Sometimes, I’m afraid to say the “f” word.

Last year (my junior year of high school), I had the “click” where I realized my ideas aligned with feminism. I’d always been an avid music fan, especially in the rock/indie genres, and I came upon the realization that all the bands I liked were full of men. It’s as though I just looked around one day, and wondered where all my female idols were. Because I’m aspiring to do something with music myself, I really became concerned about where females stand in the music industry. All I saw then were pop-divas who I had trouble relating to. Now that you’re familiar with a little bit of my backstory, I’ll go into my main issue.

Being in high school while discovering and actively trying to learn about feminism is extremely difficult. I took a look around at my friends, who were throwing themselves at and becoming utterly dependent on boys, who were purposely dumbing themselves down in conversation, and who were singing along to all the degrading pop-songs on the radio that made me cringe. As I expressed my distaste, I felt as though I was being seen as pretentious or stuck up. 

My school is fairly small, and I haven’t found many who share my viewpoints. More often, I see kids who instead sport the “Abort 73″ anti-choice shirts. I hear my history teacher call Obama a socialist and say that it’s a good thing abortions aren’t covered in the health care bill. I hear the response, “that’s so gay” to every other statement made. My insides boil for all, but I remain silent because I just don’t know what to say.

It’s hard to defend what I still don’t fully understand. It’s hard to attach yourself to a label surrounded by stigma. It’s hard to just say what you think without fearing judgement. And sometimes, it’s hard to call myself a feminist.