Anti-feminist Mailbag: “Please Stop” Edition

It’s that time, folks! Here’s a gem from someone who just couldn’t understand what us “feminists” want:

i don’t get it. what do you ‘feminists’ want? you got your equal rights, you can vote join the army and do everything a man can do. feminism made sense back in 1800 but now it just seems like you don’t want to be equal, you want to be better that men. the law is already in favor in women. if a woman consensually has sex with a man, and later says that he raped her just because she wanted some attention the man would most likely have to go to jail, for nothing. Sure there are some men who are sexist, but by being so extreme about this aren’t you ‘feminists’ being sexist as well. it seems to me like all ‘feminists’ are completely insane and power mad, or have been brainwashed by other feminists. so back to my point: i don’t see the point and i would much appreciate it you would stop.
thanks in advance for taking your time to explain!

So after much deliberation, we’ve made a group decision among the editors to adhere to this person’s wishes – this will be our last official post on Kidding!! Too…power…mad…to…stop…
Now back to our daily brainwashing.

Join the Conversation

  • MLEmac28

    This should be submitted to the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotations.

  • Brittany

    Oh shit, he’s right.
    Women aren’t harmed, abused, judged, and oppressed!
    Everything’s fine now! Nothing to see here folks, we live in a paradise.

  • Ellen Marie-Frances


  • ElleStar

    Yes, that’s exactly how it works: If no one ever says anything about unequal power, it just balances out naturally. Feminists just bring on the sexism by refusing to abide it. /sarcasm.
    Also, nothing gets my eyes rolling to the back of my head faster than “woman = liar” when accusations of rape are involved.
    But the letter WAS politely phrased, which was cute. It made me want to pinch the cheeks of the letter writer and tousle hir hair.


    Oh, you evil man haters. I mean, come on, someone’s gotta lose in a zero-sum game. Isn’t that someone(s) always supposed to be the gentle and docile female type? I’m sensing woman fear in this gent’s missive. And getting the visual of Allen from the 1998 flick, “Happiness.” (Trailer:

  • Katie93

    If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that feminists were sexists and acted like they had the most brilliant, original, and logical argument in the history of the world, I would be a very rich young lady.

  • Comrade Kevin

    Sounds like someone needs to be enlightened.

  • Brittany

    LOL I especially love the “You feminists don’t want to be equal, you WANT TO BE SUPERIOR! GRRR” arguments from men and feminist-hating women.

  • DeafBrownTrash

    Ok, if that idiot is tired of hearing feminists “complain,” then why is he even wasting his time reading a feminist blog? I can’t stand these kind of people.
    If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the goddamned kitchen.

  • ucsbclassics53

    oh wow, he exposed TEH feminist plot. We want to strip away the voting rights, property rights, the right to happiness from men. Oh noes! What are we going to do? If it weren’t for this meddling citizen, we would have gotten away with it…

  • FilthyGrandeur

    ignorance. rape apologism (or at the very least, “she made it up”). feminists are sexist. want to be better than men. already equal.
    is that bingo?? i think we have bingo.

  • PeggyLuWho

    I still say there’s something to the trend of poor grammar in the anti-feminist mail.

  • blue

    “the law is already in favor in women. if a woman consensually has sex with a man, and later says that he raped her just because she wanted some attention the man would most likely have to go to jail, for nothing.”
    The law states that it is a crime to have sex with someone that does not consent. It doesn’t include anything about how they will believe one person’s testimony over the other. It is not a matter of the law being written in favor of women. The law is neutral.
    This person’s concern is better expressed in terms of people will be more likely to believe women even if they’re lying.
    However I am not aware of any reason for thinking that. I’m not sure what their evidence is. There may be cases where people believe women when they’re lying; however there are also cases where people disbelieve women when they are telling the truth.

  • T-Monster

    LOL at ‘feminists.’
    Reminds me of the blog of unnecessary quotation marks:
    Now if you’ll scuze me, I have feminist power mongering to attend to.

  • Laura_M

    That person wanders in, calls us insane and power-mad and expects us to stop being feminists just because they want us to?

  • Opheelia

    Well, the writer did politely ask for an explanation before saying it would be ignored. Then the writer even offered an advanced thank you for that same explanation! This is far more polite than many of the other esteemed entries.

  • Opheelia

    Don’t forget how we also want to destroy the family and eat aborted fetuses. Major points of our platform.

  • Hyper

    Maybe I’m being naive, but isn’t this the sort of letter that should be treated as the beginning of a dialogue, not hate-mail?
    Clearly this person doesn’t understand what feminism is about and says some things that are offensive to feminists as a result, but he’s asking for someone to help him understand where we’re coming from. The letter was polite, and the question seems sincere. The last paragraph in particular make me think that there’s at least some possibility that if someone was willing to respond politely and hold his hand through modern feminism 101, his worldview could be broadened.
    Does anyone know of a well-written, approachable article that lays out why feminism is still vitally important today? I hope he gets more of a response than the comments in this thread.

  • Fat Old Man

    This post goes up late Friday afternoon. I’m thinking the poor boy’s at home alone, typing one-handed.
    I think Hyper is a dear for suggesting that the letter might be treated as the beginning of a dialogue, but I think she gives the writer too much credit. There’s a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.

  • Ren

    Wait a minute … women who have sex with a man can later get him arrested for rape just for their own amusement? It’s THAT easy?
    Boy, that sucks for all of those rape victims who can’t get justice. The 60+ percent who will never see their rapist punished should’a gone to the same judge all these fakers go to! Obviously!

  • FogTank

    Are you going to give an actual explanation? It seems you just selected that one sentence and ignored the rest of what the writer said. The writer was polite and mature why cant you be the same.

  • Jenshine

    I’d say this entire blog is representative of the importance of feminism. Wouldn’t you?
    And that email seems to be explanation enough for the necessity of feminism.

  • Hyper

    I agree that the e-mail illustrates the necessity of feminism, but isn’t it part of feminism to try to change people’s minds?
    I think in this case the feminist thing to do would be to try to explain to this chap what he’s missing.

  • Jenshine

    This is a good point, but I also think that the sense of entitlement of someone who doesn’t experience these kinds of oppression can be incredibly tiring after a while.
    I get pretty tired sometimes of having to explain the value of feminism to people who clearly have no intent on actually learning. Other than the initial “what do you feminists want?” the rest of the email was a diatribe on the evils of feminism.

  • SarahMC

    If he had any interest in learning the importance of feminism, he could spend an hour reading the posts on this blog. Despite having access to the blog and its countless examples he declares feminism irrelevant and even oppressive. He is welcome to have a read if he really wants to know what we’re up to, but I don’t think anyone owes him a hand-holding tour of Why Feminism Is Necessary. Anti-feminists love wasting feminists’ time, demanding explanations for this and that and telling us to justify our fight for equality. Fuuuuuuck that.

  • monia

    Too funny!
    I love the if a woman has consensual sex with a man, then changes her mind because she wants attention, he’ll most likely go to jail line…
    considering 1 in 6 women are raped or sexually assaulted, and only 1 in 3 women report their rapes… and only 6% of rapists spend any time in jail…
    somehow, I just can’t see the logic in that statement… or in anything else he wrote…
    must be all the brainwashing…

  • Bevin

    I don’t know why, but I’ve been coming across this sentiment a lot this week. One article in particular upset me a few days ago and I haven’t been able to let go of it yet. I just hate that the word “feminism” is so misunderstood and misappropriated. It’s not like it’s a new phenomenon, but for some reason it’s weighing on me a lot this week. Maybe it’s some of my friends giving me flack over it without listening to what I’m really saying, I don’t know. I feel like I need to take out ad space so I’d stop feeling like a broken record.
    At least this letter was inquisitive instead of angry and accusatory, like most of the things I’ve seen recently.

  • Gopher

    No offense but I’m going with naive.

  • Gopher

    Mature? No. Polite? No.
    You dont say hateful and ignorant things and expect to be seen as polite or mature. Saying hateful things ‘nicely’ does not polite or mature make.

  • Hyper

    None taken.

  • StandingStrong

    For everyone who says Feminism (YES I SAID THE F WORD) is outdated and we are all equal now I want to know…WHAT ROCK HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER? First off, women don’t have the right to their own bodies currently-not to mention suffer many set backs when it comes to Sport and the workplace. As well, feminism can’t be classified as just a DUAL GENDER ISSUE! AND if we want to be as narrow minded as to box feminism into a dual gender definition then let me point out feminism addresses Masculinity and Men’s issues too! “A women can sleep with a man and ‘get him’ for rape” you say. Well, you know what it’s a fact a women today still can not be not seen as anything more than a sexual object that perpetuated and provoked the actions therefore “asking for violence” & to be raped if she was raped. Moreover, a man can’t say he was raped in today’s society without being classified as an ‘other’ either. This world needs feminism.

  • Philosimphy

    Ok, I’d like to take a crack at explaining the point of feminism in a way this guy might be willing to understand.
    Hopefully, this person is aware enough, and has been reading enough anti-feminist propaganda to be familiar with the concept of Patriarchy. Probably he’s heard feminists blaming the patriarchy, and for some reason he assumes that all men are considered “the patriarchy” – he operates under that tired old assumption that all the feminists hate men, except now he figures we’re calling it Patriarchy to be cute or something.
    The best example of how patriarchy hurts men is to point out The Catholic Church and priests who rape boys. The Catholic Church is the definitive Patriarchy. The catholic priest is the Polanski of men who target boys. And the Catholic Church has victimized young boys for hundreds of years. There is a reason that the catholic church (along with too many other religions) has kept women from positions of power.
    In the Patriarchy of the catholic church, boys are quite often the victims. In the Patriarchy of the military, men have historically been the victims* (yes, there are many many men who have been raped in the military, just as in prison, just as everywhere else where men are in control of other men) In the Patriarchy of other areas of life (film and fashion – polanski ex.) girls are quite often the victims. Feminists are opposed to both of these types of abuses. Feminists are opposed to predators victimizing the vulnerable. It is not feminism’s fault that there are more male predators, or that male predators are more likely to be violent.
    Any man who dares to talk about how feminism wants to hurt men better damn well be doing his own part to protect male victims of predators. Are you fighting the institutional victimization of men and boys at the hands of men? That institutional victimization is called Patriarchy too. Or are you too busy complaining about how feminists only care about women?
    Heck, maybe you are busy working in the Men’s Rights movement, helping abusive fathers get no-holes-barred access to the sons they’ve abused. Ever take time to think about the sons? If you can’t find the decency to be able to relate to a person with a vagina who says the patriarchy hurts us, then at least listen to the ones with penises who are saying it too.
    Start here:
    Try to be part of the solution.
    *talking about the abuse of men inside the military by other men in the military, not to minimize the rape of women as a tool of war.
    (it’s ok, some of my best friends are catholic, in the military, in prison)

  • allegra

    Ha ha. I know. When I hear the “female superiority,” shit, I’m always like … Yeah, sorry, feminists aren’t the ones lobbying to take away your civil or speech rights, your reproductive health-care and information access, or your educations. Or voting or property rights. What a fucking distortion of the history of gender relations (in which American women in fact HAD NONE of these rights until a mere 50 or 100 years ago).

  • allegra

    Sure. I usually direct people to Feminism101. It’s not ideal (I don’t think it’s particularly user-friendly and doesn’t always do a good job of directly addressing and debunking typical anti-feminist arguments), but it’s something.
    Though, really, it’s gonna take more than offering someone a website. I’m currently struggling with two already feminism-inclined coworkers in hopes of eventually convincing them to take the next step and self-identify as feminist. Jessica’s _Full-Frontal Feminism_ is helping a lot in this endeavor. One has already agreed, after just reading the book, with hardly any previous knowledge whatsoever of either feminism or politics, that she’s pretty sure she’s a feminist. I said I was pretty sure too. It makes a feminist warm and fuzzy inside to see them reflecting on gender issues in a new way.
    Education can take a long time. :o) Looking back on it, mine did.

  • Fat Old Man

    Even when I was young (back when the dinosaurs roamed) it was considered impolite and immature to say things like “it seems to me like all ‘feminists’ are completely insane and power mad, or have been brainwashed.”
    If this was written as a true statement – if the writer really believes that all of the so-called feminists (otherwise, why the quotes around ‘feminists’?) are completely insane, power mad or brainwashed then the writer has lost touch with reality. It is quite likely that there are feminists in the writer’s neighborhood, at the writer’s place of work, and even attending the writer’s place of worship (should there be one) who are none of those.
    If this was not written as a true statement, but as hyperbole, sarcasm or insult – it is impolite and/or immature.
    wrote the writer.
    Again, if this is a true inquiry – and not sarcasm or insult – then it is self-accusatory: anyone who has arrived at the website and spent an hour – a half hour – fifteen minutes reading the various posts should have a decent idea of what feminists want. Either the writer hasn’t taken the time to partake of the answers liberally sprinkled about (which would be rather immature) or doesn’t believe that what would be found would be worth paying attention to (which would be rather insulting).
    if a woman consensually has sex with a man, and later says that he raped her just because she wanted some attention the man would most likely have to go to jail, for nothing
    Same deal. Hyperbole? Or ignorance? It isn’t even “most likely” that a battering rapist would have to go to jail. Either the writer hasn’t thought this through, or has been “brainwashed” by other sources. That sounds neither polite nor mature. The writer could do a site search at for “rape” and start there.
    Sure there are some men who are sexist, but by being so extreme about this aren’t you ‘feminists’ being sexist as well.
    Such a query shows some misunderstanding (intentional or otherwise). Sexism, like racism or classism or ableism, has to do with power in relationships. It is quite possible that a woman who wants a man to stop being violent, insulting or cruel towards her could be considered “controlling” and “unfair” – after all, she wants him to make all the changes – but a more even-handed view would be that she wants equal treatment.
    i don’t get it
    Yea, verily…

  • Tufts Survivor

    lol this reminds me of the “You’re racist for saying what I’m saying is racist!” argument.

  • Boadicea

    There are some point to this.
    Some of the darker sides of feminism.
    When a man fails, it it because he doesn’t apply himself. When a women fails it’s because she is discriminated upon (e.g. underrepresentation of women among wikipedia editors)
    When a woman is shallow it is called ‘the right to have high standards’ when a man is shallow it is called ‘being a chauvinist pig’.
    The two conflicting world views in feminism.
    1) The female is strong, independent and fully capable. At the same time she is somehow deeply pressured by media regarding her looks and her way of life (e.g. ‘Why do women wear heels?’)
    2) The female is smarter, a better leader and more productive than the man. Somehow however, according to feminist standards the man has somehow managed to outsmart the woman who is supposedly his superior all through the millennia
    Further regarding feminism and my rights.
    If feminism doesn’t want to take away my right to free speech and such. How come the feminists are the ones deciding what words can be and can’t be used as they are ‘gender stereotyping’ or ‘insulting to women’.
    If feminism doesn’t want to interfere with my right to ownership. Then why are feminists the ones always trying to decide what pictures should and shouldn’t be publicized in privately owned magazines? What programs should be shown on privately owned tv channels and so on.

  • Dagny

    One of the problems that I can see here is that this guy is asking an honest question about what it is that feminists want. He doesn’t understand what’s going on or how it is possible that women could want more rights because this is not *his* reality or experience. But he ventured out there to ask the question [and granted, it's not in the sensitive way].
    What I’m reading here are a whole host of women who shoot back in a way that makes fun of this guy for asking the question without helping him understand the reasons. I don’t think it’s a woman’s “job” to make sure a man understands — he needs to get his butt out there and learn — but I do think that if we want to actually change things, if we want to offer hope for change, then we have to approach this in a way that doesn’t reaffirm the view that women are a bunch of angry “feminazis” who simply want to crush men at every turn.
    I liken it to teaching. If I got angry or mocked every student who asked a “stupid” question, pretty soon I’d have a group of students who no longer wanted to learn. My students have to step up and take responsibility for their own learning, but first they have to be given the opportunity to ask those questions.
    We’ve started a blog site that is designed to address the ways in which men and women seriously fail to communicate. If you feel inclined, we’d love to have feedback on the site and the discussions.
    Thank you.
    What the Hell Are You Talking About?

  • somebody42

    So let’s liken this to teaching. You’re the teacher. You’ve been making your materials available for, say, years — certainly since before the start of this course. This student claims to be interested in the course material — but has not read any of it. Instead of reviewing the course material, attending class, and participating in class like all the rest of the students, this student requests a personal tutorial from you, the teacher. Does he deserve one? Hell no.
    “…angry “feminazis” who simply want to crush men at every turn.” You have got to be kidding me. Please read Fat Old Man’s terrific post above and try again.

  • LSG

    This is not particularly worth a response, but here you go.
    You are deeply confused about the “feminist world view.” Feminists do not believe women are superior to men, they believe they are equal. They do not believe that each particular instance of a woman failing (or a man succeeding) is a direct result of discrimination, they recognize and point out the dynamic of privilege and oppression in our society. By the way, people are discriminated “against”, not “upon.”
    Regarding feminism and your rights:
    1. Freedom of speech: You have a perfect right to say almost anything you want without being arrested. Feminists have a perfect right to criticize what you say and call it sexist or insulting to women without being arrested. That’s how free speech works. When there’s a constitutional amendment saying that anyone who insults women will be promptly thrown into jail, feel free to start using this argument.
    2. Right to ownership: Behold, the hand of the market! You can publish what you want and show what you want. Feminists can criticize it and refuse to patronize it.

  • Dagny

    But you’re assuming that this guy has been a student for years. What if he’s just entered school for the first time? I’m sorry, but I have been a feminist for the last 20 years, and I have never bought this idea that everyone enters on the same level playing field in terms of desire or ability to acquire knowledge.
    The idiots, like Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and their ilk, who perpetuate the fear of feminists *are* people who don’t deserve an explanation. They are ignorant by choice. I have no patience for them, nor do I care whether they ever get it. However, the men who are trying to ask genuine questions in order to understand [even if those questions come off as less than understanding], deserve a civil answer.
    I think what bothers me so much about this is that people who *do* start to ask questions [whether they're about race, class, gender or anything else] seem to get angry responses [which are understandable given the status of women in the US and around the world], but no useful information other than “You should educate yourself!” I’m sorry, but people who don’t know anything about a topic often ask questions in order to get information. If men who venture out and ask questions always get ridiculed and laughed at, then that, too, perpetuates stereotypes that are damaging.
    I am NOT saying that women have a duty to spoon feed it to men in a way that makes them comfortable or soothes their feelings. Men have the obligation to get out there and learn something, but wouldn’t it be more productive if the first response to a question like this was to give information? Then if the guy comes back with more questions a real dialogue could take place and lead to greater understanding.
    I liken it to President Obama’s recent Nobel Prize. He won that because he is someone who is invested in having a dialogue that respects the aims, goals and needs of other nations, but also meets the aims, goals and needs of the US. It’s not about giving up anything, it’s about being open to discussion and possible compromise that might promote peace.
    That’s where the hope lies.
    What the Hell Are You Talking About?

  • rustyspoons

    Oh yes, and racism is “over” now too!

  • Toongrrl

    Must…have…life. Must…keep my…rights…whatever much I have.

  • bella86

    I just got into an impromptu debate with my friend’s boy friend at lunch the other day and he had the same argument- feminism is outdated and unnecessary because sexism doesn’t exist anymore( might I say he probalby thinks raceism is a done deal too)! His major argument was that the southern good-old boy lobbying firm that he works for has hired two female lobbyist, out of 8 men in the firm. He further explained that there would be more women in the firm if more women were in politics implying that women simply aren’t interested in politics at the rate men are. We went on and on for a while and he tried to convince me that girls and boys are ‘naturally’ distinct from one another in their interest. I’m not sure he has even heard of gender socilization but he sure likes to run with the it’s natural debate. Like when he tried to convince me that if I stopped shaving my legs I wouldn’t be able to find a man becasue men are naturally attracted to girly girls and women are naturally attracted to manly men…. I assured him I wasn’t really concerned about this since I just had amazing sex with a man last week and hadn’t shaved my leggs for a week or so… amazingly enough he didn’t run from my bed screaming.
    As much as I hate that we have to explain ourselves for being feminist, at least everytime some close minded person makes an argument like the one posted it’s an opprotunity to explian our view point wether or not it’s a sucess.
    On a happier note I went to dinner with the aforementioned man who lets me pay for him when I want :)

  • athena27

    I just really can’t respect this letter as part of a would-be dialogue when the sender can’t use grammar correctly. Don’t expect me to take you seriously when you can’t put commas, quotes, and capitalizations in the right places and then expect me to respect your argument and subsequent request to stop existing.

  • daytrippinariel

    I agree, I was surfing the internet today mostly out of boredom, and read on Yahoo Answers a question regarding feminism. The posters all stated that feminists want to get rid of men and make women superior.
    I don’t recall ever wanting to rid the world of men. But maybe once I eat the feminist oatmeal and board the feminist mother-ship it will be too late for me to realize I’ve actually been brainwashed…

  • Mrs.s

    Lol. This was awesome.

  • franticdoll

    “if a woman consensually has sex with a man, and later says that he raped her just because she wanted some attention the man would most likely have to go to jail, for nothing.”
    Soooo true! Especially since 6% of reported rapes ever get convictions.

  • franticdoll

    Or it could be a she =/

  • heavenlydevils

    So here’s my take on this deal.
    These gender movements for both men and women want the same thing, equality for both men and women. So why aren’t we on the same side? yes there are some organizations on both sides that push for one over the other, but most people want equality for both. I am a man who believes both genders face tough situations that seem to pit one against the other but in all honesty the main culprit is money. Look at all decisions both men or women in power make and I’m almost positive most of them can be tracked to who gave the most money or where they can profit from the most.
    I don’t think either movements should stop just understand where the true problem is. The issues aren’t necessarily with the man/woman making the decisions but the money behind those decisions.
    Just a thought!