Purity bear take two: My love is like a box of pizza

Wow, these videos are getting better and better. Valentine’s Day purity bear was creepy, but pizza box purity bear’s arguments are downright illogical.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB1G8YF-B4Y

This is the worst ad I have ever seen to try and get people not to have sex. If someone eats pizza and then doesn’t dump the box what happens? They just save pizza boxes. And most likely their virginity because you won’t be able to find them under all the pizza boxes. If you are running an abstinence campaign of “circumstances that will never get you laid and lead to ant problems” than they have a point. But frankly, what I just said doesn’t make sense and that’s because this video doesn’t either.

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15 Comments

  1. Posted February 16, 2012 at 5:13 pm | Permalink

    I was trying for a long time to come up with a respectful metaphor for my body, and a pizza box with cheese and pepparoni pizza coming out of my vagina is about the most respectful idea I could come up with, thanks pedo bear, I mean purity bear.

  2. Posted February 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Purity Bear should be more worried about some guy saying he loves you after a first date, asking (demanding?) if you love him, and not waiting for an answer before jumping on you.

  3. Posted February 16, 2012 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

    Hm, interesting statistic dayofpurity.org. Where’d you get it…*tick tock*
    Also, as a proud owner of several teddy bears (okay, maybe not PROUD) and pigs, dogs, penguins, cows, even an elephant (oh, I apologize, talk to me about teddy bears and you get to hear about my collection) I dislike the idea of my teddy bears calling me sluts. Can’t you just let my grandma do it?

    Also, how exactly does this pizza metaphor work? So, he orders you, a guy in an embarassing outfit brings you to his door, then he eats you and dumps the box? Never heard of this fetish.

  4. Posted February 16, 2012 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    I’m also confused about the statistics at the end “virgins who wait until marriage have a higher success rate” Success at what exactly?

    • Posted February 18, 2012 at 11:44 am | Permalink

      I know! I laughed so hard at that one. It is completely unclear what they are successful at.

  5. Posted February 16, 2012 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

    When will a disembodied stereotypical african american female voice give ME advice about my sex life? *Cue Summer’s Eve commercial*

  6. Posted February 16, 2012 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    “Virgins who wait for marriage have a higher success rate.”
    Really? A researcher somewhere has crunched the numbers on this? Come on. Also, there is NO WAY that anyone could establish a causal relationship between men who are “sexually active outside marriage” and chronic depression. I’d like to see their sources for those stats at the end…

  7. Posted February 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

    Do I have this right? Having sex with me is like having pizza, and after sex I’m nothing but an empty, greasy box? These people are disgusting!

    Do you think he went out for pizza after this incident?

  8. Posted February 16, 2012 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

    Is there a transcript of the video available?

  9. Posted February 16, 2012 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    Those statistics seem pretty bogus.

  10. Posted February 17, 2012 at 2:07 am | Permalink

    I’ve been a faithful reader of this site for quite a while, but never felt the need to comment on something before this. I don’t know what organization is behind this “Day of Purity”, but I’ve visited the website and it’s creepy. I’m all for people having their own beliefs but the “facts” they cite are ridiculous, like “teen virgins can expect an average income that is 16 percent higher than sexually active teens from identical socioeconomic backgrounds. This will mean an increased average salary of $370,000 over their lifetime”. According to who? Maybe it’s just me, but even if this is true I’d rather have a satisfying sex life than money. And the wording of their “love letter from God” asks them to give themselves unreservedly, which sounds like some sort of weird sexual metaphor. I’m not bashing Christianity or religion, but this organization is wack.

  11. Posted February 17, 2012 at 9:19 am | Permalink

    “Virgins who wait for marriage have a higher success rate.” …of what, exactly? Marriage? Outstanding sex?

  12. Posted February 17, 2012 at 9:56 am | Permalink

    If I interpret the bear’s comments right, then I’m no more than an empty, disposable shell after someone has sex with me. Thanks for the self-esteem boost, Weird Plush Animal Who Lurks in Our Subconscious Minds! :/

  13. Posted February 17, 2012 at 10:39 pm | Permalink

    Well in Zucotti Park we used to make art and protest signs out of our used pizza boxes, and then one night the cops took everything away—wait, scratch that, don’t want to give these guys any ideas.

    Speaking of likening pizza to having sex, maybe I should tell these purity folks about the one time this fellow cartoonist was really drunk at a pizza place and…ok, this doesn’t have a point that ties in to feminism anymore.

  14. Posted February 18, 2012 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    It’s also horribly written and badly acted. Not that there would be anything that would get the “purity” movement to join their team, but I am sick to death of “typical female” being represented by a thin, bleached-blonde white chick.

    The days most people “waited til marriage” were NEVER, actually. Ever hear any folk songs? They’re about sex. Shakespeare’s plays? Lotsa outside of marriage sex–and that’s from a time people married at age 14! And what was William the Conqueror’s nickname? The Bastard King.

    There may have been cultural taboos about it, but sex before marriage has always been with us. I wish that the voices fighting the purity movement would bring up more often and more loudly that “traditional” gender roles and “waiting for marriage,” are, historically speaking, bullshit. We weaken our argument when we go along with the movement’s silly pretense that sex before marriage represents a big cultural change.

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