An open letter to men who think sexism is dead

Dear men,

Contrary to what you might assume, a letter like this does not constitute an attack on your personal character or on your gender as a whole. Rather, it is an attempt to explain the world to you in a way you’ve never seen it before: through the eyes of a woman.

Before you get defensive, I ask that you consider the fact that unless you actually identify as a woman, it is impossible for you to fully grasp the experiences of women. This is not your fault. Just as it is not my “fault” that I was born white- and therefore born into privilege, it is not of your own doing that you were born as or identify as a man. However, as a member of a privileged group, it is your responsibility to be aware of your privilege, and of the oppression that props it up from the other side.

Believing that sexism is dead because you have not seen it in your own life is like believing that earthquakes don’t exist because you’ve never felt one. There is concrete evidence that both earthquakes and sexism exist. The difference is that people have no problem accepting detrimental forces coming from the “outside.” It’s a lot harder to swallow the fact that damage is being afflicted on us from the inside — from each other.

There is a world that has been hidden from you. The women in your life live in this world, which has been right under your nose but which has been obscured from your view.

Imagine if the genders were reversed. Your president is a woman, along with every other president that we’ve ever had. Growing up, you learned about mostly female historical figures. Women founded the country, women landed on the moon, women make up the vast majority of the government. When people refer to humanity as “womankind,” it’s assumed that men fall under that category.

In this world, most rape victims are men and most perpetrators are women. Same thing with domestic violence. Imagine if when you go out, you have to watch your drink to make sure no one tries to drug you. When it’s time to leave, you need to make sure someone else is ready to go too so that you don’t have to walk anywhere alone.

Imagine if, as a man, when you hear about these acts of violence people ask, “what was he wearing?” “did he drink too much?” “why was he out so late?” “why did he stay with her if she was abusing him?” The question is never “why did she attack/rape/abuse him?” because in this world women’s violence against men is considered natural and inevitable.

Imagine that in other parts of the world, young boys are married off to much, much older women. In some places they are not allowed to go to school and are therefore financially dependent on women. Imagine if sons were murdered for the sake of a family’s “honor.” Imagine that there are horrific incidents where women attack men with acid for refusing their marriage proposal. Imagine if young boys were being sold into sexual slavery in staggering numbers.

As a man, how would all of this make you feel? Vulnerable, powerless, outraged? Wouldn’t you expect women to acknowledge all of these issues? How would it make you feel if women distanced themselves from these problems and called them “men’s issues,” even though the perpetrators are mostly women?

As a feminist, I am not advocating for women to be more powerful than men. The world I described — and the world we live in — is unjust no matter which gender is being systematically targeted for acts of violence and oppression. Men, I implore you to wake up to the reality of gender inequality in our world. This is not a women’s issue — it is humanity’s issue. As a man, you have immense potential to make a difference in this world. By acknowledging these issues you can set an example for other men and we can start to move towards equality much faster than we are right now.

For your mother, sister, daughter, wife, girlfriend, female friends and colleagues — please take a stand. If you want this world to be better for the generations to come, it is up to you help progress along. Don’t take this as an attack on men- take it as a call to action. The way you live your life has more of an effect than you realize. Every day there is an opportunity to effect change, no matter how small it may feel. Men, please stop pretending like this doesn’t involve you. We need you to be allies to us.