Cain and the mystery of “proof” – The politcal tensions within my family

*Warning* This might be too personal for real “political” blogging

My dearest Auntie J and I have not seen eye to eye on political, religious, or even lifestyle issues for years now. As a child, I spent a goodly amount of time at her home, playing games and hanging out with my cousins. I was so proud to be her namesake. Spending time with my Aunt J is one of the many fond memories I have of childhood. She seemed so strong, so tough, and so very very sure of herself. She had the best stories my father and uncles and always made sure to remember me for the holidays. As I grew older, and the relationship between my mother and I deteriorated, my Aunt J was one of the few people who held me up, dusted me off, and set me back on the path of college.

However, in college, our relationship started to change, mostly because I started to change. I took my first women’s studies course, which would be followed by many other women’s studies courses. I became an accomplished and well read feminist. I competed in college speech, which introduced me to argument structure and to be conscious of “sound” and “unsound” evidence. I became friends with Pagans and Wiccans, and I would later help to establish the local alternative religion group. My mother and I healed some of the strong divides between us, and reestablished our relationship on healthier grounds.

Auntie J has strong political and religions opinions, which are polar to my own. Over the years our relationship has dissolved, and my respect for her has waned in conjunction to the way she speaks to me. When she bought me a Christian cross for Xmas, it took a lot of courage for me to stand by my Pagan faith and politely return her gift to her. When she yelled at me for supporting and voting for Obama, I cried. When she yelled at me for crying, insisting I needed to “toughen up and get thicker skin if I wanted to go into politics”, I was not articulate enough to form a coherent argument. When I broke up with my long time Catholic boyfriend, with whom she was very close, she was upset. Even though it has been four years and I have since dated almost exclusively women, she still asks me how my ex is doing. I am staunchly pro-choice and have often referred to children, lovingly, as “my favorite of all STDs”, both positions my Aunt sees as an unfortunate, sick, or a bi-product of my unhealthy childhood.

I continued to be the wayward niece, traveling far and away from home in pursuit of life, liberty, education, and a decent paying job. Our family blossomed, and since my time away from the family we have four new additions to the family, with a fifth one on the way. While I have not had much time to interact with these new children, and have not been in a fiscal position to send gifts home, my heart has been with my cousins and their families. I have been able to remain in peripheral contact, celebrating the happiness and sadness of my family, through Facebook.

The recent controversy over the Herman Cain’s sexual assault scandal has hit directly to the core of why I refuse support the GOP. I have read Mother Jones, Politico, Fox News, CNN, Feministing.com in order to gain a grasp of what I think of the scandal, the power, sexism, racial, and fiscal issues surrounding the talk, and why I stand with the women.

Most of the women, as I understand it, cannot pursue their claims anymore. They already tried years ago, but signed settlements and confidentiality clauses, which put a muzzle on what they can say now. A settlement agreement, really sort of works like this – a company or group realizes that *something* has gone wrong. In order to avoid a costly lawsuit or a damage to their reputation, they pay the claimant to stay quite and to not pursue the lawsuit any further. Claimants take the money for several different reasons. Possibly they take the pay off because they have been out of work for sometime and they need the money to survive before they get their next job. Possibly they take the money because they do not want to take years out of their lives to put a lawsuit through the judicial system. Possibly they take the money because they “want it to all be over with”. Possibly they take the money because they think they cannot win in court.

Sexual harassment is a lot like rape with regard to statistics. The actually reporting of sexual harassment is low, v.s. anonymous surveys of people who ask if they have been sexually harassed at work and state, “Why yes, in fact, I have been sexually harassed.” Why would this be so? Because they fear retaliation and backlash at their place of employment is one reason. Damage to their own reputation and esteem is another. Some women are even subjected to violence. Most women say standing up to the sexual harassment, dealing with it publicly, is infinitely harder than suffering in silence.

And they don’t think their harasser is going to become the next leader of the United States of America.

As I continued to post on my facebook of my distaste for Cain, my Aunt began demanding proof. “Where is the proof” she demanded on my facebook. “Where is the proof” she wanted to know. I provided her with all of the information I had read, linked her to websites and articles I had read. And I know she, a woman who raised three sons with absent fathers, encouraged all of the children in her life to read and become educated, who buys diapers and burps her grandchildren, will not believe that women will choose money and security over a court battle and men can abuse their positions of power and get away with it. Provide her with proof, read between the lines, and she will not believe you. She is so angry, and I have a hard time understanding her anger.

My Aunt J is the conservative woman voter, and she does not look like Ann Coulter. At barely over 5ft 3in, she was a high school runner with a strong Catholic background, who likes her coffee, and buys X-mas presents months in advance. And I don’t know how to tell her I love her enough to make her forgive me for having grown up to be so different from what she intended me to be.