Quick hit: Four fictional heroines walk into a bar…

… Actually, they walk into Buffy Summers’ house. And have a girls’ night! Imagine Bella Swan, Katniss Everdeen, Hermione Granger and Buffy, in a room together. This is probably how it would go down.

Bella: But boys are obviously the emotional crux of our lives! Edward practically looks at me the wrong way and I go into a helpless, emotional coma for eight days! He is my absolute everything and I can’t be a functional human being without his existence! What else could be more important in your lives than your man?!?!? What the hell else could ever be harder in your lives?!?

Katniss: I’ve been kind of tied up dealing with this whole reality TV death match I’ve been forced into, that’s also turned into a full-scale rebellion against the leader of my dystopian, totalitarian society, all the while trying not to starve to death and provide for my family.

Hermione: I just had to wipe myself from the memories of my parents, as I set out on a road trip where my two best friends and I are being hunted by a band of insane fascists, working under the instructions of the wizarding equivalent of Hitler. One of them tortured me, and there is a constant fear of being hunted down and assassinated.

Buffy: I spend every single day of my life battling evil vampires, and am constantly saving the world from demons, angry Gods, and the Root of All Evil itself. My mother is dead and my sister isn’t technically a real person. I have technically died twice. You and your man troubles take the entire women’s movement back decades.

I’m Team Hermione forever, though my roommates tell me that if I were to read The Hunger Games series I’d be Team Katniss in a heartbeat. One thing’s for damn sure, though: I’d rather be mauled to death by a possessive werewolf with anger issues than be Team Bella. Read the whole thing here.