I’m Leaving My Lady Bits Alone, Thank You Very Much

Yeah I’ll say it; I leave my pubes mostly in tact. I neaten up the edges for bikini season, and any time I might be wearing a skirt – a practice dating back to when an old boyfriend told me people noticed my pubic hair sticking out of my panties and it was embarrassing. He was generally obsessed with trying to get me to shave it off completely, or at least get a landing strip. I once decided to compromise and trim a little, doing the “good girlfriend” thing, but it just didn’t feel right. After we broke up, he flat out told me my pubic hair was gross.

I remind myself of this when I start to regret dumping him. I’ll stick to guys who aren’t picky about the state of my union.

It astounds me how much stuff women are doing to their lady lawns these days. First there was shaving and waxing, which is becoming more and more compulsory, and that alone pisses me off. Then we got surgery, and the idea that there’s an “acceptable” way for a vulva to look, thus implying it’s possible to be ugly down there. So what do we do? Well, we have a YouTube video joking about Clitter, but the creator of that video probably didn’t know about the rising trend of “vajazzling.” Oh, and we also recently received My Pink Button.

(Now, I just want to clear one thing up: I have no problem with women taking artistic liberty with their privates – tattoos, piercings, dying pubic hair, etc., do whatever you want. I just reject the notion that women should do certain things with their vaginas in order to make them “acceptable”)

This stuff isn’t news for you guys, I know that. But tonight I was summing it up, and it’s getting disgusting. Why can’t we just leave our bits and pieces alone? What’s wrong with a vulva in its natural state? It’s bad enough we’re told our noses can be too big or misshapen, lips too small, facial hair too dark or bushy and we must wear makeup to be considered attractive, now the cosmetic industry wants us to have the same stresses down there? No, I have enough insecurities thank you very much, I refuse to freak out about something only me, my boyfriend, and my doctor are going to see.

Yes, there’s the boyfriend issue. I’m told that because he’s intimate with me, he should have some say over it – hairwise at least. That leaves me torn, because I don’t want to be selfish. Another old boyfriend said that it was selfish not to shave for him after all he’d done for me. And this is just shaving, some women get surgeries down there to please their partners. Do I love my boyfriend any less if I don’t give him control over my intimate region? Well, I suppose it does to some people.

And because it’s such a private area, what does it matter what it looks like? Why is it so important for anyone to define what private parts are supposed to look like? I’m keeping sharp objects, superglue, and unnecessary chemicals away from my vulva, and honestly, I don’t see what’s so gross about that.