Ask Professor Foxy: How Do I Get My Lover to Try Oral Sex?

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Dear Professor Foxy,
I’m currently seeing a great guy (for about a month now). Our sex life has been, for the most part, rewarding and fun, however we’ve bumped into an issue. He has never gone down on a girl, and is hesitant to breach that sexual boundary. He has much less experience than I do (this hasn’t been discussed but is pretty obvious), so I am trying to be an understanding, sex positive partner and not push him in to doing something that makes him uncomfortable. However, I am not really interested in a relationship with someone who NEVER goes down on me – especially since he loves it when I go down on him. How do I broach this subject to give him a positive view of oral sex without pressuring him?

Dear X,
Thanks for writing in. Part of being the more experienced one in a sexual relationship is to help less experienced lovers cross boundaries that they want to cross. First, make sure that he actually wants to go down on a woman. Broach the subject gently. It is hard for most people to admit that they are less experienced or scared to try something new. Start with telling him how much you love going down on him and how you would like the same from him. If you are comfortable, offer to show him what you like by touching yourself in front of him.
If he is comfortable admitting that he is not experienced with performing oral sex, I always suggest the alphabet method for learning what feels best. Have the person performing oral sex spell out the alphabet using their tongue on the clitoris. Both partners should pay attention to what gets the most positive response. Are A through E boring, but Q rocks? Then do some more Q. Also have him experiment with simultaneous penetration to see how that feels.
Positive feedback is best. Focus on what he does best and ask for more of that. If he does something or touches you in a way that does not work, still frame it in a positive way “Oh honey, I loved the other thing so much more.” Let him know how much you like what he is doing in a way that is sexual and not clinical.
Keep in mind that trying any new sexual act takes time to master. You should not expect the first time to be miraculous or even that great. Sex is an art and it can take time to make it work with each person.
Take your time, coach gently, and you can get there.
Professor Foxy
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.

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