Can we talk about sisterhood?

I love women. All women. And especially women of color. And particularly black women. As a same gender loving black cis androgynous woman, I know that the way in which I express my love to different types of women deserves care and thought. 

My work in the LGBT movement began at an organization whose agenda is specifically committed to realizing the fundamental rights of trans people. I felt privileged to do that work. While my time was brief, it afforded me the opportunity to build community with trans folks who I would have otherwise not known. The greatest relationships I gained were those with trans women of color. I’ll never forget the space I shared with six black trans women at a convening that culminated with me asking them all to lunch. I made the request not out of some voyeuristic inclination but rather from a space of familiarity because women dominated my family and social circles.

As these women shared with one another they began to open their circle to include me, another privilege. We built trust and recognized differences and created harmony with one another.  It felt different than the vitriol and suspicion I was used to. What began as a one sided invitation quickly turned to a foundation for friendship and love. I keep in touch with most of the women to this day and cherish the space they allowed me to share with them.

Sisterhood for me is best described in the words of Lillian Benbow. “When I look at you, I see myself. If my eyes are unable to see you as my sister, it is because my own vision is blurred. And if that be so, then it is I who need you either because I do not understand who you are, my sister, or because I need you to help me understand who I am”.

As time has passed, I have been afforded even more opportunity to share space with trans women of color and I share deep bonds that no longer center on gender. Our friendships are based on our individuality, our growth, and our love. We know that our paths to womanhood have been different, but can’t the same can be said for every woman? It is the occupation of womanhood at presence that matters most and that through solidarity and friendship we are building unbreakable bonds around the things that unite us.

In recent months there has been an enormous groundswell of activism, direct action, and coalition building as many of our trans sisters are being murdered simply for being who they are. These public acts of resiliency have served as launching points for new organizations, increased opportunity for leadership, and a renewal of commitment to elevating and uplifting the lived experiences of trans people, but especially trans women of color, and rightfully so.

As this groundswell continues there have also been very public instances of calling out and “clap backs” being hurled at one another without space to work towards resolution or shared understanding. History likes to tell that women are incapable of building with one another and that attempts to do so often result in infighting and stagnation. We know that isn’t true. We also know that when we set intentions for love and respect, women can do anything.

I believe we are reaching a critical point in our experiences as queer and trans women of color. How can we better support one another that does not diminish our differences and stands in solidarity in our collective sisterhood? This is a question that has to be addressed from all sides. There are plenty of cis women of color both queer and straight that are active in their allyship with our trans sisters. So when we read about or are directly challenged by our trans sisters it hurts. Women of color have been continuously victimized and overlooked in our society, but often find refuge and solace in recognition from other women. Our sisters. When that recognition is dismissed or ignored in public, a piece of our foundation crumbles.

We have a lot of work to do, collectively. We cannot continue to define sisterhood in isolation of one another.  I urge us to seek introspection. To determine how we work with one another with love as the ultimate goal. How can we make space for one another with limited resources? How do we prioritize the needs of others when we are all being hurt? How can we have open and honest dialogue around our collective oppression? When is it ok to accept how we all came to this place and adopt a shared vision?

I love you sis. I stand with you sis. I will lift you up and praise you openly. Will you do the same for me?