Dear The Big Bang Theory: Please stop using rape language

Given all of the terribly important issues feminism must address, this seems a little superfluous for my first post. But I know that it’s not, because it concerns the mainstream media indirectly condoning sexist and violent attitudes yet again.

This is a letter I wrote and submitted to the creators of The Big Bang Theory. I also included a post script with links to organizations where they can learn more about the dynamics of sexual and domestic violence.

Dear Creators and Writers of The Big Bang Theory,

First of all, I absolutely love your show. The writing is the sharpest and most hilarious of any show I’ve seen. I watch The Big Bang Theory faithfully on CBS and own the seasons on DVD.

However, I am concerned with some of the writing for the character of Howard Wolowitz. When he speaks about his ill-fated attempts to find a female sex partner, his words are often similar to the language of sexual violence.

For example, in the episode The Jiminy Conjecture, Wolowitz states, regarding a woman who is a “shiksa goddess”, “You don’t pray to her, you prey on her.” Viewing women as prey, as targets, is a characteristic of a sexual predator. When a man considers his female sex partner “prey”, I can’t imagine how that sexual encounter could be positive or healthy for either of them.

Furthermore, in several episodes Howard mentions waiting for women to get quite drunk before making his move on them. This is also how a sexual predator thinks. Making the decision to have sex with a person who is too intoxicated to consent is rape.

Although I realize this writing demonstrates the hilariousness of Howard’s desperation and lack of skills, I believe this can be done without borrowing the language of sexual violence. It is dangerous to promote the idea that exploiting low self-esteem and intoxication to get sex is funny and acceptable.

Again, I love The Big Bang Theory and will continue to be a faithful fan. I hope you will consider my concerns in your future writing. If you have time, I would appreciate a response.

Thank you,

Emily Hallgren