child abuse, incest, and extremely oppressive environments. My stomache is uneasy about the soon-to-arrive editorials that will defend the show as a "new" or "refreshing" look at the topic.

[0+]  smash said:

I haven't seen the show, however I did grow up in SLC and there is very little that I ever found funny or amusing about polygamy. Maryianefoxie is right, it is often a source of abuse, incest, and big time pediphila. And very oppressive. In Utah polygamists are fundamental freaks who started their own sects of the LDS church so they could go on "marrying" their own 12 and 13 year old nieces and sisters, (among a lot of other weird fucken practices) after the LDS church banned polygamy. Many of those young girls are forced into illegal marriages,raped and end up with 8 kids by the time they are in their twenties. The rest are basically brainwashed and have no idea that there is any other way of life. often they are abused and so sheltered from the rest of the world they are terrified to leave. There is really not enough government intervention and in the 26 years I lived in Utah I honestly had to search out info about the groups because it is really just sort of swept under the rug. No one really pays much attention to it. Having a show that makes it seem funny. fresh and interesting will not help change that.
Tapestry Against Polygamy is an organization that supports women trying to get out of polygamist lives.
http://www.polygamy.org/

[0+]  RobberBride said:

This polygamy debate drives me insane, actually. I completely acknowledge that polygamy *as it is most often practiced in the US (notably Utah)* is a flawed and oppressive system. But I don't view that at all as indicative of flaws in the theoretical system of polygamy. The problem with polygamy as it is practiced by religious fundamentalists and the like isn't the system itself, but rather the set of misogynist and abusive caveats that characterize the particular incidences of polygamy. Polygamy has an association with abuse in our society, but polygamy isn't synonomous with abuse. The problems with polygamous relationships are found in the practitioners, not the practice. The issue with polygamy as it is currently practiced (say, in Utah) is just that it has been coopted as a framework for abuse and rape.

Why should healthy, emotionally mature people willing to enter into multiple marriages be denied the right to love as they wish because of people who would be abusive with or without polygamy? The issue here isn't polygamy, but rather rape and abuse within the framework of polygamy. The government- and feminists- should focus on solving the actual problems of rape and abuse rather than making deleterious generalizations about a theoretically innocent practice.

I think here is where the difference between practices such as polygamy and polyamory become so important. Where polygamy typicaly preys upon the male/female power disparity (polygamy by definition is one man with many wives), polyamory is typically a more equitable form of multiple partner relationship where partner gender is simply more an issue of sexual preference. This would be why a framework like polygamy is ripe for the abuse of women and children, and the confusion between the two often leads people to defend polygamy where what the person is really referring to is something that falls more under the framework of a polyamorous relationship.

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[0+]  Selana said:

OK, I was a very jealous creature fro most of my life. This has roots that I do not care to disclose. But at this point in my very hectic life, I think that I would embrace a sister wife much more warmly than my husband. For many years, I have said...only partly kidding... that I wanted a wife. I'm sure that I'm not alone in this thought.

[0+]  hujo said:

Hey Jessica Screw HBO, Canadian feminists want polygamy made legal to protect women!?!?

http://tinyurl.com/7dx9m

[0+] Author Profile Page CrystalPM said:

interesting post thanks!!! i really like it

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