The Problem with Demi and Ashton

As I walked into the dining center today, I was asked to take a picture with a sign that said, ‘Real Men Don’t Buy Girls’- a sign that, I later found out, is for the Demi and Ashton foundation, against human trafficking and sex work. Being the feminist I am, I obliged immediately- taking only a moment to flinch at the posters nearby, showing various actresses holding the same sign, and the caption that said ‘[Name of actress] prefers real men’.

As I walked away for usual midday caffeine fix, I couldn’t help but consider the logic of the campaign- using the trope of a ‘real man’ to fight the trafficking and exploitation of women. ‘Real man’ is a concept so integral to male self-policing, a concept so tied in with the ‘feminization-as-punishment’ policy for male transgression of gender. In standard gender, in mainstream male circles, a man who is a virgin is not a real man. A man who refuses to do violence is not a real man. A man who is any way dependent, vulnerable, weak, or in need of aid, is not a real man. These roles of masculinity, enforced in part by women (let us not deny it) but more-so by our fellow men, grow from the same roots as women’s oppression- they are part of the same system of patriarchy, assigning strength, virility, independence, and power to men, and using the loss of manhood as the ultimate punishment. Being a ‘real man’ seems, to me, to be a concept so integral to patriarchy, that simply redefining the role the man plays, from abuser to protector, and implicitly using the loss of manhood as a punishment, seems like a poor strategy. With the reminders that Demi Moore, Eva Longoria, and Jessica Biel ‘Prefer Real Men’, I am reminded of the old Vietnam poster, ‘Girls say yes to boys who say no’. I wonder- should I resist unjust wars because they are unjust, or because doing so will get me laid? Should I oppose the objectification, trafficking, and prostituting of women, because it is wrong to subject women to these things, or because opposing them will make me a ‘real man’, a category romantically and sexually preferred by various light-skinned, conventionally attractive women? If being a ‘real man’ means being a decent human being primarily because being a decent human being will get me laid, how much has this new conception of a ‘real man’ really changed from the old one?

Here’s the Demi and Ashton foundation:

http://demiandashton.org/