Why Words Matter

I’m sure many of us heard it growing up, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” At least, for me, that was a mantra that I tried to internalize, and own. Many days, I hoped that if I said it enough times silently to myself that I would actually start to believe it. To my dismay, that really never happened. Words hurt, and I became conscious, at a very young age, of the words I used. Everyone has a voice, but it is how we use that voice that truly matters. This past year, as a first year graduate student of Religion at Yale University, I became increasingly aware of the importance of language and how we use it. And now, I wish we paid closer attention to what we say and how our words influence our actions and beliefs. There are a few particular words that truly manage to get under my skin, as I think many of us, myself included, use them without being thoughtful of their implications.

The word “problematic” is quite problematic for me, because many times we use this word as a “filler”. And by “filler” I mean, it’s an easy way out of naming what is, or addressing what is actually problematic. It’s an umbrella term that is all-inclusive, and used to purposely avoid talking about difficult subjects. Many times, in our society, we fail to name things for what they are, and this is one of the ways in which we continue to feed into the systematic injustices that control us. We fail to justify why something is problematic. We refuse to name why things like rape, violence, racism, classism, sexism, etc., are problematic, and instead use the word as a filler. “Problematic” allows us to avoid loaded-terms to risk offending anyone. Actually, not calling something racist is more offensive than naming it “problematic”. If we talk about how problematic rape is without actually addressing why it is problematic, than we are actually just feeding into the painful reality of how our society fails to speak truth to difficult topics. We avoid the implications, and to voices that have been silenced, this is “problematic” because once again, we are reinforcing the belief that it’s not worth speaking about, or naming. It seems fair to say that if you are not able to justify why something is problematic, than you should refrain from using that word at all.

Another word that is carelessly thrown into conversations in graduate school is “healing” or “healed“. Healing is something some pray for, whether it be bodily, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, etc., many of us long to be whole. To heal, according to Merriam-Webster is “to become healthy or well again”. For me, and from the conversations that I have had with others, the key word is “again”. The word “again” at the end of this definition refers to the return of one’s body to a previous state. We never truly return to a previous state, but grow with the passing of each day. I do not believe in healing in the literal sense because it is a false promise, but I do believe in growth, transformation, and relief. For someone to tell a survivor of rape that they will one day be healed is insensitive, and hurtful. Life for the survivor will never be the same—they will never be the person they were before they were raped. They will think twice before going anywhere alone. They will have moments that are triggering that force them into a whirlwind of painful memories. The same is true for anyone who has experienced any type of trauma in their life. They forever change us and we will never be the same. Maybe we use the word “heal” so we are more comfortable—it gives us hope that life can return to a previous state. It focuses our energies on the past. However, instead of going backwards, why don’t we let ourselves be transformed into the future? In this way, we can honor our experience, and still focus on a future narrative. I struggle when I hear this word tossed around, as I believe it is one that should not be taken lightly.

Last but not least, many of my religious friends speak about how humanity is “sinful“. I’ve never really been a “glass-half-full” kind of gal, but referring to all of humanity as innately sinful because of one interpretation of a biblical story is absolutely harmful. If we see everyone as sinful, which in my mind’s eye, is a derogatory term, what does our world look like? How do we view our neighbor? And how do we internalize our own worth? If we view our selves as innately sinful, we begin to embrace a narrative that tells us we are not worthy of all the wonderful things life has to offer us. This one word impacts the way we see ourselves, our neighbors, and our world. It is a word that I intentionally choose not to use because of the implications it has for us.

These words are triggering for me, and there may be different words that may force you to think twice before using again. My challenge to us all, including myself, is to be more sensitive to the words we choose, and how they may impact someone who has experienced something traumatic. I am not asking you to fully police yourself, or silence your voice, I am encouraging us all to be more respectful, thoughtful, and willing to engage with one another in a way that honors our humanness, our pain, and our struggle. And while this is idealistic, I imagine the infinite amount of ways this way of life can transform and empower us to be better citizens of this world. Perhaps it is more helpful to see words as a gift that we graciously give one another.

 

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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