American Girl in Italy Part 3: Dear Co Worker

(originally posted at La Femminista)

I get it. I am young, I am American, I am cute (red hair & freckles will do that sometimes). I guess all of those things make me a novelty in our workplace, thus subject to more (undesired!) attention than our other co-workers.  I am also a female.

Maybe that last factor is what most makes you think that it is OK for you to grab my nose, pat me on the head, pinch my cheeks and call me “sweetie” “darling” and “little dear”. Maybe because you are kind of old you feel a little bit grandfatherly and paternal around me, thus eliciting the unquenchable desire to play “got your nose!”. Make no mistake: you are not my grandfather, I am not four years old and my cheeks are not there for your pinching pleasure. We are in the workplace and I am your co worker, however young I may be.

Please imagine that I was a young, cute, American male. Would you still pull this crap? I don’t think so. Maybe you’d slap me on the back or high-five me in the hallways, but you most certainly would not tweak my nose and expect me to giggle at your joking ways. That is because those actions are meant as affectionate forms of diminishment and, because I am female, diminishing me in the workplace is acceptable and even laughable. By pinching my cheeks and calling me “sweetie” you are positioning me as the little girl and yourself as the adult, authority figure. You are there to protect me, to make me blush and to send me on my way with a lollipop and a pat on the head when something’s gone wrong.

I hate it. Please stop, it makes me uncomfortable (why are you touching me? I barely know you) and annoyed. It is not your right to do these things nor is it appropriate workplace behavior.

So, coworker, please let go of my nose and let me go on my way. You are reinforcing gender stereotypes, modeling poor behavior for our students and, most importantly, you are making me late to class.