Notes from a bitch… a problem in search of a fix or a fix in search of a problem…

I recently read An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage by Ralph Richard Banks published in the Wall Street Journal. In the article, Banks points to the lower rate of marriage among black women as compared to the general population and attempts to make the case that interracial marriage is the likely “fix” because it would solve the problem of unwed black women and create pressure on black men by lowering the number of available women for them to…

Sweet Jesus, I can’t believe this mess made it to print!

Pause…collect thyself…continue.

Where was I?

Oh, yes – the author makes the argument that interracial marriage would solve the black women not being married problem…’cause unwed black women are a PROBLEM, duh!

Full disclosure #1 – I don’t have a problem with the interracial dating angle. I’ve actually mentioned diversifying dating options to friends who bring up dating woes.

My problem is with the fix, but before I get to that…

Full disclosure #2 – I am not married, I’m not looking to get married, and my non-married state is not a problem.

My people call it being single.

What if…just once for kicks and giggles…we skipped blaming black women for [insert thing that may or may not actually be a problem but, should it be determined to truly be a problem, most certainly got to be a problem because of something black women did or didn't do or attempted to do but ended up doing wrong] and actually explored a topic?

I know…outrageous!

But what the heck…let’s get zany and give it a spin.

Not all black women want to get married, not all black women can get married, and not all black women should get married.

Just like everyone in the world doesn’t want to get married, everyone in the world isn’t able to get married, and a lot of people out there shouldn’t get married.

The author has fallen into the convenient hole of absolute statements and gross generalizations.

Black women are not a monolith.

As for the reasons the author cites for black women perhaps being reluctant to date outside of our race…like what our babies may look like or having to explain our hair…I’m still trying to figure out how the hell he walked right past the giant History of Sexualization & Exploitation of Black Women in America elephant in the damn room.

Contrary to a scenario mentioned in the article, my hair hasn’t been a hurdle to romance or sex or commitment.

Being told more than once that a prospective date has “always wanted to try a black chick” is.

That brings me to Full Disclosure #3!

I have a problem…it involves being seen as a walking, talking, breathing problem.

Fix it.

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