Gender Indignation

I always thought of myself as a strong individual. I am politically active “youngster” who has really taken life into her own hands, and I am proud of the women I am developing into. What I am not proud of is the anger I sometimes feel towards my gender. I stumbled upon the realization yesterday evening when I was walking to my car from a lovely evening with new friends and beautiful art. As I walked the ten minute walk to the parking garage, I began to evaluate my surroundings; Are there any men around? Am I completely alone on this street? Are there police around if something were to happen? If I did get attacked would my scream be heard and could I be saved?? After I asked myself those questions (something I routinely do when I’m walking alone at evening) I began to realize how angry it made me that I had to ask myself those questions! Initially, I felt resentment to myself for being weak enough to feel that but in reality I’m not being weak but realistic!

To say that violence against women is all too common would probably be the understatement of the year. However, this violence is doing more then just physical damage. The fact that I am able to get raped makes me ( I hate to say it) hate being a women. Not only are these men physically breaking women, but they’re break our spirit as well.  As a budding feminist I feel terrible for the indignation I feel against my vagina but I just can’t help it! The stories of the rapes and murders making me so frightened. What I’d like to say is we need to rise up against rape! Lets fight it! And I know people are fighting it, there are so many brilliant anti-violence campaigns out there. I mean hey, I’ve take RAD. And yet, I can’t even imagine a time when I will feel safe walking on a street in the evening with out my car keys as a weapon at the ready. Am I being cynical? Am I being close minded? I’m just not sure. 

The one thing that I can be sure of is that, while this fear of rape is going to constantly present itself, I’m not going to let it stop me. Granted, my keys might be at the ready to poke any attackers eye out but I am still going to that dance concert! I am still going out with my friends! While violence against women has instilled fear in me, I’m going to try as hard as I can not to let it keep me down.