An anonymous GQ writer has composed 10 reasons why Republicans are the best party in bed. I beg to differ:
10 Reasons Why Liberal Men are Better in Bed
1. Conscience! A liberal man knows it’s not all about him. His getting off is contingent on yours. You don’t have to make him pancakes to get him to go down on you.
2. Tears! Liberal men cry— just not during sex. They acknowledge that there are some things worth getting weepy about, such as everything the federal government has done in the past six years.
3. A sense of perspective. A good liberal man realizes that what goes on in politics does have an impact on what goes on in the bedroom. (Even though you don’t have to talk about it in bed.) This is in stark contrast to the Republican man, who can’t understand how his support for anti-choice politicians could possibly impact your sex life. While it may have been fun to sit on a Republican man the night before, it’s his fault you’ll have a hard time getting your Plan B prescription filled the next day.
4. A sense of humor. Republican men may laugh at jokes, but liberal men are better at making jokes. Case in point: Jon Stewart. They didn’t ask a conservative comedian to host the Academy Awards. (Are there any conservative comedians?)
5. Foreplay. Liberal men are so intellectually sexy that everything is foreplay. Republicans might get started in the cab after dinner, but the liberal man’s in-depth knowledge of (and vehement opposition to) various state-level abortion restrictions has got me all hot and bothered before we’ve ordered our entrees.
6. Size. It is absolutely, positively, 100 percent true that Republicans are bigger dicks who trigger the gag reflex.
7. Efficiency. See #5.
8. Largesse. Liberal men will never drag you to a restaurant you don’t like, order your meal for you, and then leave a terrible tip. If they do pay for your dinner, they’ll never demand a blow job in return. (But they were such great conversationalists at dinner, you’ll probably be into fellatio, anyway.)
9. Wooing techniques. Liberal men do indeed send emails and text messages that say things like "I can’t wait to eat your pussy." Unlike Republicans, they actually mean it.
10. Nightstand reading. You will never find a Republican reading She Comes First. Liberal men understand you want to be with someone who knows how to find your clit.
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ugh. republicans are fat and they don't respect women. no smart woman fucks a republican for anything but money. their ten reasons are such a work of fantasy i wound up feeling kind of bad for them -- especially the part where the guy admits that republicans can't keep their erections long enough to put on a condom. the poor dears.
As a bisexual man, I can flat out say that any gay/bi Republican man is about as sexy as the hairball my cat yacked up last week.
Ten bucks says the 'anonymous' is a man anyway.
I totally agree with the list, but... where/how does my incomprehensible website factor into the whole thing? * =| *
Is a dumb blog better than no blog?
Or you could just sleep with women. I have yet to meet a lesbian that doesn't eat pussy. Not to mention they have a variety of dick sizes to choose from.
Besides, Republicans are into bad group sex. They want to screw 99% of the country all at once, every day. However, they don't enjoy themselves unless those being screwed find the process miserable.
Josh sez: Ten bucks says the 'anonymous' is a man anyway.
10'll getcha 1 he is. and I quote: "And by the time they figure that out, we’ve all lost our erections."
so we've got a closet case republican pretending to be a woman writing about how libs and repubs stack up in bed. and based on all that other crap, 4'll getcha 1 he's never slept with a liberal, either.
While both sets of lists are absurd, one thing is especially confusing to me: since you obviously have never been in bed with a conservative, how would you know...?
Point #4: How could you miss this one...Dennis Miller.
Without exception, every Young Republican Club president I've ever met has been a 6'0-6'4 muscle-bound hunk. Most liberal dudes are so skinny their hips would pierce you if you ever did anything with them. :)
Those Libertarians, though, they're FREAKY!
Heh. I got one for you all unbelievers. My partner used to be a Republican, though now he's pretty liberal. I can honestly say that there's been a profound difference in our sex life since he started using his brain and realizing shit about the brainwashing he's had from Repubs.
And when he offers to go volunteer with me to escort women to abortion clinics... no aphrodesiac can compare, I tell you ^_^
I can't believe how any woman can be with a man who doesn't believe she's got equal rights and is a human being just like him.
I can't believe how any woman can be with a man who doesn't believe she's got equal rights and is a human being just like him.
Well, when my wife cheated on me with one, I asked her. She told me she wanted to be "challenged." I would have thought keeping a promise was challenge enough, but whatev.
since you obviously have never been in bed with a conservative, how would you know...?
How would you know whether I've ever been in bed with a conservative? Or if the author of the GQ piece has ever been in bed with a liberal?
I don't know either, of course. I do know that all conservatives aren't as you described, (just as I'm sure you know all liberals aren't as the GQ article depicted), so if you're insinuating they are, then that is just as mock-worthy a position as GQ's. If you want to base it on personal experience, I know just as many macho liberal jerks/idiots as I do conservative, so that's pretty inconclusive.
It's pretty unlikely that sexual performance is linked to either political party. Then again, maybe this is the reason all those conservative women are so happy. ;-p
Hell yes, liberal men AND liberal women do it better -- much, much better.
That's why we started this site:
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Re: "Anonymous," what makes you guys think he's straight?
Dennis Miller hasn't been funny for over two decades. He was a moderate who got lazy and, perhaps, greedy.
I always knew I was a liberal, I just never knew how good a one I am. :-)
The "loose our erection" line threw me too. The author tries to pretend to be a straight woman talking about manly men, but then slips up horribly. Also, why would whipping out your dick in the cab be sexy? I'm no prude, but I'd like my partner to ask me before he flashes himself in public.
People, it was a joke! When you respond to a joke this defensively all you do is re-enforce the stereotype of the feminist without any sense of humor.
all true.. did you see the article about whiney kids growing up to be conservatives?
non-liberals or people who don't understand liberalism cannot experience love, sex and those kinds of emotions without some sort of self imposed restrictions.
it is all true..
-HyperSphere01
I definitely agree with you guys about the abortion stuff. My last (Republican) boyfriend was pro-life, and it drove me crazy. But, at the same time, he definitely knew how to f**k me. I don't think blanket statements are the best way to go about the topic. The best thing to do is to find a man who is educated about politics and maintains a sense of social responsibility. Believe it or not, it's something that can be found in both Democrats and Republicans.
The trick is that liberals are secretly revolutionary marxists and our sex habits are just an effort to share the means of production. Rrowrrr...
liberals get in trouble by having sex, conservatives get trouble by screwing everyone.
"It's pretty unlikely that sexual performance is linked to either political party. Then again, maybe this is the reason all those conservative women are so happy. ;-p
"
No - it's all that leftover 1950's Miltown stored in their fat.
liberals get in trouble by having sex, conservatives get trouble by screwing everyone.
Actually, conservatives don't ever get in trouble for anything anymore.