Where would I be without PP?

Where I Would Be Without Planned Parenthood

I started having sex in high school.  I did not feel that I was under any pressure and I made the decision for myself.  I stand by that decision today.  I don’t regret losing my virginity when I did in the least.   However, because of our society’s wide spread ignorant/sexist views on sex and women’s sexuality, after having sex I felt that I had to keep this matter a secret.  I didn’t want to be labeled a slut or negatively judged by my peers, their parents, teachers, or my own parents.   I knew what my peers said about female classmates who were known to be sexually active; I also knew that it is generally accepted as “good” if you are a virgin.  I did not want to be “bad”.

Keep in mind, I was an adamant feminist in high school and I had no problem vocalizing my views.  I heard my fair share of “feminazi” or “bitch”, and of course I was asked if I was a lesbian or a “man hater”.  For the most part, it didn’t matter to me.  The anger I felt towards sexist ideology and my determination to set people straight completely negated the negative remarks directed at me.   Therefore, it’s interesting to me that I was made to feel ashamed so easily about my sexuality, especially when my own ideology constantly came under fire and I never waivered.

I remember my senior year of high school, one of my friends parents found out that I was having sex; my friend told her.  Before this, her mom was friendly to me and always very respectful.  After finding out that I had sex that respect vanished.  In fact, I don’t think she has talked to me since.  Not to mention, her mother made it a point to tell all of her friends, my other friend’s mothers, who were, to put the icing on the cake, members of my church.  I felt socially stigmatized, and perhaps part of that stemmed from my knowledge of their knowing information about my personal life.  But they treated me differently too.  There was no warm welcome anymore.  I felt like a bad person, like I had done something wrong and I didn’t really know who to turn to.  I could talk to my friends, but either they would judge me because they hadn’t had sex or they were sexually active and therefore “bad” already.

Let me just say here, I am very lucky to have grown up with an understanding mother who, regardless of her own opinions, would have listened to me and tried to console me.  But I didn’t want to disappoint my mom too.  I already had Hester Prynne’s scarlet letter donned on me at church, I didn’t need it at home too.  I needed a safe place to go and Planned Parenthood provided that for me.

As a sexually active young woman, Planned Parenthood did not judge me based on my age or the choices I made with my own body.  Planned Parenthood empowered me with knowledge on how to protect myself and to make smart decisions.  Rather than shaming me and making me feel wrong or unnatural, Planned Parenthood helped me through a difficult time by listening to my concerns and validating my right to make my own decisions, while also stressing the importance of making educated ones.

From high school I went on to college where, naturally, I continued to have sex.  In college there was no way I would have been able to afford birth control on my own, even with a part time job.  Planned Parenthood helped me, due to their income based sliding scale fee; I didn’t even have to pay for birth control or doctors appointments.  Without Planned Parenthood would I have been on birth control?  No.  And to that effect, I probably wouldn’t have gone to annual check ups either; it just wasn’t in my budget.  Having a history of cervical cancer in my family, that could have proved to be hazardous to my health.  Not to mention the obvious question:  Could I have gotten pregnant?  Yes.  Some of you may not agree with me, but for a college student with big career dreams, pregnancy is a death sentence.  Most likely, I would have had to drop out of school and I would not have the time or money to go back for quite some time, which clearly would have severely limited my career options.

The only solution to my problem without Planned Parenthood would have been abstinence.  Most people state this as an obvious solution to the problem, but it’s one that I have never understood and quite frankly it pisses me off.  Sex is a basic physiological human need just like food, water, oxygen, temperature regulation, elimination, activity, and rest is.  To avoid getting fat would a doctor tell you to just stop eating all together?

Our society has a deep and blatant misunderstanding of sex, and the majority of that misunderstanding, I believe, stems from religion.  Sex, in religious as well as U.S. culture, is for the most part understood as an ‘indulgence’ and those who cannot abstain from said indulgence are dirty or bad.

Apply this logic to the reality of what sex is to human beings.  A basic need means we need sex to survive, it’s important to note here that basic human needs are organized into a hierarchy of relative prepotency, meaning some basic needs dominate others.  For example, if I am starving in a desert somewhere food/water is probably going to be my main and most pressing need.  However, when these higher needs are satisfied, again new (and still higher) needs emerge.  This means sex is more significant to my basic survival needs then prevention of, say, physical illness (I never thought of this, but perhaps you could link this to STI rates?), as physical illness is a safety need and therefore not as pressing as a physiological need.  Therefore, to actively avoid or abstain from sex is going against human nature; it is only natural to have sex.

Why then was I forced as a young woman to be ashamed?  Why didn’t anyone bother to explain to me that, especially at my age, it’s perfectly natural to want to have, and to actually have, sex.  One would think, living in a developed society we would have grasped this concept by now.

No, instead we focus on shaming individuals to try to prevent them from doing what is only totally natural.  It makes no sense.  Knowing this, why is it still perfectly acceptable to consider abstinence only programs sex education!?  The only education an individual gets from abstinence only programs is a lesson in self hatred and a strong dose of fear.  Is it really understood that we can scare teenagers out of going against what is only physiologically natural?  Let me tell you something about the understanding of abstinence only programs as effective: it’s sheer ignorance and it flies straight in the face of reality.

To add to my frustration, the ideology of abstinence as a means for preventing pregnancy is only further pushed down the throats of those who aren’t privileged in this world of having access to health care or reproductive planning, which are more often than not low-income women and minorities.  “If you can’t afford condoms/birth control, don’t have sex!”  That’s the argument right?  Do we say to these people, “You can’t afford food?  Just die of starvation!” (Unfortunately, even in the U.S., that’s the reality of some, but I doubt I would find many people who would agree with this statement; as long as the government isn’t stealing money out of your paycheck to feed these people that is)  Now again, keep in mind the hierarchy, of course refusing someone food is more detrimental to their well being than refusing to allow them to have sex.  That still doesn’t negate the fact that sex is a basic human need.  It’s not just an indulgence for those who have access to reproductive planning!

This is why Planned Parenthood is so important, not only to me but to countless individuals living in the United States.  They provide education, support, assistance, counseling, you name it, all in the name of assisting people with accessing some of their most basic needs and without the sting of judgment or demand of compensation.  Is this something we should really be declaring war on?  An institution that has helped a significant number of individuals live their life at a higher standard?  What are our priorities here?

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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