Why I let my daughter drop the “F-Bomb”

My daughter, who is 4, going on 19, looks up to me as her mother. She imitates me, which is both wonderful and a curse. She has my sense of humor, my laugh and my feistiness. By feistiness, I mean my moody sometimes very sassy with a hint of mean girl, attitude. Yes, I have my (many) moments. She loves all things chocolate and sweet. She is vocal, opinionated and creative. When speaking with her, she listens. She likes for people to listen to her, to hear her. She is adamant about having my husband and I make full on eye contact with her, when we are speaking to her. I love this about her.

Alright, I’ll stop gushing over my mini me daughter and I will begin to explain why I allow my daughter to use the “F-bomb”. She has heard me say the “F-Word” so many times that it has to be in the thousands by now. I say it out loud, sometimes I yell it, sometimes I mumble it under my breath. I have encouraged her to say this word just as often as I do. I want nothing more than to see her able to express herself freely. The “F-bomb” is just one of those words that sound so harsh and to the point. Frankly, I don’t think society uses this word enough. Now, before you get all up in arms get your panties in a twist, the “F-word” that I am referring to is … FEMINIST. Yes, I encourage my 4 year old daughter to use the word feminist. Its important that she knows this word, how to spell it, pronounce it and define it. Its more important for her understand how powerful the word feminist actually is.

One night, I was reading “How to be a Woman” written by Caitlin Moran and somewhere in the book she encourages the reader to stand up, and say out loud “I AM A FEMINIST.” So I did it. I FELT FREE!  I don’t think I had ever said it out loud like that. I’ve typed out the word feminist numerous times. I have repeated it over and over in my head. But to actually yell it out to the high heavens was a new experience. Feminism, is official apart of me and I want to pass down what I learn to my daughter. Recently though, I have realized something about the word feminist that is so frustrating. I can’t wrap my head around why more women don’t jump up on chairs and holler at the top of their lungs like a viking warrior, that they too, are feminists ? If I could start stitching a capitol letter “F” for feminism on my clothing I WOULD. I would wear it as proudly as Hester Pyrne did. It would be my scarlett letter. What is so wrong with being a feminist? Personally, I feel I am in a very small group here.

I’ve noticed that there seems to be two types of feminist. The first group is what I shall call the ‘Closet Feminist”. These types of feminist live the lifestyle in secret. They watch the documentaries, follow female powered blogs, they know all the words to every Fiona Apple CD but they never proclaim, out loud that they ARE feminists. They are often realistic and think that little can be done to “change the world”. Then there are the LOUD AND PROUD feminists. The type that strut across the street and wear buttons, t-shirts, ANYTHING to signify to the public that they are feminist. I’d consider myself this. They want to share ideas, start meet up groups, inform the community, and start a revolution (beetles style). They are an idealistic breed, who want nothing more than to leave their mark on the world.

When I speak about feminism to friends, more often than not I see them cringe a little. It’s as if I said grotesque word. I tend to think, what they say in their heads, is something along the lines of, “No way, no way, did she just say what I think she said?”. OH, YOU BETTA BELIEVE IT, I SAID IT AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN (microphone drop). The real foul words we should be worried about are as follows: Patriarchy, Rape, Inequality, Bitch, Sexualization and Oppression. It’s very interesting to see how society views feminism. It can also be disappointing, especially when a 9 minute YouTube video on gender inequality has less viewers then that 5 second picture, of some ladies double D’s, taken on the recent scumbag app SnapPorn. The only sense I can make of all this is that an app such as SnapPorn is easy. It’s simple enough to use and borderline barbaric. So yeah, even a cavemen can use it! It gives instant gratification. It doesn’t require thought or clothing. While the 9 minute video takes more time, more thought and requires the viewer to come up with a solution to the problem. If we can’t fix it right away or get anything out of it, then why should we care ?

Well, boys and girls we are only hurting ourselves by refusing to NOT give a damn. I know I cannot influence others to delete their snapchat/porn accounts. I can’t enlighten everyone with my theories, but there is one mind that I can enlighten. I let my daughter watch the YouTube videos I find on feminism. We read biographies on famous feminist together. Feminism and feminist are very much apart of her vocabulary. I am not trying to shove this on her. She is genuinely interested and wants to do as I do. Im flattered and will let her be a part of what is important to me. It is something I will share with her as long as she lets me. Recently, I had a conversation with an older gentleman on the current social movements going on in the 21st century. I expressed to him my passion on how I want to leave my mark on the world and how I want to be apart of making improvements in our society. Ultimately, I want to see change.

The older man I spoke with said something to me that will forever be in my mind as well as my heart: He paused, calmly looked at me, and said “But you are changing the world.” I stopped looked at him, like he was nuts. At the time, I was sitting down. I wasn’t doing anything. What have I possibly done? In my usual sassy tone I replied “How is that?” He paused a second time, looked directly at me and said, “Your daughter”. As if it was so obvious. I admit I was moved. He said it in a way that was Yoda-like and he continued by saying, “You are making a huge impression on her. She is soaking everything up like a sponge and your ideals will be her ideals.” This was beautiful to realize.

My daughter will continue to learn about self awareness, the importance of equality, and she will learn about feminism. Most importunely, she will drop the “F-bomb” whenever and however she wants. All this will all be embedded into her foundation. So, even if I fail miserably and don’t make a pinky toe print on the feminist movement I KNOW that I have made a change through her.

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