The Privilege of Choosing to Leave One’s Relationships Unharmed by Oppression

Recently I was calling out a male friend of mine on a sexist project that he has been working on. Part of his response was that standing up against sexism harms some of his important relationships.

This response ignores the fact that sexism strains relationships between men and women, but I’d like to focus on the privilege of being able to choose when to allow oppression to harm one’s relationships.

My entire life has been filled with relationships that have been harmed by sexism.

Sexism and homophobia have ruined my relationships with my parents, possibly permanently. By extension, it has also made my relationships with the rest of my family more difficult. Almost every guy I have ever dated has treated me as less than equal to him. Likewise, sexism has been a barrier between me and my male friends.

As a woman, I don’t have a choice about whether or not my relationships are harmed by sexism.

Whenever someone around me does something sexist I am forced to make a decision between standing up for myself knowing that in all likelihood I’ll be dismissed, or withdrawing into aloof silence. Either way, my relationships are hurt.

And so am I.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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