Here are some questions I believe we can all answer…Have you ever felt like a “loser” because you don’t have that “special” someone? Have you found yourself eating Ben and Jerrys on your couch, watching the romantic movies to remind you what you don’t have? Have you watched your phone countless times to see if he called?  It happens and I know first hand how that feeling constructs your mood, your self-esteem, your value as an overall human being.

We are fed this image of Mr. Right. Kim Kardasian is on the front page of People magazine proclaiming how she is ready for love. We want to find the moment when we become the exceptions instead of the rules. We want to find that sparkling Edward Cullen to protect us from the world. Princes, heroes, the “bad” boys, the loves at first sight…the “sexy” and most wanted men that we cannot live without. Gag.

Instead of reading those self-help books on how to find love, why are we not told that the first love we should have is with ourselves? Why should our happiness be placed on this other person to the point that it manages our value? If he doesn’t call, then he’s the ass that will miss out. If a guy doesn’t find you attractive or hit on you, who the hell cares? This doesn’t mean that love should be totally forgotten, but the point is that we need to value ourselves and not base it on someone else. Not all women may feel this way, but if anyone who has found themselves in this situation, remember this quote: “If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency.” -bell hooks.

So if you find yourself as a Gigi, step away from the phone, facebook, myspace or twitter and realize that you are complete and the only thing missing is the time you wasted waiting for someone else.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

Feminist evangelist working on an MA in Sociology. Music and book junkie....

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