What We Missed.

Amanda has some real dating advice for those limited by only the tools of the pickup art set.

This is what male fantasies about why women have sex look like.

A new study from the NAACP on prison spending.

Hey Texas, Family planning does not assume abortion.

Kristina Rizga at Mother Jones on radical school reform laws you should know about.

and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.

3 Comments

  1. Posted April 7, 2011 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

    Amanda Marcotte’s piece is awesome, and potentially actually instructive for a subset of guys. Well-played!

    As to the supposed “male fantasy” about why women have sex, I agree with you that it offers an awfully simplistic, gender essentialist take on infidelity, but what is essentially “male” about the fantasy wrapped up in it? In seems like a pretty firmly-rooted stereotyped (i.e. “women cheat for love, men cheat for sex,” analogous to the more general, “women have sex to find love, men find love to have sex,” trope), that really cross-cuts gender.

    I did a quick search on the phrase, “Why women cheat,” and found several articles written by men that contained close variations of the argument, and several by women. See, for example:

    http://women.webmd.com/features/why-do-women-cheat
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-doc/200907/why-women-have-secret-lovers (this argument is a little different, but emphasizes “emotional,” reasons for cheating, rather than just, “desire for more sex, so same ball park)
    http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/6_reasons_why_women_cheat.aspx (another close variation that emphasizes emotional, rather than purely sexual, needs not being met)

    These are just a couple examples to suggest that thenotion that “women cheat for emotional, rather than sexual/physiological reasons” may not be simply a “male fantasy.” I’d love to hear other folks’ thoughts on this.

  2. Posted April 7, 2011 at 10:30 pm | Permalink

    From the article about the different reasons men and women cheat: “For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time”

    So I guess a man is as responsible for cheating as he is for getting hit by a falling tree branch. He didn’t intend to have sex with that other woman; it was just an accidental collision, a chance alignment of objects. If only he had been standing a few feet to the side…

  3. Posted April 8, 2011 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    This is what I posted in response to that dumb cheating article. Someone please help direct me if what I said was incorrect:

    This article makes no sense. The argument that, “Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.” is simply a product of what you state later on in the article, “but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over” implying that their current love is already over, or they believe that it’s over and are just trying to confirm it by sleeping with someone new.

    Bottom line: The infidelity was a symptom of a failing relationship and not the cause. In the wise words of Jess & Harry: “Jess: Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.
    Harry Burns: Oh really? Well, that “symptom” is fucking my wife.” So basically you are regurgitating a 21 year old theory from “When Harry Met Sally”. Wow, a 22 year old theory that still resonates today.

    You probably should have entitled this article, “If Your Wife is Cheating on You, it is Likely (or Highly Likely) that you Would Eventually Have Divorced Anyway, so Don’t Feel Bad”

    What I got from this statement “…the men I’ve encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.” is men are even more idiotic than I originally suspected. So are you arguing that women cheat for a some-what logical reason (their marriage is already over) while men cheat “because”? Like a toddler…”Why did you do that?” (to emotionally underdeveloped or young child). “Because”.

    I resent the fact that the end line of your first paragraph somehow implies, yet again, that women are the problem and are somehow “worse” in their infidelity because it is often marriage ending (when you’ve already seemingly stated that women cheat because their marriage is already over) while for men to cheat it is simply “harmful”.

    Light fluff, at best.

Feministing In Your Inbox

Sign up for our Newsletter to stay in touch with Feministing
and receive regular updates and exclusive content.

169 queries. 0.296 seconds