Balancing Outrage and Reason

After reading Besiana Vathi‘s article, “Sympathy for the Bigot,” (it’s on this page, I encourage you to go read it) I was inspired to share my own thoughts on dealing with people who are racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, etc. etc.

I have a difficult time balancing two opposing forces when it comes to dealing with people who are backwards-thinking: anger urges me to verbally assault the person until they realize their wrongdoing, while logic and reason encourage me to walk away from an altercation that would probably be akin to slamming my head against a brick wall.

I’ve come to the conclusion that neither option is the most effective at combating bigotry. If I indulge in my anger, I will probably end up saying things that are regrettable and not constructive. However, if I walk away or stay silent, I’ve allowed someone to spread ignorance and hate in my presence without facing any resistance.

I wish it were as simple as “take the middle road,” but it’s not. When I play these scenarios out in my head, it seems easy to deliver a calm, but firm, response to a hateful statement. But, as I’m sure many of you know, in real life it is much more complicated and difficult to find the right words. Uncomfortable situations become all the more difficult when, as Besiana pointed out, the ignorant person is a family member or friend.

In the cases where we know the person, it is easier to see how their upbringing and environment have shaped their backwards understanding- but how much can we sympathize with them before we’ve crossed over into making excuses for them? A healthy amount of sympathy and understanding is critical to being a productive agent of change- anger and outrage are useless if they lack the structure of an analytical framework to put those emotions in perspective. However, if we go too far in the other direction we end up giving up on what we perceive to be a lost cause (i.e. “he grew up in a different time… he’s stuck in his ways now.”)

It’s important to see the ways that backwards views get produced and reproduced, because that way we can eventually get to the roots of these views rather than just trimming back the most offensive branches one by one. We need to look at how sexism, racism, etc. are reproduced in religion, education, the judiciary system, etc., to recognize how these people end up the way they do. With that being said, however, when we get down to it there is no excuse. Not when people are getting hurt the way they are right now.

So while your grandmother grew up hearing that whites are superior to blacks, that does not mean she doesn’t have a brain. While your friend might think it’s okay to make sexist jokes because his dad bonds with him over being misogynistic, he’s still a human being with a rational mind. While your classmate grew up in a conservative Christian household and thinks that being gay is a sin, she still has a heart. That might be the most frustrating part of all- these people are people. With thoughts and emotions and aspirations, and most of whom probably have some redeeming qualities.

It’s tempting to slip into hatred and make them all the “other” while the rest of “us” making our own little club and talk about how ignorant they all are… but then what have we accomplished? The truth is that these people are our friends and neighbors and coworkers, and we have to deal with it. And by deal with it I don’t mean start an all out war in the comments section of a Facebook post. I also don’t mean sitting by idly as they make objectionable comments about someone. As tricky as it may be, I do think that it’s possible to have an ideal balance. We don’t have to make excuses for them or condemn them- I think that we can appeal to their reason and empathy. We are all just people, and maybe I sound overly optimistic and naïve but I think that most people have the capacity to think critically about the world and question their beliefs. A calm “I disagree” could go a long way, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. With each interaction you have the opportunity to plant a seed in that person’s mind that may prompt them to reevaluate things they have blindly accepted as truth. In this way, I think we can start to change the collective attitude of our society and bigger changes will follow.