Refreshingly great advice from an advice columnist!

I love reading advice columns – a guilty pleasure of mine – but I often find myself approaching them fearfully, worrying that I’m going to come across some advice that’s going to offend me. Much of the time, columnists dish out advice that is sexist, patriarchal, offensive and sometimes even dangerous. We’ve seen many critiques of this sort of thing on this very website.
But today I read this, and it’s a refreshing case of the opposite! The Frisky’s Wendy Atterberry, of the “Ask Wendy” column, offers great advice to a help-seeker that is not only non-sexist, it’s downright feminist. Her advice to “Name Withheld” checks his entitlement:

You’re not a hard-line traditionalist or a domineering macho type? Good! Then you shouldn’t have a problem with taking your wife’s name if you feel so strongly in your convictions that a family unit should share the same surname. Maybe your girlfriend would even be open to creating a new last name you both take when you marry. Still feel like it’s the woman’s job to take the man’s name and you’re not going to marry any woman who disagrees? Well, maybe that traditionalist macho label fits a little more snugly then you’d like to admit.

Here’s the thing with name-changing upon marriage: It is a patriarchal act. Find the definition to the word patriarchy and you’ll see what I mean. It’s not necessarily a sexist act, but it is patriarchal.
Am I dissing women who choose to change their names? Absolutely not. My mother did, almost all the women in my family did, and the majority of my friends (including many of those who identify as feminists) either already have changed their names, or they plan on doing so if/when they ever get married. That’s fine. That is THEIR CHOICE. It’s not one I will personally make, ever, because I feel a pretty strong connection to my last name and I know that’s not the case for everyone. For me, changing my name would be like changing my identity. It would be a pretty inconsiderate thing for any man to ask of me.

Again, it’s not like that for every woman. To each her own. But for some women, because our names mean something to us (or for any multitude of other reasons), we don’t want to connect with the patriarchy THAT WAY.
I think that many of us feminist women have certain patriarchal/sexist traditions we’re willing to participate in, and other patriarchal/sexist traditions we’d rather ignore or subvert. For instance, I don’t want to change my name, but on my wedding day I’d probably want my dad to walk me down the aisle. That’s because of the particular bond that my dad and I share, the nature of our relationship and what he means to me. However, I’m fully conscious of the fact that this is an act steeped in a patriarchal history. I’m willing to look past that, even though I know other feminist women would be appalled at the thought of participating in this type of ceremonial patriarchy. I hope these women wouldn’t judge my choice, just as I don’t judge women who take their husbands’ last names, but I digress. We all have our limits and definitions on how to balance feminist/womanist sensibilities with living in a patriarchal society.
I might even be making assumptions here about the question-asker’s girlfriend. Does she identify as a feminist? I have no idea. Who knows why she doesn’t want to change her name? The point is, it’s HER NAME. Not “their” name, HERS. And the very point where patriarchal traditions become sexist is the point where men expect certain bahviours from their wives-to-be.
Thank you, Wendy, for delivering thoughtful, blunt and even bold advice – the suggestion that he change his own name was awesome – to this man who perhaps needed to check his own privilege!