Sorry, My Fault. Sexual Assault in the United States Armed Forces

I was raped and they said that I wanted it then they said that I was lying then they went back to saying that I asked for it so I told them to make up their mind – Was my rape a lie or did I do something to ‘get myself raped’? and they went back to contradicting themselves; that I wanted it, that I am lying but I deserved it- then they discharged me from service.

That was how it went. That it how it always goes. Every survivor, every story. We are all told that we deserved what they think never happened. Cause you know we deserve being raped or being assaulted or being killed just cause we are the female

and we are the ones that chose to drink- but it okay for our comrade to spike it with GHB?

Our fault cause we are the ones that chose to go hiking with a shipmate-but it is okay when our shipmate throw us down on the trail, punch us in the face and rape us?

Our fault cause we are the ones that chose to use the latrine in the middle of the night – but it is okay when a fellow soldier follow us and rape us?

and we are the ones that are fulfilling every man’s fantasy of seeing a “hot woman with a rifle”.

Yep, our fault.

Cause we wanted to serve our country, cause we been raped and beaten — or killed.

Our fault cause we are young or lower ranked or pretty.

Our fault cause we chose a career that is male-dominant.

Our fault that our shipmates, our comrades, the very men that we signed up to take a bullet for choose to rape us instead.

Never mind you did say that–we are all liars, right?

that we are just out to ruin a man’s career-cause you know we signed up to defend our country, attend basic training, MOS training, deploy to Iraq or Afghanistan or out at sea for months without seeing our families, get raped just because we wanted to RUIN A PRECIOUS MAN’S CAREER. Yep, that is exactly why we walked into a recruiter office when we were 18NOT.

Or we are lying out of regret and remorse for “getting drunk and sleeping around” cause you know, it is our fault for being drugged, after all you did consent when you are passed out from being given a date rape drug, right? Well not exactly.

When we watch our rapists be set free with nothing more than an Article 15, it is our fault for not receiving justice, cause after all you claim to have a “zero-tolerance policy“so if we did not receive justice it is something that we have done wrong even when about ninety-percent of all accused rapists never see their day in court?

and when we are found dead you claim it is suicide, cause a 5’1 woman can shoot herself with an 40 inch long M16, cause it is still our fault when we are no longer breathing for doing what is physically the impossible?

Ninety-two percent of sexual assault survivors report being INVOLUNTARILY DISCHARGED FROM SERVICE FOR REPORTING A SEXUAL ASSAULT but it is the man’s career that matters? Cause we are the ones with “personality disorders” and “adjustment disorders” or whatever the bogus misdiagnoses is of the week.

Cause it is the man’s military and a woman has no place in it, right?

One in three females in the military report being sexually assaulted, so are we all liars or are we all sluts or maybe, just maybe the thousands of women that reported rape in the military were telling the truth?

my fault for thinking that the military actually cared about its sexual assault survivors. sorry.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

Panayiota Bertzikis enlisted in the United States Coast Guard in 2005 and served at Coast Guard Station Burlington, VT and Coast Guard Boston. While on Active Duty she was repulsed in the way that sexual assault survivors were treated in the United States Coast Guard and founded the Military Rape Crisis Center from her barrack room to offer support and assistance to her fellow shipmates/survivors.

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