Ask Professor Foxy: How Do I Bring Up Exploration With My Partner?

This weekly Saturday column “Ask Professor Foxy” will regularly contain sexually explicit material. This material is likely not safe for work viewing. The title of the column will include the major topic of the post, so please read the topic when deciding whether or not to read the entire column.
Dear Professor Foxy,
I’ve lived my whole life in a cookie-cutter version of my sexuality. I’m starting to come out of my shell a bit, coming to terms with my body, and enjoying my sexuality. My most recent endeavor was taking nude to semi-nude photos of myself and putting them together in a movie/slideshow set to music for my husband’s birthday. I was terrified that he wouldn’t like it, or that I’d made a fool of myself, but he enjoyed it. While I was shooting the pictures and looking at myself naked on camera, I realized that I enjoyed the feeling of dressing up and being sexually aggressive. I also wanted you to know that to date the only other addition to our sex life has been a lubricant I bought off the shelf at Target when I thought no one was looking. Now I’d like to try adding toys/cuffs, etc. or costumes into our sex life, but I have a couple of questions.
First, how do I tell my husband I’m interested in this? Or do I not tell him, buy what I want and just introduce it to him and hope he likes it?
Second, do you have any suggestions for where to start? What should I buy or try to begin with?
Any help you can offer to someone just putting a toe in the pool would be helpful.
Thank you.

Hello –
Good for you for taking a major first step. It took guts to put the slideshow together. He responded favorably, so I think you two are ready to go to the next place.
Communication is key. Talking about desires heightens them and helps both partners feel comfortable. I would talk to him about the slideshow and ask what turned him on about the experience. Was it that you took the initiative? Being voyeuristic? The trust you showed?
Move on to asking him what his fantasies are and be ready to talk about your own. What specifically turned you on? What would you do again? Change?
I would also suggest exploring an on-line sex store like my new favorite one, Passionale in Philadelphia, PA. See what appeals to you and/or to him. Be ready to try new things. What are you willing to try for him and vice versa? Going through sites or catalogues together and talking about the goods is likely to spark more fantasies and things to try. So talk and try and have fun!!
Professor Foxy
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.

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