(Day After) Wednesday Weigh-In: Dating While Feminist

two figures in front of a heartDating seems to be on everyone’s minds lately. Perhaps it’s part of the new year, new me, new boo energy still lingering in the air. Even here at Feministing we’ve been talking about “Crazy Blind Dates” and the challenges to Darwin’s dating ideas. And much of what I hear about dating in hip hop revolves around Christian Louboutins. All of this is wonderful, for someone who isn’t me.

To put it simply, dating while feminist, black, queer, polyamorous, broke, and loud means not dating, kind of. I find that people who compliment any one of those traits too well completely fail in regards to the others. Thinking about feminism specifically, I’ve found that it’s cute and sexy to my partners when I’m abstractly theorizing about gender inequities. But the moment it becomes evident in my life and relationship practices, I’m a bit too extreme for them.

Much of our internalized sexism manifests itself in how we perform and navigate our intimate relationships. And even I can admit that it’s hard to let go of some of the ideas about dating and loving when those things secretly, and sometimes publicly, make us feel good and desired. For me, the struggle to either be honest or feel sexy is real.

It’s a topic feminists will surely be discussing until the end of time. I’m interested to hear other people’s feminist adventures in dating. Care to share?

Related: The Wednesday Weigh-In: Online Dating Edition

Feministing's resident "sexpert", Sesali is a published writer and professional shit talker. She is a queer Black girl, fat girl, and trainer. She was the former Training Director at the United States Student Association and later a member of the Youth Organizing team at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. She received her bachelors in Women's and Gender Studies from Depaul University in 2012 and is currently pursuing a master's in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality studies at Georgia State University in Atlanta. A self identified "trap" feminist, and trained with a reproductive justice background, her interests include the intersections of feminism and: pop culture, youth culture, social media, hip hop, girlhood, sexuality, race, gender, and Beyonce. Sesali joined the team in 2010 as one of the winners of our So You Think You Can Blog contest.

is Feministing's resident sexpert and cynic.

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