Another Angry Rape Culture Rant

My friend and I stopped a man from raping a woman the other night. She was unconscious on the street by St. Peter’s Church in Brighton, and he was trying to drag her into a taxi. We asked if they knew each other and he told us that they were friends and he was trying to get her home to Hove. We felt like something was wrong and so hung about watching and debating what to do. Another man came to ask us what was going on and soon a woman who was a nurse stopped to check on the woman and called an ambulance. The whole time this was going on, the man was insisting that he was her friend and that he was taking her home. As we tried to wake the woman, the nurse that was on the phone to the ambulance service asked the man if he knew where the woman lived or her name – he obviously did not and proceeded to tell the nurse that he had just met this woman and had been trying to help her to get home, but that he didn’t know her name or where she lived. We overheard this and began to ask him why he had lied to us about being her friend, and how he was planning on taking her to her home if he didn’t know where she lived. I explained to him that women who are unable to open their eyes properly or form a sentence are not able to consent to sex. At this point, he began to back away. Apparently raping this woman was not worth this much hassle.

I wish at this point I had taken a photo of him so that I could share it and maybe someone would recognise him, but he disappeared before I could even get my phone. He was about 5’4, white, around 50, with grey hair and a Brighton accent; he was wearing jeans and a black jacket with a red checked pattern on the inside, I would imagine from his attempts to kidnap this woman that he lives in Hove. I know this probably won’t help anyone stop him from doing this again, but I’m so angry that I can’t stop thinking about things I could have done to help.

We eventually managed to sit the woman up and get her to talk some sense, she said that she had been out with a female friend, she couldn’t remember where she had been all night or how she had ended up there, and she confirmed that she had never met the man before (she barely remembered him). We managed to find her address (which was just along the street, not in Hove) and walked her home. I would guess from her confusion that her drink had been spiked, but that is beside the point: even if she had drunk herself into that state, that would not give this man permission to abuse her – women should not have to be constantly on guard. And when they are not, that does not make their bodies open targets.

When my friend and I first saw a man trying to drag an unconscious women into a taxi we were hesitant about whether it was our business to intervene, we asked him if he knew her and he told us that he did. It wasn’t until other people joined us that we felt brave enough to push the matter further. I am so glad that we did. If you ever see an extremely drunk woman being escorted forcefully by a man anywhere, if you feel that something is not right and you feel safe enough to get involved, please ask the woman if she is OK and if she knows the man from before that night (try asking her what his name is and where he lives). This is what bouncers are being trained to do in Brighton at the moment, as this is such a common occurrence. I spoke to someone involved in rolling out this training; apparently 9/10 times when questioned the man runs away: They know that what they are doing is wrong. Just asking will give her the opportunity to get away from him, if that’s what she wants. And if the man is actually trying to help her, he should appreciate your concern as well. If a man is clearly trying to take advantage of a drunk stranger, please take pictures of him and please share them as widely as possible, if you have any evidence of wrongdoing (even just unwanted touching), you can give them to the police. Maybe if men realise that raping drunk or drugged women has greater consequences than them getting their dicks wet they will reconsider their actions.

After we had accompanied her to her home, my friend and I walked down the street talking about what had happened and wondering if there was anything else we could have done. As we stopped to call a taxi (we don’t feel safe walking home alone at night) a group of about 6 men shouted that my friend must be cold with bare legs, and that we were getting wet in the rain. They slowed down and jeered at us, only walking away when we didn’t react.

I can’t help thinking about the connection between these two events. They are not equal crimes, but they stem from the same culture of male entitlement. When a woman steps into a public space she does not make her body public property: we are not yours to treat as you please because we have dared to leave our houses. We do not need a constant commentary on what you think of our bodies, they do not exist for your pleasure. They exist to bring us life, and our lives are as meaningful, rich and valuable as yours. We should not have to adjust our actions to avoid male violence. This woman should not have had to watch every drink she consumed at all times to know that nobody had slipped anything in it. We should not have to freeze like a rabbit in the headlights when men shout at us in the street, in the hope that through our silence we will avoid provoking a group of men into attacking us. We need to stop teaching women to accept and adapt themselves to the fact that so many men see us as property, stop teaching women to learn tricks so that at least they are not the ones to be attacked. We need to teach young men that they are never entitled to a woman’s body without her expressed consent, no matter how much she drinks or how little she wears. We need to teach that consent is not the absence of no, but an enthusiastic, conscious yes.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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