Seeing My Husband as a Co-Parent Has Empowered Me

A little over a two and a half years ago, my husband and I celebrated our wedding day with family and friends all around. People would congratulate us, and try to slide in the “when are you having kids” question. For the next year, his parents longingly looked at us every time we would go over for dinner, hoping an announcement was imminent. Earlier this year though, a grandchild finally arrived: my sister-in-law gave birth to our precious nephew.

This summer, she and her husband went on a week’s vacation/work-trip, leaving my husband and I to babysit while they were away. Parenting is not an easy job, but after a week of taking care of a child, I got to see firsthand the kind of parents my husband and I will eventually become. It was an eye-opening experience.

Diapers and Divorce

Before our nephew was dropped off with all of his gear, my husband was nervous about having a baby in our house for an entire week. Thankfully I work from home, so I didn’t have to take off. He works in IT in an office about 20 minutes away, so his work hours are relatively standard. “I’m not coming home to change diapers after working all day when it’s not even our kid,” he said. I would just roll my eyes thinking he’d come around.

The first day was interesting. Dirty diapers are tragically horrific. Of course babies can’t help it, I know. Since this was my first full day alone with a baby (ever, I might add), I had a lot of diapers to change. Our nephew had been restless all day and somehow rolled around as I was changing his diaper. As my husband opened the door after coming home, he found me struggling as the tears rolled down over my cheeks. Our nephew was a mess and I was a wreck. To my surprise, my husband instantly dropped his bag, swooped up the baby and ran him a bath so I could have a moment to clean myself up. He was amazing. He stepped right in, and that was the first glance I had of him taking a turn as a co-parent.

As I was taking some time to myself to de-stress, I couldn’t help but think of my own family. I thought of my aunt, struggling to cope with two children who now have to divide their time between two homes. The whole family all had to go through extensive meetings with lawyers and social workers during the divorce proceedings to establish who would get primary custody and to arrange visitation agreements. Sitting there, listening to our nephew happily giggling away in the bathtub, gave me a new appreciation for my husband. He took full control over cleanup central and in doing so, a little spark of confidence lit inside my heart. I knew that whatever our future looked like, I would never go through parenting alone, with little relief from the daily struggles.

Want Some Butter for Your Gender Roles?

Diaper duty is only one portion of parenting. There’s laundry, cooking, cleaning, discipline and also having fun. The next evening was refreshing. My best friend was on the phone with me as I was watching the baby play with his mobile mat. “He’s doing what?!” she shrieked when I told her that my husband was cooking dinner. He always cooks because I have a bad habit of burning food until it’s completely inedible but so many women are surprised that my husband is the primary cook.

I absolutely love and appreciate that he cooks almost every meal. After explaining how well he cooked, and even prepared the baby’s bottle that night, she jokingly called him Mr. Mom. Traditional gender roles are so passed their expiration date, so we talked all week long about who would play what role, and if there were any we could share. My husband and I are determined to have an equal part in parenting when the time comes and this week was the perfect example of how this would play out.

I fell more in love with my husband every time he held our nephew when he would cry, or when he folded the laundry as I put the baby to bed. He never had a “you’re a woman, this is your job” attitude towards any task and his willingness to jump right in so that I could take some time to work on my personal writing projects every evening made it much easier to get through the days when I was alone with the baby. I felt so taken care of by my husband, having him as my partner in crime, my equal.

Parental Practice

People warn you that babies only eat, sleep and poop. Which is true, but what they don’t tell you is that babies don’t sleep when you want them to. We had made an agreement to take turns waking up with our nephew throughout the night. We also took turns feeding, rocking and checking on him. There were also things we did as a team.

There is nothing more satisfying than knowing you and your husband work as one. We had ups and downs throughout the week of babysitting, but in those moments when we got through it together, I knew I was a lucky woman to have such a man by my side. There were so many moments when we’d look at each other just knowing that someday we’d be doing all of these things for our own child.

Taking care of a baby is just one chapter in the book of parenthood. You have to know when to say yes, when to say no, how to help them learn, watch them grow and let them become who they are. We obviously don’t have all the answers after one week with a baby who wasn’t even ours, but we learned so many tips on what we will do when it’s our turn to be parents. I honestly wouldn’t have gotten through the week without him. In the same way, he knew he needed me just as much.

This week was the best thing we could have done to prepare for being parents. A woman shouldn’t have to do all of the household chores alone. A man doesn’t have to be the sole breadwinner of the family. I can guarantee you that finding a partner who will share responsibilities with you, respect your decisions and put in an equal amount of effort will benefit the rest of your life as parents and building a family. It takes two to be a team. Together.