Abuse through the laws meant to protect?

A few months ago, I had someone accuse me of stalking. We were both students at a small school; we lived in the same dorm. We had been part of the same circle of friends. He had the campus police order me to not contact him and had the actual police call and threaten to arrest me. The phone call to the police happened after he found out I had told some other people about his behavior. In both cases I complained that this system was being used to harass me, to no effect.

He presented proof consisting of ambiguous text messages which were interpreted as threats, and evidence that I had been following him around (all of which were activities our group as a whole was involved in). He further attempted to use my mental health problems and the fact that I had taken a year of medical leave from school as proof that I was dangerous and unstable. All of this was taken at face value, and I was actively prevented from attempting to find out any more information that would provide counter-evidence. Some of my friends were advised to avoid me lest they also get into trouble. He was allowed to post explicitly false defamatory statements about me, while I was informed that any public statement about the order or events would result in further trouble.

Why am I posting this on a feminist blog? Because prior to this incident, I was all for making restraining orders easier to get. After having a false order against me – even a campus one, which has no legal weight – I see that they have a significant potential to be abused. In my case, it was used to cut me off from my friends (which as a person with mental illness were my sole source of support) and make it so I could not participate in the campus community. It was used to allow someone to ruin my reputation while preventing me from defending myself. If there had been more time left in the semester, I suspect it would have been used to attempt to remove me from campus or expel me outright (both of which would have had the same effect, as I could not afford off-campus housing in the area). As it is, the stress and difficulty along with the denial of resources forced me to delay my graduation from college.

I surely cannot be the only victim of this.  In my experience, the police took an attitude that as the accused, I could not possibly be the victim.  How long before an abuser uses a restraining order to force his victim out of her house?  It is already common for an abuser to claim to be the victim.  As a feminist and an abuse victim, I want to see restraining orders available for those who need it. As someone interested in social justice, I also want to see them not become another tool in the abuser’s arsenal. And as a person with mental illness, I want to be safe from those who see me as a threat due to my diagnosis. So I ask the community – how would you structure this system to avoid this kind of abuse of its powers?

(hug)

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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