Fucking With Feministing: What’s the deal with anal?

Welcome to Fucking with Feministing! We’re so excited to launch this new, monthly sex advice column where we’ll be answering questions straight from awesome readers like you!

I’m Sesali and I’ll be your resident sexpert with the help of our friends at the Center for Sex & Culture (CSC) who have partnered with us to make sure that we have smart and safe with our sexy! We’re looking forward to helping you stay informed and hopefully have great sex, my feminism wouldn’t be complete without it. Send your questions to sesali@feministing.com and each month we’ll pick a question to talk about here. Questions will remain anonymous. We’re so glad that you’ll be Fucking with Feministing!

Q: So what’s the deal with anal?

If there were ever a way to introduce a new sex advice column to Feministing, it’s through the back. My personal experience with anal sex is similar to my relationship to the gym. I’ve been there before. I’ve had some good experiences there that rendered such awesome results that I thought about incorporating it into my life regularly. But I’ve had more horribly awkward experiences that left me swearing it off for good. Today I still get really excited at the thought of it and hang around the general area, but rarely go in.

But that’s one of the beautiful things about ass-play, it’s not limited to penetration. There has been some great commentary on rimming in popular media lately. (In other words, straight people are feeling more comfortable talking about it in public. Thanks hip hop.) Prostate massages and double penetration are both amazing ways in which to enjoy the butt.

The ass is a great site for pleasure and should be taken advantage of as such. But per usual, safety first. Our friends at CSC weighed in on the issue and proved that there are plenty of ways to enjoy anal sex and stay safe:

Hygiene: As with most things, a healthy diet (without too much spicy food, alcohol, or caffeine which allows your poop to leave your body without leaving a mess) should keep your fanny clean enough so that bath or shower is all that you need in terms of hygiene. But if you need a bit more… refreshing, an anal rinse should do the trick. Not to be confused with an actual enema which requires laying on your side and retaining a lot of water, an anal rinse can be achieved by filling an enema bulb (also known as a douchebag… that’s what she said) with water. Avoid pre-filled bulbs that have chemically stuff and other junk in them that your ass doesn’t need. You can find all of these products at your local drugstore. Pro Tip: Use warm water to avoid cramps and wait at least 30 minutes after a rinse so that your butt can renew its natural layer of mucous.

Protection: Oil based lubricants are great for penetrative anal sex, but there’s a catch. You shouldn’t use latex condoms or gloves with oil based lubricants. Opt instead for polyurethane (plastic) barriers. In addition to coconut oil, a natural option, heavy greases like Crisco are great choices for oil based lubricants. If you’re more comfortable using latex as a barrier, stick with a water-based gel lubricant, which is more likely to stick than liquid. Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula comes highly recommended.

General Tips: Consider using gloves while being anally fingered or fisted, as they offer a smoother surface. Lots of non-insertion stimulation (rimming and outside pressure) is a great way to build up to penetration. And always remember the three cardinal rules of anal sex: Relaxation, lubrication, communication! When being anally penetrated, you should feel comfortable controlling the speed, depth, and vigor by clearly communicating with your partner. For those of you novice butt players, remember to start slow. In other words forget everything you saw on that one “Slut gets pounded up the ass” porn clip. It might be helpful to start alone with your hands, as your fingers can feel what the anus is doing. Understanding the difference between intensity and pain is also really important. Anal can be really intense but so worth working through the kinks.

I hope you thoroughly enjoy your back door adventures. We would love to answer your question on next month’s Fucking with Feministing. Again, send all of your sexy, salacious questions to sesali@feministing.com and maybe your question will be featured next month! Special thanks to Marlene Hoeber and Carol Queen, supreme sexperts, for their smart answers, and priceless insight.