Quick hit: Back the fuck off

From the blog Speaker’s Corner, whose creator is also responsible for the brilliant Keep Your Boehner Out of My Uterus, comes this heartbreaking story of a woman who terminated a intended and very-much-wanted pregnancy when she discovered that the fetus had dire developmental problems.

We went home. I called my parents. We were supposed to meet them the following weekend for a vacation. We were going to show them photos of their soon-to-be-grandchild. Instead, they canceled their plane tickets, switched to come into our town the following day. We canceled ours. My husband had to fight with the airline to get a refund credit, while dealing with his own grief. I have no earthly idea what my husband told his parents. My parents told my sibling, and other relatives, that we miscarried.

I couldn’t sleep that night. At all. I sobbed, body-shaking sobs, the entire night, on the couch. We both held each other in our arms, sobbing. This was the most pain I have felt in my entire life. And there was no end in sight to the pain. It is still there. Covered, but always there.

As Maya mentioned earlier today, there are a whole lot of people saying a whole lot of untrue, unfair, unhelpful things about reproductive healthcare and reproductive rights. There are a whole bunch of people talking about women who get abortions. It’s high time we heard from those women instead. Everyone else – especially those who depict women seeking abortions as selfish or unfeeling or who call abortion “the easy way out” – can, in the indelicate but entirely justified words of this woman, back the fuck off.

New York, NY

Chloe Angyal is a journalist and scholar of popular culture from Sydney, Australia. She joined the Feministing team in 2009. Her writing about politics and popular culture has been published in The Atlantic, The Guardian, New York magazine, Reuters, The LA Times and many other outlets in the US, Australia, UK, and France. She makes regular appearances on radio and television in the US and Australia. She has an AB in Sociology from Princeton University and a PhD in Arts and Media from the University of New South Wales. Her academic work focuses on Hollywood romantic comedies; her doctoral thesis was about how the genre depicts gender, sex, and power, and grew out of a series she wrote for Feministing, the Feministing Rom Com Review. Chloe is a Senior Facilitator at The OpEd Project and a Senior Advisor to The Harry Potter Alliance. You can read more of her writing at chloesangyal.com

Chloe Angyal is a journalist and scholar of popular culture from Sydney, Australia.

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  • http://feministing.com/members/mysticdoula/ Sarah

    I had a friend who, after two years of IVF, finally conceived her baby. A few months later at a scan they discovered severe genetic disorders. The baby wouldn’t survive to full term and so an abortion was preferable over a miscarriage so they could control bleeding and she could be under general anesthetic for the procedure. I don’t think anyone could understand the utter devastation she and her family went through. Everyone, including work colleagues, knew about her decision and were 100% supportive.

    I think that if there are people out there who could hear the details of her story and still point a finger or criticise her, then they just fail at being human. They don’t deserve to have their opinions even considered when debating abortion.