I Pitch the Antioch Review

This May, the Antioch Review published, “The Sacred Androgen: The Transgender Debate,” Daniel Harris’s essay about trans people – or, as he opted to call them, “TGs.”  A lot of LGBTQ people, allies, artists and writers are really angry about his obvious transphobia and equally obvious failure to do basic research.  They’re also angry with the editors for publishing Harris’ poorly-researched, poorly-reasoned essay.

I’ve decided to look on the bright side: if the Antioch Review will publish this, what won’t they publish?  Some of my more adventurous pieces might find a home with AR!  Including the ones that “reputable” publications have rejected!  With that in mind, I’ve decided to pitch to them in hopes that their editorial staff will jump at the chance to spark even more debate.  I’m guessing their inbox is flooded right now, so I’m posting these as an open letter.  Enjoy!

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Dear Antioch Review,

I am a creative nonfiction writer who has noticed that there are a lot of women in my MFA program. Much of their writing seems to relate in some way to the lived experience of being women. Sometimes, these stories are very informative, as when one of my classmates wrote an essay about her close relationship with both of her parents. But sometimes, they seem to be based on a fixation with “gender,” as though the authors are unable to view the world except through a feminized lens. As a man, I find this very troubling. I have written an essay about what it is like to encounter women writers as a man, and the ways that this “women’s writing” seems to signal the eventual extinction of men.  I believe that this essay will be of interest to your readers.

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Dear Antioch Review,

I have written a thinkpiece about how people with clinical depression can be better understood as a representation of my own terror of my mortal human body, as well as my resentment of any cooperative social obligation towards others. I’ve conducted research including reading several books about how we can all cleanse our blood with zinc supplements and organic juice. In my essay, I wonder aloud about why people suffering from clinical depression can’t just snap out of it or meditate. I also refer to people with clinical depression as zombies throughout my essay, for literary reasons. Would you be interested in publishing this incisive work of creative nonfiction? I think it could start a lot of discussions!

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Dear Antioch Review,

I have written a creative nonfiction essay about how our settlement is beset by Witches that do dance naked Bacchanales in the forest, and sign Compacts with the Devil in Blood, and nurture Familiar Spirits with the Foul Ichor that issues from Moules and Wartes on their Bodies. I hope it is of interest to your editors. Also, I saw Goody Proctor with the Devil.

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Dear Antioch Review,

The other day I saw a documentary segment on the History Channel about trepanning. I’m not a doctor, or even someone who knows anything about medicine, but I think that this lost practice of boring a hole in your skull using an awl-shaped instrument could be relevant to emotional wellbeing in our fast-paced, high-powered modern world. I’ve written a 6000-word essay, “Artisan Psychosurgery: Could This Work?” I think your readers will find it fascinating.

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Dear Antioch Review,

I have written a lyric essay about my felt response to the homeless man who often sits on the park bench outside the bakery near my apartment building. My essay is an attempt to engage with the “umwelt” of this man, using my own experience as a person with a house as my frame of reference. I have never spoken to this man, or intentionally made eye contact with him, but I see him every day. The essay is part memoir and part prose poem, and I would say that my biggest inspiration is Wallace Stegner. I have titled it, “A Brisk Autumn Morning in Glenside.” I think you will enjoy reading “my” story!

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Dear Antioch Review,

I am a doctoral student at Oxford University, as well as a time-traveler from the year 2289. I  came across an essay you published by one “Daniel Harris,” one which has been widely circulated on a crude social communication network whose charismatic leader, Mark Zuckerberg, is well known to us in the 23rd century. Briefly: “Daniel Harris” has concocted a note-perfect pastiche of writing from approximately fifty years prior to your present, including highly zeitgeist-specific paranoia regarding “transsexualism,” “biological sex,” evolving gender roles and the – at the time – recent advent of inventions such as the Pill. It is possible that the author using the name “Daniel Harris” is simply a very ill-informed man, since yours is a benighted era indeed, but I must ask: Is this “Daniel Harris” another voyager in time? Is his article a distress signal to other time-travelers such as myself? Since his commentary is so shoddy and offensive by 2016 standards, I can only assume that you have been brought into “Daniel Harris'” confidence and are acting on his behalf. Please, tell me how I may contact him if he yet lives.  The future thanks you!

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Dear Antioch Review,

I’m not really from the future. I’m from 2016, although sometimes, like when I was reading, “While I fervently support TGs’ rights to transition and to do so without fear of reprisal, I believe that the whole phenomenon of switching one’s gender is a mass delusion,” it doesn’t feel like it. You’ve already published a call for submissions for people who want to respond to Harris in the Antioch Review, so that the Antioch Review can get even more undeserved publicity and also make itself look even-handed and wise. I’m not sure why you decided to publish this hateful essay. Maybe trans people seem like a “debate” to you. Maybe your editorial staff can’t tell the difference between an essay about trans issues and an essay that is really transphobic. Maybe you just don’t care enough to do your jobs. But your readers do care, and I hope that the next time a submission like Harris’s crosses your desk, you can at least respect that.