[Fun with Press Releases] The Nation’s First Human Bra

[Cross-posted at Beauty Schooled .]

Fun With Press Releases: Because sometimes, the beauty industry just goofs

You guys. I am a bad beauty blogger. I went on a mini-vacation over the long weekend, and just LOOK at what I missed attending for you:

Is this something you might be interested in?  Let me know

MEDIA ALERT

100TH ANNIVERSARY AND CELEBRATION OF THE INVENTION OF THE BRA IN NYC

NATION’S FIRST INTERNAL ‘HUMAN’ BRA INTRODUCED TO THE BIG APPLE

WHAT

XXX Professor XXXX and bra historian and author XXXX  join dozens of models attired in periodic brassieres celebrating the 100th anniversary of the invention of the modern bra in New York City in 1910 by Mary Phelps-Jacob.

Now, some women will never need to wear a bra or bikini again thanks to a new advancement in medical technology developed by Park Avenue plastic surgeon Dr. XXXX. XXXX’s announcement has the potential to change the face of modern fashion. He will introduce the Big Apple’s first human bra, which uses a woman’s own skin to form a natural internal bra inside her chest. Women who have undergone the new internal bra procedure, also will be present.

WHEN

Friday, May 28, 2010, Noon

WHERE:

XXXX in Manhattan’s Fashion District

BACKGROUND:

In 1910, Mary Phelps-Jacob of New York City bought an evening gown to wear to an upcoming party and was frustrated with the corset because it was visible underneath the sheer dress.  With the help of her maid, the 19-year-old socialite sewed together two pieces of fabric and some ribbon to make a less visible bra. It was the first modern day bra and the first with a patent (received in 1914).   Before this, women were expected to wear uncomfortable corsets to support their busts – a social convention that was contrived 350 years earlier by Catherine de’ Medici, wife of King Henry II of France. Phelps-Jacob, who patented her bra design under name of Caresse Crosby, eventually sold her patent to Warner’s, which continues making bras today. Bras are about a $15 billion industry today in the United States.

MEDIA CONTACT:

XXXX

XXX-XXX-XXXX

Yes.

The nation’s first internal “Human” bra.

Otherwise known as…a boob job. Because isn’t the whole point of breast implants to enable you to go bra-free and still be crazy perky at all times? I mean, for real, if I — or Alternate Universe Me — spent alllll that money on implants and still had to deal with underwire and eye hooks on a daily basis, I would be super grouchy.

Of course, it should be noted that this boob job involves “a woman’s own skin,” not implants. Which somehow qualifies it as “natural,” as in, “a natural internal bra,” also as in, the single most contradictory phrase I have ever heard.

Anyway. Sorry I missed that party. Can we all just agree to stick with Mary Phelps-Jacob’s strips of ribbon and fabric rather than having bras surgically (yet naturally) fashioned out of our own skin?

[Awesome photo from the US National Archives via Flickr . Here’s the official caption: "Safety garb for women workers. The uniform at the left, complete with the plastic "bra" on the right, will prevent future occupational accidents among feminine war workers. Los Angeles, California. Acme, ca. 1943." Damn straight.]